Chapter 4
When Zandra’s mind began to stir, the comforting pressure on top of her caused her to moan a little. Her legs squeezed what she thought must be a body pillow from one of the Melzi mansions, then she felt something else. Still trying to comb the cobwebs of sleep from her mind, her body automatically squeezed, and the pillow reacted by getting harder.
Her eyes popped open. Now fully awake, Zandra looked at the still sleeping Anani. He had started to stir, but not quite in the way she would have expected. His hand moved up and down her sides, and he began to grow inside of her. With a low moan, he seemed to pick up where they had left off.
Panic began to rise, but it fought with the pleasure that he was inspiring in his half-wakened state. Knowing that things could get a lot worse between them if she didn’t find some way out of the current situation, Zandra began to gently tap on his muscular arm as she tried to slide out from under him. “Anani. Anani. Please wake up.”
“Just a little longer.” His arms wrapped around her and kept her from moving any further. “I know I’ve been unkind in the past, but just a little longer. I need to feel something other than loss, even if it won’t last.” His voice was thick and heavy with emotion and sleep.
Zandra looked at the top of his head and tried to figure out if he was awake enough to know what he was saying or doing. “Anani, I–”
“Please, Zandra, even if it is a dream, let me have it a little longer.”
The mention of her name caused the witch to stop trying to find a way out. Wrapping her arms around him, she gently stroked his hair. “I will give you as much time as you need. Just please forgive my weakness for not pushing you away.”
He shook his head, his warm breath brushing against her nipples. She couldn't help but shudder under his weight. Apparently, Anani didn’t miss the movement, and he squeezed her tighter. Slowly, he lifted his head from her neck and looked at her, his beautiful greyish-blue eyes like a sea before a storm. There was so much pain in them. Zandra leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He moved up in response and gently kissed her. At first the kiss was innocent, inspiring only a longing to help Anani, then he grew hungry. The tighter he held her the harder he grew. His tongue slid into her mouth as he began to set a rhythm.
Zandra gasped and tried to pull away. She looked at him, concern clearly etched across her face. “Are you sure?”
“It’s too late to ask now, isn’t it?” His tone was almost mocking as he moved down her neck and pulled a small part up with his teeth. Zandra moaned and finally allowed her body to give into the moment.
The second time was more violent, and more than once she screamed out with the thrill of more animalistic love-making. As Anani lost himself in the action of the moment, Zandra worked out as much of his pain as she could pull while her body reveled in the feel of the man she had loved for the last 60 years. He needed her and was willing to accept whatever she could do for him. It was obvious that whatever had happened to him wasn’t something that he could just lose up on the mountains the way he had given up on her. There was some kind of much deeper and more painful loss in him.
When he finally tired, Anani rolled away from her. Pulling close to him, the sweat rolling down her body, Zandra placed a hand on his arm.
“Don’t touch me.” His voice was almost a snarl as he jerked away from her.
Sitting up, Zandra looked at his amazing and yet somehow fragile-looking body. “I’m not going to make you talk, but I do want to be here for you as long as you need me.”
He rolled part of the way over and looked in her eyes. “You just want to use me for your own gains. I’ve learned that already, but I need…” His voice trailed off as if he was disgusted with himself.
Fighting the instinct to put a hand on his arm, Zandra pulled her legs up to her chest, and rocked a little before putting her feet on the ground. “I will only be what you need, for as long as you need. But I will have to request that it not interfere with something I have to do.”
There was a pause as if the shifter were considering the options. “And what is that?”
“Someone has asked me to deliver something, and I need to get to S–” She stopped herself from saying where she was going. “To Naucratis, just a little ways from the Sima border.”
He narrowed his eyes for a moment, but didn’t say anything against it. Instead, he stood and offered her a hand.
Zandra looked at him, his face turned away from her. Reaching out, she took his hand was quickly pulled to her feet. Without looking at her, he moved over to his clothes. “We need to get moving then. You’ve lost nearly two days in the woods.”
“Two da–” Zandra covered her mouth. Time with Anani had always seemed to go to fast, but that seemed impossible. She quickly moved to her stuff and began pulling out clothing.
“Why don’t you just snap it on?” His words were a bit cold as he watched her fumble to get a different pair of pants on.
