Chapter Nine

Tahoe

“Good job at the range today,” Leif says. “With all the razzing, too. I still can’t believe you’re taking yourself off the market, dude.” I’ve tried to explain that I actually like Caroline, but my friends just don’t understand, won’t even try to understand why I would throw away my old ways for a solitary woman. Maybe if my buddies got to know the women they spend their time with, they might find a match. Might find something to ease the loneliness of our existence.

I clear my throat as I push open the metal gate of my brand spanking new property. It looks a little like a jungle—in an overgrown state from lack of attention. The gravel driveway is lined with green trees that desperately need a trim. This is exactly what I need to keep my head in check. Lately, all I can think about is Caroline. Her laugh. Her smile. How perfect she is for me. It’s a dangerous slope, and this will be a good decompression when I’m trying to find the old me in this new place, with a new outlook. Tilting my head, I survey the three story Victorian house in front of me. “Don’t you ever get bored fucking random hoes? It’s not even a challenge anymore,” I exclaim, taking mental snapshots of the windows and doors. Almost all of them will need replacing if I keep it. “Honestly, Leif. An actual relationship is more of a challenge.” That’s quite an understatement.

He trails behind me as we head toward the house. I pull the key ring from my pocket. It contains about twenty keys, but the front door key is marked with a red piece of tape. The rest I’ll have to figure out on my own time. The owners were basically giving it away and didn’t even negotiate when I offered fifty thousand under the asking price. Some things didn’t change after the attacks. The real estate in Florida is still a fraction of the price of what San Diego places go for.

Leif rattles on about the woman he had sex with the night before, and I try to blur out the names. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that Caroline knows everyone and I don’t want to have to defend my friend against his whore allegations when it goes south. Like it always does. “This place is a shit hole, Tahoe,” he says as we step through the front door. “You’re crazy. What’s wrong with your apartment by the base?” Nothing except it’s not mine, and doesn’t need any type of work. It’s boring.

“No one got anywhere being sane. You know that,” I reply. I’ve seen houses in worse shape, but I’ve seen better. The grand foyer is beautiful, with two dark wooden staircases on each side of a round marble table in the center of the room. The ceiling is a brilliant stained glass bent into an oblong shape. “Fuck, she’s right. I can’t tear it down.” Shaking my head, I run my hands through my hair. It changes my plans.

“You were going to tear it down?” Leif asks, raising one brow. While he’s aware of my handy man capabilities, he’s been a SEAL on the east coast all of the years I was on the west coast. He never saw my house, or my work first hand.

“Weren’t gonna’ help me with demo, then?” I ask, smirking in his direction.

“You need a bulldozer, not a SEAL Team,” he replies, brusquely.

Sighing, I take out my cell phone and start jotting down notes. “I was buying it for the property, I only saw the few photos they posted online. It looked like a piece of shit. My realtor said it was a project,” I explain, shrugging. “Caroline is going to be here soon,” I tell Leif.

“And you want me to leave?” he jokes.

My boots are noisy as I walk into the grand room to the left that overlooks the drive. “The last time you saw her you offended her so gravely I had to make her my girlfriend to make up for it.” I’m half joking, but Leif laughs like I’ve just said the funniest thing in the world.

“Have you really not fucked her?” We’ve gone over it a thousand times. Twice this morning when he was spotting me on bench, again when I asked him to pass me a bottle of shampoo in the locker room shower, and about seven times during today’s meeting when all the guys were there.

I glare in his direction. He puts up his palms in front of his body. “Okay, okay. I just don’t understand it. You spent every day with her for a month and you didn’t play hotdog ham pocket. It’s unreasonable.” We will always come back to this, I realize. I don’t fault him, I can’t, when I’ve been him. “You don’t even claim big swole pucker hole either. Does she not put out? Give me something.”

Rolling my eyes, I try to think of what I could say to shut him up. “Stella.”

