Chapter Eighteen

Emma

When I found out I was pregnant with little Tommy, I gave up smoking. Hadn’t touched a cigarette in six and a half years. But around ten o’clock the morning after my tirade against Dylan, I left the diner in Kate’s hands and skulked down to the corner store to pick up a pack. The clerk, Eddie, gave me a strange look when I asked for a pack of Red’s but didn’t say anything as he handed them over and took my money. My head pounded with every step I took, as though my feet were jackhammers driving into the pavement. When I reached the block before the diner, I veered down the alley between the barbershop and the little market and sat on the curb, just tucked out of the way of passersby.

The first drag was heaven. I knew it was a temporary fix. I’d smoke a few and throw the rest in the trash. But the three I’d allow myself would be savored. The headache started to ebb away as the pain pills I’d swallowed with my first cup of coffee finally started to kick in. But as the thumping pain cleared, the replay of the night before started up and I wished I’d never gotten out of bed.

It was bad enough that Dylan had caught me drunk and stuttering. But the things I’d said, the cruel words I’d hurled at him.

I shook my head as they cycled through my mind on repeat.

How on earth was I ever going to face him again?

Then there was the last thing he’d said to me; that was an entirely different problem. I wasn’t going to allow myself to dwell on those words. Nothing good would come from it. Not for him and certainly not for me. It would be better to shove them into a box, slap some tape over the top, and stuff it far, far to the back of my mind. I’d unpack it eventually. Things like that couldn’t stay buried forever, but I could at least put it off until there were thousands of miles between us again.

Unfortunately, all my plans flew right out the fuckin’ window when Dylan himself strolled by the barbershop. I ducked but the flicker of movement caught his eye, and he stopped in his tracks. In slow motion, he pivoted to face me and slipped his hands into his pockets. “Got an extra one?”

I sighed and held up the pack.

He slumped onto the curb beside me, leaving barely an inch between us. He pulled out a cigarette and then produced a lighter from his jacket pocket.

“You smoke?”

He shrugged. “Now and again. I didn’t realize you did.”

“I don’t.” I took another puff.

“Right.” Dylan lit his cigarette and slid the lighter back into its place. “You know anything about O’Doul’s?”

Okay, so apparently, we weren’t going to talk about the night before. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or upset.

“O’Doul’s the pub? On Fourth?”

Dylan nodded and took another long drag.

I shrugged. “Nothing specific. Why?”

“It’s probably nothing.” He fell silent.

I scoffed, “You’re going to have to give me a little more to go on if you want me to help.”

“Not asking for help.”

Frustration percolated to the surface. The last thing I wanted—or needed—was another argument, but his witty answers and vague questions were starting to bug the shit out of me. It was like I had to constantly remind him that I lost someone the night Jimmy died, too.

My cell phone rang. I shoved the cork back into my argument and dug the phone from my purse. “Shit,” I growled at the number on the screen. “It’s Tommy’s school.”

Dylan waited while I took the call. My heart sank as the teacher’s aide on the other end informed me that Tommy had been involved in a fight and was being dismissed for the day. I answered her in one-syllable responses and then promised I would be over as soon as possible to pick him up.

“Fuck,” I said as soon as the line went dead.

“What’s up?”

I glanced at Dylan out of the corner of my eye. “Nothing.”

He frowned. “Emma.”

“Tommy got into a fight. I have to go get him from the school and schedule some kind of teacher conference.” I dropped what was left of my cigarette to the ground and crushed it with the toe of my shoe. “Kate’s gonna kill me. She didn’t even want me to leave for ten minutes to get a breather.” I dragged my hands through my hair and wished I had a breath mint. Tommy would no doubt catch the smell of smoke. I didn’t want him to know. I had to hold it together for him, to go on like life was normal, at least until it was again.

“You want me to go get him?”

I twisted to face Dylan. “What?”

“I’ll go pick him up and bring him to the diner.” He shoved up to his feet, dropped his cigarette, and stepped on it. “Call the school and tell them you can’t get away and that I’m coming instead. I’ll show ID. Whatever they need.”

I stared up at him, mentally weighing out my options. I had no idea why he was offering, but in some way, it was the only way I could keep all the balls in the air. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not doing anything today. It’s fine. Call the school.”

I sighed and gave him a nod. “Thank you.”

He turned and left the alley, and I called the school to give them the information. I’d have to go in Friday afternoon to meet with the teacher, but at least the immediate issue was solved. I hung up and debated another cigarette but knew that I’d already been gone way too long. With another heavy sigh, I pushed up from the stoop and headed back to the diner.

***

“Why do you keep looking at the clock every other minute?” Kate asked me when we were both in the kitchen picking up orders.

I hadn’t told her about Tommy or Dylan’s offer. It would only give more ammunition to her suspicions. “Tommy has a half day,” I lied. “I need to go meet him at the bus stop in a few minutes.”

