Even though Alexa had told me that she shouldn’t have let me kiss her, I was in a better mood than I’d been in for a long time. Although I had been there, it all felt like a dream, and I was having trouble processing the fact that things had gone down the way they did.

After months of being apart and her not even willing to speak to me, I was finally able to touch her once again. I was able to kiss her and feel her breath on me. I was pumped.

I was over the moon.

On top of that, she still loved me. She didn’t say those words, but she didn’t have to. I could feel it when I touched her. I could feel it when we kissed. She didn’t have to say she loved me. She never said she didn’t.

As much as I wanted to be with her, I knew that rushing things wouldn’t do me any good. I’d have to be patient and bide my time. I understood that she still needed space. I realized that she needed time to process everything in her head. All I knew was that in the end, she was going to be mine once more.

* * *

Alexa and I communicated here and there during the weeks that followed. It wasn’t like it used to be, but it was something. I would text her here and there asking about her day, and she’d reply with a couple of sentences. We weren’t where I wanted us to be, but at least it was something.

I knew that she needed time, and I was doing the best I could to make sure I was giving her all the space she needed. It required patience on my part, and I’ve never been known for my patience.

Being without her was driving me crazy. I needed her in my life, and I was really starting to grow frustrated. I wasn’t frustrated with her. None of this was her fault. I was frustrated with the situation in general.

After a while, she finally agreed to meet with me. We both decided that there was going to be no expectations when it came to seeing one another. We were just going to talk and see what happened from there. I was all right with that. At the very least, she was open to giving me a chance.

She got off work at 4:00 pm so we made plans to meet at 5:00. I showed up at her apartment right on time, but she wasn’t there. I waited for a while before calling her cell phone. She didn’t answer. I waited longer and called again with the same result. It was a little after 8:00 when she finally got home.

“Hello, gorgeous. Did you forget we were getting together this evening?” I asked, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as she approached.

“Nick, this really isn’t a good night for me. I think you should just go home, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

There was so much hurt and sadness in her eyes. She looked different than I’d ever seen her bore and wondered what was going on.

“Alexa? Are you okay?” I asked as I placed my hand on her shoulder and bent down to be more level with her.

“I’ve just had a horrible day, and I want it to be over with. Can we please do this another night?”

She looked up at me before unlocking her door. It was hard to get a good look at her in the dark, but once she flipped on her living room light, I could see that she’d been crying.

“Well hold on. Something obviously happened. Is it something I can help with?”

“No, there’s nothing you can help with. I promise you that we’ll do this another time. I just can’t do this tonight. Please just go home, and I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

She was begging me to leave, and I thought about turning to go back to my truck, but that didn’t feel like the right thing to do.

We might not have been together officially, but I felt like it was still my job to be there for me when she needed me. I couldn’t leave her sitting there upset and alone.

“Alexa, you need to let me in. I can see something is bothering you. Let me help you. Just tell me what it is.”

She looked up at me, and I could see many layers of pain within her eyes. I’d never seen a person look so sad, and I wanted to know what was causing her such anguish. Eventually, she walked into her living room, sat down on her couch and put her face in her hands.

I closed the door behind me and took a seat next to her on the sofa. I knew she was having a hard time with something, and I didn’t want to push her. I would wait until she was ready to talk.

Instead, I placed my hand on her back and rubbed up and down, letting her know I was there for her. I had no idea what could have been on her mind or what I needed to do to help.

“It’s my granny,” she said after a couple of minutes. “She passed away this afternoon.”

When it came to family, Alexa didn’t have much of a relationship with any of hers. For the most part, she only had a distant relationship. She had no connection with other family members.

The one exception was her grandmother, who’d she been very close to since she was a little baby. She referred to her grandma as granny.

As her granny got older, most of the family members wrote her off as nothing but an old lady who was more of a nuisance than anything else.

Alexa never saw her that way.

I tried to understand the pain she was feeling, but it was hard for me to do. I didn’t have any family to feel connected to and, judging by the pain in her eyes, I was glad I didn’t.

At the same time, I knew how she felt about her grandma. She was a really cool person. Alexa had taken me to visit her on a couple of occasions, and we had a blast. She was funny, and the stories she had about Alexa when she was little were priceless.

I hugged Alexa tightly, trying to make her feel secure, and she squeezed me back even tighter. I knew that this was what she needed.

She’s a strong, independent woman, but sometimes you just need another person there to let you know that you’re not alone in the world. I kept my arms around as she bawled into my chest. I played with her hair and whispered that things were going to be okay. She was going to be okay, and her grandmother was at peace.

I was saying whatever I could to try to help, but I was confident my words were having little, if any, effect.

“So what happened?” I asked once she had finally calmed down. “How did you find out?”

“I got a call from my mom while I was at work today. Apparently Granny has been in the hospital for a couple weeks, and nobody bothered to call and tell me. She probably thought I didn’t care enough to be there with her,” she told me, her voice filled with anger and hurt at the same time.

We spent the next few hours talking about her granny. Alexa shared her favorite stories about her and what she was going to miss the most about her.

Late into the night, she fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t want to leave her on the couch, so I carried her into bed. Her eyes were so puffy, and her mouth was hanging open so she could breathe.

I tucked her into bed and went into the kitchen, where I left a note on her table. I didn’t want her to think that I’d just left as soon as she fell asleep, but at the same time, I wanted to give her the privacy that I knew she needed while still letting her know that I was still there for her.

Alexa,

I just want you to know that I’m here for you. If you need anything at all, please call me.

Nick