Leif swallows hard. He knows about that disaster. You respect heartbreak. No questions asked. “If that happens again, I don’t know what I’ll do,” I say. “Go ahead and make fun of me for having feelings,” I edge. “I’m a giant pussy, but that’s my right. I haven’t fucked her yet because I want to make sure it’s not a mistake. She’s not a mistake. The expectations come after you’ve slept with a woman. I’m trying to do this the right way. Instead of swinging my dick, I’m handing her flowers. This is my new start.” I turn towards the bay window in the great room to find Caroline pushing her bike up the driveway. The basket on the handlebars holds a large paper bag. “That’s why they sent me here,” I add. “Because I needed something different. And as fucked as I thought it was, I think they were right.” Leif’s boots are loud as he marches up next to me, looking at her, eyes narrowed, as if he’s trying to solve a puzzle.

She’s wearing a tank top and a pair of cropped overalls, hair falling over each shoulder in thick braids. Caroline looks like a fucking Playboy centerfold, country girl edition. “I see it. I do. I even understand what you’re saying about making sure you don’t blow your shit up again, but how the fuck do you know if it’s a mistake?”

I shake my head. “I have no fucking clue.” Risk assessment is something SEALs are good with. When you can’t assess something, like a relationship, it is confusing. It’s wild, and carefree, and stunning. It takes my breath away and jolts my entire being with a foreign rush of adrenaline.

Caroline props the bike up on the kickstand and grabs the bag. She doesn’t see us, not yet. Caroline is taking deep breaths. After a few seconds of that, she shields her eyes with one hand and glances up all three stories of the large house—taking stock. She licks her lips and smiles when she’s happy with her assessment.

Leif swallows hard, and I meet his gaze. “Good luck with that, then,” he says, voice cracking.

To this, I smile. “There’s no luck involved.”

“What then?” he asks, backing away.

“Intuition? Practice? Skill? A little bit of elbow grease?” Those things are required for any relationship, surely. I flex my biceps and wink at him. Leif winks back, keen to my joke.

Caroline walks right into the open front door. “Tahoe?” Her small voice echoes in the large space causing a riot of emotions I’m not sure I want my buddy to see.

I shrug at my friend, and call out, “In here.”

Caroline stops short, startling when she sees Leif. We came together in my truck, so she wasn’t expecting to see anyone else here. “Oh, hi,” she says, not meeting Leif’s eyes. “How are you doing?” I know it’s not a question I’m supposed to answer.

I smile at her manners at any cost. Even when she’s pissed. “How was your day?” I ask, walking up to kiss her on the cheek. She sighs a dreamy little sigh, and her breath tickles the side of my neck.

“It was good. Just getting ready for some military men to take over my airport tomorrow. What about you? How was your day?” She meets my gaze first, and then Leif’s. “This place hasn’t changed a bit,” she adds looking around the foyer. “I love it. I wish you saw it back in its heyday.”

My friend has the good sense to look a little embarrassed and I know whatever he says next will be either an apology or something completely inappropriate. “Listen, Caroline. I want to apologize to you for the last time we spoke. My friends and I were out of line, and uh, everything is cleared up now. Obviously,” he warbles out, looking at me and then her again. “I didn’t mean to offend you in any way. I-I,” Leif trails off.

“My friend assumed wrong,” I helpfully explain, because watching Leif make amends is about as painful as you’d expect from a man who doesn’t care about anyone except himself.

Caroline taps her converse sneaker on the floor, and chews her bottom lip. “I want to get along with all of you guys,” she replies, voice light. “I have to be around you now, and we’re in a working relationship regardless of the things you say. Your forwardness was a shock, I admit, but I forgive you.” She goes on to tell him a story about the Bed and Breakfast to take the sting away from his embarrassing moment—erasing the awkwardness in mere seconds. It’s a trait that only some people have. It should be considered more of a skill than a trait—a finesse if you will.

