Ripley
Hand in hand, Alex and I look at the dogs in their cages. “Do any of them look like your new best friend?”
This past week has been hard. I’ve tried to deny that I miss Brock, have tried to convince myself I’m glad he left, but it’s a lie. The truth is, I miss him so much it hurts, especially since I know he feels the same for me as I do him. That night he hit me is holding him back, but I don’t know how much clearer I need to make it that I forgive him.
I forgave him that night, but clearly he hasn’t forgiven himself. I should be happy he’s gone so he never finds out the truth about Alex. Speaking of Alex, my son has been a huge grouch this week, and it’s because he misses that dog. He is always a pretty happy kid, but this week he’s been mouthy and defiant, and even Jonah and Jessica both picked up on his less than happy mood.
Two days ago, I had the thought that maybe if I got Alex a dog, it would make him forget about Tiny. So far we’ve been to three pet stores and one shelter, and he hasn’t been impressed with any of them.
My landlord said we could have a dog, I just have to pay a hundred dollar deposit and it has to be less than twenty pounds. Of course, any dog Alex has shown any interest in has been huge and way too big to have at our place.
“Alex, don’t you see any that you like?” He looks up at me and shakes his head. “You have to at least try.”
I don’t miss his chin wobbling. “I want Tiny. I lub him. He’s my best friend.” I scoop him up in my arms. Man, he’s getting big, and pretty soon I won’t be able to hold him like this anymore.
“I know you do, honey.” I know what I need to do, and I’m not thrilled at the idea, but I’ll do anything for Alex, so I can deal with it for a short time. “Don’t worry baby, I’m going to see what I can do.” We thank the staff before heading home to eat.
After dinner, bath, and story time, I tuck Alex into his bed. “Things don’t always turn out like we want them to, but I promise you when the right dog comes along, we’ll know.”
He nods his head and his eyes are starting to droop.
“I love you.”
“I lub you too, Mommy.” His eyes drift shut. I bend down and kiss his forehead before climbing out of his bed and heading downstairs.
I shoot Jonah a text.
RIPLEY: Hey, I need you to use your superpowers and find an address for me. Can you help me?
It doesn’t surprise me that he calls me. “Who are you stalking?” is his greeting. Dick.
“Ha ha jerkface. I need you to get me Brock’s grandparents’ address. I don’t know how to find it, but I need it.” He’s going to ask questions I don’t want to answer.
Jonah’s silent for a second, and then he says, “Are you going to murder him?”
I can’t help but start laughing hysterically. “Yep, you figured me out. You’re such a dork. No, Alex misses Tiny and I want to take him over there to play with that damn mini horse-slash-dog.”
“Why does Alex miss Tiny? He’s only seen him a few times.”
“I know, but it’s like they have this weird bond. When they were over this weekend and Alex and I were both sick, that dog stayed by Alex’s side. He even slept next to Alex’s bed.” I immediately realize what I just said without actually saying it.
“Did Brock sleep over?” His voice has a hint of concern in it.
“Yes, but he slept on the couch. He was afraid to leave us since we both got sick. Now Alex is convinced that Tiny is his best friend. I even took him to pet stores and shelters to get him a dog—a dog, Jonah.” I’ve always sworn we’d never have one until I owned my own house.
“Okay, I’ll see what I can find out. You don’t know his mom’s maiden name do you?”
I hear him clicking away on his computer. “No, I don’t. Please don’t do anything if it’ll get you in trouble.” I’m not sure how he finds his info, and the last thing I want is for him to get in trouble.
“It’s nothing to worry about. I promise, okay? I’ll text you when I find it. You know what you’re doing though, right? He’s going to be leaving again soon. What if Alex gets attached to him?”
“That’s not going to happen. I’m taking my son there to play with his dog and that’s it.” I just hope this whole idea doesn’t blow up in my face.
We’ve been sitting in our car at the end of Brock’s grandparents’ street for the last ten minutes. I know Brock’s there because his huge black truck is hard to miss, and butterflies have taken up residence in my belly. All last night and this morning, I’ve rehearsed what to say to him in my head, but I’m afraid once I see him, I’ll draw a blank.
“Mommy where are we?” Alex’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
I turn in my seat and gaze at my sweet little boy. “It’s kind of a surprise, okay?”
He nods his head with little boy enthusiasm and gives me a huge smile. This is all I want out of life, to make my son happy. On that note, it’s time for me to put on my big girl panties, drive down the damn street, and tell the jerkface that my son is going to play with his dog because Alex misses him.
Before I chicken out, I put the car in drive and make my way toward the house, parking on the street so I have an easier getaway if needed. I check myself in the mirror; I didn’t want to look like I was trying to look good for him, so I only put on a little bronzer and lip gloss. My hair is in a thick fishtail braid that hangs over my shoulder, and I’m wearing an old pair of faded cutoff jean shorts with a faded Cubs t-shirt of my dad’s and my beat-up Chucks.
I climb out, get Alex out of the back seat, and then we make our way toward the door. When we reach it, I ring the bell before I can talk myself out of it.
A good-looking older man opens the door and gives us a smile. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, I’m looking for Brock. Is he here?”
Next to me, I hear Alex excitedly whisper, “Tiny?” I give his hand a squeeze.
Brock’s grandpa looks between the two of us and then his smile gets bigger. “Ripley?”
“Um, yes, that’s me. This is my son Alex. Alex, this is Brock’s grandpa. Can you say hello?” My son has never met a stranger.
“Hi! My grandpa went to heaven.” Oh God, shoot me now. My nose burns for a second before I push it away.
Brock’s grandpa bends down and holds out his hand to Alex. “Well I’m certainly sorry to hear that, but I have someone you want to see. Should we go out back and see Tiny?”
Alex pumps his fist in the air and walks with Brock’s grandpa, who turns to me. “I’m Karel by the way, and it’s nice to finally meet you.”
“You too.” I give him a smile as I nervously walk through the house to a set of sliding doors. We all stop and I see Brock sitting on the top step, staring out at nothing, and Tiny is sitting next to him. Every time I see him, my heart does a little stutter in my chest. I try to force the feeling away, but it’s no use.
Karel pulls the door open. “Brock, you have visitors.” He turns toward us and his eyes widen when he sees us. Tiny catches sight of Alex, and it’s so cute when they run to each other. The three of us adults watch Alex throw his arms around Tiny, whose tail wags wildly at the sight of my son. “I’ll be in the house if you all need anything.” I watch him disappear back inside and turn to Brock.
“What are you doing here?”
I keep my voice calm though I feel anything but. “My son loves your dog and was crushed when you guys left. I thought that maybe he could just play with Tiny for a little bit and then we’ll be out of your hair.” I step away from him and down the steps to where Tiny and Alex are running back and forth in the yard.
From behind me, I hear the sliding door open and shut, and I know Brock’s gone inside. I blink back the tears threatening to fall. I’m so stupid to think I could come here and not feel anything, to think he’d show me anything but indifference. I’ll just let Alex play for a little bit longer, and then we’ll go and that will be that.
An overwhelming pain hits me in the chest. Why does it hurt that I was wrong, that we aren’t soul mates? I know some people would say we were young and it was first love, but I’d always hoped and dreamt that he’d be my first, last, and only love. Alex’s joyful laughter pulls me from my pity party, as it always does.
Brock
I stand at the kitchen sink, watching them outside. Being close to her isn’t good for either of us because when I’m around her, I feel hope. I get a glimpse of what it would be like if she and Alex were mine, and then I feel anger because I know I’m no good for her and that they’re not mine.
“She’s beautiful.” My granddad sneaks up behind me until he’s standing next to me, staring out the window too. “And he is adorable.” I turn to him and then back out the window. Ripley and Tiny are chasing Alex around and his giggles are loud and infectious. It makes me want to be a part of it, a part of them. “How did your appointment go?
Yesterday my mom was able to get me an appointment with her psychologist, and she was right about Tom. He was a nice guy, and within a few minutes, I was spilling it all—my childhood, Ripley, the night I left her, and coming back. Unfortunately, we didn’t get into too much after that, but he said just me opening up at all was a good start. I’m due to see him again this next week, and he offered to set me up with someone back home too.
