Chapter Seven
CHARLIE
September 2012
When I see Jeremy waiting at the curb for me in his car, I can’t help the giddy energy that rips through my entire body. It’s only been a few days since our first date, but I can’t wait for date number two.
I practically skip down the steps and pull the door open, smiling at him as I plop into the passenger seat.
“I am so excited, Jeremy, literally I’ve never been to a drive in movie before and it always seems like the greatest thing in the world,” I say as I tug my seatbelt on and start rummaging through my bag.
“Okay, so, I didn’t have a lot of time to get all of this shit together, so you’ll have to forgive me for how lame it us. However,” I pull out a bottle of vodka, “I did manage to sneak this out of my friend’s room while she was taking a test. Maybe it makes me a thief, but I figure she’s basically an alcoholic anyway and will find a way to get some more.” I shrug. “That, or I’ll have you help me buy a replacement bottle some other day. But, let’s be honest, Kendra does not need any more alcohol after that incident with the lawnmower that RJ told me about.”
I lean forward and lower my voice. “Apparently she cut the grass on the quad in the shape of a giant penis, which, if you really think about it, is impressive considering how drunk she was at the time,” I say with a laugh.
But Jeremy doesn’t laugh. He gives me a slightly pained smile and a nod.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly concerned, the smile falling from my face. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Well…” he lets out a sigh. “Actually no, not everything is okay.”
I turn to face him. “If it’s about me stealing the alcohol I can totally go put it back. I’m not actually a thief,” I say, unsure if something’s wrong with what I’ve said or something else entirely.
“Listen, Charlie…”
And…
My stomach plummets.
“I had an amazing time with you this weekend. Like, a really great time. But I think this may have moved too quickly, you know?”
I think I nod, the acid in my stomach rolling around and making me feel queasy.
“I figured, you know, we’d grab a bite, have some fun… nothing serious. And I had a really great time with you. Really.”
“Uh huh,” I say, not looking at him anymore, just staring vacantly at the stupid bottle of Vodka in my hands.
I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I slept with him this weekend and then thought something would come from it. Like he’s some guy who really wants to get into a relationship when that’s not at all who he is. RJ warned me about this, didn’t she? Didn’t she tell me that every girl he takes out is shocked when things don’t go somewhere serious, even when he makes it clear that’s not what he wants?
And apparently I’m one of them.
I let out a controlled breath through my pursed lips, talking myself down, trying to remind myself that I didn’t sleep with Jeremy because I was in love with him, or because he promised me something, or because I thought we were going to start dating.
I did it because I was ready, and because I wanted to have my first sexual experience be with someone I enjoyed spending time with, as opposed to some awkward and uncomfortable mistake like so many others’ first times.
“But anything more than just a good time is… well, I don’t know that it’s in the cards for me,” he says.
He takes a breath like he’s gearing up for another round of it’s not you, it’s me, but I put my hand on his arm to stop him. I even manage to smile, even though it’s taking every ounce of energy in my body to keep from breaking down into tears.
“Hey, it’s okay, Jeremy. No big deal.”
He stares at me.
“You’re okay?”
I nod, my lips tucked into my mouth. I start shoving everything back into my bag.
“Don’t worry about me, mister,” I say. “I knew what I was getting myself into when I said I’d go out with you. I guess I just got a little ahead of myself, but…” I choke a little bit on my words. “Like I said, don’t worry. We both got what we originally wanted out of our date. I got a great night out and to see the beach and talk to someone other than my roommate, and you got…” I glance at him, then flush slightly but refuse to look away, “… well, you got what you wanted too.”
Jeremy looks startled by what I’ve said. He curses and runs his hand through his hair.
“Charlie, come on, you have to know…”
“I had a great time getting to know you a little bit,” I say, cutting him off. I don’t want to hear excuses. Instead, I reach over and press my hand to his chest, over his heart. “You might think you’re not a relationship person, but I believe you have a good heart. Don’t keep it away from finding the right person.”
I lean in and kiss his cheek, then open the car door and get out, lugging my bag over my shoulder.
“Bye Jeremy,” I say, and shut the door, then walk as confidently as I can back into my building, knowing his eyes are probably still on me.
I make it through the doors, up the elevator, and all the way to my room before the tears start to fall.
* * * * *
A few hours later, I get a text message. I roll over in bed, grabbing my phone and squinting through my puffy eyes.
Jeremy: Look, can we agree that Rachel doesn’t need to know about this? I just want to make sure things aren’t weird.
Prick.
Part of me wants to tell Rachel so Jeremy can get the ass-chewing of his life. But I’m a little embarrassed that Rachel told me not to mess around with Jeremy and I did it anyway. She’s best-friend material, something hard to come by. And I don’t want to fuck it up.
Me: Don’t worry. It never happened.
I never get a response.