Dear Santa, What the heck man?! Help me out here...

Being dumped on Christmas Eve wasn’t something Aidan had experienced before and it was not something he would recommend. It had been a long time since he’d cried real tears, and even though no tears actually leaked out, he felt them stinging the backs of his eyes the whole drive back to his place. He did not want things to end with Shae.

When he got back to his apartment, he did his best not to get too down on himself before he went to bed. Purposely skipping over the bottles of booze lining the top of his fridge, he queued up episodes of a new cartoon on Netflix to keep his mind off the fact that he was now alone and pretty heartbroken. Shae didn’t need space. She need to not be with him. It wasn’t hard to get that message.

He understood. He really did. She’d been in a rough relationship and it had ended badly, but Aidan also knew what she wasn’t saying. He knew what the problem really was. He had fallen for Shae, hard, and he didn’t think she missed the effort he was putting in to make her happy and comfortable. He was pretty sure that’s what sent her heading for the hills. He’d come on too strong, made himself too comfortable with her friends and family. They hadn’t even discussed any relationship terms and he was in full boyfriend mode.

He knew it was a big deal to introduce someone new to the people closest to you and Aidan should have asked Shae how she wanted to handle it before he was all hands on at the party. He was drawn to Shae. He loved being near her, he loved touching her, but like his sister said, two people need to be happy in a relationship. Shae had been tense all night and instead of checking with her early on, he waited until the last second to see if she was okay. He got it. He’d fucked up. Shae wasn’t ready to go where he wanted to take the relationship and he needed to accept that. It still fucking sucked. He was missing her already.

When he woke up in the morning, he was glad to find that his gym was actually open. He went to work out and then grabbed a big breakfast. He powered through video chats with his sister’s family and his parents, grateful as fuck that his sister was too caught up in carting kids around an amusement park to ask about Shae. He thought he was doing okay until he met up with Matt outside the movie theater later that day.

“Ho ho ho, homie. Merry Christmas,” Matt said as they briefly clasped hands and went in for the one-armed back pat.

“Thanks. Merry Christmas”

“Talia will be here in a few. She’s parking.”

“Cool.”

“How’s my favorite baker doing?”

“Ah, good I guess,” Aidan said with a shrug. “She kinda dumped me last night.”

“Shit man, what happened?”

Aidan shook his head. “Don’t really want to get into it because I’m pretty fucked up about it. We’re just not really doing the whole ‘us’ thing anymore. She called it off.”

“Sorry, bro. I’ll boycott Sweet Creams for two weeks.”

“I appreciate that loyalty and dedication,” Aidan said with an empty chuckle. “You don’t have to boycott Sweet Creams at all. She’s doing what’s best for her and I think your business keeps their lights on.”

“Okay, good. Two weeks is too long. Still sucks though. You haven’t been this into anyone since Heather and you were pretty into her. I could tell you liked this girl. I saw you texting her all the time.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty into her. I’ll get over it. Don’t really have a choice.” Aidan looked over at his buddy as he gave him a firm pat on the shoulder.

“I am sorry.”

“Thanks, man.”

Just then, the top of Talia appeared as she rode up the escalator.

“Are you boys ready to Star Wars?” she said, bobbing her head to the left and right. She walked right into Matt’s arms and gave him a quick hug then moved over to Aidan.

“Aidan got dumped. We gotta cheer him up.”

“Oh no!” Talia said as she stepped back. “Are strip clubs open on Christmas day?”

“I’m not going to a strip club with you!” Matt said.

“Who said you were invited?” Talia joked. “Come on, Aidan. All the candy and popcorn you can handle, on us.” She looped her arm through his and tugged him toward the theater entrance. He didn’t feel any better about losing Shae as they settled in to watch the interplanetary battle between good and evil, but at least he wasn’t alone. He just hoped that, in time, he’d get over Shae and move on.

Shae had survived Christmas day, just barely. Her parents’ house was packed with her brothers and their wives and children, cousins and their children, aunts and uncles, including Daniel and Keira and her parents. She hadn’t told Keira what happened with Aidan. After she stopped weeping in Daniel’s office, she’d cleaned herself up and came up with the pathetic excuse that she had to head out to help her mom get a jump on desserts. Keira knew something was wrong, but she didn’t press.

That morning she’d texted asking Keira not to breathe a word about Aidan in front of her parents. She’d explain later. Keira understood as was evident by the zipped lip emoji she’d sent back. Shae made it through the opening of a ton of presents, two and a half meals and an impromptu kitchen dance party. Now she was sprawled out on her childhood bed, hiding from the noise downstairs. She stared at the plastic stars on the ceiling that had stopped glowing in the dark years ago.

She didn’t make a sound, but fat tears wouldn’t stop running down the sides of her face.

“Shae?” Keira’s voice was accompanied by a knock on the door. “It’s just me.”

“Yeah, come on in.” She cleared her throat, then sat up as Keira cracked open the door. She came inside and started looking around in awe. The room was a bit of a late nineties time capsule. “What’s going on downstairs?”

