The office had all gotten together to show Ben a warm welcome Monday night, even though he didn’t officially start until Tuesday. I, of course, had declined Trent’s invitation to dinner just as quick as I’d said no to Ben when he’d called and asked. I’d opted to stay in and mope instead, wishing Mark could’ve been here to make Ben’s first day more bearable. Needless to say, I’d only successfully dodged one bullet, to step right in front of another one this morning. I was running late, which never happens, and I was forced to pile my damp hair on top of my head. I’d attempted a messy bun with my favorite red chopsticks, but looked more like a spinster than Mark’s idea of a sexy librarian. The navy blue polka dot blouse I had on had come untucked on the drive over to the office, and to make matters worse, I hadn’t slept well. There hadn’t even been enough time to cover my dark circles with a quick dusting of powder.
A deep sigh parted my lips. I shouldn’t care what Ben thought of me anymore, but there was some weird, superficial recess of my personality that had hoped to stroll into the office today, shoulders rolled back like “look what you threw away.” Unfortunately, all I had to work with was disheveled, frumpy, and slightly wrinkled. At least my coffee was hot, I thought, as I walked into the lobby. I waved to David who smiled at me like a cat, his fingers tented under his chin. Poised and ready for all the interoffice drama Ben and I might cause. I pursed my lips and gave him the finger.
“Stevie!” he gasped and I giggled, waving over my shoulder as I headed to my office door.
I balanced my coffee in my left hand, the same hand that held my chocolate croissant. My head was down when I walked into my office, my right hand busy digging into the bag and grabbing my breakfast. I smiled once I’d managed to snatch it between my two fingers, carefully removing the heated pastry. I lifted it to my lips, the sting of the hot melted chocolate causing me to hiss and curse under my breath. A quiet laugh, one I knew very well, had my eyes darting to my desk.
“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Ben said as he unfolded his long legs and stood.
I could feel the heat of the chocolate dripping down my fingers as I stared a few seconds longer than I would’ve liked. “You didn’t,” I finally managed to articulate.
His calm smile was unsettling. He didn’t look much different, except that his face had thinned, his cheeks and jaw were sharper than I remembered, and his eyes a bit more tired. The gray color of his irises assessed me, as well. His mouth twitched as if he was about to say something as he watched me fumble the few things I had in my hand.
I breezed past him before he had a chance to speak, ignoring his familiar cedar scent and how it conjured nostalgia and tension at the same time. I set my coffee on my desk, almost spilling it. My purse and the bag I carried my laptop in slid down my right shoulder and onto the floor by my desk chair. I held the croissant between my teeth, aware I had no dignity left, and fished the napkins from the bag. I used one to wipe the gooey mess off my fingers and the other I laid out on my desk, taking a big bite of the pastry before setting it down on my makeshift plate.
“You still hate mornings?” he asked, and the smile in his voice drew my eyes to his.
“Am I that obvious?”
He swallowed. “You always did.”
Ben’s eyes swept over my hectic appearance, his smile growing wider, and I didn’t like how he appraised me, like he had the right to, like he thought he still knew me. He may have had the histories of my smaller details, but he’d forgotten who I was a long time ago.
He slid his hands into the pockets of his black slacks. The color of his suit reflected in his cold eyes as he said, “You look good.”
I averted my gaze and shifted, uncomfortable under his scrutiny. I held my hand steady as I pulled at the untucked portion of my blouse, instilling as much humor in my tone as I could around the growing ache in my throat. “Oh, yeah, I’m channeling my inner supermodel today.”
A movement in my peripheral vision caught my attention. He was running his hand through his sandy blond mop of hair, his mouth curling at the corners.
“Did you need something?” I asked and my curt tone dropped his smile.
He slowly shook his head, his hands deep in his pockets again. “No… I—”
My phone started to ring and I bent down to grab it from inside my bag. Mark’s name was on the caller ID. My eyes shifted to Ben and then back to the phone. “I need to take this.”
“Give me five minutes, Stevie.”
The bite I’d taken of my croissant churned inside my stomach as my phone went silent. That might’ve been the only chance I would have to talk to Mark today until after his game. Frowning, I exhaled and gently tossed my phone onto the desk.
