Chapter Eighteen
Matty
We have dinner and little man sits on my lap, unwilling to leave me. The relief I feel having him with me, knowing what’s happening to him and being able to control his environment is everything I’ve wanted for the past two years.
Two parts of my world are coming together that I’d always kept separate. But now I’ve got to figure out how to blend them together without disrupting either one.
After dinner, I give him a bath and lay in his bed until he falls asleep, thinking the whole time. When I’m sure he’s out, I kiss his hair. My boy is safe. I remove myself and head downstairs in search of a whiskey, only to find my dad waiting for me. He pushes a tumbler towards me, then gestures that I follow him outside to the back deck.
When we’re safe outside, and far enough to where my mother can’t hear us, my dad lights his cigar and asks, “Have you read the report?”
I lower my head. “No, sir.” I’m ashamed I couldn’t man up and read what might or might not have been done to my son.
“I have.” He says as he lowers himself onto the swing hanging from the rafters of the porch. He drags in a deep breath, and the sound of it makes my heart crumble. I shove my hand through my hair and slump down beside my father.
“Was it bad? Will we need to get him counseling?” I ask, looking at him afraid of how he’s going to answer the question. My head slumps again when he doesn’t answer me.
I feel his hand come down on my shoulder. “Son, from what I can tell of the medical and DSS reports, nothing happened to Jackson. Mrs. Davis removed him from the home when she had met Rachel’s new boyfriend. She’d heard his name drift through the office and recognized it immediately.” I jerk around at him and wonder why she hadn’t told me any of this when I’d been in her office this afternoon.
I feel a relieved sigh leave my body and slump back into the swing, drinking down the rest of the whiskey in my glass.
I turn to my father, and he sees the regret in my eyes. “Now son, don’t go there. You did a service for the next little boy who might have crossed that man’s path.” I’d killed a man last night, thinking he’d laid his hands on my son, but he hadn’t, so I got revenge for all the other children whose fathers weren’t around to protect them, or for the ones whose families had no clue it was going on.
~~~~~~
Tessa
I blink twice and wince when I realize my eyelids contain what feels like shards of glass. My body hurts everywhere. I wrap my arms around my middle, trying to keep myself together, and roll to my back. I flinch when just the weight of my body presses it into the floor, making me well aware of all the bruises covering my body.
The house is once again silent, but the air about it is different. I know I’m alone, really alone. He had left me, possibly to die. Maybe he thought he’d killed me this time, and he just about did.
I suck in a deep breath as I roll to my stomach to find I’m still in the living room, which is destroyed. Everything’s broken, ripped apart and shattered, like me. I lay my cheek against the cool wood of the floor and feel the sting of tears as they roll down my face and through the various cuts.
I’d brought him here. How much had he seen? Had he been following me the whole time? Regardless of the pain, I pound my fist against the floor, screaming as loud as my sore throat will let me.
I slowly pull myself to the overturned couch and begin the tedious task of dragging my body up to a standing position. I stop often, crying out in pain—pain so bad it sometimes takes my breath away. When I do make it up, I lean over, trying to catch my breath. The first thing to do on my list is to make sure the door is locked. I stumble to the door, holding my side and flipping the lock on the knob, then the deadbolt.
I push off to the stairs and land on my hands and knees with a thud. “Oh shit.” I lean forward, laying my overheated forehead on the cool floor again. I start to move one hand, then one knee. Doing it again, I make my way up the stairs to my room. When I make it, I find it torn apart too. I fall to my side on the carpet and cry. The worries of only a few hours ago are gone with the beat down I’d just received. There’s no threat of me ever being pregnant, and a whole other kind of pain washes over me.
~~~~~~
Matty
I climb the stairs back up to his room. I push the door open to find him still lying in his small bed. I look back over my shoulder to my room, then back to him before I walk in and lower myself to lay in the floor beside him. Looking up at the ceiling, my thoughts go to her, like they’ve been doing each time I’ve had a moment of peace.
Tomorrow I have a big decision to make. Do I take Jackson back with me? Or wait and tell Tessa to her face without springing my little boy on her? For the first time, I fear losing her, but if she can’t handle me having a kid, I’ll have to let her go. My priorities now have to be on the little boy in the bed.
I lay there all night, unable to sleep, thoughts and worries I’ve never had before flooding my mind. Two parts of my world are about to collide and I’m not sure what the outcome will be. I’ve had her in my life for three days, and he’s been back mere hours.
