Chapter Thirteen
~Christian~
I knew encouraging Foreign to spend time with her friends that came before me was what a good man who shouldn’t want to keep his girl all to himself would do, but I was paying big time for it; being alone in her space with her smell without her. It had been two hours since I dropped her off. After coming back, the first thing I did was scoop her pillow up, taking it with me to the living area. Pressing it to my face to inhale her scent more times than I could count, as I tried to get some things done on my laptop from the couch.
In my defense, I hadn’t gotten used to her being all mine yet. It had only been nine days. Yes, I was keeping count. I was one of those guys that remembered anniversaries and birthdays. Which reminded me that Foreign’s birthday was coming up soon, and I needed to plan for that too. That, I could sink my teeth into. Trying to send a few emails concerning work seemed like a Herculean task suddenly.
My imagination went into overdrive for planning Foreign a spectacular birthday. Two more hours passed before I sat back on the couch, had gotten more things done for Foreign than I did for my company. Yep, I was in love alright, and the shit was making my blood pump. Doing things for her made it pump harder. Doing things for her had nothing on how hard it pumped when I was with her though, which was exactly where I wanted to be. Wasn’t going to get anything work-related done until I was.
“Maybe if I was in the same vicinity as her, my attention span would get longer, and I could do more for my livelihood that would support us both in the future whether she worked or not.”
Snagging my phone from the table, I texted Tony to pick me up and where to drop me off. Outside the apartment, I waited for him at the curb, shuffling my weight from one foot to the other, raring to go. He arrived a few minutes later. As usual, the route to the resort was quick but not fast enough. I parked my ass in the resort’s conference room just off the lobby with my laptop, attempting to send out one more email for work when my mother called. Hadn’t heard from her in a couple days, so I rocked back in the office chair, planting the phone against my ear before the next set of notes of my ringtone broke the quiet again. “Hey mama.”
“How it’s going, son?”
I snorted. “Are you ever going to ask me about my day?”
“Not while you’re playing blackmailer I’m not.”
“Then, you’ll be happy to know that I’m no longer a piss-poor blackmailer but a boyfriend.”
“To who?” She was good and shocked.
“Foreign.”
“Jesus Christ! You just went on your first date with her!”
“Apparently, you were right about what it would take to get her to like me enough to date me. She already liked me but was fighting it.”
“You told her you loved her and there’s only one CD?”
“And that I’d always be there for her. We didn’t have to rush into anything. If we would never be more than friends, then I could say I went for it but it wasn’t meant to be. As a matter of fact, I’ve planned another date and trip back to California for her to confront her folks. They’ve messed her up pretty good. She doesn’t know what the hell love is, but she knows what it isn’t, so they did something right.”
She sighed. “That poor girl. That’s what most of us do as parents; mess up our kids. I… I wished I’d picked a better father for you.”
I was surprised she was discussing my father calmly—usually, there was a whole lot of cursing his name with a bunch of four-letter words emanating at the top of her voice. I learned to leave the subject alone, or risk raising her blood pressure through the roof.
“You picked the father that I was supposed to have so I’d be me, mama. Nothing worth having comes easy, right?” She’d certainly paid for her mistakes of getting with my father.
I knew because I was there. “Besides, our hearts pick who we love. We don’t. If we did, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have picked Nathan Simmons, and I had a mother and father; you.”
“Wasn’t my heart that picked him, son.”
I was not going to listen to my mother talk about her lust. Hell to the no! “Okay! You didn’t love him, you liked him… a lot! Then you made a baby and tried to do the right thing by being with him. He bailed. Got it. Enough about that.”
She cackled. “Then that leaves talking about your love life. Where are you by the way?”
I truly have a freaking love life, not an agreement to slake my lust but give as much of me as I took. I did good, and hell yes, I was bragging.
“I’m back at the resort. Just left Foreign’s apartment where I’m still supposed to be while her and her friends enjoy my suite for a secretive girl talk session. Would’ve rented a suite for her, but she wasn’t having that. I’ll be damn if I miss out a date with her that she’s taking me on because of money. She’s determined to pay her own way, and mine too on a date. Not happening, but the thought counts and that only makes me want to take care of her more.”
“I like this girl. When do I get to meet her?” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Strange you ask, or not strange.” All serious relationships got the parents involved, well, most of them; Nathan wasn’t meeting anybody. “If I have my way you’ll meet Foreign on her birthday. She wants to meet you too. Already likes you because I told her you’d probably help her kick my ass.”