When she’s finished speaking, Leif asks a few questions, makes a joke about me and vanishes out the door. I call out to him to take my bicycle out of the truck bed before he drives home. Clearing my throat, I turn to my beautiful guest. “You’re ready for us tomorrow then?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation on anything except the crackling flame that sizzles between our bodies every moment we are together. We’re alone and as always, she’s this delicious mix of understated grace, dripping sex appeal, and tinged with that shroud of innocence that frightens me to my bones. One bone in particular, isn’t quite as scared as it is blustering hard. I readjust as slyly as possible, which isn’t very.

Caroline blushes as she sets the bag down on the table in the center of the room, averting her gaze. “As ready as I’ll ever be. Your pilot came in today and was checking everything out. Also, the jump master was there checking chutes and unloading a ton of gear.” Aidan. I’d forgotten he was going to be there today or I would have tried to come, too. We all have different responsibilities dependent upon our skill set. Aidan has the qualifications with regard to skydiving. And keeping his dick wet at all costs. Out of the band of merry assholes, he’s the one I trust the least with regard to anything female and mine.

I take Caroline’s hand in mine and bring it up to examine it closer before kissing her warm palm. “How was that? He give you any issues?”

Her gaze is like fire as she looks at my lips on her hand. “Fine. He apologized. It was just as awkward as you’d expect. The pilot was nice.”

“How nice?” I ask, grabbing her other hand and repeating the gesture. “Not too nice?”

She narrows her eyes. “Tyler Holiday. Are you jealous?” Her smile is beatific, and it accompanies my favorite laugh.

“Maybe. Does that turn you on?” I fire back. “My sexy pilot who rides a bicycle.”

She steps closer, but folds her arms across her chest. “Are you teasing a pilot who rides a bicycle?” she whispers. Her tongue sweeps across her lower lip, an unintentional nudge reminding me to take her lips and make her mine.

I circle my hands around her arms, my fingers brushing her chest. “I would never,” I reply, grinning. “It doesn’t make any sense, but that’s status quo for you.”

“If I can’t travel 130 miles per hour, or more, in some of our other planes, cutting through the clouds, I’d rather stop and smell the roses. On a bicycle,” she explains. “A man who is used to a fast and furious life wouldn’t understand that.” It’s easy for her to lump me into a category other than the one she’s in.

Caroline’s cheeks flush crimson and she crosses one foot over the other. Narrowing my eyes, I run my hand up to brush the side of her face, and then finger one of her golden braids in between my fingers. “Fast and furious is behind me now. I’m turning over a new leaf.” Even super heroes need a break. Doesn’t Superman hide in his fortress of solitude for a while? Batman bunker down in his cave while the world falls apart around him? This is my equivalent, my serenity. So long as she’s with me. “How about I’m turning over a new seashell?” Grabbing her hand, I guide her to the back room, past the stairways into a dark paneled sitting room that overlooks the ocean. If you squint hard enough you can see Crick’s Beach and our base fence in the distance. Caroline turns around, neck turned up as she examines the walls, dragging a finger that leaves a trail in the dust. I don’t let go of her hand. I tell her about my plans for the house now that I’m positive it’s worth restoring.

“You like Bronze Bay that much?” she fires back, quirking one brow, trying her best to not look affected by my touch.

Craning my neck, I look around the grand foyer. The dusty wood and the haunting glow from the stained glass makes this place look more like a castle from the 18th century. I didn’t intend to like this old house. Didn’t intend to keep it standing. Didn’t think I’d want to stay here in this small town for longer than my punishment allotted. Caroline clears her throat, bringing my gaze back to hers. My heart skips a beat. You get this feeling when you want to keep something. It’s scary and vulnerable. It makes you feel like your skin is flipped inside out. It changes everything. Keeping that quality, keeping it, has to be protected at all costs. You become obsessed with keeping that which you can’t sacrifice. Because the feelings you have right now never existed before. They will never exist again. “I like you that much,” I admit.

She pretends she didn’t hear me—turns her face toward a portrait of someone’s old relative painted in dark burgundy and white.

“You know when you have the same dream over and over again?” she asks.

I grunt, upset she won’t reply to my sentiment. “Yeah.”

“Well I feel like you’re a dream I’m going to wake up from. But you’re here every single day. It’s like I’m dreaming. I’m waiting for the goblin to show up and suck out my brains.”

Raising one brow, that garners a smile. “A brain sucking goblin? I’d like to think I’m a good guy, but I’m probably the proverbial goblin that will turn your dream into a nightmare. I’m learning as I go.”

Her cheeks— are a dusty rose that match the shade of her lips. Tucking her thumbs into the pockets of the overalls, she looks to her feet, but then directly into my eyes. “Will you tell me about Stella?” That name spilling from Caroline’s lips seems so wrong, but on a second assessment might prove to be okay. She’ll be the one to erase her from my heart forever. “I brought dinner from the diner. Well, mama sent it with me. I figured you wouldn’t have anything to eat here. I brought you that burger you like. The one with the onion rings inside it.” She’s babbling to detract me from her ask.

I pull her to my chest, one hand wrapping around her back underneath her overalls. My hands are against the warm, bare skin of her lower back. I swallow hard once. “While I will always take food from you, even my favorite food, don’t feel like you have to bribe me for information. I’ll tell you about her.”

She blinks hard. “Well, it’s just, you didn’t seem to want to talk about the relationship before and now that we’re…official, I was just wondering if that was fair game.” It’s not the first time I’ve wondered why Caroline is so meek and mild mannered. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” she adds. “If you want.”

I want to kiss away her fear. I want my lips to be the ones that erase every bad thing in the world. It’s the wrong time to be obsessed with kissing, while she’s asking about Stella, but I’m not sure how to stop it without acting on the desire. “I want to know everything about you Caroline May. Everything.” I lick my lips and trade my grasp for the side of her waist instead of her back. My thumbs skim the top edge of her panties. She sucks in a surprised breath and every inch of her skin prickles. “Everything,” I say one more time leaning in close to brush my bottom lip around the curve of her ear. I grab the sides of her ribcage and feel every breath she takes, my hands spanning the whole side of her small body. “Can I kiss you? Just a little?” I ask.

“Just a little?” she asks, breathing out, her words tickling the side of my face. Inhaling her scent is a mistake I know I won’t come back from. Not right now, at least. I need to devour her.

“Yeah,” I reply, rubbing her skin, letting my fingertips memorize every pore they touch. “Just a little. A lot would be too fast,” I explain. “Your skin,” I hiss. “I want to see it. Touch it. All of it.” Leaning my head down to place my forehead on her shoulder, I close my eyes. “So, just a little kiss. Then we can eat and talk about remodeling and all of the other shit we should be doing right now.”

“Just a little, then,” she says, brazenly pressing her lips against my neck. A goddamn shiver slides down my spine and I feel it in the tip of my toes. When I pull back to look at her, she’s smiling. “Follow me,” she says, grabbing my forearm because my hands are still inside the overalls. I let her guide me through the house out onto a terrace that overlooks an expansive lawn and the ocean. “Even if it’s a little kiss, it is our first,” she explains, eyes twinkling. “Bronze Bay should be here for it, too.” Her words warble and I know she’s nervous—her innocence so strong even a manners-pro like Caroline is unable to change the dynamic of this moment with her conversation.

“Caroline,” I croon, letting my chest puff out. I know how to save her right now. Smiling, I crook her closer with my pointer finger. She smiles, presses her lips together, and shuffles her feet so her toes are pointed at mine. Her chest lined up to my stomach, the breeze passing between us like an infidel, and my heart racing like a fucking steam roller. Gently I grab her chin with my thumb and forefinger.

Her huge blue eyes widen as she sucks in a breath. I bite my bottom lip as I survey hers. “It doesn’t matter where the kiss happens. You’re always going to remember it.”

