I noticed a newspaper box across the street as I walked out of the café. I grabbed a copy of the local paper and headed toward the pier. The whole area was crawling with people, but I felt like I was alone in my own world. My mind was consumed with thoughts as I walked to the nearest empty bench.

Maybe the reason I was feeling so on edge was because of all the uncertainty. I needed a plan. Was I going to stay in Pismo Beach? Or should I take Kane’s advice and leave. If I left, where would I go? And who was to say my luck in the next town would be any better? There must have been an asshole like Kane in every town.

Did I really believe I could make it on my own?

Did I even know how to? Did I even want to? Maybe I should go back to Palo Alto, I thought. Maybe I should just go back to Matt. Maybe after being roughed up by the Brotherhood, he’d finally learned his lesson and was ready to be the husband I needed.

In that moment, I remembered about the thirty-seven unread texts on my phone. I had been so distracted in the café that I forgot to check them. I reached for my phone and saw messages from my mom and a group text with two of my best friends.

I was only interested in the messages from Matt.

He had sent so many that he’d practically written a novel. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face what he had to say to me. Under his name, I could see the preview of his last message.

“You made a big mistake walking out on me. You’ll never make it on your own, Meadow.” I dragged my finger to the left over his message, and deleted the entire thread. I didn’t need to read what else he had to say. That was enough. From that day on, I was determined to prove him wrong. To prove everyone wrong. To prove to myself that I could make it on my own. I was capable of it.

Matt was always so controlling and overbearing, he never even gave me the opportunity to learn or grow as my own person. I blocked his phone number and instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

I put my phone away and looked around. To the right were beautiful rolling hills stretching out in the distance. Down on the water, a group of seven guys were out with their surf boards, joking and laughing with each other. The beach was busy with all kinds of people, young families playing on the water’s edge, runners, tourists taking pictures, small groups getting surf lessons. Everyone was so happy. The pier was buzzing.

Something about being there felt right.

Beside me on the bench, amongst all the graffiti, a message carved into the wood caught my eye. It simply said, You belong here. If that wasn’t a direct message from God, I didn’t know what was.

I smiled to myself. All right Pismo Beach. Let’s do this.

I sat there, not quite sure what my first step should be as a strong, independent woman. It was all so new to me.

I needed an apartment. It would be so exciting getting my own place. Getting to pick all new paint colors, furniture, accessories. A space that was truly my own, reflecting my own personal style with no influence from Matt or anyone else. I’d never had that in my entire life.

I opened the newspaper and flipped to the For Rent section. There were quite a few options, some that sounded really great but they all had ridiculously high rent prices. I couldn’t believe that rent was so expensive in a little beach town. With the money I withdrew the night before, I would have been able to cover a security deposit and get by for a few months, but it would have burned through my safety net pretty quickly.

Plus, I knew I’d come off sketchy to any potential landlord.  

I could just picture it.

Yes sir, that’s correct. I have no references and no job, but I do however have this questionable wad of cash.

Getting a job was definitely the first logical step in my new I-don’t-need-a-man life. I flipped to the Help Wanted section and a photograph of Kane instantly jumped out at me. There he was, topless, obviously just getting out of the water, pulling a white tank-top over his perfectly sculpted muscles. I let out an ironic laugh. That guy was everywhere I looked.

The ad was for Beach Body Automotive and Marine Repair. Very clever Kane. You obviously have the perfect beach body. Why not flaunt it?

I so wanted to hate his stupid shop and laugh at him for putting a topless picture of himself in his ad. Talk about whoring yourself out! But all I could think was oh-my-God-look-at-that-beach-body. Those perfectly sculpted pecs and abs made me wet just looking at them.

Damn him. Damn him and his super sexy surfer beach body.

I added his name to my mental list of people I was going to prove wrong and started reading through the Help Wanted ads. It wasn’t long before I felt discouraged by that section too. There were plenty of options, but the majority of them were looking for someone with experience or specific education or training. I dug a little deeper for the entry level positions.

A shoe store was hiring and willing to train. I wondered if I could actually spend my day around strangers’ feet. The potential of a staff discount made me consider it, but the potential of foot odors and fungus feet made me move on to the next ad. A few dishwasher positions, garbage pickup for the local parks department, some places looking for delivery drivers. My stomach sank as reality sunk in. Paying the rent wasn’t going to be easy.

I fiddled with my engagement ring necklace, moving it nervously between my fingers as I questioned again if I actually had what it took to make it on my own.

Even if any of those employers decided to give me a job, was it really what I wanted to be doing with my new life? With my lack of experience and no education beyond high school, I’d never be able to get a job that would give me the comfort and lifestyle I was used to. I stopped twirling my ring and held it away from my chest. I looked down at the giant diamond that was surrounded by even more diamonds.

Behind the sparkle and flash of my, I’ll admit it, obnoxious engagement ring, I spotted an ad for a local pawn and jewelry exchange shop. I quickly closed the paper and made my way to my car, typing the name of the jewelry store into my phone as I walked. It was only five minutes away, perfect.

I drove straight to the pawn shop and took off the necklace as I walked inside. I had no idea what it was worth, but I was sure the money would help me avoid having to get any of those jobs, at least for a while.

“I’d like to have this appraised,” I said as I removed the ring from the chain and handed it to the clerk who worked there.

He was an old guy with shaggy white hair and a beard and he looked at the ring and then at me.

“Wow lady, I’ve never had a ring like this come in before. I’m not even sure I’d be able to re-sell it.”

“I need to get rid of it.”

He let out a little laugh and took out a magnifying glass, looking at the diamonds more closely.

“Well, at first glance, unless I’m mistaken, I’d say you’re probably looking at over one-hundred thousand dollars for a rock like this. I’d have to take some photos and send them to an appraiser in New York, but this is an expensive ring, lady.”

I took the ring from him and looked at it more closely. I was in shock that Matt would actually spend that much money on something for me. It was so much, and especially for when we got engaged. He wasn’t making half as much then as he was now. It really was quite the grand gesture. I hadn’t realized it at the time. He must have really loved me to have spent that much money on something that represented his love for me and our commitment to each other. Matt’s family wasn’t close. He hadn’t had a very warm upbringing. In all of the years I was with him, I’m not sure I ever saw him hug his father, or even his mother. I never heard them say I love you to each other.

I started to wonder if maybe gifts were the only way Matt knew how to show his love. I looked up at the jeweler.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m making a huge mistake. I can’t sell this to you.”