Chapter Seven

Emma

“You holding up?” I asked Dylan, noting the way his shoulders slumped forward.

He rolled an empty beer glass between his palms. The frosted glass was etched with the Malloy crest and name. Dylan stared at the bit of foam at the bottom, swirling it in circles. After a long silence, he turned and looked at me. “I’m good. You?”

He was lying. It was written all over his face. We might have spent eight years apart, but I’d known him all my life. He wasn’t going to fool me. But something in his eyes told me to leave it alone. I dragged in a deep breath and leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees. “Hanging in there. Seeing everyone is harder than I thought it would be, though.”

Dylan nodded. “How’s your little man taking it?”

My throat swelled at the question. “I’m not sure how to really answer. I don’t know what’s normal in this kind of situation. I wanted to keep him home from school today, but he insisted on going. It was his first day back. I went to drop him off and talked to his teacher a little.” I paused and raked my fingers through my hair until I hit the elastic band securing my low ponytail. All at once it felt too constricting. I tugged it free and snapped it onto my wrist. “When I picked him up they said he’d had a few rough moments, but overall he handled himself well. We got home and I tried to feed him some dinner, but he just wanted to play with his LEGOs. He has about a billion of them. He and Tommy used to...well, it was kind of their thing. I suppose that’s why he wants to play with them now. Maybe it helps.”

At the crack in my voice, Dylan shifted and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I collapsed against his chest and sucked in deep breaths of the chilly night air. “I’m so sick of crying,” I told him.

“I know.”

“How are your folks?”

“As good as can be expected, I suppose. They’re mostly confused I think. No one knows what happened. Why? There’s no closure.”

I didn’t know what else to say. Dylan’s arm was still wrapped around me, and I burrowed a little deeper into him. I told myself it was to keep warm, but underneath that thin excuse there was a dark and dangerous truth that I wasn’t ready to voice yet. Not even to myself. For the moment, it was nice enough to just sit beside someone and not feel the need to be anything other than myself.

“What’s it like? Being a mom?”

I sat up a little, surprised by his question. “It’s—well, it’s great. I can’t say I’ve done a lot of truly good things in my life, but Tommy changes that. If I do nothing else right, I want to get that right. Be the best mom I can be. Especially...well, especially now.”

Dylan set aside the beer glass on the step below his booted feet. “I’d like to meet him.”

“Sure.” I twisted my fingers together. “Do you think you might want a family someday?”

Dylan shrugged. “I don’t really know. It’s not something on my radar.”

“Right . . .” I chewed on my lower lip. It seemed like a strange thing to ask if he didn’t want to actually talk about it.

After a moment, Dylan cleared his throat and shifted his eyes toward me. “Listen, Em, about last night . . .”

I held up a hand and moved out from under his arm. “Don’t worry about it. We were tired and probably a little tipsy.”

Dylan twisted to face me. “We can’t let that happen again. I respect you and Tommy’s memory too much.”

“I know. Me, too.”

We stared at each other for a long minute, neither of us sure what to say. There wasn’t a clear path out of the charged conversation. In the end, I pushed up from the stoop and moved back to the door. “See you inside?”

Dylan turned back to face the dark alley. “Yeah, in a minute.”

***

Another hour passed before the crowd started to thin out. I nursed a beer and spoke to whoever approached me at the bar. Most of them wanted to add their condolences about Tommy and to ask how little Tommy was holding up. After a few exchanges, they’d move on and make their way to a member of the Malloy family. Tommy’s folks never showed, though they were invited. Too much, I guessed. As things were dying down, Kate made her appearance. She embraced me and then took a seat on the chair beside me. “Good turn out?”

I gave a vague nod. “How’s Tommy?”

“Sleeping in Mom’s bed. They went in there half an hour ago to read together and when I got done with the dishes, they were both snoring. I’m sure Mom wanted to be here—”

“No, it’s better that she’s with Tommy. I don’t think he’d be ready for this anyway. The funeral is going to be bad enough. It’ll be the first one he’s ever attended.” I shook my head. “It shouldn’t be for his father.”

“Poor little sweetheart.” Kate nodded miserably. My sister could be a pain the ass sometimes, but she adores my little guy, I’ll give her that. She eyed the room as she sipped at a beer. I didn’t bother lecturing her that she was underage. Hell, at nineteen I’d done a lot worse.

“So, I hate to ask, but what’s going on with Dylan these days? You two seemed...tense...last night. Almost felt like I was interrupting something.”

“What are you implying?” I asked, an edge in my tone.

“Nothing. Just curious about how that meeting came about.”

“It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other,” I started. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dylan embracing his family. His mother, then his father, and then he moved for the front door. He stopped at the table adorned with Jimmy’s pictures. He poured himself a shot from the bottle on the table beside it, raised it to Jimmy and threw it back. His lips moved, but I couldn’t make out what he said. Then he shrugged into his coat and headed outside.

