Chapter Five
Julia
Four days of forcing my distance from Diego has me going crazy. No calls, no texts, no alone time. I wanted us both to see what being apart would be like, but maybe I’m the only suffering. Maybe that’s the answer he came to. I pack up my things for the day, chatting with everyone, but look up at the shadow above me. Diego!
“Excuse me, Julia, would you have a moment before you leave?”
My heart races. “Yes, Father. Am I in trouble?”
He smiles. “No, not at all.”
I glance at Erika. “I’ll meet you at home.”
“Got it.”
I stand and on shaky legs follow Diego to his office. He closes the door behind me. We stand across from each other, just searching each other’s eyes before he speaks.
“I miss you.”
“You do?”
“I do. Do you miss me?”
“God, yes. Constantly.”
“I thought maybe you didn’t. You seem fine.”
“I wanted to give you space. I told you. I thought maybe you didn’t miss me.”
“I wanted to talk to you before I go.”
“Go?”
“Yes, I’m delivering the homily at a teen retreat tomorrow morning. I’ll be back Saturday morning, but I wanted you to know where I was.”
“Thank you. Where is it at?”
“Bologna. It’s an honor to be asked to speak to young people. They are sometimes the hardest to reach.”
“I imagine.”
Diego takes my hand and pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses the top of my head. “When I get back, will you come over? Can we talk?”
“I don’t know. Have you made a decision?”
“I’ll be honest, Julia. I haven’t. I can’t choose between two things that make me who I am. All I know is I can’t spend any more time away from you. I think I just have to figure it out as we go. If you can be okay with that.”
“I can try. I wish it was easier.”
“Me too.” He kisses my hands. “I’ll be back in just a day, and we’ll go from there.”
I nod. “Okay, Diego.”
He bends down and softly kisses my lips. “See you soon.”
I walk out, feeling sad. Why can’t he just choose me? Why aren’t I important enough? I shake my head. That’s so selfish. It’s not like it’s a regular job. He’s a priest for crying out loud. I’m asking so much, but I don’t see how either of us can go on without the other.
I enter the apartment and collapse on the couch. Erika comes out of the kitchen with iced tea and laughs. “What happened with Father Fire?”
I laugh. “Father Fire? Hilarious.”
“It’s fitting.”
“Yeah. He told me he missed me and he wanted me to know he was going out of town until Saturday morning.”
“And then?”
“And then I left.”
She sits next to me. “How do you feel now?”
I study my friend for a moment. “Can I swear you to secrecy?”
“Dumb question. You know I got you.”
“Yeah, but this is big. Huge.”
“Hit me.”
“We’ve been messing around a little.”
“We?”
“Me and Father Fire.”
Her eyes open wide. “What do you mean? You told me you kissed, but is there more?”
“Yep. The last time we were alone, not counting today, I jacked him off.”
“Wow.” She nods slowly. “Wow.”
“And he did the same to me. Through our clothes, you know.”
“Damn, girl. Now that is fire.”
“Yeah. Every time we’re together, we get a little closer to going over the edge. I think it’s making him feel guilty even though he says it doesn’t.”
“You think you guys will fuck? You’ll fuck a priest?”
“Is it bad that I hope so? I want to.”
“It’s not bad. He’s a priest, but he’s still a man. A really good looking one.”
“Yeah. He said he can’t decide what to do. He doesn’t want to leave the church, but it’s the only way we can be together other than sneaking around.”
“You deserve more than that, Julia.”
“I know. So what do I do? I want to be strong and tell him if he can’t choose me, then we can’t do the stuff we do.”
“But?”
“I can’t stay away, Erika. I tried. I can’t.”
She rubs my shoulder. “My advice is probably going to be pretty scandalous.”
“I can handle it.”
“Instead of backing off and giving him space, I think you need to crank it up.”
“How?”
“Tell him how you feel. Tell him the future you can see. Give him a reason to get off the fence. Push him to decide.”
“If he rejects me?”
“At least you know. If that happens, then you can start healing and move on.”
“I wouldn’t be able to stay here.”
“No. It’s risky, but if you don’t, you’ll just be in this limbo, sneaking around and pushing the envelope.”
“Right.”
“Think about it.”
“I will.”
“Are you hungry? Want to go out and grab a pizza?”
I smile. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
∞∞∞
On Saturday morning, I wake up with much needed clarity. After strongly considering Erika’s advice and everything that’s happened, I know what needs to happen next. For my own sanity it has to happen. I read Diego’s text again inviting me over after confession is over. Perfect.
A few hours later, after throwing on a simple summer dress, I exit my apartment and hurry down to the church. I survey my surroundings, thankful the church is nearly empty. I slip inside the confessional, knowing what I’m about to do. I hear the little door slide open and lean back so he can’t see my face.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
He’s silent for a moment. “What is your sin, child?”
“I am suffering, Father.”
“From?”
“The same problem I always have. Lust. Desire for the forbidden. Nothing eases my pain. Do you know what I can do about it?”
“No.”
“But, Father, aren’t you wise? Don’t you have guidance for me?”
“I cannot offer solace for a condition I also suffer from.”
I sit up, peering into the small opening. “Diego…”
“Julia.” His face is marred by stress as his eyes meet mine. “You should not come to me like this.”
“Like what?”
“Exploiting my mortal weakness for you.”
“I came for guidance. You said you wanted to see me, so I’m here. Now I want to know what you want me to do. Should I leave?”
“I cannot make that decision for you.”
“Make it for you. Do you want me to leave your life again? Tell me to leave and I will.”
His eyes study mine. “And if I tell you to stay?”
“I will stay.”
“I cannot love you the way you deserve.”
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
I consider my options. “May I have a private meeting in your office, Father?” I put my hand on the screen between us. “I have to tell you something important.”
His eyes meet mine again. “Okay.”
We exit the confessional and walk down the long narrow hall to his office. I notice how his robes drag on the floor behind him making him look so regal and noble, and I’m the terrible sinner about to bring him to his knees. I don’t care though. I only care about him.
Inside his office, he turns to face me. “Are you sure you want to talk here? We can have dinner and—”
“No. I want to talk now.”
He nods. “What do you want to tell me?”
“I love you, Diego. I love you.”
He shakes his head. “No, Julia. I’m not worthy of your love.”
“Not worthy? You are the most amazing man I’ve ever met.” I step forward, cupping his face. “I know you love me, Diego. Just tell me.”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know.” Diego paces the space between us, rubbing his forehead. “Diego?”
He looks up, completely distraught. I’m tearing him apart. I thought I could do it, but I can’t. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? You think you’re hurting me?”
“I’m putting so much stress on you.”
He grabs my shoulders. “Why do you think I’m stressed? If I wasn’t conflicted, if you didn’t mean…everything to me it would be easy to tell you to go. I could look you in the eyes and tell you my vows come first. I could say my commitment hasn’t wavered, but it has. You are not hurting me. You are reviving me.”
“Reviving?”
“I’ve been dead for so long.” He closes his eyes. “So long. I suffered too much loss. Too many people left me. Too many people I loved.” His eyes open again, fixing on me. “I loved you, Julia. That day under the tree I fell hard, but you were ripped away. Like my mother. I grew up believing love didn’t matter. Earthly love. Only God’s love was enduring. Only in God could I trust I would not be abandoned.” His hands slide down my arms. “But then you came back. You came back and you remembered me and you looked at me the same way you did ten years ago. And your body called to me, reminding me that I am a man. A mortal. You reminded me that all I ever wanted was to feel loved. And now you stand here telling me with the sweetest voice that you love me. You think you’re hurting me, Julia, but you’re fixing everything that’s ever been broken.”
I step closer, pressing against him. “Kiss me. Please. It’s all I want.”
Diego’s lips part as if to say something, but instead he focuses on my eyes. I can see the question in his- should he or shouldn’t he? The heat radiating between us could start a fire.
“Diego?”
“I’m terrified.”
“Of kissing me?”
“Of not being able to stop.”
“Then don’t. Kiss me until you can’t anymore. Kiss me until our lips are chapped and sore. Kiss me until you know without a doubt that it’s right and good and there is love here.”
“And then?”
“And then we’ll figure it out.” I tilt my head up to his. “Kiss me.”
In one swift motion, his arms wrap around my waist and pull me into him as his lips come down on mine. My hands move into his hair, feeding the craving I constantly have since the moment I saw his face again a month ago. His body is warm, his mouth hot. His grip, moving down my body to my ass, is firm and desperate, just like his kiss. I press my hips into his, feeling his desire press against my thighs. When his lips move to my neck, I throw my head back, inviting him to continue.
“Julia,” he whispers with his deep husky voice.
“Yes, my love?”
His eyes meet mine. “I am your love, aren’t I? You love me?”