Fuck, why does the thought of leaving hurt so much? I turn to my granddad. “It was good. He’s a nice guy.”
“Your grandma and I liked him a lot. He’s not stuffy like the ones you see on TV. He’s already done wonders for your mom, and she’s only been seeing him for a few months. Maybe he’ll help you too.” He turns to face me full on. “Go out there and spend time with her. Don’t think I can’t see the love in your eyes when you look at her. It’s the same look she has for you.”
At the door, I stand frozen, because I have no clue what I should do. A part of me thinks I need to let them go, but I just can’t, not anymore, because I don’t think I can live the rest of my life without her.
My stomach knots and I rub at it, begging the ache to go away. I step outside and walk toward the steps. Ripley’s watching Alex and Tiny play fetch, and I stop next to her. Without thinking, I reach out and lace her fingers with mine. At first, she’s a statue, but then she scoots close to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. As if the past six years never happened I kiss the top of her head and listen to her sweet sigh, and it’s like it’s always been with us. Everything clicks into place.
Alex flies past us tripping over his own feet, and as if in slow motion, he goes flying. I let go of Ripley and race toward him, but before I reach him, Tiny is there licking his face. I move an unhappy dog out of the way and stand Alex up. “Are you okay, buddy?”
He holds up his hands—they’re covered in scrapes, a few of which are bleeding. “My hands hurt.”
I pick him up in my arms. “Let’s go wash the dirt out of those cuts.” I look at Ripley. “I think they’ve got ointment and Band-Aids inside.” Tiny follows close behind as we step inside, and then I set Alex on the counter. Like we’ve done it a million times, Ripley moves toward Alex while I get a washcloth, antibiotic ointment, and Band-Aids.
When I step back in the kitchen, he’s just swinging his legs back and forth while Tiny and Ripley stand by him. The kid is tough and didn’t cry once. I hand Ripley the washcloth and while she cleans and dries his hands, I get the bandages open and squirt the goop on his palms. Once he’s all fixed up, he hops off the counter and runs back outside, followed by Tiny.
“He’s all boy, isn’t he?” Ripley looks at me with an incredulous smile on her face.
“Oh yeah. Even when he was first learning to walk, he’d take a tumble, shake it off, and be right back at it. He’s my little tough guy, that’s for sure.” She looks up at me. “I’m sorry we just showed up like this. I had Jonah find—”
I cover her lips with my hand. “Don’t apologize. I’m actually kind of glad you did. Do you think maybe you could get a sitter for Alex and I could take you out for dinner tonight so we could talk?” She doesn’t hesitate or pretend to think about it, just says yes right away. “Okay. Do you still like Exotic Tai?” It was one of her favorite places to go when we were in high school.
“Oh my gosh, I love that place. I just don’t get to eat it often because Alex hates it. Do you want to just meet there?”
I grab her hand. “How about I pick you up at six?”
“Sure, six is good. I’m sure my mom will watch him for me, and if not, Jonah and Jess will.”
I lead her back outside where Alex is already back to running around the yard.
I’ve never been nervous about a date before, but I guess this really isn’t a date—or is it? I suppose Ripley and I could’ve just talked on the phone or at my grandparents’ house, or hell, I guess we could’ve even talked at her place.
After I asked her to dinner, she and Alex didn’t stay much longer. My grandma got home right before they left, so she met them both and was smitten with them immediately, of course—how could you not be?
I pull up in front of her place, and thankfully that fuckhead neighbor of hers isn’t outside. I climb out of my truck and rub my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans. Why am I nervous? I feel like I did the day I picked her up for our first date back in high school. That night, she came to the door in a pink dress that stole my breath. I nearly got an erection when she stood on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
There was never any awkwardness between us either. Once we started dating, things just clicked into place. I was the ying to her yang, and she was my everything. A part of her always would be.
As I reach the door, it opens, and there she is, looking about as nervous as I feel. She looks beautiful, and I wouldn’t expect anything less or anything different. Her face is free of makeup; she’s never really needed it. Ripley’s hair hangs down in soft blonde curls that frame her face, her lavender V-neck shirt hangs off one shoulder, and a white tank top peeks out from under it. She’s wearing jean shorts that show off her slender, tanned legs.