That set off a round of roaring laughter in my ear. “I would. We women must stick together and tell her I like her as well, and maybe I lied. If you can get her to want to confront her folks and take you as a boyfriend after only nine days, maybe you missed your calling as a psychiatrist after all.”
“Maybe I had, but my ‘drastic actions’ methods would leave a lot to be desired for getting results with the patients and the medical board, so I think I’ll keep designing software. Technically, it was right after our date that she wondered if maybe she and her folks could resolve their issues. She came to that on her own after I told her the truth about the CD and her father’s regrets for pushing her away. Oh, and after Natalia popped up to break up my date with Foreign.”
“Who did what?” she shrieked at a decibel too rich for my hearing.
“Natalia Fosters, the woman I was seeing occasionally before I met Foreign. She showed up on my and Foreign’s date. Foreign tried to be nice and leave, so I could speak with Natalia alone because she isn’t for the mind games women play. She’s not to be played with either. Natalia made the mistake of standing in Foreign’s way as she tried to leave, so Foreign shoved Natalia’s ass in the pool after telling me to come to her when I’d dealt with Natalia once and for all. Dealing with her included saving her from drowning in water two inches above her head.”
I breathed in deep as amazement took me. “Can you believe Foreign told me she trusted me right before Natalia took an unsanctioned swim? I still haven’t gotten over that, especially after I made the CD of us.” All in the name of love.
I don’t know if I got her trust in California and it survived my efforts to get her heart, or if she began believing in me here. I was just happy she did, would treasure her trust and her both.
Sonya choked and sputtered. “Foreign pu-pushed Natalia in the pool, then left you to save her? And how did Natalia find you in the first place?” Of course, my mother couldn’t get past the drama part of the night—it was too juicy.
“Yep, Foreign left me to handle Natalia by myself. I told you she trusts me, and Natalia was being a bitch that needed to cool off. Foreign had no problems with giving her a good dunk. As far as finding me, Natalia ran into one of my volunteer workers, Mina, at a charity function in Los Angeles. Natalia picked her brains for information, found out we’d been back from Africa for a week, then appeared out of nowhere here.” Then, it dawned on me; I had no idea how Natalia knew my exact location.
I sat up, mind reeling. “Shit, mama, how did she find me? I only told you where I was going. When she showed up, I was so worried about her being there and how Foreign would feel about it, I didn’t think to ask how the hell Natalia tracked me across country.”
“Ha! You know damn well I didn’t tell her. I don’t even know her, so you better watch out for Natalia.”
Maybe I would’ve had to if I hadn’t told her clearly that we were done and she’d accepted that... for a second time. Hopefully, there won’t have to be a third. No, Natalia wasn’t that stupid. You hope.
I really did. “I don’t have to watch out for her, mama. She gave me and Foreign her blessing… sort of. Called me trailer park trash first then told me not to be surprised if Foreign’s life fell apart. I haven’t heard a peep out of her since yesterday.”
Sonya harrumphed. “Take it from your mama, Natalia sounds vindictive. If she wasted her breath to say someone’s life might fall apart, you can bet your lily-white ass that Natalia will be the reason why, and she’ll cover her ass, so she doesn’t get the blame. Just knowing she caused problems between you and Foreign will be enough for a woman like her. You may have found your heart’s desire in Foreign, but you’ve stepped into a pile of shit with Natalia if she flew from one coast to the other to find you. She’s not going away that easy, not until she’s gotten you back, gotten revenge for losing you, or moves on to someone better. There’s no better than you, son, so put nothing past Natalia.”
I groaned. Lord knew I did my best to be a good man, and so far, my mother had been right about everything else. No reason to think she was wrong about Natalia.
Damn! Damn! Damn! This was the last thing my budding relationship with Foreign needed, especially right after I’d used the sextape to get into her life. Enough bullshit and Foreign would walk. I really needed to put her in the loop, so she’d be on her guard too.
Fucking Natalia! That’s what got you in this mess.
I was damn sure going to find my way out of it without involving Foreign. We didn’t need the extra problem between us. Greg would be put on notice about his daughter… and soon. If her father and I couldn’t get her to listen to reason, no one could. I’d hate to destroy her life, but I would.