“I’m going to be here for three months.”
“I’m aware.”
I didn’t miss the irritated noise that rumbled in Ben’s throat. “I want us to be civil, a chance to be friends again.”
I wanted to tell him we hadn’t really been friends since college. I raised an eyebrow. “Now you want to be friends?”
“I’ve always been a friend to you.”
“You haven’t, you weren’t there for—”
“I was building our business.” He raised his voice.
My eyes started to sting, my throat contracted painfully as I said, “Your business, it was never mine.”
“Stevie, damn it, I…” Voices of the office staff sailed in through my open door from somewhere close by and Ben lowered his voice, took a tentative step, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want to fight.”
Those resigned eyes only made it harder for me to hold back my own tears. I stared at him, two, three, four seconds, until I found my nerve and the air I needed to speak. “I don’t want to fight either.”
He cleared his throat, his smile small and sad. “Can we do this?”
My heart stuttered.
He’d asked me that same question on our wedding day. The officiant had said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” and Ben had leaned in and asked me, “Can we do this?” I’d replied, “It’s too late.” Back then Ben had been my whole world, and his smile, everything a nineteen-year-old girl could’ve ever wanted. Today, the sentiment hurt, and made me angry I’d wasted so much time on a man who only ever loved himself.
“It’s three months…” I gave him a steady smile even though I was feeling like a cracked branch in a thunderstorm. “I can be a professional, if you can.”
Ben’s stature seemed to wither. “Of course, I can.”
“Then everything should be fine.”
He nodded, taking a step backward.
“If you’ll excuse me…” I lifted my cell phone. “I have to return this call.”
He hesitated, his lips tipping up on one side. “You’ll be at the meeting?”
I exhaled a shaky breath. “Yup.” My smile was genuine when I said, “You’ll want a double shot of espresso. Mr. Elm loves to hear himself talk.”
“Thanks for the tip.”
He turned to leave and his back was facing me when my phone rang in my hand. Ben hadn’t made his way completely out of my office, but I didn’t want to chance missing the call. With nervous fingers, I hit accept and breathed in the rich, calming tone of Mark’s voice. “Hey.”
Maybe it was the overwhelming morning I’d already had, but a lump formed in my throat, my voice scratchy and worn as I whispered, “God, I really wish you were here today, Mark.”
I raised my eyes and found Ben’s still form in the doorway. A seed of guilt sprouted, but died just as quickly when he walked away. This was good, I told myself. I had moved on, and he needed to see me living my life—without him.
Tuesday turned into Wednesday without any more awkward incidents. True to Trent’s word, I’d seen very little of Ben so far. Except for the office meeting, and the weird run-in inside my office, I’d not seen Ben at all. It was almost one, and I was trying my best to tick off the last few things on my to-do list so I could get out of here early. Mark was due back in town today, and I needed to go grocery shopping for the dinner I’d planned to make for him tonight. It had sort of become my way of welcoming him back from the road. A home-cooked meal, wine, and hopefully lots of sex. Sometimes sex came first, but I wasn’t complaining.
I’d finished emailing an invoice to one of my clients when my boss and Ben trailed into my office.
“Gotta second?” Trent asked, laying two large folders down onto my desk.
Ben nodded his head in a silent hello. My gaze hastily slid to Trent as I asked, “What’s up?”
It was Ben who answered, “If you have time this week, I could really use your help going through these expense reports our client sent over today.”
“Apparently,” Trent shot Ben an irritated look, his voice more authoritative than normal as he continued, “There were four files sent, Mr. Elm thinks our team is moving too slowly, and I thought—”
“I thought you’d get some great experience working on this portion of the audit,” Ben interrupted and Trent rolled his eyes.
“I know you’re loaded down already, Stevie, but…” Trent wet his lips and it made me antsy. “I think Ben’s right…” He winced when I frowned. “We could really use your help.”
I wanted the experience, and I could work on this and maintain a healthy distance from my ex. Honestly, having him here hadn’t been as bad as I’d thought, and Ben was at least trying to be a friend to me by offering me this opportunity. Maybe this was his white flag.
“Sure.”
“Really?” Trent asked.
