Chapter Twenty

Reagan

 

Over the past four days, Luke had said nothing about the attack, the captured Skrors, Sarrow, or the mysterious woman. When he spoke, it was quiet. Restrained. Most of the time, he napped or read or closed himself in his office with the other Alphas.

I did find out the Northbane had found the location of a Skror base. It was south of us and, apparently, shouldn’t cause us any more problems. The second thing I found out was that the Skrors had indeed made the enemy of their enemy, their friend. Rotted had helped with the second breach. Finally, the Northbane had let them go after they’d gotten enough information out of them—warning them not to come back.

Beyond that, he wouldn’t tell me anything. Nor did he ask about the beach incident or anything else. In a way, that was a relief. Maybe Luke had no idea that I’d somehow called out to wolves and a mountain lion to save us. I still didn’t know how I’d known Iza’s name or recognized her, or why she’d attacked Sarrow for me.

Oh, or how I’d possibly purged his blood of poison.

Whatever closeness had cropped up by the campfire had dissolved. Part of me wanted to use this to run and avoid him forever. Another part of me wanted to tear the barriers all down and throw my arms around his neck, my head on his shoulder.

Cassidy and I were definitely related, only she was way less of a hypocrite.

Though it seemed like things were reverting to a familiar distance, Belrush had left a potent mark on me. Whenever Luke sprawled on the couch, it was hard to keep from crawling up next to him. And every time I caught a whiff of his masculine scent, my stomach fluttered and squirmed with pleasure. At night, I’d lie awake and remember what it was like to be close to him.

Was it a matter of proximity? Maybe it was like nothing more than a crush from living with a handsome, caring man among men. Or maybe he was a kind of psychological panacea. I’d found comfort in his arms, and now I craved more. Asking these questions made me feel better.

However, when I got a rare smile out of him, all circles of scientific reasoning fell apart.

Luke Swiftlore, with his unassuming sleight of hand, had stolen my heart.

I just hadn’t noticed until now.

I’d thought I was being a good housemate by worrying when he wasn’t there, or by wanting to help Rogda. When we were fighting, I’d ignored the obvious fact that I hated every minute of it and that it depressed me. Oh, no—I wanted to close the space, even when I was dancing around the truth.

As tired as I was of all these lies, though, I had no idea how to start unraveling them.

 

After five days of this, I went to see Risa. I needed a dose of her savvy. Luke was out of the house, going to deal with Winfyre concerns. I couldn’t stand staying there alone. Hoping he’d come back, hoping he’d talk to me or even glance my way. God, what had happened to me?

I found Risa sitting on the beach, on a blanket with Collette. Jemma was working, now a cook at the barracks near the main gate. Dad was napping, and my mom was off with the kids. Cassidy was working with Niles, which apparently was going well, while Linh and Shelby were training with Fallon.

“House feels as empty as mine,” I said as I sat down. Then, I bit my lip, wondering when I’d started calling it that. At Risa’s glance, I rushed to clarify, “Luke took the dogs, so…” She nodded and silently handed me Collette. I waited several seconds, cuddling the baby, sneaking furtive glances at Risa, and then I sighed. “You’re waiting for me to admit I already know what to do.”

“No,” Risa said with a frown. “I thought you were here about a boy.”

Scarlet slowly rolled up my cheeks, and I ducked my head. “No,” I muttered and cleared my throat. “I put down stasis on my papers.” Risa’s expression didn’t change. “I lied.”

“All these delineations, lines in the sand—shifter, stasis, Riftborn.” Risa waved a hand. “Look at the problems it caused back home. Here, they shouldn’t exist, but if the shifters keep it up, it will. And it will cause the same kinds of problems.” She paused. “We’re all human, honey.”

“I guess,” I said and rubbed my forehead.

“You don’t think you’re human?” Risa asked and laughed. “The Bureau would be happy to hear that.”

"No, I'm human," I said. "I'm just…I don't know. I don’t even know why I did it.” She glanced at me. “Okay, it’s because I’d have to admit the Rift changed me.” The words made my lips feel numb. “And maybe it’s because it would give Cassidy more of a reason to hate me.” I shook my head. “We always said this was all about her, but it was about me, too.” I looked around at the pristine bay, the clouds drifting overhead, and the darker blue hovering around the horizon that made me think of Luke’s eyes. “And it would mean I couldn’t go back.”

“Feel better?” Risa asked.

I laughed and then sobered. “What should I do? Come clean to the family? To Luke?”

Risa gave me a thoughtful look. “I know you like to think the worst of yourself sometimes, Rea, and I understand the impulse, but I think your motives weren’t all selfish. There was a lot of stress and worry getting here. Adding your abilities to the mix might have caused more trouble.” She shrugged. “We’ll never know. Learn from it, and trust you’ll make it right.” She patted my knee as I hugged Collette closer. “You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

Risa’s calm presence calmed down the storm in my soul. We spent the rest of the afternoon together, talking, laughing, and taking turns cuddling Collette. Then I left, deciding to go home early and make something for Luke for dinner. I loitered around for a good hour, waiting to eat, but he never showed up, so I wrapped it up and left it for him.