********
~Foreign~
When Mahogany and Nevaeh knocked, escorted up by Amari, I was spaced out on a green suede couch, letting my mind wander where it wanted. It went to specific memories of Christian, then refused to budge. If this was love, I had it bad. Letting the girls in, I gave Amari a quick hug.
She pouted because she couldn’t stay but would’ve been welcomed. “I wish I could hang with you guys, but Astrid and Blake can’t keep anybody at this damn front desk. I think it has a hex on it.”
“Or wants only you behind it,” I joked, wishing she could stay.
Anyone in Tommy’s family, by blood or by heart, was always welcome in my circle. They were all good people, who’ve all been through some bad shit, but it led to the fulfilling lives they had now. Amari went through a little blackmail herself with her husband Camron Powers, who she was a highly paid personal assistant to. He was a martial-art phenomena and blueblood with old money who willingly paid his penance—for robbing Amari of every penny to get to her heart—by taking an ass whooping given to him by her brother and his own cousin, Blake. He was the owner of the resort, a self-appointed defender of all women, and Tommy’s nephew by heart.
Anyone connected to Blake was also connected to Tommy, therefore Camron and Amari were Tommy’s family by heart as well, and they received carte blanche at his restaurant. That was where I got the gossip from Amari herself that she nearly had a heart attack when she found out about the fight instigated by her in-law and sibling with Camron. All were big strong men. She was so afraid they’d killed Camron, then she was pissed when she learned he was fine and didn’t fight back while being double-teamed. It was the ass whooping that brought her to Camron’s side, until death do they part. So, I say that ole Camron knew what the hell he was doing when he let the men put their hands on him, while they left without a scratch.
“Come back if you can, Amari,” I invited. “We’ll be here for a few hours.”
Nevaeh snorted. “If the new lovebirds last that long apart.”
Amari bucked her eyes. “Wait, what? Foreign is a lovebird now?” Damn, was it so hard to believe that a commitment-phobe was trying to change her ways?
Nevaeh giggled at the woman’s obvious shock. “Yep. She’s about to officially join the black queens, white kings club now.”
“Not without me to usher her in,” Amari rotated on her heels in the doorway, looked back over her shoulder. “Astrid gonna get her height-challenged, badge-wearing ass here. I need to be here for this, and if I don’t make it back, we’ll be doing this again.” Then, she promptly vanished in the hallway.
I had a feeling these weekly meetings were about to gain a member.
Easing the door closed, I hurled down the corridor behind her, “My love life is not that interesting. I just got it.” And it was wonderful to have it. Going to be hard to give it up.
“Bull hockey,” Amari, height challenged herself, tossed back before stepping into the elevator. “We’ve been waiting on the day someone would steal your heart.”
I closed the door, thumbing over my shoulder. “Is she serious?”
Nevaeh flopped down on the couch. “Yep.”
Mahogany had a shit-eating grin. “How long do we have?”
“I give it two hours max before she and Christian go into withdrawal from being separated,” Nevaeh chimed in.
Mahogany bent over in side-splitting laughter beside her.
I huffed, then giggled. “‘Til about six. I need to go home and prepare for our second date which is on me. I’m not going to let that man pay for every damn thing. I’m not independent for nothing.”
“You’ve got a lot to learn about real men and dating, Foreign,” Nevaeh commented dryly.
“Does that mean I won’t get to pay for anything?”
Mahogany nodded. “No matter how big a fuss you make.”
“Well, shit!” A girl was going to have to get used to that.
Mahogany got up to open the champagne that was chilling in the stainless-steel fridge, snickering. “Now, details, Foreign, and be quick about it. I don’t want you detoxing without Christian being around to give you a hit of him, and we all have some stuff to share.”
I told them everything, including about the sextape. Their reactions were nothing like mine. Where I had freaked out, they claimed that just about everyone had personal porn and I was behind the times. I wanted to stay there too. Then they congratulated me on daring to let someone the opposite species in. I had questions about knowing when I was in love and was told that no one could tell me when I was truly in loved but me. They liked Christian even more because he was willing to wait until I felt the same as him. I promised that from his description, I was in love. Then I had to suffer through the girly ‘ahhhhh’, and again when I shared Christian’s purpose for making the disc. They understood why he had to resort to such extremes; apparently, I was as stubborn as a mule. Traitors! But they were my traitors.
