Blake
One Month Later
“Welcome home!”
Lizzie, Jake, Falcon, Max, and I are greeted with shouts, with yells, with posters, with balloons, and with more petal juice than I’ve ever seen before in my entire life. We’re practically floating on air when we make our way back through the familiar docking area on our ship because oh, does it feel good to be home.
This last mission really took it out of me. What was supposed to be a simple in-and-out rescue operation turned into a month-long scavenger hunt to try to find our people, but it’s all over now. We’ve finished our work and now we’re back and ready to keep moving forward.
“Home,” Lizzie murmurs under her breath, and I reach for her hand, carefully pulling her just the slightest bit closer to me. She looks up at me and smiles, and I fight back the urge to stroke her cheek. Lizzie squeezes my hand, reminding me how she feels about me, and I know I’m a lucky man.
It’s been a long, long month, but Lizzie has shown me so much about who I really am as a person and where I want to go in the future. She’s Orchidian, like me, and she really, totally just completely understands me and what I’m going through. She listens to me talk, and when we’re deep in discussion, I feel like she just really gets me.
Max disagrees,
He looks back at me and glares, hitting me at my core. Although I wish I could feign ignorance, I know exactly what he’s so pissed about.
“You’re being a huge asshole,” he pushes me, shoving me into the rocky mountain terrain. I scramble to my feet, embarrassed my friend pushed me down so easily. I wasn’t expecting that. Not from him.
“Fuck you,” I spit. “Who are you to tell me how to live my life? You don’t know anything about me.”
“Really?” A look of anger crosses his face.
No, that’s not anger.
It’s hurt.
I’ve hurt my friend, and this realization fills me with shame.
“You know what I think, Blake?” He moves forward, invading my space. “I think you’re afraid. I think you’re acting like a complete and utter asshole because Sarah finally made a move on you after all of this time, and it scared the hell out of you.”
I open my mouth, but Blake shakes his head.
“No, you shut that mouth right now before I punch you in the face. You’re being a dick. You love Sarah and you always have. I’ve known this for years. It’s never been a secret, Blake. We all know it. The only two people who can’t seem to see the way you and Sarah look at each other are you and her, but you know what? None of that matters now. She had the balls to kiss you and you ran away like a coward. Now you’re what? Fucking Lizzie? Way to move on, brother. Way to move on. You know what, though? I’ve got a secret for you, Blake: You will never get over Sarah for as long as you live.”
Then he walks away, shaking his head. I hear his footsteps recede, and then the soft, gentle sound of someone’s voice clearing.
Damn it.
I forgot Lizzie was meeting me right about this time.
Forcing a smile onto my face, I turn around and reach for her as she steps out from behind a couple of trees. She smiles and slides into my arms, turning her face up to me. I plant a chaste kiss on her forehead, and she pulls closer to me.
“You heard every word of that, didn’t you?” I ask her.
“Oh, Blake,” she whispers. “What are we going to do? Max is like a brother to you. If he can’t accept me…”
Her voice trails off and I shake my head.
“No,” I tell her. “No, don’t say that. He’ll come around, Lizzie. You’ll see.”
Now Max is looking at me like I’m the damn devil. He’s glaring at me like I just kicked his puppy, but he really has no idea what I’m going through. So what if Lizzie and I are together now? We aren’t that serious. Hell, we aren’t even sleeping together! Not that Max knows that, and not that this celibacy thing is going to last for much longer.
I have a rule that I never sleep with anyone on a mission. Not when we’re out in space or on some planet trying to save people. No, if we’re recovering an artifact or breaking up a crime group, I don’t have time for anything like that. I don’t have the time to focus on making love to a woman properly. If I lose my head, even for the smallest amount of time, something terrible could happen.
Someone could get hurt.
Now, though, all bets are off. I’m back on the ship and I’m ready to move forward with my life. I’ll be the first to admit I was confused by Sarah’s kiss and I reacted harshly. I tried to contact her two days after it happened. That’s when we found out we’d be going on this mission, after all. I tried to say goodbye, but she wouldn’t take my calls. Then it was too late. Then it was time to go.
Now I’m with Lizzie, and I won’t pretend she makes me happy, but she doesn’t make me miserable, either. She doesn’t confuse me. She doesn’t make me feel like my whole world is teetering on the edge of excitement.
She doesn’t push me or prod me or make me wonder if I’m making good choices.
She doesn’t make me want to be a better man.
No, Lizzie is perfectly satisfied with who I am right now, and who I am is a real jerk.
Max is right, but I don’t really care. Sarah and I would never work. He’s right that I was a dick to her, but Sarah is a strong person. Hell, she probably doesn’t even really like me. She was probably just having a rough day. It’s been a month, though, and chances are that she’s completely forgotten about the entire thing.
Besides, Sarah is a big girl. Max seems to think she’s going to be all hurt when she finds out about me and Lizzie, but it’s not like I planned this on purpose. The mission just came up and Lizzie and I really hit it off in a way we never have before. There was this sizzling connection between us.
So when Max says Sarah will be hurt, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Sarah and I have been friends for a long time. Beside, chances are that she’ll thank me for not letting things go any further between us. She’s a bright, reasonable woman and I’m lucky to have her as a friend.
Do I wish things could be differently between me and Sarah?
Absolutely.
In another world, I would sweep her off her feet.
In another life, I’d be the man for her.
But I’m not.
I’m not that man.
I’m not good enough for Sarah and everyone knows it but her.
No, I’m much better off with Lizzie. I’m much better off with someone who doesn’t make me feel as deeply or as powerfully as Sarah does.
I’m much better off.
At least that’s what I think until I spot her face in the crowd of people waiting for us. I see the look of utter horror cover Sarah’s face when her gaze shifts from me to Lizzie and back again.
And then, almost in slow motion, I see something drop from her hands and land on the floor. Before I can say as much as a hello, Sarah turns and runs off into the crowd.
I let go of Lizzie’s hand, scurry to grab the little box she dropped, and yell after her.
“Sarah!” I call, but it’s too late. She’s gone.
“What is it, sweetie?” Lizzie calls out in a sickly sweet voice.
I stare at the little box for a second and then shove it in my pocket.
“Nothing,” I tell her. “It was nothing.”