Chapter 9
Zandra could feel the darkness ripping at her. It was ten thousand times worse than the pain she had experienced during any other time in her life.
It isn’t the worst pain you have felt. You have experienced worse. You have caused worse. Her thoughts were automatic, an echo of the hope and confidence that Akeno had spent so much time trying to inspire in her.
“Put yourself in the shoes of others. That is the way to finding your way out of the pain that you experience. Learn how your actions make others feel, and learn when what you do is self-destructive. Keep those impulses in check because they are out of a desperation that you don’t need to feel.” His words were strong, but without him, Zandra didn’t see the point in trying to endure. There was nothing in the life she was leaving behind. Being consumed by the darkness wouldn’t have been any worse than the death that certainly waited her if she fought to return to the world.
The cruel voice spoke into her ear, “There is no reason to resist. You have learned that repeatedly through your pathetic life. Here you will find a purpose.”
“Here I will find oblivion.” The thoughts echoed around her as if she had spoken them.
“No, no, my little lost lamb. You have a purpose, and now you may finally serve it, a purpose that someone tried to twist and turn to make into his own profit.”
“Akeno didn’t try to profit off of having me. He was trying to rescue me.”
“And why do you think he wanted to save you? Was it to see that the demons could be beat back into the night?” There was irony dripping from his voice as he hissed into her mind.
“Yes. He proved that you could be put back where you belong, into a small area where you can no longer do any harm.”
There was a disapproving noise followed by a cold laugh. “If the demons can be beat back into the night, why are they still roaming in the light of day? The streets of Yuezhi and Berenice. The small villages of Shrinton and the dead spaces like Kanza. No, my dear, the demons are very much alive and thriving beyond the night. They lurk in the hearts of every creature, from the most innocent seeming child to the medics who pass judgment as they work their miracles. The demons are there, lurking and waiting. You can never be free of them.”
“We can. Akeno was free of them!” Even as she thought it, Zandra knew it wasn’t true.
The laugh went on for a touch too long, causing her stomach to clench up at what he was going to say.
“Now there was an agent. He fought and lost to the demons. His life is a monument to the perseverance and skill of a true demon. The fact that you are here now, so broken after a life full of him, is proof enough that he did no more for you than postpone the inevitable.”
“He loved me!” For the first time since she had plummeted into the mental abyss, Zandra found her voice.
“Oh, did he? He promised to marry you, too. I suppose that you are now happily married.”
“He didn’t live long enough to fulfill his promise, but that doesn't mean he didn’t love me.”
“You mean he made a promise he knew he couldn’t keep. I suppose he did that for your sake.”
“Of course he did. He wanted to see me smile, and so he promised me the one thing that could convince me to smile through the nightmare.”
“He did what?” There was a shiver of amusement behind the question, but the demon was very good at hiding it just beneath the surface.
“He wanted to see–”
“Yes, yes, he did. What he wanted, he got. He wanted you as soon as his friend finally found the ability to return your love. Did he want you before that?”
“He loved me then. He thought there was more time, that I would come to love him, too. There was no way for Akeno to know that I would fall in love with Anani.”
“Ahh, so you do love Anani.”
“I love Akeno. I would have married him if he had survived.”
“And ditched him the moment Anani returned to forgive you.”
“I would never have done that to Akeno.”
“Never? Really, never?”
Zandra’s thoughts faltered. “I loved Akeno.”
“But you just said that you loved Anani.”
“It is possible to love more than one person. A demon like you could not understand.”
The cold chuckle caused the hair on her arms to raise. “How very wrong you are. I understand completely how it is possible to love multiple people. Remember how you were being loved by multiple men when Akeno took you from my bosom.”
“That was not love. They didn’t even notice I was gone.”
“You deserted them. Why should they care about your existence when you show no regard for theirs? It is tit for tat, my dear.”
“No, that is not the way love works.”
“It is. It really, really is. Anani learned of your love for Akeno, and he removed you from his life. It is the same as what happened at your birthday.”
“No,” her voice waivered, “it’s not quite the same.”
“Uncertainty creeps in. Then let’s take a look at another example. Akeno disappeared from your life and–”
“Shut up!”
“Oh, so touchy. It struck a nerve with you, hasn’t it? The fact that you fucked Anani as soon–”
“Shut up, you heartless bastard!”
“I'm heartless?” The voice tsked, the amusement heavy with each emphasized noise. “I have never come between best friends, never fucked two–”
“I hate you! I will never–”
A laugh cut her off as she shouted into the abyss. “Oh, yes, the more you struggle, the deeper your hate, the closer you draw to me. The only being you ever truly loved is yourself.”