Between Tommy’s relatives and his staff, there wasn’t much anyone hadn’t been through. Because it was always going to be something, Mahogany and Nevaeh were both ecstatic I let something good in fully, specifically Christian’s love. According to them, if he could get me to change my ways, apparently, he deserved me. Pretty much calling me a hard case, which I was, so I took no offense.
“Who’s next?” I munched on a slice of cheese and cracker.
Mahogany raised her hand like we were in school. “I had a short conversation over the phone last night with the woman who showed up at work. Turned out she’s my mother who’d left her number and a message with Tommy. Told him to give them both to me after I got off. I called her on my way home. She understood if I was angry and didn’t want to talk to her. I wanted to say, ‘Lady, I don’t know you, well past wanting to get to know you, and you caught me from the blindside with this shit’, but she mentioned she was just diagnosed with muscular dystrophy first, and that it’s a disorder, not necessarily inherited, but I should think about getting Majestic tested in a few years.”
Mahogany exhaled. She did not need more disorders affecting her child. “When my mother’s regrets kicked in fully, I became her last mission on earth before the disease made her wheelchair bound. I got all sympathetic and teary-eyed because basically, I’m losing a blood relative just as she found me. She looks too much like me not to be some kind of kin. The doctors diagnosed her condition a few months ago. I guess a shortened lifespan is a good motivator for Nia Montgomery to face her past. Claims she left my birth certificate with me when she dropped me off at the fire station. No one found it. It was cold and windy enough for it to have blown out of the basket she’d dumped me in with a bunch of blankets, diapers, and bottles. Even then, it wasn’t signed by my father, Frank Montague, because he’s a fucking rapist who died in jail a year after I was born. He preferred unwilling sixteen-year-olds, killed for it by another inmate that wasn’t ever going to walk on free ground again anyway. How’s that for Karma?”
Obviously, both of her parents had suffered cosmic backlash. Nia missed out on raising a good woman, and maybe she should have. I highly doubted Mahogany would be the woman she was today if Nia had stuck around. Yet, we’ll never know, will we?
“Damn, Mahogany,” Nevaeh and I both crooned to her.
As if Mahogany’s life hadn’t been hard enough, now, she had to deal with a dying relative she met a New York minute ago.
Now, I was angry on her behalf. “How the hell did she, my bad, Nia, find you if no one knew who you were?”
She refilled her glass. “Lots of tracking people down and following paper trails that weren’t public record. She found the last fireman who was active when I was dropped off at the fire station and still on this side of heaven in Germany as a retired Army reservist gone hermit in a war bunker in Hamburg. He handed me off to a paramedic who died eight years ago. The trail went cold there, so she hired a lawyer, petitioned the courts for access to any hospital records for any infants abandoned that day. Once granted, she got the name of my caseworker, a sympathetic Florida retiree with a short memory span. They combined forces. The caseworker pulled some strings with other past employees of the child welfare department who pulled some more strings with current employees and got my foster care case files and school records reopened. Whalah, Mahogany Jefferson is unearthed and technically an alias because I’m Calista Montgomery, legally.”
She drained her glass then plunked it down on the coffee table. “Becoming Calista Montgomery is not gonna happen. Mahogany is who I know, came through every fucking storm in my life as, and that’s who I’m staying. I was actually born on October 6th, 1995 though, not the tenth as estimated at the hospital. I’m going with 6th now, because my birthday comes earlier in the year.” She laughed lightly, then shrugged. “And I’ll attend the family Montgomery reunions because who doesn’t what to know where they came from?”
Then, she narrowed her eyes on us. “But the first one who tries to borrow some of Chance’s money from me is getting a Tommy Owen’s epic cursing out. They’ll wish Nia had left my ass where I was. Next.”
Nevaeh burst out laughing. “I’m keeping it short and sweet, or I’ll get tight. We all know what happens when I get angry nowadays. Someone gets hurts.”
She wasn’t lying, as she refilled her glass. “Grandma called me and told me that my mother’s coming up for parole next month, and she wants to spend time with me if she gets out. Personally, I’ve lived without her this long, don’t see why anything has to change. My father has made no such demands from his jail cell, and God willing, he won’t. The end.”
