Evie’s beautiful blue eyes smile up at me.
She’s so gorgeous, so perfect, so mine. This woman is everything I’ve ever wanted.
The sight beneath me is like something out of my wildest fantasies. Ones in which I haven’t indulged in far too long, so sure they’d never become reality.
I touch her perfectly tanned cheek once more just to ground myself. To feel what’s real.
“I love you, Mrs. Falls.” I dip my mouth to hers.
She lets me in without hesitation.
My heart thunders in my chest with pride. Earning her trust has been the most worthwhile work of my life.
She moans as I lavish her neck and savor the taste of her skin—my favorite flavor. One of them, anyway.
Her naked body feels so soft, so warm, sliding against my own bare skin. No padded bras, no scratchy lace, nothing between us. The sheets are twisted at our ankles, the comforter long abandoned to the floor.
I even threw the cats out into the hall, shutting the door on their reentry attempt.
Nothing’s in our way now.
“Slow down,” Evie pants. “You’re still recovering. This should be special, anyway.”
I rise up to look down at her flushed face. “I honestly don’t want to let you out of this bed for the rest of the week, but you’re right. This should be special. I’ll run to the store and get some candles, maybe a bottle of wine…condoms?”
Flowers. I should definitely buy her flowers. Chocolate’s an aphrodisiac, right? I’ll get some chocolate, too.
Evie’s expression turns a little crestfallen, which is surprising. “Do you want to wear one?”
Now might not be the best time for this conversation, but I honestly can’t recall broaching the topic before. It’s not like either of us have to worry about STIs; we’ve never been with anyone else. After finding out Evie thought the idea of kids and marriage in college was ridiculous, I’ve avoided that conversation, knowing it wasn’t an issue. “I want whatever you want. If you don’t mind the risk of us starting a family in nine months, then I’m completely good with that.”
“We don’t have to do this tonight, you know. There’s no hurry,” she whispers, glancing away. “Maybe I should get on the pill first…”
I turn her gaze back to mine with a gentle pull on her chin. “Honey, what’s wrong? I told you, I’ll go buy condoms.”
“I just don’t want you to rush into anything. We’ve waited this long. If you’re not ready, we can wait some more. Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I haven’t gone to student health to get on the pill. I didn’t want to pressure you.”
There’s no reason to wait any more. None at all. In spite of Evie’s changing mood, I’m on top of the world. In our bed, in Evie is the only place I want to be.
“Are you nervous, baby?”
“A little,” she admits. “Now that it’s finally happening, I…yeah. I’m nervous.”
I kiss her, enjoying the heat of her mouth. Maybe she’s just coming down from the whirlwind of the past few days. A little reassurance is all she needs from me. “Do you still want me?”
“Yes,” she whimpers against my lips.
“Do you need me, Mrs. Falls?”
Almost like she can’t help herself, she moans as she grinds her hips up against me. “So much.”
“Do you love me, my wife?”
She throws her head back on a long groan as I suck at her pulse point. “I do. I love you.”
“And I love you.” I prop myself up on my elbow to meet her gaze. There’s no room for hesitation. Not today. “I promise I’m going to take such good care of you. We’ll go as slow as you need.”
Evie flutters her hand against my cheek, along my jaw, over the bridge of my nose and my forehead. She seems to be studying me, like she’s trying to capture the moment in her mind.
I empathize with that.
A little smirk plays on her kiss-swollen lips. “I know you’ve logged hours of research on this, but Rob…it’s not going to be perfect. It will probably hurt for me. You know that, right?”
I can’t resist kissing her again. “It might not. We’ve done everything else. It’s not like this is a hook-up, where I’m just looking to get in, get off, and get out. I love you. You love me. We’ll go slow, use lube, and everything will be fine. You’ll see.”
Her soft smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Your penis is much larger than your fingers, in both length and girth. I don’t think it’s going to feel quite the same.”
God, I love this woman’s mouth as much as everything else about her. “Hopefully, it’ll feel better. Remember that one time I accidentally scratched you?”
She winces, squeezing her eyes shut. “Don’t remind me.”
My mouth, on the other hand, could use some work. Especially in the timing department. “All I’m saying is, we’ll learn. If tonight isn’t perfect, then we’ll talk about it, and improve on the next time, and the next time, and the next time.”