“Same old. Our dads are teaching Daniel how to play Spades.”

“Oh god.”

“Yeah it’s gonna be a mess. I love that your room is exactly the same. My mom keeps telling me to come pick up my crap.”

“Well duh, she needs a karaoke room.”

Keira laughed and made herself comfortable at the foot of the bed. She grabbed an old stuffed panda of Shae’s and pulled it into her lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She looked at the ceiling again for a moment, trying to will herself to not cry even harder. It didn’t work. She swallowed a few times so she could at least talk. “I broke up with Aidan last night.”

“I figured something happened.”

Shae pulled out her phone and pulled up the picture Erica had taken of them under the mistletoe. She handed it over to Keira.

“Oh my god, this is so cute. What happened?”

“Well, I had another panic attack and I figure if I’m having so many Aidan-related panic attacks, that can’t be good.”

Keira winced and Shae could tell she was picking her next words carefully. “Do you know what exactly is triggering the panic attacks?”

“Yeah,” Shae finally admitted out loud. “I was really starting to like him.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“The last time I liked someone they—”

“Oh man. Come here.” Keira shuffled to the middle of the bed and pulled Shae into her arms.

“When Harvin and I split, I remember Mom asked me one day what I wanted her to do with our wedding photos and there was just—there was something in her voice and I know she didn’t mean it, but it made me feel like she was so disappointed me. Like I had it all and I somehow blew it. I know I didn’t. That was all Harvin’s fault—”

“Darn tootin’!” Keira said and they both started laughing. Shae pulled back and wiped her face. “Harvin...messed up a good thing. He messed it up real bad.”

“When I got on MATCHED, all I was thinking about was just getting back out there. Test the waters, try some guys out. See what I even like in a guy who isn’t Harvin. I wasn’t expecting Aidan. I mean, I may have prayed to Santa and Frosty and Mrs. Claus for a good guy, but I didn’t expect them to deliver someone so right on the nose, wrapped up in a perfect ginger bow. God, he’s hot.”

“Did he do anything—”

“Nope.” Another massive lump lodged in Shae’s throat. It forced even more tears to stream down her face. “He was great. Sweet, attentive, patient. Fantastic in bed. He loves my baking. His coworker pumps a quarter of a million dollars into Sweet Creams weekly. I just—I freaked out. When Erica took that picture of us last night all I could think about was how it was all going to end and I was going to have to get rid of more pictures of yet another guy that I couldn’t hold on to.”

“So you pulled the old ‘dump him before he can dump you’ move.”

“Oh god. I really did.”

Keira reached out and took Shae’s hand. “Listen, you can’t stop someone from being a jerk. But it doesn’t sound like Aidan’s a jerk. He sounds pretty great and like he likes you a whole lot. I mean, we only hung out with him last night, but he looks at you like he’s caught each and every feeling for you. And he is pretty darn nice. Daniel and I both really liked him.”

“I like him so much, Keira. I think about him all the time. I want to text him all the time and that makes me so anxious. There’s no way he likes me that much. No way. I just can’t picture it.”

“Shae. You’ve met me. You’ve met Daniel. Sometimes really sweet, hot guys just like weird girls like us. They can’t help it. We’re so cute.”

“We are pretty cute.”

“What do you want to do? Do you want another chance with him?”

“Yeah, I think I do. I’ll take a few days and maybe after the wedding I’ll text him and pray he doesn’t hate me. I just—I have to get this Harvin baggage out of my head. It’s like weeds growing on everything. ”

“I’ll help you in any way I can. Bring my emotional weed wacker and everything.”

Shae finally smiled. “Thank you.”

“Can we stay up here for at least another hour?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Good. If one more person gives me one more suggestion about what I should do about a wedding that is literally six days away, I’m going to elope.”

“It’s always an option.”

“Yeah and have my and Daniel’s moms lose their minds? No thank you. Maybe after the wedding we’ll both find some peace.”

“Seriously. Dear Santa, make it so.”

Shae was exhausted. Finally, Keira and Daniel were married. Vows and rings exchanged, toasts raised, dinner served, cake cut and now the dance floor was packed to the brim with family and friends moving to the latest pop and R&B hits. Everything had gone off without a hitch. Everyone was on time, the food was delicious and Keira looked amazing in her custom wedding gown. Most importantly, Daniel and Keira were husband and wife.

Shae was exhausted, but she was finally starting to feel a little bit like herself again. Shae didn’t realize how much residual anxiety she’d been carrying about the wedding. The only girls of the Kenney bunch, she and Keira had been best friends since they could walk. She knew that Daniel was the perfect guy for her cousin, but she wanted everything about their day to be perfect too. It was a lot to carry around that kind of emotion for weeks on end. They’d reached the finish line and everyone could finally relax. And tomorrow Shae could finally face the one thing she’d been putting off all week. Tomorrow.