Not being wanted by her parents has bothered Nevaeh all her life. To come in her life now, once she had put those insecurities behind her was real BS. It was tragic how her parents stayed together with their shared addictions after abandoning their daughter to the foster care system too. Seemed like I was finding new candidates for the APA program all over the damn place. At least her Grandma was firmly rooted in her life and did her damndest to take Nevaeh’s arson charges, so they wouldn’t ruin Nevaeh’s life. Retired school teacher Miss Millie Lomax stepped in when Nevaeh’s parents stepped out on her as a baby who Miss Millie’s daughter delivered while high as a kite. Thankfully, Nevaeh took after her grandmother in almost every way—standup citizens as long as they weren’t pushed, and they shared exceptional height and rare light-gray eyes.
I blew out enough air to cause a tornado in China—this group was going through it. “Tommy warned me about this shit.”
Mahogany frowned. “About what?”
“About us three syncing troubles like women do menstrual cycles.”
“Your mother’s coming here?” Nevaeh enquired in disbelief, catching on quick.
“Nope, I’m going to her. Hopefully, we can let bygones be bygones and I’ll settle some of the issues that had me treating men like shit, but if not, I’ll be fine.”
Mahogany whistled low. “California will not be left standing after that ‘come to the royal mansion’ meeting. Everybody living there is gonna have to relocate to the Philippines, where it all started, just to have some damn where to live. So, now that everyone has found a good man, which one of you ladies is gonna give Majestic another playmate? Preferably a sweet little girl.”
Nevaeh and I looked at each other, then left Mahogany’s ass on the couch by herself with that topic, relocating to the kitchen for more champagne and finger foods. Nevaeh suggested we explore the suite, and explore we did, leaving Christian’s bed destroyed because we took the girl-talk in the bedroom where the mattress felt like a cloud. Mahogany thought that Nevaeh should at least get her mother’s take on the shit show surrounding her birth. Nevaeh responded she’d join the circus first. She was exotic enough to make it work too.
I let them talk until Nevaeh turned to me with advice. “You know, if you’re capable of treating your friends right and looking out for their best interests, then you should be able to do the same for him.”
Apparently, all humans needed to be treated the same no matter the sex. I admitted my biggest fear was slipping back into my old habits with Christian and hurting him. My girls assured me that since I loved him, I wouldn’t. I wanted to believe them and needed a lighter mood between us. Around that time, we went to the pool area where I described my first date down to the smallest detail. Reminders of Christian and me here brought on the blasted withdrawal symptoms.
Mahogany guffawed like a witch at the pool’s edge, knowing exactly what I was going through when I hadn’t said a word. “Yep, you love him. You’ve never wore that face for any of the cuddy-buddies you’d planned on not seeing again when they tried to get too close to you.”
My sappy expression must’ve said what I was thinking; I wanted Christian now! They steered me back to the suite, Foreign in my ear about setting up a triple date so Christian could meet Chance and Orion. I damn near couldn’t believe when I agreed readily, telling them to connect with me about meeting at the movies tonight after they’d talked to their guys. I’d square the triple date with Christian. Obviously, Nevaeh wasn’t the only one ready to share her life with the people she called friends. Yeah, well, I was still a teensy bit envious of her and Mahogany. Their guys would still be here when mine was gone. I wanted to be wherever he was, like right this instance. Mahogany must’ve sensed that too because she stuffed my phone in my hand then instructed me to call him to come get me.
“Ah hell, she’s detoxing already,” Nevaeh complained with a grin. “And thank God because I’m missing Orion like hell. She did make it four hours though. I was done at two.”
Mahogany giggled. “I made it only one, before I was itching to at least hear Chance’s and Majestic’s voice, so the medal goes to you for lasting the longest.”
“It wasn’t a competition… hey, babe,” I switched when Christian answered the phone.
“Hey babe to you. You ready to come home?”
“Yep. I…” Suddenly overly emotional about seeing him again, I clammed up. What the hell—my emotions were too many, too soon again.
“Say it, Foreign,” Mahogany coached, like my conscience would’ve done if she hadn’t beaten my inner voice to it.
I swallowed my feelings, then shot her a big smile, along with my bird finger like I’d have done my conscience. “I missed you, Christian.”
He exhaled. “Thank fuck! I’ve been downstairs for ten minutes trying my hardest not to crash your party just to get a kiss.”
That bowled me right over into goofy giggling. “What are you waiting for? Come get it.”
“Be there in two. Bye, sweetheart.”
