Eighteen

Flynn

My phone rang, and for a split second, I prayed it was Ava. Hearing her voice would brighten what had been a really shitty day so far. I sighed, though. It was the wrong phone ringing. This was one of my burner phones rather than my personal line. I answered, not sure what to expect from the other end of the line.

“Flynn?” a thick Russian accent asked me.

“Well hello to you too, Isaak,” I said, leaning back in my seat.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on. With everything else going on and my head a clusterfuck, dealing with Isaak was the last thing I wanted or needed. But what else could I do? Business was business.

“No time for small talk, O’Brien,” Isaak said. “Did you find your snitch and deal with him?”

“We questioned someone, yes, but sadly, he didn’t make it through the night,” I said softly. I was purposely vague, hoping it would put his mind at ease somewhat to think it had been dealt with.

Isaak shot back quickly. “It wasn’t him.”

“And how can we be so sure?” I asked. “Did you question him yourself?”

I wondered how he could have been so sure about it. Had they perhaps followed me to Sean’s house? And if so, what did they find out? Were they the ones who’d killed him?

“Because you said he died last night, right?” Isaak said, his voice filled with irritation. “Your snitch was already up bright and early this morning, phoning the police.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“There was another bust. Just now. And only you, me, and a few of your men knew when and where it was going down, O’Brien,” he snapped. “So, that narrows the field. Exponentially, I’d say. The details of the deal were only disclosed this morning after your so-called snitch was already dead.”

My heart jumped at the same time my stomach dropped into my shoes. This was a bigger bust, one with some of my guys present. I opened my eyes and stared across the empty room, trying to think of who all was there–some old-timers, some of our most loyal members. Members who’d joined while my father had just been getting started.

The fact that the cops had made a bust like that would not bode well for the syndicate, not at all.

“Who was arrested?” I asked.

“Everyone. Your guys, my guys–everyone who was there. Nobody got out.”

“Shit,” I muttered to myself.

“Fix this, O’Brien. Fix it fast, because we’ve just lost half a million dollars in weapons, not to mention the fact that now we’re down six good men.”

“We lost men too, Isaak.”

“I know. And your crew won’t be too happy about that, which means you might be willing to do something about your problem now.”

And with that, Isaak hung up, leaving the other end of the phone line dead. Not that I had much more to say to him. Truth be told, I was glad to be off the phone. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. My headache was getting stronger and the day was getting shitter by the moment.

“God dammit.” I slammed my fist against the table top, the wood cracking beneath my fist.

Someone was obviously talking to the cops. Either on Isaak’s side or mine. And I had to find out soon, or else my own syndicate would turn it into a witch hunt. No one wanted to be working with a snitch. No one. And if this situation wasn’t dealt with swiftly and harshly, things were about to get really ugly, really fast.

My personal phone rang. This time it was Ava. But not even that fact could wipe away the metric ton of shit that had just fallen on my head.

“Hey,” I said, trying to force a smile on my face. Even talking to her, knowing what I did, made that hard. And I realized that just being with me put her in harm’s way. And I sure as hell didn’t want that. I really didn’t want to, but for her sake, I knew I needed to keep my distance.

“I thought maybe I scared you away for good,” I said, trying to keep my tone light.

Ava laughed, a sound that tugged at my insides in a good way. “No, I just had to be at work, silly,” she said. “I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful. Even if you do snore like a sasquatch.”

“Aye. And I’d have been more peaceful waking up to a kiss from you, sweetheart,” I said. “But it’s funny that you mention it because you were snoring so loud, it startled me awake several times last night.”

“Can I see you, Ian?” she asked, her voice coming out slightly meeker than usual. “Please? Can we get together for lunch or something soon?”

Her pleading made my heart ache and yet hope blossomed within me at the same time. I knew it was dangerous to be with her with everything that was going on. I knew I should stay away from her, to protect her. To keep her safe. But Ava made me head fuckin’ crazy, and all thoughts where she was concerned were misconstrued and tangled. I didn’t know which way was up or fuckin’ down.

