What started as a great day has ended up a complete mess. I am utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally. My emotions are swarming like bees lost in search of their hive.

Our morning began with a cooked breakfast which we enjoyed at home sitting out on the back patio, watching the birds sing and dance in the trees beneath us. We painted the furniture to match the house and it’s finally starting to look like a home. After a pamper session, I enjoyed a much needed haircut, and although the style hasn’t changed much, it is new and fresh. No more brittle split ends. My confidence is growing every minute.

Afterward, we shopped our way around an assortment of factory outlet stores until there was little room left in the car for our purchases. My walk-in robe is now looking full and stylish.

Guilt plagues me over my brief conversation, or lack thereof, with Malakai. Fear—at what his father wanted yesterday after meeting Razor and Fracture—gripped me and my response to Kai was cold and unwarranted. We left before the Thursday night live band entertainment started and after a few drinks and a partially picked at plate of food. I lost my appetite after seeing Razor bail Kai up as he came to speak to us.

I can’t help but wonder what the last few days would have been like if we’d walked into a different bar on that first night. From the moment we walked in there tonight, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched. It wasn’t only the judging eyes of the bikers, this was different. I tried to look inconspicuous as I glanced around the bar expecting to see either Randall or Rance lurking somewhere in the shadows but I saw no familiar faces from my past.

We took the long way home to buy some ice cream from the supermarket. Ice cream is another thing that Randall never let me have. Missy assures me it’s a great comfort food. Tonight called for such comforts, even if the end result was only extra padding on my thighs. I grabbed a litre of chocolate and Missy walked out with her new go-to, salted caramel.

Now, as we pull into the drive I can see something taped to my front door. I left all my house lights on as I’m still scared that Randall will find me. I don’t want any nasty surprises coming home so late.

“What’s wrong?” Missy asks, sensing my anxiety.

“Something's taped to the door.”

“Don’t fret, pet, it could just be from one of the neighbours telling you that they can see your house from space as you’ve left all the lights on,” Missy teases. “But stay here,” she adds, getting out of the car.

“Nope. Coming with you.” Missy has done so much for me that I’m not letting her walk into any situation that could put her in danger by herself.

Missy shakes her head and we both get out of the car. The envelope on the front door has ‘Cindy’ printed on the front of it and I immediately burst into tears. Missy snatches the envelope, opens the front door and pulls me inside. On a mission, she charges through the house from room to room making sure we are alone. She rips open the letter and looks at me. My hands are shaking. No, my entire body is racked with fear and shaking incessantly.  A familiar sense of terror creeps up my spine as I wait for her to speak.

“Honey, it’s a warning.” I don’t understand. All I can think is that he’s found me. “It’s a warning, Callie, a warning. Someone has found you but it says he’s not going to tell Randall. His advice is for you to move on.”

I should have told Missy I felt like we were being watched, but it seems a moot point at this stage.

“N-not Randall?” I stammer.

Missy engulfs me in a hug and talks into my hair, muffling her voice. “No, love, not Randall. But the note says if he can find you then so can Randall, so maybe we should move you.”

Suddenly I wasn’t scared anymore, I was angry. Am I ever going to be free of him? Randall can’t possibly want me back because he loves me. I don’t think he even knows the meaning of it!

“No,” I whisper.

“What?” Missy moves back, her eyes on me in question.

“No,” I repeat more forcefully.

“Honey, he—”

“No! I like it here. He doesn’t get to take anything from me ever again.” An explosion of strength and courage hits me without warning, the words fall from my lips and I’m hoping my heart and mind will catch up quickly.

I can do this. He will not control my life forever. At least that’s what I choose to tell myself. What do people say? Fake it until you make it. That’s exactly what I intend to do.

Missy nods and smiles. “There’s the girl I used to know.”

I nod back at her, feeling like a fraud, part of me wants to run and hide but putting my head in the sand for all those years with Randall is something I can never do again. It’s time to take hold of my fear instead of allowing it to run my life.