“With all that I am.” I brush my fingers across his cheek. “Since I was just a girl.” I take his hand and place it over my heart. “But I’m not a girl anymore, Diego.”
“No.” He swallows hard. “No, you’re not.” His eyes hungrily roam my body. “You are definitely a woman.”
“Your woman.”
Diego drags his hand down my bodice, barely grazing my breast. I moan softly from the too brief touch. When his eyes meet mine again, it’s like witnessing an explosion. He grabs the top of my dress and with both hands rips it open, sending the delicate pearl buttons scattering across the floor. I gasp, both from the shock and pure erotic excitement of it. Before I can recover, Diego’s mouth finds my cleavage as he buries his face between my breasts, his strong grip kneading them through my bra. He’s breathing hard, like a starving man who just found food. I hold his head to me, lost in the sensation of his teeth grazing my hardened nipples through the material. He tugs a strap down, revealing my flesh, and briefly gazes at them before plunging in again. He sucks and bites and kneads as though he can’t get enough.
I reach down trying to find an opening to his cassock, fumbling over the buttons until I’m successful, only to be met with his slacks beneath. His lips continue to assault my breasts, my neck, my mouth as Diego moans against my lips. I tear at the buttons of his slacks, freeing the beast contained beneath. He wears nothing under his clothes and my hand finds his erection quickly. He exhales sharply, increasing the intensity of his kiss, until I tear myself away enough to slide to my knees. Gazing up at him, he cups my chin, whispering my name.
“This is my altar, Father.”
I slide my mouth over his amazing cock, thrilled to finally have it, see it, touch it. Diego throws his head back in pleasure as he buries his fingers in my hair, encouraging me to suck him deeper into my mouth. I do my best, lost in the pleasure and sensation of his pulsating flesh down my throat. Diego’s moans sound like heaven to me, more beautiful than all the church bells in Rome.
Suddenly, he pulls away and lifts my arm, twisting me around and pressing me against his desk. He tugs at my dress as we kiss, and I help him get it off. Diego moves to my stomach and without completely pulling my panties off, presses his mouth between my legs.
“Julia. Fuck.”
I’m shocked by his sudden swearing, but even more turned on. He yanks the panties to the side baring my nakedness to him. He stares for a moment, dragging a finger over it, before diving straight in. His tongue, god his tongue, goes straight for my clit, sending electric shock waves through my body. He is loud, moaning and sucking. The noise he makes is such a turn on, I might come just from the sound of it. He opens my legs as wide as possible, gripping one breast as he gorges himself between my legs.
“Oooh, Diego…ooooh shit.”
“Come for me, Julia. I need it.”
“Keep doing that. Suck my clit.”
“Like this?” He sucks so hard I feel lightheaded. When his fingers join the party, I arch my back, trying to get as much of him as possible.
“Yes! Ooooh yes! I’m gonna come, Diego. Now!”
The impact of my orgasm leaves me breathless. I lie, eyes closed, breathing hard on his desk, but when I open them, Diego is watching me, stroking his impressive cock.
“Make love to me.”
“Yes?” He removes the rest of his clothes, letting them fall to the floor.
“Yes, please, Diego. I need to feel you inside of me.”
He says nothing, but moves closer to enter me, slowing pushing inside. Our eyes are locked together and we both know without words, this changes everything. We can never go back. His vows are broken. He is mine now.
Diego begins to move, slowly at first, but then his fiery passion takes over and I’m being pounded on this beautiful old desk. Diego buries his face in the crook of my neck, whispering how amazing I feel, how beautiful I am, how lucky he is. I want him to tell me he loves me. Now. Today. Not ten years ago under a tree.
“Diego,” I whisper. “Tell me how you feel. Please. I need to hear it.”
He’s silent, only his heavy breathing making a sound. I wrap my legs and arms around him, holding him as tightly as possible, opening my body to him, feeling him sink even deeper. I know he’s close to the edge. I can feel his body stiffening, his pace quickening, the muscles in his arms and back straining. He lifts his head, our eyes meeting, his hair falling over his face. The moment his orgasm hits, he exhales sharply as a groan escapes his lips. He keeps his eyes on mine as the aftershocks ripple through us both.
I reach up and cup his cheek. “Diego?”
“I love you, Julia.” His voice is so soft it’s barely audible. “I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved. I’ve loved you almost all my life, and I love you now. I think I will love you until I die.”
“Oh, Diego. That’s beautiful.”
“It’s true. I love you enough to break the only vows I ever made. I don’t know what’s next, but I know without a doubt that I am the happiest I’ve ever been right now in this moment with you.”
I rise up enough to kiss his gorgeous mouth. “I love you. Forever, Diego.”
A smile barely pulls at his lips. “Forever. That would be amazing.” He pulls out of me and we both wince. I look down to see our shared orgasms trickle down my leg. “Ah shit.”
“What?” I drag my finger through it. “You like seeing this?”
“Yeah.”
I suck my finger into my mouth as he releases a soft groan. “I like it too.”
“Come upstairs. Stay with me.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
∞∞∞
Hours later, I lie my head on Diego’s chest, completely spent from exploring each other’s bodies. His breath is soft, but I know he’s awake since he’s stroking my hair. I twist my head to gaze up at him.
“Is that the first time you’ve had sex in seven years?”
“Five. That’s how long I’ve been a priest.”
“What was it like?”
“Worth waiting five years.” He shifts slightly. “It was even better than the numerous fantasies I’ve had.”
“Me too.”
Diego’s hand slides down my body and rests between my legs. “You are amazing. Your mouth, your tits, your pussy.” My eyes open wide as a giggle escapes my lips. “What?”
“You just said pussy. And tits.”
Diego grins. “I did. You think because I’m a priest, I don’t know those words anymore?”
“You barely swear so it’s a big shift.”
“Lying here with you I feel released. Unrestricted from all the expectations my work places on me. If you were my priest, I would confess to you the things that run through my mind.”
“I am your priest, Diego. My body is your altar. My pussy your sacrament.”
Diego grips my neck and kisses me hard. “I am in awe of you.”
“Tell me your secrets. Tell me the things you tell no one.”
He plays with my fingers for a few silent moments. “In my head, I’m the same Diego I always was. I’m the kid that snuck out to hook up. I had a fake ID to get into bars and drink. I did my share of drugs. I fucked a lot.”
I nod as he continues.
“The day I met you I was really out of control. My aunt couldn’t wait until I turned eighteen to get rid of me, but I did her one better and took off at seventeen. I took what little was left of my mom’s insurance policy she left me, and I came to Rome. I was so lost, Julia. I didn’t know what to do with my life, but for some reason I thought coming to Italy would give me answers. I would wake up and work odd jobs to get money and food. I seduced a lot of women to have a place to sleep at night.” He smiles. “One day I saw a woman that looked like you from afar. I ran up to her convinced it was you, but of course it wasn’t. It made me realize how much I still wanted you and what I felt like I lost even though I knew you for such a short time. I always thought you were meant for me, but I didn’t deserve you and that’s why you were taken away.”
“Oh, Diego.”
“One night after many nights of just too much partying, I woke up getting my ass beat by the husband of the woman I just fucked. I was so drunk I didn’t even know where I was. I stumbled away and wound up in front of a church. I fell asleep there and in the morning, a man helped me inside and offered me coffee. I told him everything and I cried.” His eyes meet mine. “I didn’t realize I was so wounded until the tears started pouring. I couldn’t stop.” I rub his back as my eyes well with tears. “The man with me, Cristof, told me he could help. He could offer me solace that would blow my mind. He could offer me unconditional love and mercy. At first I thought he was offering something I wasn’t interested in.” I laugh softly. “But then he started telling me about God and the church and how if I was lost, I could find a home here. I could find love here like no other. A love that would never abandon me, no matter what, because it could never die. If I committed myself to God, I would never die. In that moment, Julia, it sounded like everything I ever wanted. It sounded like what I needed. So I followed him to the seminary, and I signed over my life to God.”
“That’s intense.”
“Yeah. In the beginning, I felt renewed. I felt clean. All the bad stuff was gone. No more women, or drugs, or getting shit faced drunk. It felt good.”
“I bet.”
He twists his fingers through mine. “Now for my confession.”
“You’ve been with other women?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Only you since I took my vows, but it is about you.”
“Okay.”
“About two years ago, something changed. I woke up one morning, dripping in sweat. I had a nightmare. You were standing in front of me. I could see you and hear you, but you couldn’t see me. You couldn’t hear me calling your name. I tried to touch you, but you disappeared right before my eyes.”
“Oh my god.”
“I went straight to the library and searched your name. I spent hours that day looking for you. I found all your social media, and I read every single and looked at every single picture. I would just stare at your face.” My mouth falls open. “I knew it wasn’t healthy, so I tried to block you out, but it didn’t work. I was obsessed with thoughts of you. It was like the first time all over again. I realized that the emptiness I was trying to fill with my work, wasn’t gone yet. I still longed for you.” He looks away for just a moment. “It took some time, but I learned you were attending university in New York. When I found out your major was in art history, I…” He exhales slowly. “I, um…”
“What? What did you do?”
