Chapter 18
Morgan
For the first time in over a month, Nate doesn’t meet me outside my door to walk to class together. In fact, he doesn’t show up for class at all. I hope he’s not avoiding me. I’d like to at least tell him goodbye before we leave campus.
I haven’t seen or heard from him since I snapped on Wednesday. I know he has work to do and I don’t want to bother him. I also don’t want to know if he’s circumventing any chance of seeing me.
Today is the last day of class before fall break. I’m driving home tonight and spending the week with my family. At some point, I’ll talk to Alex and finally be free of him.
What a horrible and selfish thought. But he’s become a weight strapped to me. What’s that song? About a brick and drowning slowly? That’s me right now.
I have to believe that if it weren’t for the Nate factor, I wouldn’t be wound so tight. I’d let this situation settle and then deal with it. But I know what’s waiting for me once I do it, so I feel this push to make it happen fast. The more I want to push, the further away it seems to slip.
This is what I get for playing games with Alex, for pretending to be interested in staying with him for so long, just so I wouldn’t be alone for a few months.
Now it’s coming to back to bite me in the ass. It must be my penance. I hope karma and I are square now so I can cut the cord.
I suffer through my classes; my attention span is shorter than ever. I eat lunch alone at our usual table, hoping he’ll show. He doesn’t.
I sit, not eating, contemplating what I should do. If he’s not here, he’s most likely in his room. Should I go to him? It seems dumb to walk in only to say hello and goodbye. Oh, and to inquire if he’s over me and my attitude.
Nate said he understood. I know he’s a patient guy, but maybe lashing out at him did some irreparable damage. Regardless of our relationship status, do I want to risk losing his friendship? No, I don’t, even if it kills me to not feel his arms around me again.
I throw away my untouched meal and grab my backpack. Though eager to see him and make sure we’re okay, my feet move slowly towards the Tau house. Since my belly is so yellow, I’m not looking forward to seeing him if his mood is sour towards me.
When I reach his room, his door is cracked. I can hear fingers typing on a keyboard. I knock and wait.
“Come in,” he says.
I open the door and force a smile. He turns in his chair and smiles back. Though it gives me some relief, I can’t help but notice that it’s his polite smile. Not his I’m-really-happy-to-see-Morgan smile. Those smiles are different. But what did I expect?
Nate
I glance at the clock and see that the day has passed in the blink of an eye. I seem to have found my stride, finally.
“Hey, Monday.”
“Hi,” she says, not moving from the doorway. She looks unsure of herself.
“Come in. Your timing is perfect. I need to take a break.”
She moves to the couch and sits. Her posture is too rigid, too formal. Morgan’s nervous. I try to hide my smile.
I kind of get off on watching her figure things out. Regrettably, I think this puzzle’s going to take a while for her to solve.
I’m usually the epitome of patience. But lately, it’s been running short and no amount of exercise or academic distraction is helping.
“Are you leaving soon?” I ask.
“Yes. I wanted to say goodbye before I left. When are you leaving?”
“Oh, plans changed. Not until tomorrow. I’m going down to The Gorge to camp with a couple of people. We just decided yesterday, so I’ve been holed up in here finishing the book.”
Morgan nods at my computer and says, “Is it finished already?”
“Almost. Should have it done by dinner then it goes off to the editor.”
“Holy shit, Nate. That’s awesome.” Her smile is genuine this time and pushes away some of that dimness hovering over me the past few days.
“Thanks. I had to finish since I won’t have access to technology for the week. That’s why I’ve been glued to this seat. I was up all night. I’m sorry I missed lunch.”
Morgan swats the air, as if waving away my apology.
“No, don’t worry about it. You had stuff to do.”
“True, but Friday is our standing lunch date and I lost track of time.”
Morgan blushes and I want to pull her into my lap. Her hands fidget as she looks everywhere but at me.
“So, The Gorge, huh? That will be fun.”
“Yeah, I haven’t been in over a year. I’m looking forward to unplugging for a while.”
“I’m jealous,” she admits.
“You wanna come?” I offer, knowing she’ll decline. But I’m serious about bringing her if she says yes. I’d love nothing more than to share my small tent with her—and a single sleeping bag.
“Oh, um, I’d love to, but I need to go home.”
“I understand.”
Morgan sighs.
“You have to stop telling me you understand. I have a feeling if I gutted Nugget you’d be like, ‘It’s okay, Morgan, I understand.’”
I raise my eyebrows, amused at her statement.
“Do you not want me to be understanding?”
“I want,” she begins, flexing her palms in front of her, almost like she’s about to defend herself.
“Shit. I don’t know what I want other than to cut myself loose from Alex. And I’d really like to go The Gorge with you.”
Good. We want the same things. I quickly do some mental calculations. I had my next move planned, but with Morgan right in front of me, it makes me question my decision.
She needs support before this trip home. I know it won’t be easy, but this decision must be hers and hers alone. I won’t push or ask her to do anything.
I stand and hold out my hand. She eyes it, for only a second, then takes it. I pull her up and hug her.
“You need to go home, Morgan. As much as I want you to come with me, and as fun as it would be, I’m not sure The Gorge is where you need to be this week.”
“I know. I’m going to deal with Alex. It’s time.”
I squeeze her tighter and kiss the top of her head.
“You’ll be fine. I’d tell you to call me, but my cell won’t work where we’ll be.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” she assures as she lets go and takes a step away. I’m not so sure it’s me she’s trying to convince.
“Drive safe, Monday.”
“You, too.”
Morgan gives me a little salute and turns to leave. For the second time in my life, I do something without thinking and act on pure physical need, just like the last time I kissed her.
I quickly step forward and jerk her around to face me. My lips are on hers in an instant and her body melts into mine. Perfect. She fits against me perfectly.
I hold her still by her ponytail and kiss her hard until we’re both breathless. When I release her, she looks like she’s in a daze. It makes me feel like a goddamned king, being the one to put that look on her face.
“There. Now you can go.”
Morgan snaps out of it and starts laughing.
“Grade. A. Dick.”
Then she grabs her bag, flips me off, and walks out the door. I’m still smiling about it half an hour later.