Kate groaned, “And leave me with the lunch rush?”

“I’ll be gone for five minutes. Ten tops.”

“I don’t remember Mom saying anything about a half day.”

“She didn’t know.”

Kate opened her mouth, ready to object, but I grabbed my plates and pushed through the kitchen doors before she could.

After serving the table and checking drink refills for my other customers, I hurried out to meet Dylan and Tommy. I found them standing on the opposite corner, sitting at one of the iron tables outside the ice cream shop, each of them nursing an ice cream. “Oh good, give him ice cream for getting into a fight. That’ll teach him,” I muttered to myself as I started down the sidewalk. The irritation quickly faded when Dylan said something that made Tommy laugh. I stopped on the corner, just watching. Tommy’s laugh floated to me on the gentle breeze. He set aside his milkshake cup and made some elaborate gestures as he entertained Dylan with some story. Dylan smiled at him and something inside my chest tightened.

As if sensing me watching them, Dylan turned and gestured for me. Tommy waved at me, the huge smile still on his face, and my heart clenched even tighter. I hadn’t seen Tommy smile like that for months, even before everything with his father.

His smile faltered when I took a place at the table. “Hi, Mom.”

“Hello, sweetheart. Rough day at school?”

He nodded and then looked down at his hands.

“We’ll talk about it later, okay?” I asked, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

He looked around and zeroed in on a dog walker with half a dozen pooches on leashes coming down the street. Tommy squirmed in his seat and smiled at the dogs. “Can I go see the puppies?” Tommy asked Dylan.

Dylan glanced at me, and I nodded. “Make sure you ask first,” I called after him as he bolted from his seat like a rocket.

“You didn’t have to get him ice cream,” I said, glancing into the empty paper cup.

Dylan offered me a spoonful, and I smiled. “Chocolate mint?”

He grinned. “Of course.”

I took the bite, my eyes locked on Dylan’s. His eyes dropped to watch me take the bite and heat coursed through me at the completely innocent and yet subtly naughty way he watched me.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Dylan dipped the spoon back in and took a bite for himself.

“What did he say?” I asked, looking down the block where Tommy was on one knee, petting the cluster of overeager pups.

“Some kid was making fun of him for crying in class. Tommy got mad and punched him.”

Tears sprang to my eyes as I watched my sweet baby boy. He was practically on the ground, getting the ice cream remnants licked from his cheeks by two of the smaller dogs. The idea that some child would say something so cruel broke my heart. “He’s just a little boy, not even six yet.”

“Bullies start early, Em. You remember the kids when we were back in school. Shit, some of the stuff they said about us when we were that age.” Dylan shook his head.

I shook the memory from my mind and hurried to wipe my eyes dry. “I don’t know what to do, Dylan. I want to put him in a great big bubble and protect him from all this madness.”

Dylan reached over and took my hand. “He’s a good kid. He’ll pull through it all right.”

“Thanks for getting him from school. I hope they didn’t give you any trouble.”

“Nah. Pretty easy. Your kid figured out how to program the radio in the car. I’ve been tinkering with it all week, and he figured it out in three minutes flat.”

I laughed and wiped my eyes again. “That’s Tommy. He’s always been fascinated with techy stuff.”

“See? He’ll be great.”

I nodded. “Thank you. He’s pretty amazing.”

“Well, it’s no wonder,” Dylan said, squeezing my hand. “Look who his mama is.”

I scoffed, “You mean the crazy, hung-over woman you just found smoking in a dirty alley twenty minutes ago?”

“Em.” He guided my chin so that I was looking up at him. My eyes were still welling up with tears as they met his. “You’re a good mom, okay? You’ve been through a lot. Give yourself some slack, all right?”

Tommy zoomed back to the table and waved as the dog walker and her herd passed by. Dylan released my hand before Tommy could notice, and I quickly wove my fingers together and set them on my lap under the table. “I need to get back to the diner. You’re going to have to hang out with me for a little while, honey. Grandma is at a doctor’s appointment, and Auntie Kate is working with me. I’ll get you some lunch and then maybe you can play a game on my phone or something for a little while. Okay?”

Tommy looked at Dylan. “Will you come, too?”

Dylan shrugged. “Sure, sport. I could use a sandwich.”

“Do you know how to play UNO?”

Dylan chuckled. “It’s been a while. You might have to teach me.”

Tommy hopped down from his chair. “It’s easy!”

I smiled as Dylan rose and let Tommy take his hand before going to the corner to wait for the crosswalk to clear. I stood back for a moment, watching the two of them as Tommy launched into an overly complicated explanation of the rules of UNO. Dylan was a natural, taking all the excited chatter with an easygoing smile.

“Come on, Mom!” Tommy said, turning back as the light changed to reach for my hand. I took his hand, and the three of us crossed the street together.