When I woke the next morning, he was already gone. I did some work, and later, when he came home, he was distracted and busy. Any conversation we had was short and harried.

Over the next week, Luke barely spent five minutes alone with me.

With each passing day, I withdrew more and more, rethinking my plan. More than that, I was mortified by my feelings for him. Maybe he sensed it and was trying not to hurt me by putting space between us. Even still, my chest hurt at night, and only the sight of him lessened that ache.

The misery was such that I got out of the house every chance I got.

But even there, I couldn’t escape him. I’d been taking Drue, Bix, and Gabriel to wilderness training with Rett. Rett, who always made it a point to ask about Luke. I think he was worried his friend hadn’t taken enough time to recover.

This was echoed by Tristan, who’d shown up today and teased me about becoming Luke’s own personal nurse. With the kids watching curiously, I’d dodged that poorly and flushed.

But as Rett began to explain about survival in the woods, with Tristan hanging back with me and chatting, a brilliant idea occurred to me. These were two of Luke’s best friends. Why didn’t I just ask them?

As the kids scampered off to find a water source, Rett came over, grinning and inhaling the air. "Man, I love this stuff." His smile was infectious, and I smiled back. "Uh oh. What're you up to?"

“What?” I asked.

“I swear, you’ve been spending too much time with Luke,” Rett said. “You’ve got that same look in your eye that he gets when he’s plotting.”

For a moment, I was speechless, but then I realized he’d given me an opening. “Not surprising, seeing as we live together.” Tristan and Rett both chuckled. “He’s a good guy.”

“The best,” Rett said and folded his arms.

“Where were you guys stationed in the service?” I asked.

“Oh, all over,” Tristan replied. “Boston, Newport News, San Diego, Seattle, Alaska.”

“Seattle?” I echoed, startled.

“He didn’t mention that?” Tristan asked, and then he caught Rett giving him a warning look. “Ah, well, who wants to talk about the good old days, right?”

“Did something happen in Seattle?” I asked, grasping at straws, and thinking about that emphasized feminine pronoun. “Maybe involving a woman?”

Both of them looked downright alarmed and pulled back, glancing at each other. Meanwhile, my heart sank. I think this woman was important to him.

But wait, didn’t she tell Sarrow where Luke was? Does that mean that she sold out the Northbane boys, or that Sarrow got to her? Or is she in trouble? Is that where Luke’s been?

“He told you about that?” Rett finally asked, dazed. “I’ve never heard him even mention—”

“No, he didn’t,” Tristan said. "Rea, whatever you think it is, believe me, it's not. That was”—he swallowed—“one of the few times I wished I hadn't been right."

Something about Tristan’s tone sent a chill up my spine. “Is Luke going after her?”

“What?” Rett asked and glanced at Tristan. “Is he?”

“No. Rea, you can’t ask us this.” Tristan was gentle and troubled. “This isn’t something you try to fish out of his best friends. If he wants to tell you, then, well, I’ll be shocked—but it’s his call.” He gave me a warning look. “You should know, though, this is heavy shit you’re wading into.”

I suddenly felt immature and foolish, like a high school girl trying to get dirt on someone. Cheeks flushing, I looked down. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“Listen, I know Luke is not easy to deal with. Hell, none of us are,” Rett said in a warm voice, and I lifted my head, smiling a little. “Okay, maybe it goes, like, Xander, Kal, Luke, Tristan, and then me, but trust us when we say, let him come to you on this. If he does. Lotta hurt there.”

She hurt him? I wanted to screech, nostrils flaring and jaw clenching.

Rett and Tristan exchanged amused looks.

“I think Xander was right,” Tristan said lightly. “You are good for him.”

“He said that?” I asked, and they nodded. Warmth suffused my face and chest, so I turned, pretending to shrug it off and look for the kids. But I couldn’t hide the smile on my face.

I hadn’t gotten the information I’d wanted out of Luke’s friends, maybe, but I had gotten something even better.

 

When I got back to the house, my heart was still glowing, and I was doubly in a good mood from hanging out with the kids. The air was warm and light, the buds starting to unfurl on the trees, and the frogs were singing in the woods. Gulls swept overhead, and I watched their silvery wings flash against the early evening sky, a pale wash of blue. My steps were leisurely, unhurried.

In spite of everything that had happened and my worries over Luke, I was finding myself again. The more time I spent here, the more refreshed I felt. My wounds were starting to heal. I let out a long sigh. More than that, I was allowing myself to heal.

When I reached the house, I stood for a moment, overlooking the bay and the mountains. The water was a sparkling array of blues, and a sailboat idled in the distance. Hugging myself, I smiled and let this moment wash over me. When I turned, my smile widened.

Luke had come up behind me. He smiled back, and I let my eyes run over him. The rise and fall of his chest, the easy stance with his hands in his pockets, and the breeze in his hair. His black shirt and jeans, simple and beyond sexy.

