Chapter Four
CHARLIE
September 2012
“Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?” I ask, taking a seat on the surprisingly comfortable patio couch.
“Don’t worry,” Jeremy replies, taking a seat next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.”
“But we look like shit,” I say back, causing Jeremy to bark out a laugh.
“Pretty girl, I doubt you’ve ever looked like shit in your entire life.”
I blush slightly and tuck my legs up onto the couch, leaning into Jeremy’s chest to hide my face.
“Oooooh, are we suddenly shy?” he says, playfully, tugging me back to look at me.
I can’t help the smile that takes over my face. “Hush,” I respond, then curl back into him.
When Jeremy told me we were still going to take advantage of our dinner reservation, I’m pretty sure the look on my face said it all. It wouldn’t matter where the reservation was. Our post-plunge outfits weren’t exactly restaurant material. I can say with everything I am that a Davenport has never gone out to dinner looking like I do right now.
But he insisted, so I went along with it, certain we would be turned away. But apparently Jeremy is friends with the manager of this rooftop bar in Venice Beach. After Greg got a good laugh at our clothes, he took us up to the top.
Where my breath was immediately stolen from my lungs.
I’ve never seen such a breathtaking view. Ocean and beach as far as I can see, with the last remnants of beach-goers dotting the sand as they gather their beach towels and chairs and wrangle their children. Endless palm trees and green grass, basketball courts and people on roller-skates and skateboards.
The patio we’re currently sitting on is filled with outdoor couches and tables, with small fireplaces scattered around, creating an intimate setting for a date.
And I can’t help the jump that my heart does every time he looks at me.
Jeremy.
This hot-as-sin man is very quickly becoming someone I want to spend more time with. I’ve never had a boyfriend before – not that Jeremy would be my boyfriend – but I’ve always wondered what it would be like. I used to play it down in my head. Why just have the attention of one man when you can have the attention of many? It’s an adrenaline rush for sure.
But nothing compared to how I feel when he looks at me.
And I’m 100% okay with it.
“So, the original plan was dinner here, but I think you’re feeling a bit self conscious about how we’re dressed,” he says, tugging lightly on my still-damp ponytail. “So I thought we could watch the sunset here, which should be in about,” he glances at his phone, “fifteen minutes.” He leans forward and drops his phone on the table in front of us, then settles back against the couch. There’s a big pause, before he adds, “Then maybe we can grab some take-out and head to the next place?”
“Next place?” I ask. When he only nods, I add, “How many phases are there to this date?”
“Awww, pretty girl. You trying to get rid of me?” he asks, smiling. But if I’m totally honest, he looks a little bewildered.
I can’t help my own crooked grin. “I’m having too good of a time to call it a night, mister. I just wish I had more comfortable shoes on. And that my underwear wasn’t damp and slowly seeping through the butt of these sweats.”
He laughs, rubbing his free hand against his face. “I’m never gonna live it down, huh?”
I shake my head. “Not ever. A Davenport never goes out looking anything but perfect.”
I immediately regret it as soon as I let it slip, especially when Jeremy gives me a confused expression.
I wave my hand in front of me to say it’s no big deal. “Just my mother’s thought process. She’s quite the darling in our little town. Always so put together. It’s why I’m enjoying the freedom of college so much,” I finish with a laugh.
“She sounds… interesting,” he finally says, and I laugh again at his choice of word to describe my mother.
“Interesting is one way to put it,” I say, leaning forward to take a sip of my soda. “I like to use the term ‘indefinitely disappointed.’ I mean, she has her good points too. She was really supportive about the things that made sense to her. She grew up in a really stuffy household – like, when we visited her parents in Connecticut, we weren’t allowed to touch anything. I don’t think she imagined a life where she ended up in Nebraska, so she does everything she can to make her life in Kilburn feel like it did growing up.”
“Can someone actually make Nebraska feel like growing up in Connecticut?” he asks with a twinkle in his eyes.
“I know. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s just her way to cope. I guess marrying my dad was her one act of rebellion, even though he wasn’t some schmuck. But she came from Old Money, and my dad was definitely a New Money guy, which her parents didn’t approve of. My brother and sister and I didn’t even meet our grandparents until we were like, in elementary school because they weren’t talking to my mom for a long time. They weren’t even invited to her wedding. And then when we finally did meet them, she was so different. She’s never been a really demonstrative person, but it was like going back to her parents’ house and having their eyes on her made her shut off any ability to feel empathy.”
I shrug, taking my eyes away from Jeremy to glance down at the boardwalk.