“I’ve used up most of my reserve for…” She wasn’t quite sure how much magic she had used, but her body told her that she was still well beyond her limit. She could feel Anani’s pain rattling around inside of her, and knew that she would have to move quickly to make it before her body started to show the misuse over two years. She gave a curt laugh as she realized that returning Akeno was likely to be the last thing she ever did. It seemed somehow fitting. She had loved Anani, but it was Akeno who loved her, and she had never deserved him. Tears rushed to her eyes as she thought about how she would never again see him.
“Why are you crying?” Anani had approached her as she tried to pull on her boots.
“I just got my hair caught in something. You know how sensitive my scalp is.”
“If only your heart were so tender.” There was a hint of reproach in his voice, and she knew that he was expressing pain more than trying to hurt her.
“If my heart were so tender, Akeno wouldn’t have ever loved me, and I would never have caught your eye.”
Anani raised an eyebrow.
Zandra wiped the tear away. “A witch with a tender heart is like a shifter with a crusade.”
“How’s that?”
“Extremely passionate with a very short life expectancy.”
Anani threw his head back and laughed. “You knew Cyprian. How can you possibly believe that?”
“I have met Cyprian. And he had never actively crusaded against anything.”
“Sure he has.”
Zandra looked up at Anani. “We both know that if he were to go on a crusade, whatever he went after would be completely erased from existence. He isn’t a shifter – he’s a force of nature. None of the others are anything like him.”
Anani laughed again, “I suppose no one was like him.”
Zandra frowned, “What do you mean, no one was like him?” Suddenly she realized that he had been using the past tense when talking about the oldest shifter in the world.
A look passed over Anani’s face and he turned away from her. “He’s no red, but he took it upon himself to jump into a volcano to help free Augustin.”
Zandra couldn’t keep the little gasp from escaping her mouth. She covered her mouth, then let her head sag. “I suppose it was only a matter of time before he succeeded. After everything, his pain must have been unbearable.”
Anani shook his head. “He did it while his angelus was watching. He found her, and still ended up sacrificing himself.”
Zandra watched as Anani tried to talk without emotion, as if the story were happening to someone else. She circled her arms around her legs and looked up at Anani, who couldn’t look her in the eye. “Maybe he survived. I mean, if no one followed him–”
As if he hadn’t heard her, Anani kept talking. “I tried to stop him because I knew I would be held responsible for his loss, and I don’t want to be the one to tell the others of his kind what happened.”
“You won’t have to do that. They’ll know.”
He stopped and turned to look at her. With a slight nod, he acknowledged that they were far more connected than most other shifters. “Still, they will want the story. Noely was watching when it happened. And the look of heartbreak on her face was–” His voice caught in his throat as he looked out into the darkness.
Zandra stood up and put her arm around him. Anani turned and buried his head against her neck. She brushed his head. “Don’t give up yet. He may still be alright.”
“He wasn’t the only one. I suppose you never met my charge. Despite everything I tried to do to stop him, he’s gone wondering off into a dangerous situation just like his family.”
“Shh. You will be alright, Anani. You are stronger than you often think you are. You just spend too much time comparing yourself to others in the areas where you are weakest. You need to stop that.” She pressed and held her lips against the top of his head. He squeezed her and remained quiet. “And from what you have said, there is no certainty that either of them is dead.” Suddenly his desperation since the day before made sense. Whatever had happened to him, there was no one else for him to turn to. In all likelihood, he had only encountered her because of how much magical power she was exuding at the time. It would have helped him heal faster just to be near so much magic. Still, she suspected that without her healing efforts, he would have died. The wounds were deep. She began to hum as she stroked his head.
He gave her another squeeze, then pulled away from her. “So, you are acting as a messenger for someone, huh? Hardly seems like the type of thing you would do. There’s no glamor to it, and that kind of intrigue really doesn’t seem like you.”
She took his hand and began to lead him through the woods. “Well, I’ve been somewhat at a loss for what to do with myself. This seemed as good a purpose as any. Besides, it won’t hurt to have someone owe me for a change. I’ve racked up so many debts, I figured it was time to start creating a little nest of favors that I can call in during times of need.”
She could feel his laughter shooting up her arm. “Always an angle in it for you, huh?”