He was so conscious of Ben. On Tuesday, he’d asked me if everything was going okay. He’d called me at home to make sure I’d felt comfortable, stating that David had told him I’d been quiet at lunch. It was good to know Trent was looking out for me.
“I don’t mind at all. Leave the files, and I’ll get started on them first thing tomorrow.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” Trent’s smile was less anxious as it stretched across his face.
Ben’s smirk was smug as he fit his hands into his pockets. “I told you she’d say yes.”
“Say yes to what?” His deep voice cut through the room and I could’ve sworn my heart had grown wings.
Mark leaned on the frame of the door, his dark hair falling over his forehead. His t-shirt snug on his biceps and pulled tight over his shoulders as he crossed his inked arms over his chest. Trent and Ben turned at the same time I stood, my smile like a reel of film, unwinding itself in slow clicks until it met my eyes.
“You’re here?” My voice was a gauzy whisper.
Mark’s full lips tipped into sexy dimples as he ignored everyone else in the room and locked his eyes on mine. “I didn’t want to wait till tonight.”
It was a private moment with public eyes and I suddenly felt raw. Mark pushed off the door frame and held out his hand to Trent. “Good to see you again.”
“Great game last night, Toronto is a tough club to beat.” My boss still had moon eyes for Mark whenever he came to the office.
I made my way around the desk as Mark said, “It got pretty greasy in the final period, but we got the win.” Mark’s friendly gaze clouded into a stoic mask as he held out his hand to my ex-husband. “It’s Ben, if I remember correctly?”
My ribcage squeezed against my lungs as Ben said, “Yeah.” The word was clipped and Ben’s spine went stiff as he took Mark’s hand and shook it. “Stevie introduced us back in October, you’re the guy who plays games for a living.”
Oh God. Games for a living? I wanted to crawl into a hole with how rude his statement was. I sidled in next to Mark and he draped his arm around my waist. His hand firmly gripping my hip. Ben’s gaze fell to the connection and his eyes narrowed.
Mark released Ben’s hand with a chuckle. The sound of it was off, and because I knew him so well, I was the only one who noticed. “Game,” he corrected. “And it’s the best fucking one there is.”
Ben’s mouth pursed, never a fan of swearing, in general. “I suppose that’s a matter of opinion. I’ve always found hockey to be overly violent.”
“It’s not for the weak-hearted, that’s for sure.” Mark tilted his head, his crooked grin giving me goose bumps as he set the full weight of his gaze on me. “I’ve turned Stevie into quite the fan.”
Mark leaned down, his mouth hovering over mine for a half of a second, his eyes asking for forgiveness before he brushed his lips against me. My body warred against what it wanted and what was right. Ben wasn’t my husband anymore, but I didn’t want to hurt him, and this… this kiss was like parading my joy down his side street of misery. Mark’s mouth pressed against mine for the shortest of kisses, and when I looked at Ben again, I saw something in his eyes I’d never seen before. Jealous anger brewed inside the gray storm of his irises.
Trent coughed before he said, “Good to see you again as always, Mark.”
Mark nodded his chin. “Yeah…” He let go of my hip to thread his fingers through mine. “You, too.”
“Come find me if you need help with those expense reports,” Ben said to me with a tight jaw, before walking out of my office without a second glance at Mark.
Once the door was securely shut, I spun on my heel and smacked Mark in the chest. “What the hell was that?”
He laughed and the sound untied my nerves. “He was being a dick.”
“Still.” I couldn’t help the smile that tugged on my lips. Mark was here, and I’d missed him so much, more than I was used to. He pulled me into his body, his arms snaking around me. I exhaled and relaxed into his touch. “We should take the higher road. Ignore him, Mark, because all that matters to me is you.”
Mark pressed his lips to the top of my forehead, his nose burying itself in my hair. I smiled as he inhaled. “I missed this,” he whispered against my skin.
“Me, too.” I placed my hands on his chest and felt the hard and fast beat of his heart.
Desire poured down my limbs as his hands gripped my waist. He pulled back, his eyes consuming me from head to toe. “You look hot in this dress… like a pin-up girl.”