~~~~~~
Tessa
I wake up several hours later and the sun has gone down while I was out. I roll to my back. Laying my arm over my eyes, I feel the sting of tears hitting the various cuts marring my face. I gingerly take in a deep breath, preparing myself to sit up. Struggling, it takes me a while to get my body off the floor. I’m lightheaded as I stand, trying to get my bearings in the dark room. What little there is from the street lamp just outside my bedroom window, I find what I’m looking for.
I do my best to maneuver the mattress so there’s enough for me to lay on and collapse onto it. Finding the ripped sheet, I pull it over me. My whole body shivers and I continue to cry. I need Matthew. But do I want him to see me like this? Do I want to drag him into this? I don’t want Jake hurting him or any of his family. With thoughts of Matthew filling my head, I pass back out.
~~~~~~
Matty
When the sun breaks under the small curtains covering the window, I haul myself up off the floor and head for the shower in my room. I stand there for a long time, letting the water rush over me. When the water runs cold I step out, wrapping a towel around my hips and go to my bag sitting at the foot of my bed. My phone rings and Leo’s name flashes across the screen.
I sigh as I answer it. “Yeah?”
“Where the fuck are you?” he barks at me.
“Well, hello to you too, man.”
“Where the hell have you been the past two days?” His tone is now a little less confrontational.
“Taking care of some personal business, brother.” I run my hand down my face.
“Oh,” he murmurs. “Everything okay?” Hearing concern in his voice isn’t something I’m used to.
“Yeah, got it taken care of. I’ll be heading back today.” I look across the hall to the room where I’d left the door cracked open. “I’ll need to talk to you and all the brothers when I get there.”
“Okay, I’ll set it up. Just let me know when.” The man can be a fucking bear, but when shit hits the fan, Leo shows up, the rock we all need.
“Thanks, brother.” I end the call and look down at the phone. I do it, I call her.
My call goes straight to voicemail. “Hey, babe, just checking in. Sorry it’s taken me so long to call but I wanted to let you know I’m coming home today. Can’t wait to see you.” I quickly hang up before I do something stupid, like tell her I think I might love her.
“Daddy?” A small voice from the hall grabs my attention. I turn with a smile on my face to find Jackson standing there, holding his blanket and bear in his tiny arms.
I tuck the towel tighter around me and hold my arms out to him. “Hey, little man.” He runs to me and I gather him up. “Sleep good?”
He nods his head with a sweet smile on his face. I sit him on the bed. “Hang out right here and let me get some clothes on, and then we’ll go down and see if Nana has us some breakfast. Sound good?” He nods again, falling back on the pillows. I dig through my bag, grab some clothes, and dress in the bathroom. Once I’m finished, I come back out and collect my son, heading downstairs.
~~~~~~
Tessa
I remember the phone Matthew had given me. When I do find it, tucked away in my purse, I use it to call work. Calling off on the fourth day isn’t good, but I don’t see me making it in for the rest of the week, or ever with how I feel and what is for certain, the way I look.
Claire sounded suspicious but she let it go, and I was thankful for that. I somewhat stand and stumble back upstairs and into the bathroom to run a hot bath. Sinking myself down into the warm water, I immediately feel its effects on my injuries.
I pour more Epson salt in the water, stirring it with my hand so it will dissolve and seep into my bruises. I lay my head back and close my eyes, the fear of Jake fresh in my mind. Even though I’d found the courage to run from him, I was stupid to think I could hide from him.
I’d only thought I was finding true happiness with Matthew, but just like he’d always done, Jake ruined all that with one swift slap of his hand and a painful jerk of my hair.
Even though I’m submerged in a tub full of hot water, a shiver runs through my body. I’d been such a stupid sixteen-year-old, love-struck and dumb. When I’d gotten pregnant, Jake, who’d been twenty-four at the time, hadn’t thought twice about marrying me. And I’d thought I was in love, and I had mistakenly thought he loved me.
But as time passed, I learned the hard way it was more possession than love. More ownership than a partnership, and a shit ton of insecurities. The night I’d lost the baby had been the first night he’d laid his hands on me in anger.
~~~~~~
Matty
I pack up my car with the few things belonging to my son. I look back to see my mother crying as she tucks herself into my father’s arm, watching us pull out of the driveway to head home.
I glance to the back seat to see him sitting in the booster, holding his blanket with his two middle fingers shoved in his mouth. He looks out the window, not fussing or saying a word, just watching as the world flies by.
Redirecting my gaze back on the road, I take out my phone and call Tessa again, and again, I get voicemail. This time I hang up and dial Leo.
“Matty,” he answers.
“I’m about thirty minutes out. Can you get everybody to the clubhouse?” I ask him, looking back at Jackson smiling. The ladies are going to love him, and the men are going to be shocked as hell when I carry him in. But my family is just that—family. They’ll welcome him with open arms, and this is something I need to tell them when we’re all together.