Evie laughs against my mouth as I dive back in for more of her taste. “You say that like you expect sex every day from now on.”
“I expect nothing more than to love you every day from now on.” I gaze at her face, trying to figure out when we flipped sides on this issue. “But, I’ve gotta admit, loving you every day in bed sounds like the best idea ever. Oh, and the shower, and definitely the kitchen counter. The couch…hell, I think we should christen the whole apartment.”
Her expression turns serious. “I just don’t understand why you’ve changed your mind so quickly. It’s like last week, sex was off the table, but now…”
So, I’m not the only one wondering what’s going on here. That’s good. Even if we’re not on the same page, at least our heads are in the same book. We can build on that.
“Evie,” I breathe deep, taking my time to really think about my answer before I give it. “I…I’ve been making love to you for years, even if it wasn’t traditional sex. And yeah, it’s no secret I had some hang ups, but that wasn’t about not loving you, not wanting to please you.”
“What was it about then? I could understand if you still couldn’t…you know, get it up. But, you said it yourself. We’ve done everything else. Why the sudden eagerness?”
I should come clean. Today of all days, she deserves to know everything. The reasons for my guilt, for her lack of memory, for my PTSD, all of it.
As she gazes up at me with her big blue eyes, I know I can’t do it. She wants tonight to be special…as it should be. Confessions of anything other than undying love have no place here.
“So many men have hurt you before. I don’t want to be anything like them.” I nod slowly, chewing my thoughts before spitting them out. “I understand your reservations. I know I’m big. And yeah, this first time might hurt a bit. I also know you’ve been ready for a long time and waiting on me. I guess…I just needed to be sure, when the time came to take this last step and potentially hurt you, we could both handle it. I needed to know you trust me enough to take care of you, to love you, and that you wouldn’t run away if things don’t go as planned.”
That’s as close to the absolute truth as I dare speak.
“You thought I’d leave you if the sex is bad?” Her voice is filled with disappointment. “Is that why you’ve always worked so hard to please me every other way? Because you were expecting me to bail if you couldn’t fulfill my fantasies?”
When she says it like that, it makes me sound like an asshole.
“You’re only hearing what you want to hear again.” I brush her cheek with my fingertips, fighting against the images of it, bruised and swollen, that I’ve come to accept will never completely go away. “I was waiting for you, as much as for me. I love you. Now you know I will love you forever, no matter what. And now I know you love me, you trust me, and you will forever, no matter what.”
“So, that’s all it took, huh?” Her blue eyes gleam with mischief, replacing the misgivings of only a few moments ago. “A business transaction? An equitable exchange? Are you completely satisfied? Would you like to leave a five-star rating on my business page? Perhaps something like, “Mrs. Falls is the ultimate granter of sexual freedom.’”
“I’d like to leave my cum all over your body until we’re both completely satisfied.”
The hitch in her breath makes me smile.
Normally, I suck at dirty talk. As is evidenced by Evie’s laughter. Most nights.
Tonight, though? Tonight I’m bringing my A game. Hot, hard, and heavy.
“And once you’re completely satisfied, there will be no reason for me to publicly scream you’re closed for business to anyone else.”
She pulls me down to her lips, whispering against me. “Superjock, let me assure you, even before this day, I have never been open for business to anyone else, because I love you more than you will ever know.”
“Dream Girl, let me assure you, that’s not possible. If you love me even half as much as I love you, then the wait was well worth the rewards.”
“Then, let me reward you.” She seals her lips with mine, promising me forever with a single kiss.
The time for reassurances has passed.
Game on.
I can’t touch enough of her. It doesn’t matter that our bodies are pressed together with her legs wrapped around my waist, her nails digging into my shoulders. The feel of her soft breasts crushed against my chest leaves my hands jealous. Seeking something to fill them with, I slide under her, cupping her ass and pulling her more firmly against me.
She gasps, the sound filling my ears, prompting me to grind against her in a faster rhythm. I’m a slave to the noises she makes for me—sweet moans, labored breaths, whimpers of need, cries of ecstasy.
I want it all.
“Rob, I need you.”
“You have me.”
“Inside me. Please.”