“Emma?”

I turned back to Kate. Her eyes darted to where mine had just been, and she twisted her delicate features into a puzzled expression. “What? Sorry—I just mean, we had some catching up to do.”

She frowned but then went back to drinking her beer without saying another word.

I slid off my stool. “Listen, I think we’re running low on ice. I’m going to run down to the corner store and get a couple bags for tomorrow.”

Her eyebrows peaked. “Uh huh.”

She didn’t buy it, not even for one second. I debated sitting back down. Saving face. But each second felt like an hour. I had no idea where Dylan was headed, and I didn’t want to lose him. “Go, go. I’ll tell the Malloys.”

“Thanks, Kate.”

I hurried for the door, zipping my thick coat as I stepped out into the cold. Dylan was a few blocks up, and I cursed my choice of footwear as I set off after him. The last thing I needed was to slip on a patch of ice and break my ankle. Moving as fast as I dared, I pursued Dylan. When I got close enough, I called his name. He turned, his body rigid. “Emma? What are you doing?”

I slowed my pace and met him on the sidewalk in front of the darkened storefront of a small family-owned coffee shop. “I saw you leave the pub. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He stared at me just long enough that I started to feel heat creep across my cheeks. It was dark enough he wouldn’t notice my flushed face, but that didn’t stop me from wishing the sidewalk would open up and swallow me whole. What had I thought would happen? That Dylan would ride into town like some fairy-tale knight and take away all of my problems? God, he probably thought I was the dumbest girl in the world. Sitting around, waiting for his return, like a lovesick teenager waiting for her college boyfriend to come back for a visit over spring break.

Pathetic.

I took a step back. “You probably just want to be alone. Sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” I muttered. I started to turn around, but Dylan snagged my arm and held me in place. My eyes flew to his, and heat rushed through the rest of my body.

Dylan’s eyes flashed when he leaned in close enough that his body heat surrounded me. “I can’t promise you anything, Em.” His voice was gruff and raw.

“I’m not asking for anything.”

In a moment, he had me backed up against the brick wall, just beyond the ring of light cast from the dull street lamp. The darkness swallowed us up just as his lips found mine. It was frenzied and desperate just like the night before. My body reacted with such familiarity to his, as though it had been days, not years, since the last time we were together. His hands slipped under my coat and found my skin. The chill of his fingers quickly subsided as they moved down my side. I didn’t care who walked by or what they saw. All I could think about was the way Dylan’s lips moved down the side of my neck.

“God, I missed you, Em,” he growled into my ear. He slid his hands over my bra and I arched back, wishing there weren’t layers of clothing separating us. “You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about being with you again.”

If not for the cold, I probably would’ve let him take me into the alleyway between the coffee house and the neighboring shop, but the icy bricks behind my back were enough to throw me off that plan. Dylan captured my mouth and dragged a moan from the depths of me. When he released me, I panted, desperate for breath. “Come on,” I breathed. “I know where we can go.”

He met my eyes but didn’t ask the question both of us were likely asking ourselves. Truth was, I didn’t know. It felt right but somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice was trying to remind me that it was wrong. But Dylan’s hands on my hips, his breath against my skin, and the smell of his cologne quickly drowned all that out. I’d worry about it later.

The diner was only a couple of blocks back the way we had come, but we went the long way to avoid walking past the pub again. We climbed the stairs silently, each keeping to ourselves. Dylan waited as I unlocked the door and then pushed me into the apartment. He clicked on the light in the small kitchen and scanned the main rooms before turning his eyes back to me. “We’re alone?”

I nodded. “Tommy’s with my mom. They’re asleep.”

He gave a firm nod, but his eyes looked distracted. I worried I was losing him but when his gaze found mine, it was clear there was one thing still on his mind. He reached for me, and the heat surged back as soon as the front door was closed. Dylan tore his coat off, dropping it where he stood. I shrugged out of my jacket and kicked off my shoes. Dylan mirrored me, stooping to unlace the ties on his boots. When they were loose, he tugged them off and stood them neatly next to each other against the wall. He grinned at me. “Some habits die hard.”

I smiled. “I like the boots. Makes you extra tall.”

He chuckled. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

“Still think so?” I asked, looking down at myself. I knew every flaw all too well. I was far from the nineteen-year-old girl he’d seen before he shipped off to boot camp. I had a child and despite my best efforts, still carried a little extra weight. My face was rounder and while I was still slender, my body had changed.

“Fuck yes. You’ve never looked better.” He gathered me into his arms and kissed me like he’d been waiting a hundred years. His fingers worked through my hair. “Now, let’s get you out of these clothes so I can see every inch of you.”

Shivers trembled down my spine as I took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom.