Louisa
Now
‘It’s almost ten o’clock, why are you here?’
I am hunched over on the sofa, my head in my hands, when I hear James’s voice in the hallway, followed by the front door slamming. Swallowing down a lump of despair, I peek out through splayed fingers, surprised and horrified to see a pair of four-inch heels, on the end of what appear to be pyjama bottoms, waltzing across my living-room carpet.
‘Never mind ten o’clock! Just settling in for Gogglebox I was. Then all of a sudden my inbox pings; “you’ve got mail” says that Siri. Nearly had a bastard heart attack when I read it! Never liked that woman, James, knew she was trouble.’
Hearing Tamzin’s voice in the hallway, my heart sinks.
‘Mum!’ James follows her into the living room and I hear that he is slightly out of breath. ‘Don’t say nasty things about Louisa, please. We can sort this out in a civilised way.’
‘I mean Siri, you daft sod,’ she fumes, before plonking herself down on the chair opposite me. ‘Although now you come to mention it… So come on then, Miss Misery Pants. Have you really done the dirty on my boy? I always knew you were…’
‘Tamz!’ Doug’s booming voice cuts her off mid-sentence. ‘All right, Lou, love?’ he says to me as he takes a seat on the opposite side of the sofa. ‘Sorry about this, James, lad. I told her to stay out of it but you know what your mother’s like. Only just got in from work I have… she made me leave my tea in the microwave. Starving I am.’
The smell of ale that clings to Doug’s breath makes me smile despite the situation. No wonder he always claims to be at ‘work’ with Tamzin as a wife.
‘Doug, will you stop complaining about your stomach for five bleeding minutes. It won’t do you any harm to miss a meal let me tell you.’ She raises her chin in the air and fluffs up her white bouffant. She is indeed wearing pink silk pyjamas, along with teardrop diamond earrings.
‘Look, Mum…’ James glances over at me and I see the threat which lies just behind his pupils. ‘Lou was angry at me. We’d had a huge row and she hasn’t been feeling well and she sent the email to get back at me. It was a mistake.’
As James continues to speak, everything in front of me slowly begins to fade away, until his words are nothing but muffled sounds. I can still see Tamzin opposite me, and James as he faces her, his arms outstretched in front of him as if pleading with her to believe what he is saying. But as much as I try to focus, their features are blotted out, like a watercolour painting left out in the rain. All I know is that James is lying. James is lying to his parents about me… but I’m too terrified to make them hear the truth.
‘No, Mum, everything is fine. No, I don’t need you to stop over. Honestly, she’s just been a little under the weather. Yes, I know she’s not spoken since you arrived. Yes, I am still glad I married her. Of course he’s my son, Mum. Okay, ‘night. Yes, I love you too. Bye, Dad.’
I listen as James slowly backs his parents out of the door before closing it and turning the key in the lock. He takes a few steps towards the lounge and then the sound of his footsteps abruptly stop. I’m freezing cold despite the gentle hum of the central heating which warms the house. Pulling out strands of hair, I try and fail to remember the evening. Nothing seems real, everything is a blur.
It is now gone midnight and my body is crying out for sleep. I am finding it difficult to separate reality from fantasy, my memories and thoughts knotting themselves together like fine gold chains in a jewellery box. I can’t believe I would send an email to all my contacts confessing to Cory’s parentage. And yet I must have done because who else would have done it? Icy fear sidles down my spine. ‘James?’
‘I’m here.’ He pads along the hallway, appearing in the doorway, his skin a washed-out grey. ‘What do you want, Lou?’ He sounds desolate, exhausted, like every inch of joy has been yanked out of him.
‘Why did you lie to your parents?’
He sighs. ‘How would you have suggested I dealt with it in your infinite wisdom, Louisa?’ He uses my full name, a sure sign he is majorly pissed off with me.
I shrug. ‘I wanted to tell you… about the cards, about the man in the market. I wanted to tell you everything but…’
Twenty minutes before Tamzin and Doug arrived, I was forced to confess all to James.
He shakes his head. ‘You’re crazy. It’s all in your head. You know that, don’t you?’
‘James, it’s true. But no matter what happens, whatever comes of this, you’ll always be Cory’s dad.’
He takes a step towards me, slumps down onto the sofa and holds his head in his hands. ‘That isn’t strictly true though, is it, Lou?’ Tears glisten in his eyes. ‘We knew I wasn’t going to be his dad from the very moment we agreed to use a sperm donor.’