“Hi. Come on in.” Ripley holds the screen door open for me. A light floral scent hits me as I walk by her, willing my cock not to get hard. I move until I’m standing in the living room.
“Where’s Alex?” The pounding of little feet brings my attention to the stairs and Alex comes flying down them.
“Brock!” That sweet little boy runs at me and jumps. I catch him and my breathing hitches when he throws his arms around my neck and hugs me tight. My arms tighten around him, and I watch Ripley watching us. She has a look on her face that I can’t place, but it’s breaking my heart. Alex starts talking a mile a minute and I feel bad because I don’t know what he’s saying; I’m focused on the war waging inside Ripley right now.
The door opens and whatever was going on with Ripley is now hidden under a fake smile. Her mom freezes when she steps inside and sees Alex in my arms, but why? I know he’s not my boy, but fuck me, I wanted him to be mine.
“Brock.” It comes out as a soft sigh. “It’s good to see you honey.” I set Alex down as she approaches me and then she wraps her arms tight around me. She pulls back and looks at me closely. “Such a handsome man you’ve turned out to be.”
“I’m so sorry about . . .” I can’t even say it. Ripley’s dad saved me from myself so many times and I feel the loss of him deep within me.
Her eyes turn glassy and she cups my cheek with her soft hand. “Thank you. He thought the world of you. While you were gone, he worried so much.” She sighs. “He’d be so happy to see the man you are now.” I pull her into a hug because she doesn’t know how much those words mean to me. Ripley watches us, and I don’t miss the tear that slides down her cheek, though she quickly wipes it away.
She pulls back and then looks to Alex. “Are you ready to go to Grandma’s house? Kiss Mommy goodbye and grab your bag.”
Alex attacks his mom and their laughter is like a balm to the soul. I wave goodbye too and stay inside while Ripley walks them out. I scrub my hands up and down my face, and the pain in my chest ebbs as I take some deep breaths.
“Hey.” I turn with a start and find Ripley standing inside the door. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Alex says bye, and the next time you come over you’re supposed to bring Tiny because that’s his best friend and Tiny probably misses him bad.”
“I’ll remember that.” I move until I’m standing in front of her. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, let me just grab my purse.” My eyes follow her toward the kitchen and I can’t help but stare at her ass. Control yourself, idiot, I think to myself. She comes back and I instinctively grab her hand in mine as we head out.
Conversation is nonexistent at first, and I watch her fidget with her hands as she stares out the passenger window. Without thought, I reach out and place my hand on her hands. “Your mom looks great.”
She offers me a smile. “Thanks. She’s been a lot better lately. Helping with Alex helps keep her busy.” She’s quiet for a minute and then sighs. “It was so sudden. I was at work and he and Mom were watching Alex. Mom had called me, hysterical, and I could hear Alex crying in the background. I got there right after the ambulance did, and Jonah had gotten the call from Jessica so he dealt with Alex while I held my mom. He suffered a massive stroke, and they couldn’t save him.” I squeeze her knee as I hear her sniffle. She laughs, but it sounds hollow. “Sorry to be such a downer. How’s your mom?”
“She’s like a whole different person now. She’s so happy and bubbly. Her job at the florist has been great for her, and I think her boss has a crush on her.”
Ripley covers my hand with one of hers. “That’s great, and I’m not surprised—your mom’s beautiful. Maybe she likes him too.”
“It’s actually a woman, and I figure she’s old enough to do whatever makes her happy.” She squeezes my hand and gives me a smile.
We reach the restaurant and I tell her to wait as I hop out and come around to her side. I open her door and help lift her out. It’s not lost on me that the front of her body slides down mine, and my fingers find their way up into her hair without me telling them to. Ripley tips her head back and looks up at me, licking her lower lip nervously. Before I can talk myself out of it, I bend down and brush my lips against hers.
Ripley’s lips taste like strawberries, and I deepen the kiss. She eagerly opens her mouth for me and our tongues entwine. Her hands grab at the sides of my t-shirt, pressing her tits against my chest. I pull away reluctantly and watch as her eyes flutter open.
“We should go inside.”
She nods her head and lets me lead her in.