“I have loved and lost in a way that you could never understand without warping it into some sick fetish. I know that I was loved, that–”
“That you mattered, right? Yes, Akeno’s greatest lie, that you are worthy of being loved. That you are a rich treasure. He had to prove that he could make you into such a treasure, and boy, did he fool you.”
Zandra’s mind was screaming out at the pain in his logic. For every turn she tried to take, the demon countered it with something grotesque, attributed other meaning to it that wrapped it back into the view of the world that fit into a small dark world.
“I don’t know anyone who thinks you are weak.”
The voice rang clearly in her head. Zandra twisted and turned, looking for the source. Too afraid to call out his name, afraid that it would give the demon more power, the witch tried to center her thought on the single sentence.
“Oh ho! The little witch thinks she has found a glimmer of hope. Let us stomp it out before she is given to thoughts of grandeur and redemption.”
Zandra ignored the taunts, her mind focusing on the one idea that spoke to her existence, and her existence alone. “I don’t know anyone who thinks you are weak.”
The demon’s voice was elated as the thought ran through her head. “There it is again. The voice of the shifter you betrayed. Do you know what he was willing to do for his friends? Oh, but you will love this because Anani knew how–”
“Don’t you dare say his name.” The thought was like a primal growl as the demon laughed.
“This is going to be a delicious night as I show you what you lost when you chose Akeno over Anani.”
“You don’t deserve to know their names!” She could hear the sound of her voice over the rush of the abyssal white noise.
“And yet, I more than know them. Akeeeeeenoooo. Ana–”
Zandra’s hand whipped forward and she felt lightning shoot from her fingers.
There was a moment of quiet, then the demon really began to laugh, “Wohoo hoo! The little witch is on fire.” At the word, her skin began to bubble, then flames burst out over her.
Zandra focused on the one thought, fighting back the urge to scream. I am strong on my own. She stretched out her arms and thought of a strong wind that could block out oxygen. Her hair whipped around her as the flames were extinguished.
“Clever, clever, but for each of your attempts to fight me, you increase the odds that you will be struck.”
Lightning shot through the air, but before it could hit her, Zandra channeled it into her hand, then thrust it back out into the night.
The voice hissed in her ear, “You were nothing when I found you. A mass of dying flesh. I saved you, and this is how you repay me?”
“You did not save me. You tried to enslave me.”
“Hmmmm, enslave you. That isn’t such a bad idea.”
Chains flew from the darkness, wrapping around her arms, legs, body, and neck. She could feel the air being choked out of her.
You aren’t really here. This is the demon’s domain. Your body lies broken on the side of the stream near Sukhothai.
“Yes, broken, as you will be. You belong to me, that was the agreement.”
“There was no agreement. You forced your way into my mind and body and I did not have the tools to repel you.”
The chains tightened around her, but it no longer affected her.
“And what will you go back for? That broken body? The inevitable void of oblivion? How is this worse than what you face?”
“Because here I am your slave. There I am free to make my own choices. I choose oblivion to the inane existence you offer. At least ceasing to exist means I will do no more harm.”
“Are you sure? I think that your death is going to have quite the effect on someone.”
An image appeared in the voice. Anani was holding her crumpled body. What was left of her was no longer old and nearly mummified.
“Ah, you missed one small detail! The experiences of all of my patience took its toll. That is not the body you left behind.”
The sound of Anani’s pleas were becoming increasingly audible as he buried his face in her hair.
“Very convincing,” she snarled, “but he hates me. After what I did, he will know.”
“Of course he will know. Anani is not your fool anymore. The night you fucked he knew.”
The anger was rising, but she continued to try to calm her mind. “If he knew, he would never have sought comfort from me.”
“Oh, my poor, sweet, naïve little creature.” The voice dripped with sarcasm. “He learned of Akeno’s death when he returned. Do you think that Cyprian would hide that from him?”
Zandra was immediately struck with the possibility that Anani had known all along. His behavior, his words, they began to take a different shape.
“Do you know what’s even funnier?” The joy had returned to the loathsome voice. “The fact that he cursed you as he sought comfort from you. He believes his friends are dead. While it is true that both of them came very close, the only friend he lost was the one who died in your arms. His best friend. The man he tried to save and failed because you interfered.”
Zandra thought she could feel her heart racing as the words circled inside of her head. Cyprian and Ash were alive.
“I have to tell him.” Suddenly, she began to move her arms as she tried to return to her body.
“Ah ah ah, I’m not about to let you go again. You have already proven how low you will stoop to avoid our agreement. Accusing me of manipulating a situation and forcing you into something that you would have chosen to do even without me. You care more about your life than–”
“I have to tell him.”
There was a cold snapping noise, like a whip over her mind. For a second she cringed, but then her arms reached out again.
“You still defy me. Then I think we need to delve into the pain that you planned to keep just for yourself.”