I dream of the night that changed my life and wake up close to tears.

Ari arrives mid-morning with two cups of coffee for each of us, ice cream, some groceries and a bag full of pastries.

We talk for hours about everything that’s happened before putting on movies. Chris leaves me alone. In fact, everyone does. I don’t even see a Fabio. It’s the best day I’ve had since before the incident.

Ari spends the night, and I wake up feeling as normal as I can with my uncomfortable injuries and the summer from hell.

Ari makes breakfast, and I toy with my cell. After a great deal of internal back and forth, I text Dom.

Are you on duty today? I ask.

“Omelets!” Ari announces and pushes a plate with an omelet and bacon in front of me, along with one of the leftover croissants from yesterday.

We both take our plates to the living room to eat while watching more movies.

Dom’s text comes a short time later. I’m on the night shift. I report for duty around seven.

Will you meet me at seven fifteen?

He responds quickly. Sure.

I set my phone aside and watch movies with Ari for the rest of the day.

* * *

At around seven fifteen, I leave my apartment. Molly would say I’m underdressed, but I don’t plan on leaving the building. Fabio trails me to the ground floor, and I wait.

In full uniform, Dom enters the lobby, checks in with the guard and Fabio at the door, and then approaches.

I glance at my Fabio, who moves away without me asking him to.

“How’s the hand?” Dom asks.

“I’m getting used to pain,” I reply.

He frowns. Whenever I look too long at Dom, I forget what I’m doing. His brown eyes are on me. I wonder if some part of him thinks I’m going to send him away again. I’m ashamed of how I’ve acted towards him but I meant what I said to Chris. I’m not really sure what a good person is supposed to do if not look out for someone else, which I thought I was trying to do.

“I, uh, wanted to ask you something.” I didn’t bother trying to prepare my question or speech this day, because I tend to forget what I want to say anyway. “My life is a media circus, and I’m a regular on the front page of the tabloids. My relatives are insane. There’s a good chance I’ll be seeing my therapist for years. I’m not ready for anything more than friendship and won’t be for a long time. I’m about to destroy the careers of two high-level politicians. I don’t even know what the fallout from that will be. Anyone – everyone – associated with me is likely to be dragged through the mud by the press.”

It comes out as verbal diarrhea. I hope I’m coherent. As I speak, I start to think I never should bother asking what I want to ask. Who the hell would want to be part of this disaster?

“If you want to be in my life, you could lose every piece of privacy you have now. Every day could be like a new and different train wreck,” I finish.

Dom’s scrutinizing me once more.

“I owe you the courtesy of asking you if you want to be involved in my life,” I say awkwardly. “I can’t or shouldn’t make that decision for you, even if I think you deserve better. Even if I’m afraid of what you’ll say.”

“I can handle myself, Mia,” is his quiet response.

“Your family could be dragged into the tabloids. You could lose your job,” I insist and study his features.

Neither doubt nor regret is in his face. His gaze is steady, clear. He’s sure of himself.

I don’t think I’ve ever been sure of myself in any way.

“The answer is yes,” he replies. “If all we ever are is friends, I’m happy to be in your life, no matter what.”

I’ve never met anyone like Dom. I didn’t even know someone like him existed. Selfless and caring, warm and authentic. He has no hidden agenda. He doesn’t view me as a pawn who can be used.

He sees me. At my worst. And still wants to be in my life.

“Okay,” I murmur, uncertain what else to say.

“You want to go for ice cream next weekend?” he asks. “Bring Ari, and I’ll bring my nieces.”

“I’d like that,” I reply. I start to smile and then stop myself. Is it appropriate? I don’t know. I’m not convinced he made the right choice. Dr. Thompkins would tell me it doesn’t matter what I think; it was Dom’s choice to make.

Awkward as usual, I turn away and return to the elevator, trailed by Fabio. I can’t bring myself to look back at Dom, in case he’s starting to doubt himself. I don’t think I can handle his rejection at the moment.

The elevator doors close, and I release my breath.

“You won’t need me, if he’s around.” Original Fabio speaks.

My Fabios are yet more people I’ve never valued the way they deserve to be. I gaze up at him. “I’m sorry I’ve never appreciated you being around, either. Thank you for protecting me, Fabio.”

“My pleasure, Ms. Abbott-Renou.”

I return to my condo and sit down on the couch, where Ari is waiting to hear about the exchange with Dom. She squeals when I tell her. We start watching more movies, while I text with Dom off and on.

Chris texts me later that night to let me know I’m not going to school the next morning.

I’m going for a lineup.

A different lineup.

This time, I’m going to identify the other man who raped me.

I’m going to pick out Robert.

* * *

I’m nervous when I arrive to the police station with my detail in tow. Chris meets me there, along with four members of his team this time. I’m not sure why he feels the need for the display, but I’m not the only one who picks up on it.

Paparazzi hover around us as we enter the police station. It’s quiet inside, and I’m escorted quickly to the same room where I identified Madison.

Men and women in suits who can be no one other than Robert’s attorneys are in the hallway. There are six of them to my four, but I have Chris, who counts as a hundred as far as I’m concerned, not just because he’s an incredible attorney, but because he’s my father.

Self-conscious beneath the intent looks of everyone, I cross my arms and enter the small room. Thankfully, only Chris, a single member of Robert’s team, the DA, and Detective Wilson are present.

The five men file in. It takes no time for me to identify Robert, even if he didn’t have a swollen nose.

“Three,” I say quietly.

“A word, counselor,” says the head of Robert’s legal team, addressing Chris.

The two step into the hallway.

Robert and the others file out of the room. I want to stay here in the dark space for the rest of the day. Mondays are rough enough without starting them out in a police station.

“Saw your picture with Gerard in the news. Anything you want to tell me?” the DA asks.

“Talk to my lawyer,” I reply.

He smiles. “Today starts the very long process of seeking justice.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I whisper and then swallow hard.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Detective Wilson assures me.

“I know.” I do. It’s taken me a long time to realize what the right thing is, but I feel like I’m finally there. “You can expect a call from Gerard.”

“I’ve fielded several,” the DA replies. “I imagine you’re under a great deal more pressure than I am.”

I consider his words. Before this weekend, I would have agreed. After Gerard’s antics Friday night, I know there’s nothing he can say to me, no pressure he can put on me. Not anymore. It wasn’t his intention, but he forced me to acknowledge he was not the man I thought he was. He never will be. I won’t let him influence me anymore.

I feel a certain release in this knowledge. It’s painful, and I wish with all my heart that I could change the truth. I can’t. Gerard is who he is. I am who I am. I’m not even his daughter, and there’s nothing he can do that will make me change my mind about moving forward with this trial.

“What happens next?” I ask.

“He’ll be arraigned tomorrow and bail set,” the DA responds.

“He’ll be out by noon.”

“Probably. I’m not counting on him seeing the inside of a cell any time soon.”

“Madison?”

“I have a feeling he’ll come out of the woodwork. The Connors are pushing hard to blame him for everything.”

“But you won’t let them,” I say and face him. “You know that’s not true.”

“I will do everything I can to ensure they both serve time for their crimes,” he says firmly.

“We suspect more victims will come forward once everything hits the news,” Detective Wilson says. “They both have some sketchy shit in their pasts. We’re hoping more women are inspired by you.”

“I gave Chris the rules for any interaction you have with the press,” the DA says.

I don’t know how to reconcile my feelings of guilt over what happened to Tanya and the flicker of pride I experience when I think I can inspire someone else who has suffered. I should have done the right thing from the start.

I can’t change that, either. The only thing I can do is become a better person going forward. I can be more like Chris, who chose me over Gerard, and more like Dom, who will never hesitate to do what’s right, and more like Ari, who has never once failed to be by my side.

Hopefully, one day, I can become the person I want to be.

Right now, I feel the need to sit down before I vomit.

Fortunately, Chris returns not long after leaving. He’s not happy, but no one is. I can’t imagine how stressful his job must be. He’s the only person standing between me and Robert’s attorneys, Gerard and whoever else would pounce, if given the chance.

Chris and the DA exchange a look before my daddy turns his attention to me.

“No school this week,” he says and opens the door to reveal Fabio and Chris’ team.

“Media circus?” I guess.

“This time, the administrator has asked you to stay home until this all blows over. He’s sending over a tutor.”

I scowl. If there’s anything worse than trigonometry, it’s trig at home. After my confrontation with Madison and phone call with Robert, and Madison’s disappearance, I’d rather be at home than at school.

We return to my condo. I don’t relax until I’m safe inside my home. Chris follows me in and sits on the couch, texting and emailing, while I change clothes. I join him and wait for him to finish or to acknowledge me.

“Molly and her staff are crafting a speech for you for a press conference,” he says without looking up. “I’ll review it before sending you a copy.”

“Can’t be worse than Shea’s,” I mutter. “Did Joseph accept my counter offer?”

“He did, with the caveat you might have to do more than one press conference, given the scope of issues the media is covering. Joseph wants either his staff or Molly’s to prep your speeches.”

“Okay.” I don’t like the idea of several press conferences, but it’s better than letting Joseph run my entire life to further his political career. “I’m betting the first press conference will be very soon.”

“Tomorrow.”

“But I look like shit!” I reach for my throat with my injured hand and end up in pain.

“Exactly.”

I hate that people want to put my injuries on display. I don’t want the entire world knowing I’m hurt!

Chris glances up at me, sensing my distress. “Two to three press conferences, and Joseph leaves you alone. You can do this.”

I’m nowhere near as certain as he is. At this point, there’s no turning back. I have to go through with everything, no matter what I feel.

Later, when I’m in my safe room, I open my diary for the first time in a couple of weeks.

Dear Diary,

I don’t want to tell you what’s happened since I last wrote. I’d rather not remember everything if I ever read this stupid thing again.

I feel … different. Everything has changed again the past couple of weeks. I don’t feel better or good or anything like that, but I feel like I understand what I need to do, or like some things have clarified for me. It’s difficult to describe. For almost three months, I felt shaky, scared and about to break down every second of my day. Now, I feel … solid inside. I know what I need to do. I know who I can trust. I’m still scared, but I no longer question myself, because the man I wanted to love me no longer matters.

That part hurts, though. I still want Gerard to care for me. I shouldn’t. I should be able to walk away and never think of him again.

That’s stupid, isn’t it? To want someone like him to love me?

I guess it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I understand him and I understand how different my real father is.

Chris has already proven how much he cares. Gerard’s limitations extend far beyond what I discussed with Dr. Thompkins so far. It’s not about his inability to communicate. It’s about his inability to care.

Chris has chosen me over everything: his brother, his job, his life. He’s the father I want and need, even though it’s hard to let go of Gerard.

I can’t stop thinking about how funny it’d be to see Chris and my mama interact.

I can’t stop thinking about how my mama has smashed everyone around me to protect me, either. She hasn’t been the greatest mother, but like Chris, she steps up when she needs to in her own unique way.

I miss her but I kind of hope I don’t see her again for a while.