I’d gotten Rachel pregnant behind Clarissa’s back. I kept the secret and married Clarissa anyway, but when Rachel had shown up on our doorstep holding a baby, Clarissa left me and Rachel used me for money. Rachel had then gotten involved with the wrong man and became a full-blown drug addict. The events of the past three days were the straw that broke the camel’s back and showed me it was time to step up and take responsibility for my past actions.
“Yeah, man, will do,” he tells me, ending the call.
“Hey, buddy, wanna meet some new family?” I ask, looking back at him.
He grins at me. The innocence in his smile breaks my heart, to think of the things he’s seen. I pray he’s young enough so that whatever she did in front of him will be easily forgotten as he grows older.
I pull through, past the fence, and smile. All my family is here. I park and take Jackson out, carrying him in the door. The slam behind us makes everyone turn around.
“Everybody, this is Jackson Matthew Keagan the third.” I hold up the little boy in my arms. “Wave,” I prompt him. He gives them all the Matthew smile and a tiny hand wave.
The whole crowd stops to look at us both, all wide-eyed and slacked-jawed. The room is so silent, you could hear a pin drop. I shift us from my one foot to the other, feeling the weight of all the gazes in the room. Some are turning curious, while others are starting to show a hint of aggravation, but all are stunned.
Avery is the first to break the silence as she moves to me and Jax. She tilts her head to the side with a soft, sweet comforting smile on her face. “Hello, Jackson.” She offers up her hand to him. “I’m Aunt Avery.” He takes her hand and she gently shakes it. “We’re going to be the best of friends.”
The others begin to ease up to him, and I suddenly feel a hand on the small of my back. I look over my shoulder to see an amazed Emily, her eyes a bit glassy as she uses my body as a shield from the slight pain she still feels from losing her own little boy.
I reach around with my free hand and place it over hers, giving it a slight squeeze, hoping she knows I see her pain and feel it with her. I could never imagine losing my son. He’d been mine from the time we had found out Rachel was pregnant. But I’m a man. The connection between a mother and a child is physical, along with the emotion of growing a human being in your body, feeling all the movements and kicks. As a man, I can only sympathize with her loss, which was substantial, but nowhere near what the woman standing beside me feels.
And just as I’d expected, he’s taken from my arms and passed around to all the women who fall head over heels for him. I walk to the bar and take the beer, joining in the cheers. “Gonna tell us about this?” Leo points his bottle to Jackson who’s sitting on Avery’s lap.
“Rachel.” That’s all I have to say. They all knew of her.
“When?” Roman asks.
“Right before Clarissa and me got married.” I pull from my beer and watch as Caden inspects Jackson.
“You’ve known about him the whole time?” Eno turns right as Hollis takes Jax out of Avery’s lap and nuzzles his neck with her face, making him giggle.
“Did Clarissa know?” Dalton asks.
I turn to him, my eyebrows knitting together. “No, but she left when she found out.”
“You told us it was the job.” Cowboy gets in on the conversation.
“Yeah, I did,” I tell them all matter of factly.
“What the fuck else are you lying to us about?” Eno asks, dejected. I look up, twisting my mouth, acting like I’m deep in thought. “Really, man?” Eno adds.
Roman pushing Eno’s shoulder. “You sound like a pissed off teenager whose bestie kissed your crush behind the bleachers,” he says in his best Valley girl voice.
“Get off me, man,” Eno scoffs, pushing him off.
“Nothing, and I didn’t actually lie, I omitted.” I take another beer. Twisting off the cap, I toss it in the trash.
“Are you ready for this?” Cowboy asks me, leaning against the bar next to me.
“Not even,” I answer him, not able to tear my eyes away from Jax.
“Umm...” Is all he says back to me. Cowboy had been in the same situation I’m in not so long ago with Caden, but now he has Emily, and that bitch who gave birth to Caden is worm food, thanks to Hollis and Roman.
Cowboy stills and I follow his eyes as Emily takes Jax into her arms. Her eyes are glassy as she smiles, looking at him. They would have a son, about eight years old now. Not much older than Caden.
Worry for Emily grips my chest as she holds my son, placing featherlight kisses on his chubby cheeks. “Man?”
The muscle in his jaw ticks and his eyes are leveled on his wife. “She’ll be fine. She has her moments. She’ll let me know if she needs me.” I don’t miss the look of loss in his eyes. I know for a fucking fact he would never trade Caden for anything, but the loss of a child sticks with a person until the day they die. And to lose one the way they had cuts deeper than just Mother Nature taking a baby back, leaving scars that never really do heal.