“As we got older, she became more and more strict about what we were and weren’t allowed to do. And it was all very rigid. Like, my brother was expected to do things that were athletic, but nothing too brutish. Running, golf, tennis, swimming. My sister and I both had piano lessons until we were in high school, and if we’d wanted to, we could have taken ballet or joined book clubs or volunteered for charities.”
Jeremy laughs.
“I know, right? Like, what century do we live in? This isn’t Pride and Prejudice and I wasn’t trying to do anything totally off the wall. I wanted to play volleyball and join the Pre-Med club in high school, not snort cocaine.” I laugh. “But that’s what I mean. I stuck with the piano lessons and did dance recitals each year until I was almost 16, and my mom was so encouraging and supportive. She was at every show and drove me to all my practices. She smiled more and told me she was proud of me.”
I shake my head. “But whenever I would ask to do something that didn’t align with what she wanted for me, she was like a completely different person, you know? And my dad… I think he’s just so in love with my mom and so worried that she’ll leave to go back to her old life that he lets her do whatever, even if it’s stifling for his kids or even himself.”
I let my eyes wander over the people walking past us in bright colors and bathing suits. “I’ve wondered a few times who he used to be – before my mom got so straight laced, if that time even exists.”
I turn to Jeremy with a smile. “I found this photo album once of the two of them from the 80s. My dad had this super sweet red car and my mom had this big wild hair and a mini dress. I almost died when I found it. It’s full of photos of these two people I feel like I’ve never met before.”
“That’s kind of sad, when you put it that way,’ he says, squeezing my hand slightly.
I nod. “I know. But I can’t force them to be who they were in their 20s, you know? Just like I don’t want them trying to force me to be someone I’m not.”
When I look up at Jeremy, I see a soft smile playing on his face. “What?” I ask.
He shrugs. “You’re just really mature,” he says with a half laugh. “I don’t know, I guess when I think about my asshole dad I only think about what I can change about him. I’ve never really thought about anything positive.” He shrugs again and shakes his head just slightly. “I don’t know.”
We slip into a comfortable silence and keep our eyes focused on the horizon as the sun starts to dip low in the sky. The sunsets on the coast are so different than at home. Nebraska sunsets are majestic, with the sun shining out from behind clouds, beams of light breaking through wisps of white in ethereal rays that hint at a higher being sitting just beyond them.
The sunset tonight looks like it could set the world on fire. Hot pinks and violent orange streaks the sky, the color only broken up by the palm trees that look black against the brightness of the sun in the distance.
“Looks like fire, doesn’t it?” Jeremy asks.
I nod, not taking my eyes off of the sun, even though it hurts my eyes. “I was just thinking that. It’s so harsh, it makes everything look like a photo that’s been sun-bleached. But there’s a strange vibrancy to it too. It’s different than anything I’ve seen before. I don’t really know how it makes me feel, but I know I like it.”
When I finally take my eyes off of the sun and glance at Jeremy, I find him staring at me.
“I know what you mean,” he says, his voice low. And I know he’s not talking about the sunset.
I give him a shy smile and lean further into him, kissing him lightly on the neck before forcing myself to look back at the gorgeous view as the sun finally starts to break across the horizon.
“You know about the green flash?” Jeremy says, and I shake my head.
“Never heard of it.”
“Well, there are lots of legends about it, and there are legit scientific explanations too. But my favorite is in the Jimmy Buffett song.”
“Who’s Jimmy Buffett?” I ask.
His mouth opens slightly then he laughs. “Okay, we will revisit this conversation, definitely. But Jimmy wrote a short song called Green Flash at Sunset. It’s not on any albums, it’s just something I stumbled across one day online.”
He reaches forward and grabs his phone again, flipping through and pulling something up online. A slow acoustic song starts up, and he holds his phone up between us so I can hear the words.
I listen for about forty seconds, and then it’s over.
“I think that’s the shortest song I’ve ever heard,” I say, feeling a little confused by the lyrics. “What does it mean?”
“It’s essentially saying that the green flash is an illusion, like recapturing young love, something we wish was there but isn’t real.”
“Well, that’s depressing,” I reply.
Jeremy smiles, but there’s a sadness there now. “That’s life sometimes, right?” I nod. “Lets watch for it. I’ve only seen it a few times.”
I turn my eyes back towards the setting sun, which is now over halfway sunken in the horizon. It suddenly becomes very important to see the green flash, even if it is an illusion. Because what is life if you can’t hope to see something special. My eyes burn when I focus hard on the sun as it continues to dip in the sky.
And just as the last little bits disappear, I lean forward and…
Nothing.
“Did you see anything?” I ask him, sure that my tired eyes must have missed it.
“Nope. Not today,” he replies. “But that’s the great thing about living so close to the coast,” he says as he stands and tugs me up behind him. “Every day is a new chance.”
I smile up at him, happy to see that the sadness in his eyes is gone. “That’s a pretty romantic concept, Mister Jameson. I didn’t think you had it in you.”
He smirks, his playful side reappearing suddenly. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, pretty girl.”
* * * * *
An hour later, we’re sitting in light traffic, destination unknown, at least to me. After wrapping up the sunset, we walked back to Jeremy’s car and took a little detour through McDonalds. He was a little surprised when I ordered a triple cheeseburger and large fries. I just shrugged. I plan to take advantage of my ridiculously fast metabolism while I can.
“So where is this mysterious part two?” I ask as I take another huge bite of my cheeseburger and groan. “Seriously, I know this is made up of like, body parts, but it’s so. Dang. Good.”
Jeremy laughs and I chuck a fry at him.
“Well, we’ve got a few options,” he says, flicking his blinker and changing lanes.
“Oooooh, I like options. Hit me.”
“Well, first, we could go where I had originally planned, which is up into the mountains. September is a great month to possibly see meteor showers, but there’s too much light pollution in the city to see them.”
“Okay, stargazing. What else?”
“There’s a drive-in movie theatre in Alhambra that does 9pm showings.”
“Oh that sounds awesome,” I say, balling up the wrapper and shoving it into the paper bag.
“Or, we could head back to my place, and you could change. And we could watch a movie there.” He says this last option almost reluctantly. Which doesn’t make sense to me.
“Mister Jameson,” I say, flirtatiously. “After all your showboating and innuendo yesterday about having a good time tonight, are you a little shy about the idea of taking me home?”
He laughs, a little self-consciously. “Well, I just…” he clears his throat. “I’m having a great time tonight, and to be honest, Charlie, I would love nothing more than to take you home.” He puffs out a breath. “But I’m also okay if that doesn’t happen.”
He eyes me briefly before turning his attention back to the road. “We can do any of these things another time, or we can do them tonight. Completely up to you.”
Another time.
This whole date, I’ve been fighting internally with myself. His actions have been screaming that this isn’t a one-time deal. But his reputation is also fairly loud, and I haven’t been able to help the second-guessing, knowing that this was likely going to be a one and done. And I was okay with that. Earlier. I really was.
But I’m not anymore. This man has been sliding stealthily beneath my skin. The flirtation is heart-racing, but the sincerity and genuine interest is enough to prickle the backs of my eyes.
So now, I have to decide what I want.
Am I ready for whatever happens tonight if I go home with him?
I take him in where he sits behind the wheel, the lights from the highway passing us by in waves, his face going in and out of shadow. He’s so handsome. But what really makes me want to be around him is that good heart of his. The one that makes him look unsure sometimes. The one that loves and protects his sister.
And I know without a doubt that no matter what happens between us in the future, I want to go all in with him tonight.
I lean across the center console and place a soft kiss to his neck, just below his jaw.
“Take me home,” I whisper.
I see him swallow. I’ve clearly taken him by surprise.
And I like that.
When I sit back in my seat, he reaches over and loops his hand with mine, slowly stroking the skin on my palm, running his fingers softly between the dips and valleys of mine. On the surface, it’s a fairly innocent sign of affection, but it’s causing my skin to boil, a heat rushing up my chest and flushing at my neck.
We ride the rest of the way to Jeremy’s that way, our hands together apart from a few times he uses both hands at the wheel. And by the time we pull into the parking lot of his apartment complex, I’m a bundle of nerves.
When we walk through his front door and he flips on the lights, I take a moment to survey his home. It makes me want to laugh a bit, which is a nice feeling that helps curb my slightly erratic nervousness. He’s in that zone between college student and adult. A fancy TV on a shitty stand. A nice couch with laundry dumped on it. His kitchen is the same, with red solo cups stacked up underneath hanging wine glasses and next to a decanter. It’s like his apartment is going through puberty.
“What’s so funny?” he asks as he toes off his shoes at the door and takes my purse to set it on the small table near the entry.
“Just super impressed at your ability to pull off the ‘I’m in college but I’m also a real adult’ style.” He looks a bit confused, so I dive into my explanation, pointing things out to him. “I’m not making fun, I promise,” I try to reassure him when he looks a bit unsure. “I can see that you’re really comfortable here, which is more than I can say about anywhere I’ve ever lived. It’s just so clear that you’re trying to be an adult, and it just makes me feel so young. That’s all.”
His shoulders relax and he gives me a small smile. “Glad to know you approve of my latest art installation. I like to call it Unfinished Business,” he says, gesturing to the laundry pile.