“I went to the board overseeing the restoration we had here. We planned it for a year from now, but I convinced them to move it up. Then I submitted a recommendation with your name on it.”
My eyes open wide. “What?”
“I lied and told them I had heard good things about your abilities. I wanted to do anything I could to see you again, so I made sure you got the invitation to work here. It wasn’t coincidence we met again. It was me.”
My mind shifts back to the moment my professor called me in the room and told me about the opportunity. “They said a few select students from our program were invited, and I never even stopped to consider how. I was so excited. How did Erika get invited?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the board looked at several students after I submitted your name. It’s a very good program in the US.”
“It is.” I gaze back at him. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I felt dishonest and slightly stalkerish. I wasn’t sure how it would be when you saw me again. I didn’t know if you would remember me or care. I didn’t know if you had a man in your life. Then I saw you and…” He shakes his head. “I couldn’t think of anything else. Only that you were here. I hope you can forgive me.”
I tilt my head. “Forgive you for what? For wanting me in your life bad enough to do all of that? There’s nothing to forgive, Diego. That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”
He reaches up and strokes my cheek. “I love you, Julia. I always have.”
“I’m so glad.” I lie down and snuggle against him. “What do we do now?”
“Sleep. We’ll make hard decisions later. Right now I just want to be a regular man in love with a spectacular woman. In the morning, I want to pray at my altar before I let you go again.”
“Are you delivering mass tomorrow?”
“Yes. Will you be in the audience?”
“Do you want me there?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll be there.” I kiss his cheek. “Not sure how I’m getting home since you ruined my dress.”
He laughs. “We’ll come up with something. Sleep well, my angel.”
“You too.”
∞∞∞
I wait three rings for Erika to pick up. “Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Hey. Where are you?”
“Diego’s. Can you do me a favor and bring clothes and my toothbrush?”
“Clothes and a toothbrush? I take it you have an update.”
“Oh yeah. Can you be here soon? We need to do mass.”
Erika laughs. “Mass? Are you serious?”
“Yep, then we’ll grab food. How’s that sound?”
“I’ll be there. Where’s Diego’s?”
“Above the church. Come around back and knock on the door.”
“Oh boy, this should be good.”
“It is. See you soon.”
I hang up and come out of the bedroom to find Diego lying in bed with his arms crossed behind his head and his massive cock proudly erect. “Morning, angel. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I asked Erika to bring me clothes.”
“She’ll keep your confidence?”
“Absolutely. She’s the one that encouraged me to push us to this level.”
“That was your plan when you came to me in confession?”
“Yep. I couldn’t take it anymore, Diego.”
“I’m glad.” He strokes his cock. “Can you take any more of this?”
“I sure can.” I climb in the bed and into his arms. He kisses me but quickly moves down my body and in between my legs. When his tongue finds my clit, I moan from the sensation it causes. I twist my fingers in his hair, grinding my pussy on his face. The scratchiness of his beard sends me over the edge as I fuck his tongue with all I’ve got.
He moves up to my mouth, kissing me hard. “That was always my favorite part.”
“Eating a girl out?”
“Fucking her with my tongue and bringing her to orgasm. It’s especially great with you. Your whole body clenches and your moans are more beautiful than a thousand choirs.”
I grin, running my hand over my breast. “So romantic.”
“Inspired.”
“Inspired enough to slide that beast inside me again?”
“Without hesitation.”
Thirty minutes later, I climb out of the shower and dry myself when Diego walks in the bathroom. “Erika is in the living room. I’ll leave you. I have to prepare.”
“I’ll see you in an hour.”
He walks over and kisses me sweetly. “Don’t ever forget how I feel about you.”
“Never.”
He pinches my chin. “See you soon.”
“Bye.”
I wrap a towel around my body and walk out to meet Erika who’s standing at a bookcase. “Hey, girl.”
She turns around. “Hey.” She grins. “So? What happened?”
“Do I have a story for you.”
“I’m all ears.” She hands me a bag. “I take it some shit went down?”
“I took your advice. I showed up and told him I loved him and I knew he loved me too.”
“Whoa.” She sits on the edge of the bed. “And?”
“He ripped my clothes off in his office and nailed me on his desk.”
“In the church?!”
“Shhh.” I look around even though we’re alone. “Yes, in the church.”
“You naughty girl.”
I laugh. “I know. It was so hot.”
“Was he good?”
“Amazing.”
She laughs, falling back in the bed. “This is awesome. You fucked a priest.”
“I did.” I drop the towel and put my panties and bra on. “And again this morning.”
“Mmm, I’m so jealous. Does he go down?”
“Yep. That beard is delicious.”
“Bitch.”
I laugh. “Yeah.”
“And now we have to sit in mass?”
“He asked me to attend.”
“Fine. What now?”
“No clue. Ball’s in his court.”
“Julia.”
“What?”
“You fucked a priest.”
“I’m going to hell.”
“If you believe in that shit, which I don’t for the record.”
“Same and if I’m wrong, it was worth it.”
Erika stands and gives me a fist bump. “Nice. Now let’s go act like good Catholic girls.”
“And then food before I die.”
We file downstairs and look around before exiting and then walk around the front and join the others filing into the church. Diego stands at the front like he always does, looking priestly and composed in his vestments as though he didn’t have his face between my legs this morning. We walk up the stairs and I offer a smile.
“Morning, Father.”
His eyes search mine for a moment too long. “Good morning, ladies. It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”
“The best. I can’t wait to hear your inspired message for us.”
“Hopefully it will bring you some peace.”
“I’m already quite at peace, as I hope you are.”
“Perfectly.”
“Good.”
We finish walking inside and Erika grabs my arm. “It’s like so tense between the two of you. Good tense, like you’re just going to tear each other up any second. It’s kind of hot to witness.”
“So it’s not my imagination?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “It was tangible.”
We find our seats and wait for all the pomp and ritual to begin. I should feel guilty for seducing him, but I don’t. I don’t buy into the whole celibacy thing at all. Why can’t he marry and have a family like other men can? Why can’t he love a woman and love God? I don’t get it.
After a few songs and prayers, Diego walks to the altar. He stands before us, silent and commanding. When he opens his mouth, I’m startled for a moment when he starts in Italian, but then remember where we’re at.
“Today I want to tackle a topic we all battle from time to time, even priests.” He gazes around the room. “The topic is guilt.”
My brow furrows. I thought he said he was at peace.
“We all grew up believing we should feel guilty when we fail or slip. You come to confession and tell me all your misdeeds and ask for penance, and sometimes even though you have been absolved and received God’s mercy, you tell me that the guilt lingers.” He paces slowly in front of us. “Priests suffer too. We fail and slip at times. We are just as human and mortal as you are. We experience jealousy, insecurity, and yes, at times, lust.”
I hear a few soft gasps before he continues.
“You are surprised? Why? The only perfect human is our Lord who lives in heaven. Anyone walking around right now struggles with the same human emotions as you do. I am not immune.”
My heart sinks a bit. Is this his passive aggressive way of telling me he’s struggling?
“I’ve been thinking a lot on the topic lately. I’ve devoted my prayers and this week’s message to this topic because, children, I want to lift this burden from your shoulders.”
I perk up a bit.
“I want you to know in your heart that you are more loved than you could ever know, and you are forgiven for your faults and weaknesses. When you examine your conscience and come before your Lord, He showers His mercy over you and wants only your happiness. He doesn’t want you walking around beating yourself up. He gives His love for this reason.” Diego’s eyes meet mine for a moment. “I was faced recently with a situation that caused me to examine my own conscience. I felt guilt and even some shame for my weakness, but after much prayer and meditation, I believe, as I want you to believe, that many of the things that come our way in life, that seem to be a challenge, were really sent to bless us. Even if it seems the opposite of a blessing, or if it seems that it could go against your Lord’s desires, if you stop and look, you may realize that it is everything it should be and it was meant for you. You may know you will be judged by people around you, but their judgement is not your concern. If you feel some guilt, examine your conscience, pray, seek reconciliation and counseling to guide your thoughts. If you’ve done all those things and find that you are wrong, walk away and repent, but if you know that what you are doing is right and good, then release your guilt.”
Diego moves on to the remainder of the service and as communion begins, I sit in my seat stunned by his message. Erika squeezes my hand and smiles. “He loves you.”
I nod. “I know.”
“I have a good feeling it’s going to work out.”
I shift my eyes back to Diego as he delivers communion. I sure hope so.
∞∞∞
After mass, Erika and I walk down the cobbled streets toward the main piazza. As we turn the corner, my phone rings in my handbag.
“Hello?”
“It’s me. Where are you?”
“Piazza Santa Croce. We’re starving.”
“Can I meet you?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
“Okay.” I hang up and look over to Erika. “Father Fire is joining us.”
“Want me to bail?”
“No. Not at all. We need to catch up anyway. Other than work, we’ve been missing each other.”
“Yeah. I better tell you something juicy before the priest shows up.”
I laugh. “He’s hardly in a position to judge.”
“Ah. True.”
We find a bench and sit down. “What’s up?”
“Well…” Erika nods looking around the piazza. “I’ve been having some fun.”
“What kind of fun?”
“Dancing. Nightclubs. A few cute boys.”
“Yeah? Anything promising?”
“Nah. Just fun. After this project is complete, I want to be free to go wherever the next one is, you know?”
“In eighteen months.”
Erika laughs. “I’m twenty-five. I should be screwing every hot guy in Italy right now.”
“Sure. Just be safe.”
“Always.” She twists a lock of her now dark brown hair around her finger. “So, I did kind of want to tell you something that happened.”
“Okay.”
“I, um, participated in a little orgy last weekend.”
My eyes open wide. “An orgy? Are you serious?”
“I mean, I guess that’s what you call it. There were a bunch of us. Like ten I think.”
“Ten people?”
“Yeah. I was at this club talking to this woman. She was sitting by herself, and so I sat next to her. She looked American and I was right. We started talking and drinking and then her man shows up. He hangs out for a while and he’s like kissing on her and groping her and she’s just like fine with it. She met him here.”
“Uh huh.”
“After a little while, they asked if I wanted to go to a party with them. I was feeling it, so I said yes. We go to this house and when we walk inside, it was clear what was going down.”
“And? You were cool with that?”
She shrugs. “Why not? It’s an experience right?”
“I guess so.”
“So I started with the couple I met and then we were all in a room just going at it. Men, women, just a mass of tangled bodies getting it on.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I had my first girl on girl experience.”
My mouth drops open. “Dang, girl. Did you like it?”
She twists her lips for a second. “I’m not sure. I was kind of drunk and super turned on so everything was awesome, you know?”
“I get that.”
“I don’t know if it would’ve been the same one on one.”
“Will you do it again?”
“A big group?” I nod. “No, I don’t think so. I just think before I settle down and get married someday, I want to have done it all. No questions left.”
I think for a second. “You went down on a girl?”
Erika throws her head back in laughter. “Sure did. Several of them.”
“I don’t think I could do that.”
“I didn’t think I could either, but in the moment, I was all about it.”
“I guess if a guy can do it, a girl can too.”
“Oh yeah, there were guys totally sucking off other guys.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah and they weren’t gay. I mean, not entirely. They were both, you know.”
“I guess everybody kind of was.”
“Yeah. So that’s what I’ve been up to.” We both laugh, but stop when Diego approaches. “Don’t you dare tell him.”
“I would never. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Same.”
“Good thing. PS- what’s with the t-shirt and jeans?”
“He does that.”
“Fire.”
I just laugh.
“Hi, ladies.”
“Father,” Erika says. “Nice service today.”
“Thank you.” He bows slightly. “I hope the message was inspired. My muse visited last night. I hope she’s proud.”
I smile. “She is.”
“Good. I thought the three of us could have a nice meal like normal people do.”
“Normal people?”
“Yes, Julia, normal people. Like you and Erika. I want to remember what life is like outside the walls of a church.”
“I understand. What should we talk about?”
“Art. The beautiful weather. What you do whenever you’re not with me. Erika could certainly share what she does for fun.”
She practically chokes as she starts to cough.
“Are you okay?”
I laugh. “She’s fine. I don’t think she’s ready for confession.”
“Ah.” Diego laughs. “Well, luckily I’m off duty.”
Erika looks up smiling. “I’ll keep that in mind, Father.”
“Diego. Call me Diego.”
“Sure.”
Diego claps his hands together once. “I know a great place at the other side of the piazza that makes the absolute best carbonara in town. How’s that sound?”
I stand and smile. “Fantastic.”
“I’m game.”
The three of us stroll down the street as Diego greets every person who passes. We get more than a few lingered glances, and I can only imagine what it would be like if Erika wasn’t with us.
“Julia says you cook?”
Diego nods. “I do. A priest’s life practically demands it although I’m almost always invited to dine with a family in town. I accept a few periodically just to stay approachable.”
“Do women ever come on to you?”
I shoot her a look. “Erika.”
“It’s a legit question. He’s single, he’s a priest, he’s young and he’s good looking.”
Diego chuckles. “It’s okay, Julia. It’s happened a few times, but fortunately not too often. It’s easy to decline advances when you have an out like mine.”
“I bet. The ultimate cock block.”
I shake my head. “No filter.”
Diego smiles. “I like your honesty. It’s refreshing. A lot of people censor themselves around me. I understand why obviously, but it’s nice to be around people that are real.”
“Oh, Erika’s real alright.”
“Stop.” She gives me a look before she starts laughing.
“Private joke?”
I shake my head. “No, let’s just say Erika’s living la dolce vita while we’re here.”
“She should. She’s young.”
“Yeah, I’m young.”
“Do you counsel people to stay abstinent until marriage?” I ask. “I mean, that’s the church’s teaching.”
Diego nods. “I cater my counseling to the situation. If a very young person comes to me with doubts and concerns about it, I might caution them to wait for marriage. If an older person comes who’s in a relationship, I may just help them do some soul searching to make the best choice for them.” He smiles. “I will say that my approach to church doctrine is progressive and somewhat unconventional.”
Erika grins. “Which totally makes sense all things considered.”
I shake my head at her. “Anyway, I bet people appreciate your approach.”
“I want people to feel loved and accepted by the church. Not judged for being human. I believe we alienate people sometimes.”
“Yeah,” Erika starts. “We have a friend back at home. He’s from a huge Hispanic family. They’re deeply religious and he was into it. Completely devout, but at nineteen he came out.” Diego nods. “Family flipped. Dragged him to the priest, who treated him like he was possessed. They tried to make him go to counseling. It was terrible.”
I nod. “I remember that.”
“He ended up bitter and depressed. Almost committed suicide, but his boyfriend saved him. He left the church, obviously, but it broke his heart. He felt like they turned on him.”
“I’m sorry that happened to your friend.”
“Have you counseled anyone who was gay?”
“Numerous times.” He smiles. “Again, it depends on what’s going on. Young, single people are a different discussion than a priest or a married man.”
“Sure. Your job must be kind of hard, but also cool.”
“That’s a good way to describe it.”
We finish our walk to the restaurant and after we’re seated and order our wine, the three of us sit in silence for a moment.
“What do you want to do in Italy that you haven’t yet?”
I glance up at Diego’s question to me. “A ton of stuff. I haven’t seen much at all. I’d love to go Florence even though I studied abroad there two summers ago. It would be nice to see it again with fresh eyes.”
“Anywhere else?”
“Rome, of course. The Vatican.”
Erika sips her water. “Have you been there?”
He nods. “Several times.”
“Have you met the Pope?”
“Several times.”
“So cool.” She looks at me. “Isn’t that cool?”
“Yeah. It’s a world none of us can possibly understand.”
Diego looks down at his glass briefly. “It’s very different from a secular life. Everything we do is scripted, ordained, structured. The expectations can be confining, but you have to focus on why you’re doing it.”
Erika studies his face, and I just know an invasive question is coming. “Why do you do it? Isn’t it hard? I mean, especially now with Julia.”
“It is hard sometimes, yes.” He smiles. “Especially now.” He takes a drink of water. “I’ll tell you both a secret.”
Erika nods glancing at me. “Tell us.”
“There are many priests, and nuns too, who have relationships. Some even have children. It’s not uncommon at all.”
“Well, yeah we’ve all heard about the scandals.”
“God, Erika.”
“What, Julia? If we can’t talk to Diego about it, who can we talk to?”
“No, she’s right. It’s okay. I’ve been asked lots of times about priests and inappropriate behavior. I was talking about consensual relationships between adults.”
Erika nods. “Oh. Really?”
“Really. I took a class on counseling my peers who may seek help in this regard. It’s a dirty little secret that isn’t well kept within our community.”
“So what you two are doing—”
“Jesus, Erika. Can you be more crass?”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s not like I didn’t come to his apartment this morning with clothes for you. Don’t act so shocked.”
“We’re in public. Can you try to be a little more discreet?”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just super curious about all of this.”
“Tell you what. Why don’t I have the both of you over for dinner one night soon and you can ask anything you want?”
“Really?” She looks at me. “Is that cool?”
“Of course.”
“Good. We’ll plan a time.” Diego focuses on me. “For now, let’s just enjoy lunch, and then if my luck holds out, I can visit with you later alone.”
Erika leans across the table. “You mean nail her again.”
I shake my head while Diego just laughs.
∞∞∞
Lying on my couch reading a book, my mind shifts to Diego. In a few hours, I should be able to see him, but I can’t seem to wait. An idea hits me that brings a smile to my face. I’ll surprise him. I run and take a quick shower, put on a dress, and run my fingers through my hair leaving it in waves. Satisfied with my appearance, I leave to go to the church.
When I arrive, I walk in slowly, making sure he doesn’t see me. Standing in the back near the entrance, I watch Diego preparing for confession service. He’s wearing his cassock, which drives me wild. It’s so wrong to be turned on by his priest attire, but I can’t help it. He looks so good. He’s not aware of me as he slips inside the booth. I only have a few minutes until the faithful begin filing in to receive their penance, so I walk quietly to the front. Standing at the booth’s door, I exhale slowly and twist the handle. Diego looks up at me in surprise.
“Julia. What are you doing in here?”
I don’t say a word as I close the door behind me. The space is small but big enough for what I have planned. Diego’s eyes question me as I slide down to my knees. Without words, I begin to unbutton his cassock.
He puts his hand over mine. “Julia?”
“I came to serve you, Father.” He only groans in response as I finish my task and reveal his already rock hard cock. “To worship at my altar.” I stroke him slowly, fixing my eyes on his. “I’m your angel, Diego. Here for your pleasure.”
He says nothing, but strokes my hair as I suck him into my mouth. I focus on my task as quietly as possible aware of the people entering the sanctuary. It shouldn’t turn me on, but I feel like I’m about to explode. When I gaze up at Diego, he’s watching me intently, his chest heavy with breath. After a few minutes, I stand, straddling him and slowly unbutton the front of my dress. He hungrily gropes me, sucking my hardened nipples into his hot mouth as I grind my hips into his. He grips my ass, pulling me closer.
“Take your panties off,” he whispers in my ear.
I climb off his lap just long enough to get the material off, then I press them into his hand as I mount him once again. I rub against him as I guide him inside me. We both exhale sharply. He feels like paradise.
“You’re so…” Diego grips my neck. “So good. You feel so good.”
I cup his face, kissing his mouth as I bounce slowly up and down on his amazing cock. My hands find his hair as his find my breasts, squeezing and kneading like he does. I throw my head back, lost in the pleasure and sheer taboo of what we’re doing right now.
“Stand up,” he commands.
I stand, balancing myself on his shoulders as he buries his face between my legs, licking me as if I’m his last meal. After a minute of this, I slide back on his cock. We both freeze when the door on the other side opens and closes.
“Shit.” My eyes meet his as I try to get away, but Diego holds me close.
“Shhh,” he whispers. “We’re not done.”
A smile pulls at my lips as I continue my grind and Diego does the unbelievable. He slides open the little door over the screen, pulling me close and out of eyesight.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” the female voice says in Italian. “It has been one week since my last confession.”
He reaches between us and rubs my clit. “Tell me your sin, child.”
Oh god! A ripple of unadulterated pleasure shoots through my core. I grip Diego’s shoulders and increase the speed, riding his cock with all I’ve got as Diego listens to the woman’s perceived sins. I can hear her voice, but I’m focused on what’s happening between us and staying as silent as possible as I finish unbuttoning his clothes. Draped around his neck are several rosaries, one with a large crucifix hanging from it.
With a glimmer in his eyes, Diego moves his fingers from my clit to my mouth, slowing his motions to a slow grind as I taste myself. I press myself against his chest, lifting the rosaries over my shoulder.
“Did you ask your sister for forgiveness for arguing with her?” Diego carries on his task as if nothing unusual is happening. His voice is steady, comforting, but his eyes are filled with passion for me.
“I did, Father, but I have so much guilt.”
“You must ask the Lord for mercy and forgiveness so that you may forgive yourself.”
Diego counsels the woman, not missing a beat as he fucks me so hard all I can do is suck his fingers to remain quiet. I bite down on them, coaxing a smile from his lips. The woman begins her absolution prayer as he gazes at me, pulling my neck down to kiss me hard. His strong arm wraps around my waist and then he lets loose, driving his cock so deeply I have to bite my lip to prevent screaming as his hand covers my mouth. I worry the slapping sound our bodies make is audible to the woman, but not enough to stop. We fuck this way, our bodies grinding together, our eyes locked. His brow creases and I know he’s close.
“Tell me when,” I whisper.
“The Lord has freed you from your sins. Go in peace.”
“Thank you, Father.”
Diego gazes up at me. “Now.”
“Now?” The woman on the other side repeats.
Diego can barely speak as I climb off and get on my knees. “You can go, child.” The door on the other side opens and closes as I continue stroking him until he explodes in my hand. I close my mouth over his cock, swallowing every drop as I pump his load out. His eyes widen as he watches me, then he slumps back against the wall. After a moment to catch my breath, I stand and collect myself, slowly buttoning my dress. Diego stands and tucks his cock away. We’re so close our chests are nearly touching.
He cups my face and leans down to kiss my mouth softly. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
“I will not ask for forgiveness. I do not regret what I just did. Do you?”
“You will come to me tonight and we will discuss your penance.”
A smile pulls at my lips. “What is my sin, Father?”
“You are a temptress.”
“I didn’t tempt you. I gave you complete access. Always.”
He kisses me softly. “You are a dream, Julia. My dream.” He kisses me one more time. “I must work now. Come back to me tonight.”
“I will.”
His thumb brushes over my bottom lip. “Be careful as you leave.”
“Of course.”
I open the door, surveying the area before quietly slipping out. As I turn to leave I bump into Sister Louisa. I’ve never seen her here on the weekend.
“Hello, Sister.”
“Hello, Julia. Did you have your reconciliation?”
“Uh, yes.” Something like that.
“Good. It’s nice to see young people attending.”
“Yeah. I’ve never seen you here on the weekend. Do you live nearby?”
“Yes, just up on the hill. I usually attend mass with my convent sisters.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“Yes. I stopped by just to check in on the restoration. It’s coming along well.”
“I’m happy you’re pleased.”
“Will you be staying in our little town when it’s over?”
I half shrug. “Not sure what my plans are yet. My job sort of takes me where I’m needed.”
“Ah, yes, like a spiritual life. If Father Montesanto was called to another church, certainly he would go, although he would be terribly missed here.”
“Does that happen often?”
“It happens more lately in smaller towns where the population is aging. We’re lucky enough here to have a university nearby, but we still struggle to have young men enter the priesthood. Father Montesanto’s youth is refreshing.”
“I bet.”
“One would think a woman my age prefers a more conservative approach, but I’m very concerned about young people today. I want the church to stay as approachable as possible. I want them to feel welcomed and accepted here.”
“That makes sense.”
“Perhaps they may even seek to become a nun or a priest.”
“I think it would help if they could get married.”
Sister Louisa’s eyebrows shoot up. “I’m afraid that perspective is probably still too progressive.”
“Probably, but…” I pause, considering my words. “I don’t understand why you can’t love God and a person.”
She nods. “Yes, this is a challenging concept for many.”
“What do you think?”
She offers a slight smile. “I think romantic love is a distraction. I think caring for a family and tending to a relationship take us away from serving God if we are in the clergy.”
I nod. “Yeah, I can see that I guess.”
“I chose this life and I do not regret it, but I was never tempted by love. I went to the convent at just fifteen. I was never romanced by a boy. I did not hold hands or write love notes or any of those things.” She glances around the church for a moment. “But I am an old woman, and life is different now.”
“For you?”
“No, not for me. For young people. At fifteen, they already know so much more about the world than I ever did.”
“True. I had my first kiss at fifteen.”
Sister Louisa smiles. “I would not have known what to do if a boy tried to kiss me at that age.”
I laugh softly. “It’s kind of neat though, that you knew from a young age what you wanted to do and you did it.”
“Yes.”
We’re both silent for a moment. “Well, I should go.”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I know you and Father Montesanto share a special friendship.”
“Yes.”
“Do be careful. This is a small town full of gossips.”
My brow creases. “What do you mean?”
“While the time you spend together may be completely innocent, you must take care how it looks to others. For Father Montesanto’s sake.”
I nod slowly. “I understand.”
“Good.” She smiles again. “If you need to talk about anything, perhaps things you don’t want to share with Father Montesanto, you can always come to me for counsel.”
“Oh, thank you, Sister. I’m okay.” I glance at the confessional as Diego steps out. “Have you seen anything that makes you concerned?”
“I don’t concern myself with things that don’t affect me. You are an intelligent woman and Father Montesanto is also very smart. Whatever the nature of your relationship is or isn’t, is between the two of you and God. I only warn you because whispers travel fast. I haven’t heard any yet, but the amount of togetherness you two share is bound to raise an eyebrow at some point. You’re both young and attractive people. You have a history. It would be easy for someone to assume something more than friendship exists.”
“Right. I get it.”
“I knew you would. I’ll see you on Monday?”
“Yes, Sister. Thank you for chatting.”
“My pleasure.”
She walks away and I exhale slowly. Maybe we’re not a slick as we think we are. Back at home, I text Diego the conversation I had with Sister Louisa and my phone rings.
“Hi.”
“Are you okay?”
“Oh yeah, I’m totally fine. I think she was being kind and concerned for us.”
“That would make sense. She’s always been kind. Stern, but kind. Like a mother to me when I need it.”
“That’s how she came across. Like a mother. I don’t want you to get in trouble over me, Diego.”
“Neither of us want that, so we just have to be more careful.”
“Are you worried?”
“No. I’ll tell you what I am though.”
“What?”
“Ready for you. When are you coming back?”
“When you tell me it’s time.”
“Come at six. The entire town will be distracted.”
“Why?”
“There’s a futbol game at the university. No one will be out.”
“Come to your place?”
“Come to the church. Meet me in the sanctuary.”
A twinge of excitement shoots through me. “Yes, Father.”
He laughs softly. “Don’t be worried about anything. Bring your fears and concerns to me and lie them at my feet. I will take care of you, Angel. Always.”
“I will take care of you too.”
“You already do. In some ways, I think you always have. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Should I wear anything special?”
“Clothing will be the last of your concerns. Where whatever you want.”
I exhale slowly. “I’m looking forward to my penance.”
“So am I, Angel.”
We hang up and I lie back on the sofa with a huge grin on my face. My phone rings startling me.
“Katie!”
“Hey, sis. How’s it going?”
“Good. Great, actually. How are you?”
“Things are good. I was just flipping channels and this movie comes on about a priest and I thought of you.” She laughs. “Sorry, but it’s true.”
I laugh too. “Funny, I just got off the phone with a priest.”
“Yeah? So you two are hanging out?”
“Yeah.” I bite my lip. “Sister secret time.”
“Ooh. Okay.”
“We had sex.”
“What?!?” She shrieks so loud it hurts my ear. “Julia Nicolette! You had sex with a priest?”
“I had sex with Diego. A few times. A lot actually.”
“Wow. He had no problem with that?”
“It was difficult at first. We tried to avoid it, but the attraction between us in insane. One day we just ending up, you know, doing stuff, and then it just progressed.”
“This is shocking, Julia. What now?”
“I don’t know. We’re just figuring out things as we go.”
“You’re dating a priest?”
“I guess.”
“Mom and dad would shit their pants.”
“Which is why mom and dad will never find out.”
“How you gonna pull that off if this keeps up?”
“If it keeps up, something major will change. He can’t stay a priest and be in a relationship long term.”
“So he’s gonna quit being a priest for you?” Her voice is nearly yelling now.
“Calm down, Katie. We’re not there yet. This literally just started, and we have a lot to figure out still. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
She exhales slowly. “Okay, fair, but you like him?”
My eyes immediately well with tears. “Katie…”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I’m in love with him.”
“Oh damn. Really?”
“And he’s in love with me. He said he always has been since that day we met.”
“But that was just for a little while ten years ago.”
“He’s the reason I’m here. He looked me up years ago and followed my life, and when he found out I was studying to become a restorer, he recommended me for this project. He brought us back together.”
“That’s incredible.”
“I know. He never forgot me or stopped thinking about me at all. He told me he thought if there was any way I would be back in his life, he doesn’t know he would’ve become a priest.”
“I don’t know how to feel. I’m worried for you. What if he can’t leave it behind, you know? And you get your heart broken.”
“But what if he can? What if he’s the love of my life. Do you remember when we went to our cousin Christina’s wedding last summer?”
“Of course.”
“Do you remember what the priest said? The scripture he quoted?”
“Most definitely not.”
“I do. He said ‘therefore what God has brought together, let no man separate’. I remember it because I thought it was so sweet. Like you get married and no one can tear it apart.”
“Okay. This applies how?”
“Maybe we were brought together for a reason. A good reason, and no one can tear us apart. Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.”
“That’s a stretch.”
“I don’t think it is. Just look at everything. I became an art historian. That professor planted the idea and I loved it. It led me to a church in Italy where Diego is a priest. If that’s not predesigned, what is?”
“You already admitted Diego orchestrated that.”
“Exactly my point. He never stopped thinking of me, and I didn’t stop thinking of him either. He could’ve looked me up and I was a vet or in law school or a hairdresser, whatever. Our paths were connected all this time.”
“Well, okay, that’s kind of a point.”
“If you could feel the connection between us, you would know. Erika even said it was tangible. He loves me, Katie.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “Listen, I’m your big sister, and I’ll always love and support you no matter what. I want you to be delirious with happiness and if that’s with Diego, that’s great, but you guys have tough decisions to make. You can’t marry a priest or have kids or live a normal life.”
“I know.”
“And our parents would die.”
“I know. Hopefully it won’t come up.”
She laughs. “How did the two of you meet up again? Oh, at church? Where he was a priest, but he’s not now because you fell in love. Should be fine, sis.”
“Ugh. Awkward.”
“Just a bit.”
“Here’s the thing though. I don’t care what they think. They don’t control me anymore. Dad already tore me away from Diego once, and he’s not doing it again. If he doesn’t accept it, then he’ll lose me.”
“That’s how it’s gotta be. His oppression has been overbearing for too long. We’re grown women and we can make our own choices.”
“Exactly.”
“At least you know you got me.”
“That’s all the family I need.”
“What about the dreams?”
My mouth falls open. “I almost forgot. I haven’t had one since…” A smile pulls at my lips. “Since he told me he loved me.”
“I don’t know if I think it’s cool or creepy.”
“Maybe deep in my subconscious, I needed someone to love me, and the dreams are that desire for me. Maybe when Diego told me he loved me, it all stopped because what I was looking for was found.”
“But you’re not the one chasing. He is.”
“True.”
“So I vote creepy that somehow you can dream about what Diego needs.”
I scrunch my nose. “Yeah. Creepy. Hopefully the dreams are over for good.”
“Let’s hope. I’ll call next week for an update.”
“Perfect. Thanks for calling. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
After hanging up, I glance at the clock on the wall. Just a couple of hours now. I think a nice hot bath will relax me and get me ready for whatever my sexy priest has planned for me.
When it’s time, I walk down the street to the church, noticing how quiet the streets are. Diego was right. It’s damn near deserted. I pass two older woman, strolling slowly. I smile, but they both look at me with suspicion. Maybe or maybe I’m just feeling self-conscious because I know where I’m going. When I reach my destination, I look up at the imposing doors before walking up the steps and slipping inside.
It’s quiet and somber as it always is. I look around, but don’t see Diego, so I walk slowly to the front where the altar is. Staring up at the big crucifix, I pause to consider my emotions. Do I feel guilty? After a moment the answer is clear. No. I only feel excitement and hope.
“Julia?”
I twist around at the sound of his voice, surprised to see him still wearing his cassock. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He steps closer to me. “Thank you for coming.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Do you remember why you’re here?”
“Oh yes, Father. My penance.”
“For?”
“Fucking you in the confessional.”
Diego grins. “Exactly, child.” He pinches my chin. “Wait here on your knees. I need to lock up the church. We must ensure we are uninterrupted.”
I swallow hard. “Yes, Father.”
His dress shoes clicking on the marble floors is the only sound echoing in the room. I sink to my knees, waiting dutifully for his return. As he comes back, I swear I saw him lick his lips.
“I’m looking forward to this, Julia. Are you?”
“Yes, Father.”
“Do you know why we do penance?”
“I’m sure I’ve forgotten.”
He nods, circling me, as he lifts my hair and lets it fall through his fingers. “It is to help you overcome your selfishness.”
“When I have been selfish?”
“Today.”
“It was only partially a selfish act, Father. I wanted to give you pleasure.”
He steps back enough so I can see his face and smiles. “So you aren’t sorry for what you did?”
“Nope, but if you think I deserve punishment, then you should give it to me.”
“I’m going to give it to you. Stand up and remove your dress.”
I glance around me. “Here?”
“We’re alone. No one can enter. All the doors are locked. It’s just you and me.”
“Are you going to fuck me in here?”
A smile tugs at his lips. “You’ll see. First, you’ll perform your penance for me.”
“Okay.” I stand up and pull my dress over my head, tossing it to the floor.
“Panties and bra too.”
I nod, complying with his instructions. I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a fire. “Like this, Father?”
“Just like that.” He removes several rosaries from around his neck and places them around mine. “You look very beautiful adorned like this, Angel. Completely submissive before me. Entirely at my mercy.”
“Always, Father.”
“Now, for your punishment.”
I swear a gush of liquid just pooled between my legs. “Okay.”
