Chapter Four
Diego
After Julia leaves, I sit in my chair rubbing my forehead. She’s right, of course. I’m acting impulsively when she’s around. All the common sense in the world doesn’t matter as soon as I see her. I stand and walk out to the altar, kneeling before it.
“I throw myself on your mercy, oh Lord. Help me in my time of weakness.” I close my eyes, pressing my forehead on the cold marble floor. “I want her desperately. I want to go to her right now.” I look up at the life size crucifix hanging in front of me. “Did you suffer these temptations of the flesh? Did you love? Did you have to leave her behind to lead your flock?” Part of me expects a lightning bolt to shoot from the sky and strike me down for my failures. The other part hopes there is forgiveness for what I’ve already done. What I may still do. “Do I let her go? The woman I’ve loved my entire life since I understood what love was? Do I throw away spiritual love and fulfillment for the warmth of her arms. Do I give up everything for another kiss?” The church is silent. No response comes. I stand and walk upstairs to my apartment. Alone.
∞∞∞
I stand near the entrance greeting people as they come in to attend mass, surprised when Julia and Erika approach.
“Good morning, Father Montesanto,” Julia says, offering a sweet smile that belies the passion she carries. “How are you this fine Sunday morning?”
“I’m well, child, and you?”
“Wonderful.”
“Good to hear. Erika.”
“Morning, Father.”
They walk past me and I force myself not to follow her. She’s wearing a demure dress with a sweater covering her shoulders, looking almost as young and shy as the fifteen year old girl I met. Once everyone is in, I walk to the front and we being mass. Fortunately for me, we have a guest priest delivering the homily and I can just sit here in my thoughts. As mass progresses, I glance at Julia numerous times who seems to be attentively listening to the homily. Father Ignacio speaks of love and relationships and how sometimes we must sacrifice some part of ourselves for the benefit of the other and the harmony of the relationship. He discusses how romantic love is ordained and designed by a loving God who wants his children to thrive in this challenging world. My eyes shift back to Julia just as she glances at me. She smiles, tucking a lock of her gorgeous hair behind her ear.
Father Ignacio finishes his talk and we begin the process of communion. My breath catches when I see Julia join my line. When she reaches me, she smiles and opens her mouth, extending her tongue to me.
“The body of Christ.” I place the wafer on her tongue and she holds it in her mouth.
“Amen.” She smiles. “Thank you, Father.”
I clear my throat as I hold out the goblet filled with wine. “The blood of Christ.”
She takes a sip as I tip the cup to her. “Amen.”
She bows her head and walks away. I swallow hard taking a moment to compose myself again, even though I can feel my body react to her. I look up and continue my duties. Finally mass is over, and I stand at the door chatting with members of the church. Julia and Erika walk up to me.
“Did you enjoy the service?”
Julia nods. “I thought it was inspired. Almost as if God wanted me to hear it. Or someone.”
“Yes, Father Ignacio always seems to deliver the right message at the right time.”
“Thank you for communion. It’s been such a long time for me, but since I had confession recently I thought it was okay.”
A smile pulls at my lips. “It’s always okay to have communion if you feel called to it.”
“Good to know.”
My eyes shift briefly to Erika who watches us intently. “I suppose I’ll see you both tomorrow at work.”
“We’ll be here.”
“See you then.”
The two women leave and I exhale slowly, before greeting the next in line. I want to chase her down the street, rip off that dress and worship at her feet, but instead I focus my attention on my tasks.
∞∞∞
The next morning when I walk into the church, she’s already there along with several others. Sister Louisa hovers over them, and I realize I don’t have a chance to speak privately with her, so I approach the group and greet them as a whole. I walk to each person studying their work and spending a few minutes talking, but slowly make my way to Julia. She looks up at me and smiles.
“Morning, Father.”
“Morning. How is it going so far?”
“Good I think. Sister Louisa seems pleased. She said she may assign me a bigger section soon.”
“It looks really good.” I step closer observing the fresco. “Almost as if it’s 1541 again.”
“That’s a nice compliment. I studied hard in school. I wanted to be good at this.”
“It paid off. If Sister Louisa is happy, then you’re good.”
“Exactly.” She smiles. “I should focus.”
“Yes, of course.” I walk away taken aback slightly by her businesslike demeanor, but it’s only right considering our surroundings. I spend a few minutes talking to Erika and another man named James before returning to my office. The thought crosses my mind that she’s using reverse psychology on me remaining so cool toward me, but maybe she’s just focused on her work. As I should be too.