Without a doubt, this is the most important invitation of my life. It deserves my utmost respect and attention.
“You’re sure? Do you want me to go buy condoms first?” I slow down, giving her time to catch her breath and respond.
Her eyes are a little glazed, only half open as she gazes up at me. Once again, her small hand finds my face. Though she barely grazes my skin, the touch fills me with emotion. She’s showing me her love, and asking for the same in return. “I’m sure. You’re my husband; I want to feel you with nothing between us. At least for tonight.”
Even though we’re both smart enough to know we’re playing with fire, I can’t deny her request. I’d be lying if I said I don’t want the same thing. Tomorrow, we’ll go back to playing it safe.
“I love you,” I promise against her lips before taking myself in hand and lining up at her entrance. “I will love you forever.”
I push in, only the slightest bit, and instantly regret every wasted second until this moment.
No jerking off, no hand job, no dry humping, no blowjob compares to this feeling.
Warm, wet, silky smooth, tight almost to the point of pain, Evie welcomes me into her body. The memory of how close we felt that first night together after prom pales in comparison.
Nothing, nothing in my entire life has ever felt like this.
“Are you okay, baby?” I stop, pausing to catch my breath before pushing any further. If I don’t slow down, I’m going to come in seconds.
“Yeah,” her voice is filled with wonder. “I’m fine.”
“You see?” I grin down at her. “My fingers were good for something after all. I’m gonna go deeper. You ready?”
She nods, her blue eyes skittering over my face in awe. “Are you?”
Not entirely, no. I’m still not convinced I won’t blow my load in record time.
I want to watch her face, look into her eyes as I fill her up, but the sensation is too overwhelming.
No matter how slowly I push in, agonizing centimeter by agonizing centimeter, it doesn’t matter.
She’s so fucking tight.
My eyes roll back in my head, and I hold my breath. Already, my balls are drawn tight, my abs tingling. I’m going to lose it.
The effort to hold off actually pains me.
“Still good, babe?” I grit out.
“Mmhmm.” The edge in Evie’s quiet voice snaps me out of my lust-induced coma.
Awareness washes over me, killing my impending orgasm. Her body rigid as a board beneath me, her eyes screwed shut, the obvious pain on her face sobers me up.
No wonder I’m barely making any headway.
“Baby,” I whisper, brushing my lips across hers. “Relax, breathe. Let’s slow down, give you time to adjust.”
I glance down between us, and am shocked to find I’m not even halfway in. The mind-bending pleasure completely overrules the depth, clearly.
Who knew?
“Mrs. Falls, breathe for me.” I wrap her in my arms, abandoning the braced position that gave me more control. It’s so much better with her close to me, anyway. “I love you. Hold onto me and let me in. I’ll never abuse the privilege, I swear it.”
Slowly, her body loosens and her breathing evens out as I kiss every inch of her skin within reach. I’m barely rocking into her to keep my dick from deflating, but I must be hitting the right angle because she shudders beneath me, arching her back the way she does when she wants more.
“I’m okay now. Keep going,” she breathes, then nuzzles her oh so soft cheek against mine. “I love you. Whatever happens, don’t stop. I want you to remember this.”
I pull away to see if she’s joking. “Evie. I will remember this moment until the day I die.”
The beautiful blue I treasure disappears when she closes her eyes on a sigh. “But, I want it to be a good memory.”
I taste her sweet tongue, trying to keep her in the game. “It already is, because it’s with you…my dream girl.”
My muscles tense with the effort of fighting off every instinct, my body begging me to thrust into her as deep and hard as I can. But, a long-forgotten warning holds me back.
Never expect the fantasy of drilling hard, fast, and balls-deep.
Breathing through my urges, I focus on making this good for her, on loving her the way she deserves.
I continue to kiss her, lacing our hands together and dragging them over her head, leveraging my weight above her on my elbows. Instead of thrusting deeper, I slide against her with the same rhythm she liked before, keeping my movements steady but shallow.
She gasps into my mouth, squeezing my hands harder, silently begging me for release.
Her nipples are so hard they dig into my chest with every thrust as I struggle to not go deeper, to bring her the pleasure she wants. She’s so goddamn tight, it feels like heaven. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
But, I will. Even if it kills me.