Diego walks to my left and sits in the chair he sits in for mass. “Come to me.” I walk to him and stand waiting for instructions. My eyes shift up and watch him as he pulls his stole from around his neck. “Lie across my lap, face down.”
“Yes, Father.” My breath catches when he uses the stole to bind my wrists. “How does that feel?”
“Good. Tight.”
Diego rubs his hand over my bare ass. “You have amazing skin. It’s so pretty and flawless. You truly are my angel.” When his hand comes down on my skin, I blink rapidly from the shock and sensation of it. “How many of these do you think you deserve?”
“As many as you think is enough, Father.”
He spanks me again and I gasp. He leans close to my ear. “Is it too much?”
“Does it please you, Father?”
“Yes.” His voice is hoarse, causing me to smile.
“I can handle it.”
His hand comes down again, harder this time. The rosaries around my neck clank as they hit the floor every time his hand makes contact. He continues spanking me, rubbing my flesh in between swats. I moan when he shoves his tongue between my ass cheeks, licking my entrance until I’m squirming in his lap. His fingers slide inside my pussy and he pumps hard and fast. I cry his name, but he shushes me, kissing the top of my head.
“You’re handling this so well, Angel. I’m proud of you.”
“Oooh, Father…please.”
“Please what?”
“I need you.”
“You have me.”
“I need your dick.”
Diego flips me up and sets me down on the floor. I breathe hard, gazing up at him, feeling the sting left behind on my ass. I can see his erection jutting out from his cassock. He unbuttons it slowly, revealing first his chest, then his taut abs, then the prize. I rise to my knees, crawling to him to lick the underside of his cock.
Diego reaches down and cups my chin, lifting my face to his. “What can I do to you tonight?”
“Whatever you want. I am yours.”
“Open your mouth.”
I do as he says, nearly gagging when his shoves his cock in my mouth. He clutches the rosaries and twists his fingers in my hair, fucking my mouth as hard and fast as when he fucks the rest of me. I struggle to keep up, but do my best, wanting to please him. He pulls out giving me a moment to catch my breath.
“Too much?”
I shake my head. “This is my communion, Father.”
“Oh fuck, Julia. Seriously?”
“I only need you to sustain me.” I lick his cock again. “I want you to choke me on this thing and come so hard it spills down my face.”
He stares hard at me for a moment before pulling my arm so that I’m lying back against the carpeted stairs that lead to the altar. He straddles my face, sliding his engorged cock in my mouth again. His knees are bent to allow him to reach my tits, which he squeezes almost to the point of pain but not quite.
“Oh fuck. Julia. Fuck.” Diego’s body tenses, and he grips the front of my neck, holding my head steady as he pumps his load down my throat. I purposely let some spill from my lips, sliding down my face and onto my neck. Diego drops to his knees in front of me, kissing me hard. “You’re so fucking incredible.” Before I can say anything, he shoves me backward and buries his face between my legs. He sucks my clit and crams several fingers in me, pushing my legs up as high as they’ll go. “I can’t stop. I can’t get enough.” His words are muffled since he’s saying them with his mouth still latched to my pussy. “Fuck my face, Angel. Grind. Get off in my mouth. I need it.”
“Holy shit.”
He looks up for a moment. “Can you suck your own tits? Can you reach them?”
I smile slightly. “A little.”
“Do it, please.” He unties my wrists. “Let me see.”
I lift one to my mouth and flick my tongue over my nipple. Diego groans in response, still sucking my clit as he watches me. I do it to the other one, stopping only when Diego moves up and kisses my mouth. He pulls away, sitting on the marble floor, but still holding my legs up by the ankle. “Do you know how fucking gorgeous you are? How perfect?”
I shake my head. “No. Show me.”
He spreads my legs open. “Look at this.” I lift my head. “Fucking beautiful pussy and it tastes like… I don’t even know. Nothing else exists like this.
I reach down and drag my fingers over it. “Are you gonna fuck it?”
“Stand up.” I clamor to my feet and Diego takes my wrist and leads me to the altar. “Bend over and hold on.”
“Oh fuck.”
When I feel the tip of Diego’s dick pressing into me, I spread my legs as far as they’ll go. He slides in and goes right at me, fucking me so hard the entire altar shakes. I prop my leg up to allow even more access and cry out when he goes even deeper. He grips my shoulder, pounding into me, murmuring my name and calling me angel. I glance over my shoulder to watch him, eyes closed, hair tousled about, muscles flexed. He looks like he’s in ecstasy, and it makes me so happy. I’m doing this for him.
Diego grabs my waist and twists me around. “Wrap your legs around me. I won’t let you fall.”
I nod, lifting up enough to get my legs around his waist. He drives his cock into me again, bracing us against the altar behind me. He fixes those gorgeous blues on me, holding my gaze while he fucks me within in an inch of my life.
“Are you gonna come for me, Father?” Diego’s eyes open wide. “Are you gonna fill me up?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Oh yes. I want it so bad.” I reach down and lift my nipple to my mouth again and he bends his head to join me. He bites and sucks my flesh. It’s almost shocking how aggressive he is considering how mild his demeanor normally is.
“So good, Julia. Your pussy…”
“It’s just for you, Diego. All of me is just for you.”
His brow creases as he grips my waist, grinding his hips into mine. He exhales sharply, slumping into me, and holding me so tightly, it’s hard to breathe. After a moment he releases me, but slides to his knees. Gazing up at me, he presses his thumb on my clit and kisses my thigh. I drag my fingers through his hair believing it’s over, but Diego shows me I’m wrong when he pulls me close and locks his mouth over my clit. I arch my back, grinding into his face and lifting one leg over his shoulder. His tongue swirls over my throbbing nub until I scream out, clawing his shoulders and shaking from the intensity of my orgasm. Diego loosens his grip slightly as I gaze down at him, breathing hard.
“Julia…” It’s a whisper.
“Yes?”
“This… you… you are my altar. I worship at your feet.”
“Oh, Diego.” I cup his chin. “You beautiful man.”
“I love you.” His eyes tear up. “I love you so much.”
“I know.” I bend forward and kiss him sweetly. “I know and I love you. I can’t be without anymore.”
He shakes his head. “No, we can’t be apart. You’re part of me.” I sit down next to him, pulling his hands into mine. “I realized something today. Something important.”
“What?”
“After you left me I was in my office and I was examining how I felt about what we did.”
“In the confessional?”
“Yes. For five years the most important thing in my life was this.” He looks around the church. “I didn’t have anything else. I didn’t have anyone.” I nod, stroking his hand. “I cannot tell you how many times I prayed that I could somehow see you again.” I brush my fingers over his cheek. “When I was struggling with drugs and partying and no direction in life, sometimes I would wonder how it all could’ve been different if something happened with us. If you hadn’t been torn away from me that day. I was so angry. I felt like no one in this world wanted me or loved me.”
“But I did.”
“You did.” A tear streaks down his cheek. “I didn’t know it, but you did. When you first came back, I thought why now. Why when I can’t have her, and I was angry again. But now I understand.”
“What?”
“It all had to be this way. I wasn’t prepared to be a man at sixteen. You were just a girl. We weren’t ready.”
“No.”
“I had to go through the shit I went through so that I could become something good. So that I had purpose and I cleaned up my life.”
“You did.”
“You grew up and had your life experiences. We’re ready now.”
“I think so, but your purpose…” I wipe his cheek. “I’m taking that away again.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “No, Julia. You’ve just strengthened it. My purpose is you. My devotion is to you. My life is for you.”
“Diego…”
“I believe in God, and I believe He is good and merciful and just.” I nod. “I don’t believe that He would give you to me twice only to tear you away again. I believe you came to me when I was just a boy so that I would become a man. Something inside of me knew I had to get my life together for you. I believe you came back to me so I could be your man.”
“What does this mean?”
“It means I’m ready now. I want to live my life with you openly. I want all the things romantic love is. I won’t lose my second chance.”
My tears fall freely now. “Are you sure you won’t resent me? You love being a priest.”
“My love for you exceeds everything. I could never be happy now without you. Look at what I’ve done. I made love to you in this sacred place because to me, our love is sacred. I’m not ashamed. I will never resent you for being everything I’ve ever wanted. If you accept me, I am yours, Julia.”
I openly sob and Diego pulls me into his arms. He strokes my back, rocking me back and forth. We sit like this for several minutes, until I can calm down. When I look up, his eyes are still glossy.
“I accept you.”
Diego exhales slowly. “That’s good.” We both laugh. “I’m going to seek advice on how to handle this with grace and integrity. Together we’ll figure out our future.”
“I’m proud of you, Diego. I know this is probably the hardest decision you’ve ever made.”
“It’s not. It’s easy. I have you and I don’t need anything else. I can’t promise you a life of luxury. I don’t know what I’ll do for a living after this, but I know we’ll make it work.”