I never knew how to take his compliments. They set me on fire, made me feel more confident than I ever had in my life, but speechless all the same. I was wearing a forest green dress I’d found at a vintage store in Ybor. It was short sleeved, the neck line dipped to show a little cleavage, but nothing too saucy. The material flowed out into an A-line from the thin, black patent leather belt that cinched in my waist. It was cute and simple, definitely not sexy, but Mark was eating it up. “You’re thinking about your weird librarian fantasy right now, aren’t you?”
He raised his hand and unlatched the clip that held up my hair and put it in his pocket. The waved strands tickled my neck as they fell around my shoulders. “Maybe,” was all he said as he walked me backward until my butt hit the desk.
“Mark,” I warned, but I could admit it was a thin threat.
“Hmm?” His hands framed my face, his eyes hooded with lust and five nights’ worth of distance. “I need to kiss you.”
His lips lowered and dusted my cheek, my chin, his lips pressing to the hollow below my lower lip. A soft moan fell from my lips at the rough touch of his stubble. His hands slid down my hips, turning me abruptly. My back hit his chest as he inched the fabric of my dress into his fingers. I felt the cool air of the office on my legs and the warmth of his breath on my neck as I grasped the edge of my desk. His left hand held my hip, his right holding the hem of my dress in his fist. He pushed against me, the wood of the desk digging into the top of my upper thighs.
“This desk,” he mumbled, his lips brushing gently down my jaw, his teeth at my ear. “I want to fuck you, right here.”
His hand slipped under my dress and I grabbed his wrist. This didn’t feel right. I wanted to turn around, face him, feel his gentle eyes on mine, feel the slow heat of his gaze and let it drown me like it always did. “We… can’t.”
His hot breath coated my skin and I shivered as he spoke. His voice was unraveled, “Let me touch you.”
My cheeks stained with need and I let go of his wrist. I twisted my body, wanting to face him. My eyes flicked to my unlocked door and a fearful excitement hammered my heart against my sternum. Insecurity peaked and mixed with adrenaline. I wanted his hands on me, but not here. I wanted to be back at my place.
Mark’s thumb slid below the seam of my underwear, and he groaned as my arousal wet the tip of it. “Christ,” he whispered and nipped the lobe of my ear.
His hand was between my legs, my fingers twisted in his shirt as he melted our mouths together in lazy strokes. The kiss heightened from his familiar sweet, to smoke and cinders. Voices in the hall stilled my lips and Mark smiled against them as he dipped his fingers beneath the cotton of my underwear. I moaned involuntarily and the voices in the hall went silent.
“Oh my God,” I whispered and grabbed his wrist, pulling it away. Mark’s grin was salacious and it pissed me off. “Do you think they heard me?”
He chuckled as he lifted his big hands to my hips. “I hope so.”
“Why would you say that?” I tried to wriggle out of his hold but he pulled me closer.
His laugh was gentle. “I’m sorry. I guess I got carried away.”
My cheeks were hot with aggravation and embarrassment. “What if that was Trent… oh my God, or worse Mr. Elm. I could lose my job, Mark.”
His mouth broke into a smile. “You’re fired up.”
My eyes narrowed into what I hoped was a serious-looking glower. This wasn’t funny.
His smile faded and he scrubbed his palm along his jaw. “Shit, I’m sorry, I…” The long line of his throat bobbed. “I fucking missed you, and I wanted to surprise you, and he’s in your office, and I guess… it fucked with my head a little.”
“A little?”
His chest rose and fell with a long sigh. “I wasn’t trying to piss a circle around you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He lowered his chin, kissed the tip of my nose, and my anger abated.
“Good, because that would be really uncalled for. I’m yours, remember.”
“Mine?”
I shook my head, my smile growing slowly. “All yours.”
“Can you leave early?” he asked, a little breathless.
I nodded, eager to get home, eager to be with him alone. “I need to grab a few things from the store on the way.”
“What are you making?” His light eyes beamed.
I loved that he got excited about his homecoming meals.
“Your favorite.”
“Grilled cheese?” His brows dipped with disappointment.
I laughed and raised onto my tiptoes, my mouth an inch from his. “Lasagna.”
“Fuck yeah.”
Mark’s mouth fell against my lips, and when he kissed me this time, it felt like him, like a thousand feathers were touching my skin, like always, like home.