And it might. This woman is mine. My body knows it, wants to own her, to override my brain and take her the way it should.
I gasp for air, reminding myself there’ll be plenty of time for that later. Tonight is for savoring, for making the good memories Evie talked about, for making our first time special.
To keep from coming, I focus on the little things, the important things I want to remember. The taste of Evie’s tongue, the smooth slide of her skin, her sweet breath that puffs against my neck, her hair tickling my arms, the feel of her tiny hands in mine, the way she whispers my name over and over, a song I’ve never heard before.
I open my eyes only to see tears rolling down her cheeks, an expression so raw on her face, it completely snaps all my restraint.
She loves me. This is forever.
I’ve wanted this girl from the moment I laid eyes on her, and now she’s mine.
The pressure in my body builds until the whole world ceases to exist.
It’s just us.
“Evie,” I grunt, driving myself into her, seeking my new home for release.
Her eyes fly open and she cries out.
The unmistakable pain on her face jerks me back to reality, but it’s too late.
I pull out, shooting all over her stomach and breasts, unable to dam the flow.
“No,” she wails, watching as I come on her perfect skin.
My muscles twitch with the orgasm, and it takes me a few moments to collect my wits enough to speak. As soon as I can move again, I mold myself to her, cupping her face in my hands and not giving a damn about the mess. “Baby, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
She squeezes her eyes shut, but tears continue to stream down her face. “I’m sorry. I tried to hold out; I wanted you to come in me.”
Damn it. I should’ve known by the way she was practically strangling my dick she was hurting, not enjoying herself.
“Ssh, ssh. That’s okay. You should’ve told me. We have a lifetime of making love ahead of us. I’ll come in you. Don’t cry.”
“I wanted to be good enough. Just once,” she whispers.
I cover her mouth with my own to stem the tide of her self-loathing. “You’ve always been good enough. Please, don’t cry. Let me take care of you. This doesn’t have to be over.”
I kiss her lips, down her neck, working my way down her body before she stops my progress.
“No. That’s all right.”
“You don’t want to come?” Fuck, I screwed this up. I should’ve taken care of her first.
She shakes her head, closing her eyes and trying to control her erratic breathing. “No. Not tonight.”
“Okay, that’s okay.” The last thing she needs after this is me pressuring her into something she doesn’t want. “I’ll be right back.”
Though my muscles feel like jelly, I crawl off the bed toward the bathroom to fetch a warm rag. I’ve always done this for Evie after, but somehow tonight, in spite of everything else, it feels more important than ever to take care her. To show her she’s more than just an orgasm provider. She’s my whole world.
She’s calm when I reenter the bedroom, and doesn’t flinch when I drag the damp cloth over her body to clean her.
Her eyes open, fixing on me. “Rob, it hurts so bad.”
She clutches her stomach, then pulls her legs up.
At least she’s being honest with me now. That’s good. As long as we communicate, the next time will be better.
I throw the rag into the hamper and grab the comforter from the floor before climbing into bed beside her, arranging the sheets and blanket over us.
“Come here.” I pull her up on top of me, the way she likes when she has cramps. As I run my knuckles up and down her spine, I feel her relax against me. “It’ll be better next time, baby. Promise.”
“Mmm,” she hums.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying to keep the depression out of my voice. My worst fears have come true, but I fight against the old pull of guilt. “I wanted tonight to be perfect. I should’ve been paying more attention to your cues.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” she mumbles.
“No?”
She shakes her head against my chest, then places her hand over my tattoo of her name. “Love you, Mr. Falls.”
As she succumbs to sleep, the past few days catch up with me. I can’t believe this really happened. That she agreed to my crazy plan. That she’s mine.
My mind wanders as sleep eludes me. The cats scratch at the door, wind rattles the window, but as long as the love of my life is happy and safe in my arms, I’m not going anywhere.
Evie once told me a story, an old Greek myth, about humans being separated by the Gods. We’d originally been created as two bodies fused into one—two souls and hearts that were perfectly fitted together in bliss. Mankind abused this heaven on earth, and the Gods separated us, cursed us to live our lives in a constant search for our other half.
As my eyelids grow heavy, I know without a doubt.
We’ve been punished enough for our sins. We’re together forever, and I’m never letting go.