Brock
“I don’t know Ripley.” I reach out, wiping the tear sliding down her cheek with my thumb. God, I hate her fucking tears, especially when I’m the cause of them. There is so much I want to say to her, but I don’t know how to do that without breaking her heart. I never should’ve touched her, but as soon as I buried my cock inside her, I felt like I was finally home. It’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing I can’t have it no matter how much I want it, her and that little boy who has already burrowed himself in my heart. I’m my father’s son; I’m toxic, and I’ll only hurt them. I just can’t.
Her sniffling brings me out of my thoughts. Ripley watches me, and it’s like she can read my thoughts. She sighs, and it’s filled with a finality that scares the fuck out of me. “You’re leaving.” It’s not a question but a statement. “We can’t keep doing this. There is no happy ending for us.” Tears leak from her eyes as my heart pounds in my chest. I grab her face, kissing her hard. She whimpers against my lip, but I pull away before Alex sees us again, and Ripley blinks up at me with those big blue eyes of hers.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” I whisper as I stroke her cheek. “I should go. You and that little boy deserve the world. Don’t ever settle for less.” I kiss her forehead and inhale her scent, committing it to memory. “I’ll love you forever,” I whisper before leaving her standing in the kitchen.
In the living room, I find Tiny sitting with Alex. “Hey bud, Tiny and I have to go.”
He wraps his arms around Tiny’s neck. “Are you coming back?” I don’t miss the sound of Ripley crying in the other room.
“No, we’re not.” Alex looks at me with eyes just like his mother’s, and my chest aches.
“But why?”
“We just aren’t. You take care of your momma okay?” His little chin begins to wobble so I head out the front door before his tears begin to fall. I find Ripley’s neighbor sitting on the front step, and my eyes don’t leave his as Tiny and I walk to my truck and get in. Before I drive away, I look at Ripley’s house again, and the sight I see breaks my heart. Alex is in the window, and it’s very clear that he is crying. I look back at that asshole; he’s staring at me with a cocky grin on his lips. My stomach aches at the thought of leaving, but I have no choice. It’s for their own good.
Maybe I need to reach out to Jonah and share my concerns.
I stare at the ceiling, rubbing out the pain in my chest, or at least try to; since last night, it’s been constant. Every time I shut my eyes, I hear Ripley crying and see Alex’s heartbroken little face. I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve gotten, but I don’t think it was much. Hell, even Tiny was restless last night. Climbing out of bed, I stretch, my shoulder aching a little where I got shot. I throw on basketball shorts, a muscle shirt, and shoes, thinking maybe going for a run will clear my head.
In the kitchen, I find my granddad reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. “Hey, old man.” I squeeze his shoulder.
“Morning. You have trouble sleeping last night?” He sets the paper down.
“Yeah, why?” I grab a mug and fill it with coffee then sit across from him at the table.
“You were tossing and turning all night.”
I take a generous sip of my coffee. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up. I just had a lot on my mind.”
He surprises me when he reaches out, touching the puckered scar on my shoulder. “You don’t talk about it. Son, you don’t talk about any of it.” My granddad’s right, I don’t talk about it. What happened happened; I did what I had to do to survive, the end.
“I know, but I did talk to someone after it happened.” I take a deep breath. “I do think I should talk to someone about the shit with Dad and what happened that night with Ripley. I’m never going to be able to move on until I get help.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand. “Your mom’s been talking to someone. She’s been doing it for a while. Your grandma and I have even gone to a few sessions and it’s really helped us all. No pressure, but I can get you the number if you want.”
“Yeah maybe. I’ll think about it.” I’m supposed to go home in two weeks, so is it even worth it? Ripley lives here and I live in North Carolina, and honestly I had no plans to move back here.
Flashes flow through my mind: Alex sleeping on my chest, kissing Ripley, watching Tiny being so sweet and gentle with Alex, the few times Ripley gave me the smile I’ve missed so much over the past six years. They make me want a family, a family with them, but as always, images of my dad hurting me and my mom intrude on any good thoughts I have. Following right behind is the image of me swinging my fist and it connecting with Ripley’s face.
I stand up from the table. “I’m going to go for a run. Can you let Tiny out?”
“Yeah son, go clear your head.” He knows me too well. “Tiny and I are going to throw the rope around.”
Out front, I stretch a little before I start running, and it doesn’t take long before my mind is completely blank.
Once I get back, I get on my laptop and find Jonah’s number on White Pages.com. I sit on my bed and listen to it ring, then his voicemail picks up. “This is Jonah. At the beep, you know what to do.” The beep sounds and I leave a message.
“Jonah, it’s Brock. Listen, I want to know what the deal with Ripley’s neighbor is. I don’t like the way he looks at her. I hope you’re on top of that, especially with it just being her and Alex there. Call me back if you can.” I disconnect and drop my phone on the bed.
Who would ever believe I just called Jonah Mitchell?
I grab some clean clothes and head into the bathroom to shower. I’m taking my mom out to brunch today before she goes to the flower shop. I hop out and quickly dry off before throwing on my cargo shorts and t-shirt. My face is covered in light stubble, but I don’t bother doing anything about it.
Moving through the house, I look out the sliding glass door and see Tiny leaning against my grandpa while he whittles. I grab my keys and head out the front door. My grandma pulls in the driveway and I move toward her driver’s side door to help her out. “Where have you been?”
“I met with my book club at Starbucks. We had to decide on what book to read next. Marla wants some book with two men and a woman on the cover—do you believe that?” I just shake my head. I don’t want to picture her reading dirty books like that.
