Blake
Sarah is silent as we walk down the narrow hallway.
“It was pretty big of you to care for Lizzie,” I comment as we make our way to her housing unit.
“It’s my job, Blake. Don’t read too much into it. I care for all of my patients in the exact same way.”
“And that’s one of the things I love about you,” I say. She sighs loudly, but doesn’t say another word until we get to her room. The door slides shut behind us, and she instantly turns to me.
“Okay, what do you want?”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised.
Sarah has never yelled at me. Ever. She’s never so much as raised her voice. No, when Sarah talks to me, it’s with gentleness and kindness and compassion. This is a side of her I’ve never gotten to experience before.
I don’t say anything right away, but that doesn’t seem to bother Sarah because she keeps right on talking.
“I kissed you, Blake. I threw myself at you completely and entirely. It took me years to get the courage to tell you how I felt, and you threw me aside like I didn’t matter. And then you left!” She yells, and I realize she’s been waiting a long time to say all of this to me.
She’s been bottling it up, and it’s finally all coming out.
“You didn’t even say goodbye, Blake.”
Now the tears are streaming down her cheeks, and Sarah looks at me like she’s broken.
She looks at me like I’ve broken her, and I’m filled with the urge to wrap my arms around her, to kiss her, to hold her until she’s not scared or sad or in pain anymore.
“I know,” I tell her, but she’s not done.
“I thought that when you came back, we’d be able to talk,” she says. “I thought we’d talk and we’d work through things like friends because surely, despite any awkwardness, we’d still be friends, but then you came back with someone else, Blake. You came back and tossed me aside like I didn’t even matter to you.”
I drop to my knees, and Sarah closes her mouth.
“I was so wrong, Sarah,” I tell her. “And I’m on my knees now to beg for your forgiveness.”
“Blake, get up,” she says, shaking her head. She’s still crying.
“Sarah, I was wrong. I was scared and I behaved like a real jerk. The truth is that I love you, too, Sarah. I’ve loved you for a very long time and when you kissed me, I realized I had to make a choice. We couldn’t keep going on as friends, Sarah, but I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“What do you mean? What do you mean, Blake? How could you possibly not be good enough for me?”
“Because of my past,” I say slowly.
“The thing with your brothers?”
“Well, yeah. You deserve better than a former convict, Sarah.”
“I think I know what I deserve, Blake, and I think you need to stop fucking selling yourself short. I know you didn’t kill anyone. I know that was a false sentence. You never should have been in that jail and I’ll never forgive your brothers for hurting you like that.”
“I know you don’t care about my past, Sarah. You and Max are the only two people who know everything about me, but who love me anyway. I broke your trust when I pulled away from you and went on the mission. I was cruel, Sarah. I was horrible.”
“What are you saying, Blake? Are you asking me for a second chance?”
“Yes, Sarah. I’m begging you for a second chance and a third chance and however many chances it takes to show you just how much I care about you.”
“What about Lizzie?” Her voice is quiet now.
“Lizzie isn’t who I thought she was.”
“But you were dating her.”
“We didn’t sleep together, Sarah. I couldn’t. We did spend a lot of time together, though. I won’t lie to you about that. We spent a lot of time talking, but we weren’t physically close, despite what you may have heard.”
“I don’t care about that stuff, Blake. I don’t care that you’ve been with other women. I care that you didn’t respect me enough to come talk to me when you got back. I care that you left without saying goodbye, and I care that when I kissed you, your response was to walk away, Blake. You hurt me.”
She says the words with mourning, and it’s now that I realize I need to stop talking.
Talking isn’t going to go any farther with Sarah.
What she needs now is to know that I’m all in when it comes to her. Honestly, I’m still scared. Terrified. I have quite the past and Sarah is a brilliant, incredible doctor with a beautiful future ahead of her. She deserves better than me, but you know what? Nobody is going to love this girl like I can. Nobody is going to make her smile or make her laugh or make her feel happy like I can, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to take care of Sarah until she realizes just how totally, completely adored she really is.
I should have done this years ago, but I was a coward.
I’m not anymore.
Life is short.
I could have died on Eola. Lizzie could have started killing the group off or done something that meant we’d be stranded there forever. She could have done anything, and then I would never have seen Sarah again. How could I live with that? How could I live never seeing her smile? I need to see her smile. I need Sarah.
I need her now and forever.
Slowly, I get to my feet and move toward her.
“Blake? What are you doing?”
“What I should have done a long time ago, Sarah.”
And then I kiss her.
I grab her face and pull her close and I kiss Sarah.
I kiss my princess.
I kiss my darling.
She’s tense at first, unsure of whether this is really happening, unsure of whether I’m actually going to follow through on the promises I just made, but when I deepen the kiss and pull her closer to me, Sarah mews in response and relaxes.
She’s sweet and delicious: the perfect combination of excitement and adventure. Oh, Sarah and I are going to have a lot of adventures together. We’re going to have a lifetime together: just the two of us.
I’m not about to pretend that things are going to be perfect. Chances are that I’ll fuck up again at some point, or she will, and we’ll have to work things out, but that’s the thing about love, isn’t it? As long as you’re willing to fight for it, you can make things work. It’s not about having a perfect relationship. It’s about being willing to pour in the work and dedication when things get hard.
Sarah pulls away and looks up at me.
“Blake?”
“I love you, Sarah. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”
“I love you, too,” she says. “Even though I probably shouldn’t. You’ve been kind of ridiculous lately.”
“I’ll make it up to you,” I promise.
“How?” She winks at me and there’s a twinkle in her eyes.
“Like this,” I growl, and I kiss her again.