“Bye, babe.”
“Whelp!” Nevaeh started, then bent over the couch to retrieve her coat and purse. “That’s my cue. I’ll be damned if I watch them make out when I could be doing it too.”
Mahogany mimicked Nevaeh’s movements with her own coat and purse, their cars in the resort’s parking lot. I hugged them both, then watched them disappear into the elevator the same time Christian emerged from it. I squealed and met him in the hallway. Oh lord, I actually squealed! The girls’ heads popped back out of the elevator. Nevaeh above Mahogany grinned from ear to ear then vanished again, completely fine with meeting Christian later. I loved those girls.
“Hey,” he whispered after I had jumped him, who caught me, hands palming my ass as my support.
With my legs bear-hugging his tapered waist, I returned his greeting before thieving a kiss from him, a long one that left me fighting to get air in my lungs. “How was your day, babe?”
It almost felt like he was coming home after a day at work, and damn, I loved it. The biggest sigh escaped me as if all was right… and it was. If this was really love, hell yeah, I was in it for life.
His mouth tilted up in the corners while his eyes raked over my face. “It was good, but it’s better now. How was yours?”
My insides turned to mush, caused partly by his statement, the rest by the pole growing between my legs. Naturally, I ground on it because there was an ache developing within my core, the pole the cure for it. He groaned then stepped towards the opened door behind me.
“My day was great. We tore up your suite, then remembered we weren’t rock stars, so don’t punish me too hard,” I joked, which naturally progressed to me wondering if he punished, and would I like it.
His eyebrows hit the roof, mouth falling open as he kicked the door closed behind us.
I giggled at his ‘tell me you didn’t’ face then took pity on him. “I’m just kidding… sort of. Your bed’s a mess though. It was too big to not get on, felt too good to get off. Of course, my girls helped me mess it up. I’m not going down by myself for that, and we all are going down. We seemed to be having the same general problems. Good thing we can get along and are here to support one another.”
His eyebrows dropped into a frown. “And those general problems are?” How did I know he wouldn’t pry for specific details unless he thought it was absolutely necessary?
The living area moved slowly into the distance, his office appearing on my right. We couldn’t get to the room on my left fast enough.
“We’re all having mommy-issues mainly, lately. The girls beat me to finding the man who’s got our noses wide open, but I caught up, and we missed the hell out of our guys. That was the other general problem. The girls are going home to solve that one now, but I beat them to the solution I needed.”
I had what they have, finally. Surprisingly, it felt damn good to say that, to own it. To have someone to miss. Maybe to come home to?
Right after I put my shit in order. My past would be put to rest, not haunting me, us. I didn’t want to lose something good because my problems were manifesting in other areas of my life anymore, holding me back emotionally. I don’t want to lose anything good because of that. Granted, losing something good was the frightening part. That caused me not to want to reach for it, but I was slowly learning you couldn’t stop the good from showing any more than you could the bad. If I had to deal with the bad, then damn right I wanted the good to dull what hurt. Or eliminate what hurt altogether.
Losing Christian qualified as the latter, wasn’t acceptable anymore, so I had some work to put in. The trip to the coast was about to become a rush job. I was still falling for Christian, and nothing was going to be allowed to stop that. Not even me. And then, I was falling for real toward the rumpled duvet on the bed with Christian following me down. This was how I liked to fall, with my smile reaching to the backs of my ears until we made love thoroughly enough that I had to reschedule our date night with my friends. The conclusion to date-night was already taking place, zapping my energy.
In the middle of the night, I got up to refuel. Christian was wearing my ass out, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He found me buck naked, munching on cheese and crackers, while standing in the fridge’s door where he asked what day I wanted to go to California. I had no real answer since it depended on two things; my day off and flight prices.
He disappeared, then returned with his laptop. After finding the cheapest flights for the next week on my birthday, which I was scheduled to work, we went right back to bed where he wore my ass out again until the next morning when I was scrambling to get ready to go home where I hurried to get ready to go to work.
The sooner I arrived there, the faster I could request a day off with my boss who would not be thrilled, but my future was staked on me finding out the score between my folks that were alive, and then moving on with Christian. Going back to the way I was before him didn’t look pretty. I wanted no part of it no matter how my folks felt about me. Except, closing doors for good was beneficial to fully opening new ones with no baggage. Or a lighter load.
I liked lighter very much.