“Well what do you want to read?”
“The new Nora Roberts, but we have to vote on it and Marla gets her way all the time so now I’m going to have to read a book with a”—she looks around and then leans close to me—“threesome in it.” I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh. My grandma just said threesome.
I pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head. “Well I hope they vote for Nora so you don’t have to read about threesomes.”
“Where are you off to?”
“Taking mom out for brunch before she has to work. I’ll see you later.” I head toward my mom’s place. I really am considering talking to someone; if I’m ever going to move on with my life, I need to get it all out. I would love nothing more than to move on with Ripley, but I don’t know if we can. I’ve hurt her so much, and it’s not just her, it’s Alex too. Why does this all have to be so hard?
I pull up in front of my mom’s, and she must’ve been watching for me because she comes be-bopping out of her place. I’ve never seen her so happy. My nose begins to burn and my vision gets blurred, but I force that shit back. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m just thankful that my mom is free—free to be herself, free to live her life without fear of being struck or screamed at.
I jump out and go around the car, opening her door for her. She gives me a breathtaking smile and pats me on the cheek. “Hi baby.” My mom looks closely at me. Can she see the mental war I’m waging? “You didn’t sleep last night.” It’s not a question, but rather a statement.
“Not really. We’ll talk about it.” I get her loaded up in my truck and we make our way to the Waterfront Café, a nice little restaurant that sits right on the river. Inside, I pull her chair out for her and then sit across from her. We both order water, coffee, and omelets, and once our waiter walks away, my mom leans toward me.
“Your grandpa told me you were with Ripley and her son all weekend. Are you getting back together?” I don’t miss the hope in her eyes.
A sigh escapes my lips. “Honestly? I don’t think so.” She’s clearly crestfallen. “I went to talk to her and Alex ended up getting sick, and then she got sick. I couldn’t leave them to fend for themselves, so I helped her out.”
“Who is his father? Where is he?”
“I don’t know who his father is. She doesn’t talk about it, and all the pictures in her house are of just the two of them. He never talked about his dad.” A small smile graces my lips. “Gramps brought Tiny over because Alex was asking for him, and you should’ve seen the two of them together. Tiny never left his side.” The smile immediately disappears when I think about the tears the little boy shed when Tiny and I left. “Mom, I need help.”
She reaches across the table, grabbing my hand in a tight grip. “Whatever you need baby. Maybe I can get you in today with the psychologist I’ve been talking to. He’s wonderful, and has really helped me forgive myself for staying with your father so long, and for s-subjecting you to his a-abuse.” Her eyes turn glassy. I get up and sit down next to her, wrapping her in my arms.
“Mom, don’t think I don’t know you took a lot of hits that were meant for me until I was big enough to take them for you. We both survived and now we’re free.”
Her face is buried in my neck and I hear her muffled voice. “I’m so sorry, baby boy.”
“Shhh . . . no tears. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”
“But what about you and Ripley? You belong together. Don’t think everyone couldn’t see you two were soul mates. Yes, you were young, but your love was strong.”
“I don’t know about Ripley, Mom. Maybe after I talk to that psychologist, I can make a decision.” Our waiter brings our food and I move back to my chair. We keep the rest of our conversation light while we eat, and luckily it doesn’t take long for my mom’s chipper demeanor to return.
After we eat, I take her to the flower shop and she pulls me inside with her to meet her boss, Cheryl. She appears to be about the same age as my mom, and has short grey hair and friendly blue eyes.
“So you’re the son I’ve heard so much about. Thank you for you service.” She shakes my hand and I don’t miss the smile she gives my mom. Hmmm.
“Nice meeting you Cheryl. My mom loves working here.” My mom wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“Well we love having her. She makes the prettiest bouquets for sure.” She looks at her watch and then back at us. “It was nice meeting you Brock. I’ve got some bills to pay.” I watch her disappear into the back and then lean into my mom.
“Your boss likes you,” I whisper.
My mom playfully slaps my arm, but I don’t miss the slight blush in her cheeks. “She likes everyone.” I highly doubt that. My mom’s always been beautiful, but even more so now. She seems to have found her own style. Her dark hair hangs down to her shoulders and the waves frame her diamond-shaped face. Her almond eyes are the color of milk chocolate and match mine. For once, her skin is tanned and bright. My mom’s a babe.
Today she’s dressed in a multicolored maxi skirt and a slim-fitting v-neck t-shirt that’s a pretty turquoise blue. Since she left my dad, she looks so much younger than before, maybe because she no longer has the weight of that bastard on her shoulders. Honestly, if Cheryl is into her and my mom is into Cheryl, I don’t care. I just want her to be happy.
My mom loops her arm through mine and we step outside. “I’ll call and see if I can get you an appointment with Tom. Don’t worry, it’s not bad. You don’t have to lie on a couch or anything. He’s really informal, and before you know it you’re just talking about everything. He’s made me see things clearly. I know I clung to your father for so long because when we were growing up, he was my brother’s best friend, and a part of me just latched onto him because of that. Things were great until he lost his job at John Deere, and then he just turned bad.
“I’ll always regret staying as long as I did, but every day I forgive myself a little bit more. With the love of my parents and you, I’m stronger now than ever before.”
I pull her into another hug. “I love seeing you so happy, Mom.” I mean it too; it makes me truly happy to see her like this.
She leans back, cupping my cheek in her palm. “I want that for you. I want you to be happy. I know who can make you happy if you’d let her.”
With a shake of my head, I kiss her cheek, climb into my truck, and drive away.