When he sees that she’s okay, he turns around, leaning his forearms on the bar. “Heard from Tessa?”
“No, actually. I’ve called her twice and it’s gone straight to voicemail both times.” I mimic his actions.
“She have a problem?” Cowboy, a man of few words unless he’s speaking to Emily or Caden.
“Not that I thought. I told her I was leaving on club business and I couldn’t give her details. You know, the usual spiel.” I shrug. “She seemed fine.”
“If you say so.” He takes another beer, leaving me to go to Emily, who had given Jax up to Josie.
I take out my phone and look up the office number of the county tax assessor’s office and dial it. “Hello, this is Claire, how can I help you?”
“Claire, this is Matthew.”
“Hello, Matthew. How is Tessa feeling?” she asks with a hint of concern in her voice.
“Feeling? What do you mean, feeling?” I ask as a hint of panic starts to tighten in my chest.
“She called in this morning and said she couldn’t come in for the rest of the week.” She clears her throat, and I can hear her hand cup the phone. “Matthew, I’m worried. She didn’t sound quite right. I’ve only known her for three days, but there was something off.”
I feel my muscles tighten all over my body, and my heart rate begins to explode. “Has Angela messed with her in any way?”
She laughs a little. “She tried, but Tessa shut her down. But I don’t think that’s it because she seemed fine with it.”
My chest tightens even more. What had Angela said? I hope she didn’t spill the beans. I look over to Eno and tip my head, watching as his expression tightens. “Thank you, Claire.” My gut churns. The uneasy feeling I felt after I couldn’t get her on the phone last night hits me with the force of a nuclear bomb. I turn to Eno. “I’m gonna go check on Tessa.” I cross to my son, giving him a kiss on the top of the head. “Watch him for me?” I ask the ladies.
Avery’s eyes dart to me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, just gonna go check on Tessa.” I turn, but she puts her hand on my forearm, stopping me. “What, Avery?”
“Go easy on her, okay? She was scared yesterday.” Her big green eyes are soft and so full of compassion.
I stop, giving her my full attention. “You saw her yesterday?”
“Yeah. She came to see me at the hospital.” She steps back, crossing her arms over her chest.
“What for?” Tessa wouldn’t have just gone to Avery out of the blue like that if it wasn’t something important.
“Ask her, but be gentle.” She looks back over her shoulder at Jax, and then back to me. “Okay?” Not sure what Jax has to do with any of this, but I’m in an even bigger panic to get to her now. I walk out the door and to my car. I tear out of the parking lot, breaking every speeding law there is between me and Tessa.
I pull into her drive behind her piece of shit car and park. The house looks normal from the outside, just as it had when I left it on Tuesday morning.
I pound my fist on the door. “Tessa?” There’s no sound or response. “Tessa?” I move over to the windows of the living room and cup my hands around my face to look in. The living room is turned upside down. “Shit.” I go back to the door in a panic.
I look for the rock and find it gone, so I step back and kick the door again and again until the deadbolt gives, busting the frame, and the door swings open. The house is utter chaos and deathly silent. I pull my gun from my back and lead with it, clearing the living room. “Tessa?” I survey the damage and my chest tightens. The kitchen is in the same shape as the living room—destroyed. Her dishes have been broken. All the drawers have been dumped on the floor, and all the food in the cabinets and fridge are scattered everywhere.
I stop when I see the back door. It’s screwed fucking closed. That’s when I see the small spots of blood dotting the white paint. “Son of a fucking bitch,” I mutter, turning and running for the stairs. When I reach the landing, it’s just as trashed as the rest of the house. I see her bedroom door standing wide open.
I step through to find her on the mattress that has been tossed off the frame, her small body curled into herself. “Tessa?” I rush to her, falling to my knees beside her. She doesn’t respond. “Tessa?” I say, taking her by the arm and gently rolling her to me. Her face is one huge ass bruise. Her lip is split, and her left eye is swollen shut. “Tessa, baby?” I say again as I pull her onto my lap, checking for a pulse. It’s there, but it’s faint.
“Matthew?” Her voice is pained and barely audible.
“Yeah, baby, I’m here.” I take out my phone and call Leo.
“Yeah?” he answers.
“Bring Avery and get to Tessa’s house, now,” I bark out, right before I hang up to cradle my broken woman in my arms. “Who did this, baby?”
She shakes her head furiously on a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I try to tilt her back, but she has a death grip on my T-shirt.
“I brought him here. He followed me, and now we’re all in danger.” She rolls into me, sobbing. I’ve killed a man this week, and now seeing Tessa in the state she’s in, I’ll have the blood of another man on my hands again soon.