I shot down the universes most painful slippery-dip. Rocky bumps knocked against my back. Nicks pierced my skin.

I plunged uncontrollably toward light.

Crashing water roared ahead. I took a deep breath and held it.

I plummeted out of the tunnel, free falling through air then hurtled into a stream. Warm water closed above me. A current tugged at my limbs. I kicked my legs and broke the surface, gasping.

I struggled against the pull of current, kicking towards an embankment, caught onto a rock and dragged myself out of the water, and collapsed onto spongy moss.

A blue glow radiated overhead like an eerie sky.

Twisted, knobby trees surrounded the stream.

I caught my breath, my whole body one big bruise. “There’s a forest down here.”

“You have been excessively foolish, human.”

“Didn’t you want me to find vegetation?” I tugged a clump of moss out of the ground. “Looks pretty freaking vegetated to me.”

“The drone will not fit down that tunnel to retrieve you so I suggest you discover another way to access the surface—with haste.”

I sat up with groan. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Again, I am not a child.”

Macca and her goddamn literal interpretations.

“Any suggestions on which way I should go?” I stood. The trees thickened, giving no indication of how enormous this cave actually was.

“Begin walking, I will monitor your direction and ensure you do not travel in circles.”

Macca could do that? My teeth snapped together. “You knew I ran a loop before?”

“Of course.”

The screaming muscles in my shoulders drew tight. “And you didn’t care to tell me?”

“There was no advantage to disclosing information that would increase your agitation.”

Fury twisted through my stomach and shot into my hands, curling my fists. “How do I turn my ‘adjustments’ off?”

“They cannot be turned off.”

“Fine.” I started into the trees. “How do I turn you off?”

“You most certainly cannot turn me off.”

“Hmm.” I weaved between shrubs. “I bet your little Crestonian can though, can’t she?”

Silence rang in my ears.

“How about this then—you are banned from speaking unless spoken to.” I walked faster across the soft mossy ground. “I don’t want your sneaky manipulative voice in my head unless I ask for it.”

“I am beginning to question your qualifications in assessing your own mental health.”

“Is that so?” I burst into a bright clearing.

“You have access to a far superior intellect to your own, and a vastness of knowledge you cannot fathom, and yet you attempt to silence it. This is illogical, irrational, and reckless.”

“I’m sure your knowledge is way vast, Macca, but here’s the thing about the superior intellect talking in my head.” I paused. “So far it has tricked me into physical adjustments I was not aware of, sent me out on an extremely dangerous mission while withholding information about the planet I’m supposed to be exploring.” I pointed a finger at the empty space in front of me. “And I think it not only expected that I’d run into a horny alien warrior—it was happy to let me receive an inter-species raping for some agenda unknown to me.”

“Human, this is precisely why I choose to selectively disclose. You are ruled by emotion, unable to focus with your rational—”

“Be quiet. You’ve persistently withheld and manipulated information that interferes with my ability to make informed decisions. You’ve broken my trust, Macca.” I dropped my hand. “And if I can’t trust you, I don’t want to hear you, and I’m certainly not going to follow your instructions.”

Macca didn’t respond.

Ha. Looked like the sneaky orb bitch was capable of obeying an inferior human.

I glanced around the clearing. What the hell was I going to do now? My energy seemed to crash all at once.

Naked in a cave forest without supplies…

A deep sigh flooded my chest. Sweetness rushed across my taste buds. I spun around. Yellow bulbs hung off a tree branch. I leaned up on my toes and grabbed a fist full of waxy leaves and dragged the branch lower.

A rich ripe sugary tang wafted from the bulb. I tugged one off the branch and inspected it. I no longer had the testing device to see if it were safe. The round fruit had orange and yellow soft skin similar to a banana.

I held the fruit closer and sniffed it.

My mouth flooded with saliva and my stomach clamped in hunger. Damn, I’d only had gruel since being taken.

I peeled back the skin and sniffed the insides. A citrus-like tartness tingled my nose. “Nothing to say about this, Macca?”

The super computer remained quiet. Macca would be ticked off with me for sure but I doubted she’d let me die when the possibility of finding fruit for her Crestonian kid was at stake.

I poked the fruit with a finger then tasted the juice.

Sweetness burst on my tongue. A little tart, but no bitterness that made me think poison. I took a small bite and chewed.

A moan tugged out of me.

I sunk my teeth into the flesh. Oh god, if a lime and a mango had a fruit baby… Juice ran down my hands and trickled down my arms.

I finished the fruit and took another, and feasted in the cave forest like a space queen.

A giggle snorted out of my nose. Butterflies danced in front of me. I laughed again, my stomach cramping with the pain of having laughed too much. A purple butterfly tickled my cheek. I took it by its powdery wings and shoved it into my mouth.

Grit ground between my teeth.

Alien butterflies were so crunchy…

The bugs scattered. A giant red devil leaned over me. I grabbed it by its curling horns.

“You can’t fool me.” My voice warbled like underwater.

I burst into a fit of giggles.

The beast lifted me up, holding me against its enormous chest like an infant.

“I know you’re not really horny.” I tugged off its helmet. More laughter rattled through my chest. “Wait, you are horny.” My belly ached, but I couldn’t stop the giggles. “You’re a really, really, horny alien.”

He began walking. Tree leaves fanned out like streamers. My head rolled on my neck.

Uh, oh . Everything spun. My skin shivered. I held onto him. He was so freaking warm. The light dimmed. I buried my face in the fur cloak.

“I want this cloak.” I patted his chest. “You ruined my things. You should give it to me.”

We entered a tunnel.

“Is this the way back up?” I rubbed my face on his shoulder and closed my eyes. A yawn stretched my jaw.

Soft words hummed in my ear. I opened my eyes. He took the helmet and set it on a table in front of us.

We’d arrived somewhere.

“Is this your house?” I looked around with swirling vision, then grabbed my head. “Oh, no…”

He held me in his lap and pulled my hand free then pushed something into my grip. A wood cup. So thirsty. I brought the cup to my lips and drained the contents. My tongue clucked to the salty roof of my mouth. Well, that was fucking nasty.

My saliva foamed. I lurched forward. He held me around the middle and slid something in front of me. I hurled into a carved bowl. More words yabbered behind me.

My stomach heaved. He scooped my hair up behind my head.

I emptied everything there was to empty into the bowl, then sagged against him, shivering.

He tugged the cloak out from underneath me and wrapped it around me then clutched me against him.

I closed my eyes. “Who’d have thought the first guy chivalrous enough to hold my hair while I puke would be a horny, rapey, alien.”

His skin seemed to grow warmer and cozier. At least he wasn’t growling right now.

“Maybe you’re not so bad when you keep it in your loincloth.” I yawned again and snuggled deeper. “Just don’t go getting any ideas.”

His deep graveled words flowed over me.

Too bad I couldn’t understand a damned thing he said.