I was trying to make things as easy as I could on him. I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad. I hated the effect my words were having on him. I could see in his face that he was being beaten down. He looked like a lost puppy. I tried to choose my words more carefully.

“Listen, Nick. There’s been a lot of things that have happened between us, and I’m not trying to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. I just think you should forget about me and move on.”

I didn’t even realize that I’d been making my way towards him while I talked but before I knew it, I was standing directly in front of him, looking up into his sad eyes.

When he made eye contact with me, I was caught off guard as the sudden desire for him built up within me. Why in the hell did he have to be so damn attractive?

“That’s just not going to happen, Alexa,” he told me.

His words were not threatening nor did he mean for them to be. He wasn’t saying them to scare me or to attempt to force me into taking him back. They were simply facts. He wasn’t going to give up.

This was a talk that we’d both been needing to have for a long time. I knew it was going to be hard to have the discussion, but I had no clue it was going to be that hard.

The big, strong guy I’d come to know looked like he was going to break down in tears at any moment. I felt like I should say something but I had no idea what words would be helpful in that situation. Instead, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

With my eyes closed, I felt Nick touching my cheek. It was a soft, gentle touch. The kind of touch that always surprised me. You wouldn’t expect someone so big to be able to touch you so softly. I liked it. It was a touch that I missed on a daily basis.

Still, I should have recoiled and pulled away from that touch. It wasn’t fair to him for me to say one thing and then act in a different manner. I didn’t want to lead him on. I didn’t want to confuse him as to what was happening.

Hell, I didn’t want to confuse myself.

As much as I wanted to pull away from his touch, I couldn’t make myself do it. It was almost like he’d put a spell on me. Before I knew what hit me, he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

This wasn’t one of the typical aggressive kisses that we’d shared a hundred times. This kiss was almost too gentle for a man like him to be able to give. Even though our lips barely grazed each other, I could feel the electricity shooting through my body.

He kissed me again, this time a little harder. I could feel my insides tossing and turning, and my pussy felt like it was on fire. Nick kissed me a third time, now slipping his tongue into my mouth while cradling my face in his hands.

I was running my hands up and down his chest, feeling his muscles flex as he moved. I kissed him back. I wanted him so bad. I wanted to rip his clothes off and have him take me right there on the kitchen table.

Right as I was about to grab the bottom of his shirt in an attempt to pull it off his body, he let go of my face and stepped away from me. He took a deep breath before a smile spread across his face. He appeared to be a different person. He wasn’t the same broken man I’d seen for so long.

“Thank you, Alexa,” he said.

“What are you thanking me for?” I asked, entirely unsure of what was happening.

He just smiled even bigger and thanked me again before stepping back towards me and placing his hands on my shoulder.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve needed this,” he said.

I didn’t know what to say to him, but I knew I’d done exactly what I was trying to avoid. I told him one thing and acted in an entirely different manner. Now I’d put all these thoughts and feelings in Nick’s head, and I didn’t want to do that.

“What’s the matter?” Nick said, realizing that I was conflicted.

“We really shouldn’t have done that. That was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have let that happen,” I told him as I buried my face in my hands.

I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I needed to put some space between the two of us. I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Nick, of course, followed right behind me.

“Alexa, it’s okay. I realize that you may still need some more time. I’m fine with that. I can give you all the time you need,” he told me, a smile forming on his face once again. “I can see that you still love me, and that’s all I’ve wanted to know this entire time. If you’re not ready yet, that’s fine. I’ve waited this long, and I can wait longer.”

He leaned in and told me he loved me in my ear before giving me a light kiss on the cheek.

After that, he didn’t say another word. He just smiled at me one more time before turning and walking out of the apartment. I stood in place for what felt like forever.

What did I just do?