“Yeah?” The word is almost inaudible as she squeaks out a response.

I could explain that the chemistry between us isn’t normal—that most people don’t have this unsung passion in every moment, the visible pull our bodies have to each other when we don’t have control over it, but proving it with a kiss seems like a better idea.

“Are you making me feel like this because you don’t want to talk about her?” she says, air rushing out in a breathless plea.

Dropping her chin, I place my hands on each side of her neck. “I’m trying to kiss you because I want to taste you, even for a moment. Want to know what it feels like when my lips are on yours,” I say, letting my gaze drop to her heaving chest and the swell of her pert tits. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know about her.” Hopefully she doesn’t ask anything right now, because this moment is magic. The seawater sifts through the air mingling with the honeysuckle vines that have taken over this terrace. “Can I kiss you because I want to?”

She nods, rubbing her lips together. In this moment I’ve never wanted something more. Never held myself back for the sake of anyone or anything else. This right here is the reward. Caroline’s blue eyes, soft skin, waiting lips, and open heart begging me to give her what I want just as much. Sliding my hands from her neck down the side of her body to land on her hips, I lean down slowly, calculating how long I’ll be able to hold myself back before the kiss has even begun. Caroline’s eyes are closed, and her full lips part moments before mine come in for the proverbial kill. The longing is so strong when we connect that I slam my eyes closed and wince as the feelings of…everything course through my body—an unfamiliar onslaught of emotions. Moving my lips against hers softly, I tentatively let my tongue slip against hers and moan when her sweetness tinges my tongue. Caroline makes a small noise of pleasure and I think my dick might break through its jean cage to attack, and destroy, but I’m careful to keep a distance, because this is a little kiss. The kind when you give a shit. The one that snowballs into a million memories that stain your soul for the rest of time. The kiss that starts and never really ends because hearts are proven correct.

I won’t get over Caroline, or this kiss. Not ever.

She pulls into my body, her hands fisting my shirt. The excitement inside my pants only makes her more ferocious—her kiss deepening, as I try my best to separate what’s happening inside my head with what’s happening on this terrace, in the warm ocean breeze. I bite her bottom lip, and she opens her eyes to meet mine. What I find there takes my breath away. It’s like I’ve unlocked something that’s been stowed away for all of time. I grab the braids that fall over her tits and pull lightly on one so her head tilts to the side. I kiss her from that angle, sliding my lips against hers while she stares on, mesmerized.

I repeat the gesture on the other side, yanking her braid just enough to get her right where I want her—in my control. In my arms. I’m calculating everything about this kiss and she’s eating it up. We separate our lips, forehead to forehead, and catch our breath when she slides her hands under my shirt and sneaks her fingertips into the top of my jeans.

Her breathing is jagged, and her lips are red and glistening. I kiss them again, just once. Deep and controlled, until she slides her tongue into my mouth, begging for more. Against her mouth I remind her, “Just a little.”

“A lot. More,” she replies, trying to get her hands back where they were before. I shift my body back to juke her intent. I pin her by the wrists against the white wood of the terrace guardrail and kiss her as a consolation prize. If she touches my dick, I’ll end up inside her. Right here. I might have strong intentions and valiant decisions about taking it slow to preserve the both of us, but I’m still a man who is wildly attracted to the woman grabbing at my package.

“Touch me,” she says, in between kisses, sliding her lips across my jaw, and then down my neck.

I groan, at the feel of her on my neck. It’s one of my spots. The ones that drive me absolutely crazy. I’d probably come right now if I wasn’t so focused on controlling myself with Caroline. It’s been that long since I’ve been with a woman.

“Keep your hands where I can see them,” I breathe out. “I’ll touch you, but you can’t touch me.” I shake my head, trying to shake off some of the lust. There’s no ocean air, or honeysuckle anymore. It’s all sweet perfume, saliva, and desire. The gulls have been drowned out by the thunder of my pulse.