“I don’t care about money. We’ll always have enough.”
“We will.”
“You’re a wonderful priest, Diego. You’ll be missed here.”
“I just fucked my girl on the altar of my church. Not so wonderful maybe.” He winks. “But I do believe in redemption. I don’t know if God judges me for what we did here. In some ways, I think sexual pleasure is a gift from Him.”
“Can I be honest?”
“Of course.”
“I think a lot of this stuff is…” I twist my lips. “I don’t want to be disrespectful, but a lot of the rules and beliefs people follow were just created by men in power to keep us in line.”
“I know you believe that, but these things can be comforting for people in need. It was for me.”
“I get that, but I don’t feel bad for what we did here. It’s a beautiful room. If you truly believe in God, then He’s everywhere, right? He’s upstairs in your apartment, He’s in mine, He’s in the nightclub down the street, He’s in the brothel. What difference does it make?”
Diego smiles. “It doesn’t. That’s why I don’t feel bad. I don’t think you and I are so far apart in our beliefs.”
“Maybe not. It’s just that my parents are die hard Catholics, but my father could never show us any affection or warmth. He could never be kind. All he did was push and push, but he sat in that front row every Sunday presenting us as the perfect family when Katie and I were miserable.”
“Happens a lot. Not everyone lives the word even though they might believe it.”
“Yeah, well it’s hypocritical and it makes me sick. I don’t think my mother is happy but she stays because she’s a Catholic and she’s submissive. She let him push us around. He pushes her around too.”
“But he was never abusive?”
“No. Just cold.” I look down at our entwined hands. “They adopted Katie because my mother was told she couldn’t have children, but then a year after they got her, she was pregnant with me. You would think they would’ve treasured us, but it’s like they had kids because that’s what married people do.”
“More common than it should be.”
“Right. Anyway, their forced religion down our throats was ridiculous. They never kissed or laughed or hardly even talked. I still remember when we walked into that reunion he told us to act like we were polite. That’s what it was. An act.”
“I should’ve fought for you, but I wasn’t brave enough then.”
“No, you were right what you said. Everything had to happen the way it did.”
Diego nods, then gazes into my eyes. “Want to go up to my room and talk until the sun comes up?”
“Talk?” I wiggle my eyebrows. “Is my penance over so soon?”
“You have nothing else to be punished for.”
“I’m sure I could come up with something, Father.”
Diego laughs. “I like the way you think.”
∞∞∞
I roll over but the space beside me is empty. When I sit up, Diego is entering the room carrying two mugs.
“Caffé, angelo mio.”
“Grazie, padre.”
“Hmm, I think I like it when you speak Italian.”
“I definitely like it when you do.”
“I have mass in a bit.”
“Yeah. I think I’ll skip it this week if that’s okay.”
“Of course.”
“I want to support you, but I don’t want to be a hypocrite.”
“Because of what we do together?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Because I don’t buy into it.”
“Fair.” He sits on the edge of the bed and hands me a mug as he kisses me. “It’s early.”
“I’ll go before people see me.”
“Or you can stay here.”
“It’s okay. I’d like to spend some time with Erika.”
“Okay.”
“Will you come visit later?”
“Would you like me to?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I will.”
“Okay then.” I sip my coffee. “You smell good. I like your body wash.”
“Thank you.” He pulls open his robe, revealing his body. “Freshly shaved.”
My eyes go directly to his cock. “Lie down.”
His eyebrow goes up? “Why?”
“I have something I want to do.”
“Okay.”
“Trust me?”
“Completely.”
“Good.” I set my coffee on the nightstand and take his mug as he lies down on the bed. Rising to my knees, I climb between his legs and then push them up so that his knees are near his ears.
“What are you doing, Julia?”
“Worshipping.” I bed down and drag my tongue between his legs all the way along his crack and back up again. He exhales sharply. “Good?”
“Oh shit.”
“You like it?”
“It’s fucking fantastic.”
I grin. “First time?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Mmm, well, enjoy then, Father.”
I bury my face again, sucking his balls, licking his entrance and dragging my tongue up and down his shaft. I spread his legs and push my tongue inside of him and the low moan he releases causing a swoosh of heat between my legs. I move up, sucking his cock into my mouth, but fingering his opening. Diego breathes hard, holding his legs under his knees and slowly grinding against my mouth. I roll over onto my back.
“Father?”
He sits up. “What?”
“Fuck my mouth.”
“Jesus, woman.”
“Please.”
Diego straddles my face and drags his balls over my face so I can lick his asshole again. I spread his cheeks, tickling him, before sucking and licking the rest of him. When I open my eyes, he’s gazing down at me with hooded eyes. I prop myself up a little so I can get more of him in my mouth and he goes at me as soon as I do, furiously fucking my mouth. He grips my shoulders to steady himself, sliding his cock in and out, in and out.
“You’re so hot, Julia. So fucking hot.”
I pull my head back. “I need you to come so hard, Father. I need it all over me.”
He shakes his head without saying anything, but intensifies his actions. I slide down enough to get to his ass again, and he helps me by lifting a leg. “Fuck!”
“Mmm, so good.”
Diego strokes his cock while I eat his ass. When his leg muscles tense, I know what’s coming so I stretch back so he can release all over me. He comes hard, shooting warm liquid straight out. It showers down on me, my face, my hair, my chest. He looks down at me, rubbing his cum into my tits with the head of is cock.
“You are out of this world.”
I smile. “So you liked it?”
“Liked it? I’ve never come so hard in my life. I don’t want to know how you learned to do that, but I’m glad you did. That was phenomenal.”
“I can’t tell you how hot it is to watch you get off.”
He grins, pulling me upright by the wrist. “I’ll repay the favor later. Count on it.”
“Ooh, you’ll eat my asshole, Father.”
He shakes his head. “You are something else. So demure and sweet on the surface, and a dirty talking fuck machine under it.”
“I feel inspired. I’ve held back a lot in life trying to be the good girl, but always falling short anyway.”
“What’s changed?”
“I only want to be good for you. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks.”
Diego smiles. “You are beyond good. You are perfection. You are everything I could’ve dreamed of and more. I’ve been starved for years, Julia. I am…” He shakes his head.
“What?”
“When we talk of being hungry in the priesthood, we say that we can be spiritually fed and that is enough. That will fill the holes we bear.”
I nod. “I’ve heard that.”
“I thought it was true until I experienced you. I was starving, but you’re feeding me.”
“Is it enough to fill the holes?”
Diego leans in close, cupping my face. “More than enough, Julia.”
∞∞∞
Back at my apartment, I finish my bath and then join Erika in the living room.
“Whatcha doing?”
She looks up and smiles. “Watching Pretty Woman in Italian. Wanna join me?”
“Hell yeah.”
I plop on the couch next to her. “How was last night?” A hot flush comes over me as soon as I hear her question. “Oh shit, you’re blushing. What happened?”
Do I tell her? “Uh, you know, the usual stuff.”
She nods. “Like? I want details after that reaction.”
I’m dying to tell someone. “We, uh, he…um…”
Erika laughs. “It must be good.”
“He made me strip down and he spanked me.”
“Ooh.”
After he used his scarf to bound my arms.”
“Oh wow.”
“And hung rosaries around my neck.”
“Holy shit, girl.”
“In the sanctuary.”
Her eyes open wide. “You’re lying!”
“No. Then he fucked me on the altar.”
“You dirty bitch.”
“I know.” I grin. “It was fucking awesome.”
“Seriously that is the hottest thing I have ever heard. He’s living up to his Father Fire moniker.”
“It was amazing.”
“He turned you into an altar and then he fucked the shit out of you.”
“Pretty much.” I rub my forehead. “He…”
“What?”
“Can I be graphic?”
“Hell, yeah, girl, it’s me.”
“He was gripping my neck and pulling my hair and fucking my mouth so hard I almost choked.”
Erika falls back on the couch giggling. “And then?”
“Ate me out on the steps. And then dragged me to the altar and bent me over.”
“That is some shit.”
“Yeah. But then we talked and he said he can’t be without me anymore. He’s going to figure out how to leave gracefully.”
Her mouth falls open. “Oh, Julia. Really? He’s gonna quit for you?”
I nod as tears fall. “Yeah.” I wipe my face. “It was a perfect night.” I laugh. “And then I ate his ass out this morning.”
She pulls her head back. “You did not?”
“I did. I wanted to.”
“How did he react?”
“I blew his mind.”
“Hope you blew the rest of him too.”
I laugh. “I did. It was epic.”
“You’re epic. I had no idea you had that in you.”
“Me neither. I feel very free with him.”
“Clearly.” She gets off the couch and kneels before me. “I’m not worthy. All I do is have weekend orgies.”
“Get up.” We both laugh as she sits next to me again.
“On that note, want to skip the movie and grab some lunch?”
“Sounds good.”