Shae stood off to the side of the dance floor, champagne glass in her hand, swaying to the music. She didn’t realize she’d been thinking about Aidan again, wondering what he was doing at that exact moment until she saw him coming down the stone steps of the venue, Erica by his side. He looked amazing in a fresh navy blue suit and dark tan dress shoes. His hair was combed back from his face and those damn glasses finished off his red-headed Clark Kent look. Erica motioned toward Shae and even after Aidan looked right at her and their eyes met, she still didn’t want to believe he was actually there.

Their eyes held as he made his way around the outside of the tent over to where she stood.

“Hi,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Wow—just wow. You look amazing, Shae.” She looked down at herself. She forgot her hair and makeup were professionally done and that her curvaceous body was covered wrist to thigh in silver sequins.

“Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself. What are you doing here?”

“If you want me to go, I’ll leave right now. Keira invited me and Erica was my contact on the ground. She still had my number in her phone.”

“Oh.” The sound that left Shae’s lungs was fueled by pure awe. Shae had stuck to her guns to wait until after the wedding to contact him. She’d hoped she wouldn’t fumble explaining her feelings so badly that he realized it would be less of a headache to just avoid her forever—if he even agreed to see her. She definitely wasn’t expecting him to show up deep along the shores of Malibu, tonight of all nights. She’d deal with her nosey friends later. Or thank them.

“Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” he asked.

“Sure. Yeah.” Shae put down her glass and headed into the shadows outside of the tent. She’d scoped out different paths to the beach earlier just in case she needed a break from her family. Now seemed like the perfect time to take advantage of them. She slipped off her heels and carefully picked her way down the path. She could feel Aidan’s hand on the small of her back the whole way and god, had she missed him. They passed by two of Daniel’s guests who had just left one of the still blazing fire pits available. Shae sat on the stone bench just out of reach of the flames.

“This is a really nice place,” Aidan said, looking out at the crashing waves bathed in moonlight.

“Yeah. JD really came through.”

“Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“Yeah, I did. Thank you for asking. Um, I don’t hate this small talk, I really don’t, but did you come here to tell me something?” Shae asked.

“I did. I wanted to say that I’m sorry for coming on too strong. Me being here right now might be a little much—”

Shae’s whole body turned toward Aidan so fast she was shocked she didn’t pull something. “You think I dumped you because you came on too strong?”

“Yeah…didn’t you?”

“No, Aidan. Oh my god. That wasn’t it at all. I…” She hadn’t fully rehearsed her speech yet. She thought she there was still time to figure out exactly how to phrase what she wanted to say. “Oh man, I screwed this up.”

“What? Tell me.”

“Okay. Here goes. I’ll just tell you. I like you. I like you so much. Like, so so so much. I didn’t think I would. Not that I didn’t think you were a good guy, but you run into some hot guy from your old job on a dating app, you don’t expect him to turn out to be real-thing good.”

“I get it.”

“I felt myself falling for you so fast that I got scared. My divorce affected me in ways I didn’t realize until we started hanging out and I finally see that I am actually scared to fall for someone again. I am terrified, but it wasn’t about you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just kept thinking about how I couldn’t stop thinking about you pretty much every second of every day and I knew I was doomed. Have you ever felt like—”

“Shae,” Aidan said, sliding his hand over her knee. The perfect feeling of his familiar gentle touch shut her right up. “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah. Sorry I’ve been rambling. You go.”

“You don’t have to apologize for telling me how you feel. Okay?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question. He paused and waited to see if Shae really understood him. He was right. She had nothing to be sorry for.

“I—yes. I have feelings. Lots of them. Okay. Please go on.”

He smiled and closed the space between them. She almost melted as he gently swept her loose curls off her shoulder. “I like you, Shae. A lot. I have liked you for years. You’re dealing with a lot. I get it, but I like you. I know some guys are terrible at shit like this, but I’m telling you that I am here and I don’t want to go anywhere. When you’re ready you can tell me more about your ex and maybe I can help with some of the divorce related stuff you’re going through. I might not understand it all, but I can be a shoulder or something.”

“You want me to talk about Harvin?”

“If it helps you feel better, yes. Absolutely. And if it helps me be a better boyfriend to you, then fuck yes.”

She laughed through the tears that suddenly sprang up out of nowhere. “You want to be my boyfriend? Good lord, I sound fifteen.”

“Yeah. Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier. I got the feeling it might scare you off,” he teased. Then he kissed Shae’s forehead. “I would love to be your boyfriend and, as your boyfriend, I want you to be yourself. If that means getting shit about your ex off your chest from time to time, woman, I am game. I also hope it means we build our own memories together.”

“I’d like that a lot. All of it. I got it pretty bad for you .”

“Thank god. ’Cause if you weren’t willing to give this a chance, I was going to ask you for that brownie crunch recipe and force the next girl to make it and that would be real fucking awkward.”

“Oh my god!” Shae laughed and lightly swatted at his arm.

“I’m kidding! Come here.” The next thing Shae knew, they were kissing. All of Shae’s fears didn’t magically float away, but in those moments as their lips moved together, music from the dance floor at their backs, Shae felt like finally, her love life was moving in a good direction. Praise Santa.