I crack up as he walks to the pile and lifts it all into his arms, carrying it down a short hallway to what I can only guess is his bedroom.
When he returns, he has a towel, a shirt and some boxers in hand. “I figured you’d want to shower off, and then we can watch a movie or something.” He motions towards the bathroom, which sits across from his bedroom. “I’ll just put these in here.”
I walk past him and into the small room, turning to thank him before closing the door. After a good rinse and scrub to get off all the sand and salt, I dry off and pull on Jeremy’s clothes, giving them a slight sniff. They smell like him and I love being enveloped in that clean, earthy smell. When I walk back out to the living room, I find Jeremy on the couch, surfing through the TV channels.
“Better?” he asks when I plop down next to him.
“Much,” I respond. “Except I’m all pruney.” I lift my foot just slightly in front of me, showcasing my super wrinkly toes. “I don’t think my toesies were a fan of being wet and shoved into boots all evening,” I say with a laugh.
Jeremy laughs too. “Don’t worry. Pruney or not, your toesies are still adorable.” He stands and hands me the remote. “I’m gonna shower, then I’ll be back. Feel free to pick a movie you want to watch. I have Netflix.”
“Sweet!” I reply as he heads to the bathroom to clean up.
I spend a few minutes flicking through the options and finally settle on Die Hard. Can’t go wrong with an action movie, I’m sure.
When Jeremy finally comes out of the bathroom, I feel my throat dry up and my eyes go wide. He’s got on a pair of plaid pajama pants and a light blue shirt that makes his eyes bright. I don’t know why I’m reacting to him like this, with my skin getting clammy and my heart starting to thump a bit more aggressively. It’s not like he’s doing a strip tease or something. He’s literally just coming into the living room in a pair of modest pajamas.
He drops down on the couch next to me.
“Oh, Die Hard. Always a good choice,” he says, clicking the play button. He settles in and glances over at me, where I sit like a rigid board. “You okay?” he asks.
I nod, not saying anything, then try to force myself to settle and get comfortable. Jeremy lifts his arm and motions for me to snuggle in next to him. So I do.
The minute I’m pressed up against him and I smell that delicious soapy smell wafting off of his still warm skin, the nervousness begins to melt away.
I rest my hand on his stomach as the movie begins, playing lightly with the material of his shirt. After a few minutes, his free hand joins mine, and he starts with the torturous finger touching again. Heat creeps along my skin, and my breathing becomes a bit harsh. And then, almost without my permission, my hand slides under his shirt just slightly, my thumb softly stroking the skin beneath. Jeremy stills for just a second, but I can hear his heart beating in his chest, his steady thump picking up speed, his own breathing becoming a bit rougher in my ear.
When I finally have the nerve to look up at him, he looks at me for only a second before his lips are on mine, his tongue plunging in as if he wants to suck the air out of my chest. I can’t do anything but moan and grip him harder, my fingers pressing deeper into his flesh. He raises slightly and pushes me onto my back on the couch, leaning over me and continuing to kiss while his hands roam across my body. My hips, my thighs, tilting my leg up and pressing against me where my legs split, eliciting another moan from deep in my chest.
“Jeremy,” I whisper.
He pulls back and looks at me, panting slightly. “You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “I just…” I pause.
“Whatever it is, it’s okay,” he says back.
“Okay, well. I just, I don’t know if I’m ready for… you know. It’s just a little fast. I didn’t want to spoil the mood, but I just wanted to tell you now so you weren’t expecting it.”
Jeremy smiles at me, a warm smile that melts my insides and pushes my fears aside. “Hey, I don’t expect anything from you, pretty girl.” He starts to pull away, but I grip him and hold him close to me.
“I’m… I’m okay with what we’re doing now, though,” I whisper, squirming slightly at the ache that throbs low, where he rests against me. “Can we…”
His smile turns lustful and he bites his lip, pressing harder against me where he rests between my legs. He closes his eyes in pleasure as he grinds into me, but I can’t look away from his strong jaw and the look of bliss that has overtaken his expression.
“Like this?” he asks, leaning forward and pressing his lips to my neck, temporarily drawing my focus to the area he’s licking and sucking, biting slightly. “This what you want?” he whispers into my ear, then rolls his hips.
I whimper, unable to contain the feelings that are rushing through my body. “Yes,” I say back.
“Good. I only ever want to make you feel good,” he responds, pressing his lips back against mine. I twist my arms around his neck, holding him to me, and give in to the desire I’m feeling.
It’s hot and heavy, and the time passes so quickly, we don’t even notice when the credits on the TV begin to roll.