“I'm starting from scratch, so this seems like the best way to start building up my reserves while I figure out what to do with myself. Right now I am more interested in predictable than entertaining or glamorous. Low profile will keep others from realizing I’m around anyway.” She added the last little bit knowing that it would make him happy to hear that she was still getting into trouble. If it sounded like her life had changed too much, Anani would get suspicious. For as much time as he spent away from everything, the shifter really knew how to read people when he was grounded.
“I suppose there will be time later to hear about your last 20 years. I’ll give you a pass for now, but I want a promise that at some point you will tell me what has changed you.”
“Please stop reading me. There are some things that a girl wants to keep private.”
“A girl is entitled to her freedom. You are no girl, and if I have learned anything it is that you are far more dangerous when you are keeping something close to your chest. But I will grant you some privacy. As a way of thanking you for what you did to save me.”
Zandra squeezed his hand. “Thank you. I promise, I will tell you, but for now, I just…” She sighed. “I envy you. If I had the constitution to go sit on a mountain and do whatever it is you do, I think that I would probably never come back.”
“You wouldn’t last three hours before you would start complaining about the chill. Or trying to leave your own mark on the mountain.”
She giggled, “Maybe, but I might be able to make it for the rest of my life away from everything.”
“The last 20 years have been that rough?”
“No. Most of that time was rather enjoyable. Or at least it was the kind of enjoyable that used to make me forget. I doubt that I would be able to find any kind of comfort in it now.”
Anani stopped and pulled on her hand, forcing Zandra to lose her balance. He tilted her face up to his, the look of concern in his eyes so much like what it used to be when she had first fallen in love with him. “Are you going to be alright?”
Now she knew why he had stopped her, even after hearing that it was urgent that she get where she was going. She couldn’t lie.
“It’s not something for you to worry about, is it? Use me as long as you need me. I promise to be alright for as long as you need my strength.”
He frowned, his eyes looking over her face. “You know that I am not capable of cold calculations like that. If you are truly unwell, then you should seek help before it is too late. I do not want to contribute to any issues that you have now. I certainly do not want to make it worse. Things may be… difficult with you, but I have no desire to hurt you further than the last few years have clearly done.”
She gave him a faint smile. There was so much she wanted to say, but nothing that came to her mind would put his mind at ease. Instead she simply said, “You have no need to worry about me, Anani. I have more than enough strength to be what you need for as long as you need. As soon as you are well, you can go back to your abject loathing of me, and I will accept that change knowing that I actually made up for some of the pain I have caused. The time with you will truly be one of the best things to happen to me.” He opened his mouth, but she spoke over him. “I have always meant that when I said it, but it is truer now than it ever was in the past. You don’t need to believe me now because I know you will later. It’s that skepticism that will help keep me focused now too, so keep up the good work.”
He watched her for another moment. Then gently he lifted her off of her feet and rose up into the sky.
“What are you doing? You know I have trouble with heights! If you are trying to get something else out of me, you ought to know this isn’t the way to do it!” Her voice was more like a squeak as she tried to ball up in his arms. She began to shake a little as she clung to the front of his shirt.
“You have both piqued my curiosity and raised several red flags. The best way through this is to get you to your destination as quick as possible. There is no way faster than this. Then maybe I can get you to finally answer some of my questions.”
“Please, let’s walk. I need the fresh air and–”
“The air is much cleaner up here, and it is more likely to cause you to think about whatever it is you are planning. I don’t know exactly what you are thinking to do, but I doubt it is healthy. In fact, I am certain it isn’t. The sooner we arrive, the sooner you can complete what you set out to do, and the sooner you will talk.”
His pace quickened, and her hair whipped around her at a speed that terrified Zandra. Her ability to argue evaporated as they flew toward Naucratis.
He whispered in her ear, “Besides, if you are willing to help me, I should be just as willing to help you. If you are really looking to rebuild your life, perhaps you can finally be the kind of person I always knew you could be.”
Zandra allowed a couple of tears to roll down her cheeks. Anani was going to hate her later after she told him. Everything that happened in the past couple of days should never have happened. She should have died and Akeno should have lived. Anani was speeding them on the way to finally lay his best friend to rest. There would be no forgiveness for that later. Just as she had been alone most of her early years until she had met Akeno, Zandra would die alone, reviled and hated by the only person still alive who really mattered to her.
The pain roiled around inside her, threatening to overflow. With a sigh, she buried her head in his shoulder and closed her eyes. The fear of flying was gone as the terror of the future loomed before her.