I had the sudden urge to dart across the lawn and throw myself against him. For the first time in days, he was fully present and there, the look in his eyes reminiscent of our Belrush trip.

“This place’ll never let you go if you’re not careful,” he suddenly said.

And what about you? I wanted to ask, but my tongue got twisted up.

“Want to have dinner out here?” I asked as I walked over.

Luke looked away, his jaw tight, and my chest hitched. I wished I’d just kept my mouth shut.

“I–I can’t,” he said. “Gotta pack.”

“You’re going somewhere?” I asked and grasped his forearm. The muscles flexed under my fingers, and I jumped back. “Sorry. I’m just worried—you’re healing still.”

“Nah, I’m fine,” Luke said. “I’ll be gone for a week.”

“A week?” I echoed, and I sucked in a breath at how plaintive I sounded.

“Don’t worry, the dogs’ll be here,” Luke said.

“Right,” I said and moved past him, going into the house. “I think I’m going to have a salad. You want one?”

I looked over my shoulder at Luke, who’d followed me to the kitchen. He shook his head. After that brief moment of peace outside, everything felt snuffed and flat. I wished I’d just stayed outside, alone and daydreaming. As I cut up vegetables and washed them, Luke leaned against the far counter, petting the dogs and staring into space.

At first, I tried to ignore him, but after another few minutes passed, I couldn’t take it.

“You’re not eating?” I demanded, and he lifted his head. “You have to eat.”

“I know,” Luke said.

“Is something wrong? Are you feeling all right?” I asked.

He leaned on his hand and sighed. “So many damn questions.”

His tone pinched something low in my gut, and pressure built behind my eyes. Why was I letting him get to me like this? I grabbed a tomato and tried to chop it up to distract myself. But the knife slipped and went across my knuckle.

“Dammit,” I swore, and tears pricked, hot and ready. I turned away and looked around for a clean cloth, but they’d all been used. I went to turn to go upstairs and was met by a wall of muscle.

“What happened?” Luke asked, and I tried to pull my hand away, but he caught my wrist.

“It’s a little cut,” I said. “I just need to go get a bandage.”

“I’ve got a kit down here,” he said.

“You do?” My voice echoed around the room, and he gave me a surprised look. “I apologize, I should’ve known that.”

“Why?” Luke asked and crossed the kitchen to a pair of cabinets. From one, he fished out a metal box and lifted it, then carried it over. I was still trying to come up with an answer. “Rea?”

“I can do it,” I said. “You go eat. Or pack.”

Luke ignored me and opened the box, then nodded at me. “You should wash that. Don’t want to mutate into a giant tomato or anything.”

Nodding, I scurried over to the sink. Not for the first time, gratitude rolled over me that we had something called well water, which meant no electricity was required to get the water into the house. Heating it was another matter, and Luke had rigged up a stove to furnish heat when the generators weren’t running.

Luke came up next to me, his body radiating its own delicious heat, and I worked hard not to lean against him. Once I finished, washing a little longer than necessary, he took my hand.

Rough calluses gently moved over my finger as he held it up and dried it, applying the perfect amount of firm pressure. My breath caught in my chest, and my face began to fire up, but I couldn’t look away.

“Does that hurt?” He’d been looking down at my hand, but now, startling green-blue eyes flicked up to mine.

My lips parted, and I let out a funny noise, then squeaked, “Heh, no, no. Why do you ask?”

“You’re breathing funny,” he said, and my face scorched. “Hey, you don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt.”

“Well, you just got over an injury,” I said. “I don’t want you to think I’m the biggest wimp.”

Luke reached for a bandage, and I watched the tendons in his neck before wrenching my gaze away. I needed to be sedated or something. “You’re the furthest thing from that,” he said and deftly wrapped up my finger. “Now, keep an eye on that. It went deep. And knuckle cuts bleed.”

“Mm-hm,” I said as he held up my hand to inspect his work.

His fingers ghosted up my arm. My breath caught. Audibly. Luke gave me a startled look and pulled back, suddenly tense. For a moment, neither of us said anything.

I had no idea why he’d done that. Was it because he thought he'd hurt me or I would be opposed to it? Or because he knew I hadn't wanted him to let go?

“Thank you,” I said in a rush, and he nodded, moving away from me. “Good thing you were here. Saved me from a dire fate as a tomato.”

Not even a laugh. I’d thought that would at least pull out some of that damn wit.

“Luke, could we—”

“I have to go pack,” he said in a tight and pained voice.

Lips parting, I watched him go, wondering what I’d done this time to cause him pain.

Slumping against the counter, I put my head in my hands, and my finger throbbed. Frustration bubbled up, and it took all of my self-restraint not to go chasing after him.

Luke didn't want to close the distance between us, and I wanted him even more.

Chewing my lip, I looked up, and my eyes fell on the metal first aid kit. I suddenly wondered how many other secrets this house might hold, and my eyes drifted to the ceiling.

Good thing I had a week to find out.