She looks crestfallen, but she nods her head up and down. “Okay,” she says, leaning back on the railing, putting her hands on the wood, almost exactly where I just had them. “Touch me,” she says again, like it can’t happen quickly enough.

I make a snap decision, because when a woman like Caroline is asking to be touched, you touch her. In a way that you know you can come back from. Slow, I remind myself. I need to take this slow. Nothing about Caroline and I feels slow. She infiltrated my being—weaving her way inside like a virus that affects my whole system. I meet her eyes, and nod once, and let my gaze flit to a few parts of her body. “Can I unfasten these?” I ask, fingering the metal buckles that are holding on her overalls.

“Yes,” she replies, licking her lips, gaze like molten lava. “Yes.”

Nodding, I flick them open and let the straps fall over her back. I kneel in front of her. Almost like the night we danced at her house. A little more. I can give her a little more and keep my heart intact. With the buckles undone, the pants slide down and expose the lower part of her stomach and the top of her panties.

Above the waist, Tyler Holiday. I tell myself as I envision licking her pussy until her knees buckle. What will her face look like when she’s coming around my cock? Will her eyes roll back in her head? Will her thighs tingle? Will she call out my fucking name? “I’m going to slide your shirt up,” I say, glancing up to meet her gaze. Her eyes are warm, curious, fully trusting. She gives me an imperceptible nod, so I slide my hands under her shirt and up her stomach. I watch my hands, like they’re painting a masterpiece instead of touching a woman. She has one of those perfect kinds of belly buttons, so I lean over and kiss the skin next to it on all sides, while stroking the side of her body where her waist nips in.

She sighs, and her fingers clutch the wood tighter—knuckles white, and body tense. How easily I could make her come. I bet she’s soaking wet for me. Do I dare take this any further? I know she’d be accepting, gladly willing to let me play with her body any way I saw fit. I shouldn’t. I drag my lips across the top of her panties and listen to the tiny, hot breaths she takes in between whimpers. “You like that? Me touching you with my lips?” I ask, watching her beautiful fucking face.

“Yes,” she says, a plea for more. “My whole body feels like it’s been…plugged in. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I feel the same way.”

“How?” she squeaks out. “You won’t let me touch you!”

“Touching you does everything to me,” I explain. “Trust me.”

A lock of wild hair brushes her collar bone when she hangs her head to study me. “How can I trust you when I can’t even trust myself? I’d tell you to pinch me, but I feel so good right now I don’t care if it’s real or not.”

Biting my lip, I grin up at her before kissing under her belly button once more—my cock dripping with envy. “When you touch me, it will be game over.” This is the chemistry I’ve been seeking without realizing it. Why I offered to help her with projects for a month before telling her how I felt. When lightning strikes it’s hard to believe it’s real, that things like this exist in the real world. Especially for horrible men like me. Men who don’t deserve this kind of out of body experience with women like Caroline May, a hidden diamond in this tiny, perfect town. This is where my life has been hiding all of this time. I’ve endured so much to get to this point. Don’t fuck it up, my mind whispers.

The surreal floating sensation extends to her awareness, too. “I won’t pinch you but,” I say, dragging my lips across her stomach to end under her ribcage, and bite the tender skin hard enough to make it red. Caroline squeals in delight, taking my head into her hands in tight fists. There’s three freckles on her lower stomach that I connect with my pointer finger. One strays desperately close to her panties and I snap the elastic. The slapping sound against her skin sends a shock to my dick.

I stand, keeping my hands on her skin because I know she wants more. Things I can’t give her yet, but I want to please her, fuck do I want to please her, make her happy in any way I can. When I’m upright she pulls me by the collar in for another kiss. Mouth to mouth, chest to chest. I swallow, and a taste of her slides down my throat hitting my system like a drug. Is this chick even real?

I don’t need intuition, practice, or even skill. I only need her.

I am so fucked.