Though, as I gave it a more thought, I wasn’t sure what I was keeping her safe from.

It wasn’t like the syndicate knew about her. Nor had I done anything wrong. But ultimately, I felt the need to protect her, not from outsiders, but from the worst evil of them all–me.

“I dunno, Ava, I have a lot going on.”

“Did I do something wrong?” her voice quavered, and it sounded like she was going to cry.

Please, no, don’t cry, I thought to myself. Don’t do that.

“Not at all, my sweet Ava,” I said, my voice softer. “I’ve just got a lot going on at work right now.”

“Oh,” she said. And while it was just a simple word, it held so much weight. “I see. Okay, I see– wow, I’m sorry for calling, I just thought–”

She thought I used and was tossin’ her ass aside after sleeping with her. She didn’t come right out and say it, but I knew that’s what she was thinking. I knew it because I’d done it countless times before with other women. But that wasn’t the case. Not with her. Not even close. But how could I make her see that? How could I make her believe me?

“No, you were right to call, sweetheart,” I said, closing my eyes again. I tried to bite back the words even as they popped into my head. But before I could stop myself, I said, “Let’s meet for lunch, okay? Maybe I need to step away and take a break from all this work. Might do me some good, aye?”

Her voice sounded instantly happier. Lighter. “Yes, that sounds wonderful.”

This time, I let her pick the place. I wasn’t sure I should be doing this at all. I didn’t think it was a good idea. Ava was a good girl, someone who deserved better than the likes of me. She should have a dutiful husband who actually worked as a business executive and made an honest living. She should have a man who didn’t have Russians threatening to kill him or expose her to the risk my lifestyle entailed. She should have a man whose business dealings wouldn’t fall back on her one day and get her killed–just like it did my mum.

But before I could put a stop to it, she’d hung up and the date was set.

I had an hour. Fuckin’ Great.

***

We met up near the pier at a casual food truck that was parked by the side of the road. Nothing fancy this time. I saw Ava standing near the water, her hair blowing in the wind. She wore it down, letting the waves fall over her shoulders. She didn’t see me at first, but I saw her. And as always—I was captivated by her.

I stood there looking at her, trying to talk myself out of going to her. I knew I should leave. For her own sake. Sure, it would hurt her–hell, it would hurt me–but not for the first time. I mentally kicked myself. What the fuck was I thinkin’ when I started seeing someone like her?

She deserved better. She deserved far better than I could ever be for her. She didn’t even know who I was, how could she expect to have any kind of relationship with a bloke like me?

My feet were listening to me heart, not me brain, and I walked up and leaned against the banister next to her and stared out at Lake Michigan.

“I thought you might not come,” she said, her voice soft. Her hair hid her face from view.

“I thought I might not come either,” I said, though it pained me to admit the truth. “But I’m here. And I’m here happily because I adore you, Ava. And I wanted you to know that. I wanted to show you that.”

She turned to me at last, tears glimmering in her eyes. “Then why would you not want to see me?”

I pulled her to me and kissed the tip of her nose, then her cheeks–which were wet with tears, and then finally her lips. Anything to stop her from crying. Anything at all.

“There’s just so much you don’t know about, sweetheart,” I whispered, scared to be even skirting the edges of the truth like that. “So much I can’t fuckin’ tell you.”

“I have secrets of my own, Ian,” she said. “And I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do about you, but I can’t help it. I can’t help the way I feel.”

I nodded and gave her a small smile. Yeah, I knew that feeling all too well.

“So, what are we going to do about it then?” she asked, surprising me with her question.

I sighed, unsure of what to say. I couldn’t just come out and tell her who I was and what I did for a living. For one thing, all of the lies I’d told her were too big. No one could get past those kinds of lies. But not only that, I had to worry that if I told her everything about me that she’d go to the police with it. I worried about whether or not she’d turn me in for it all. There was more than just my life at stake there. The lives of my crew were on the line too, and I had to be careful in what I said. I couldn’t be a selfish prick and unload everything on Ava just to ease my own burden of guilt.

“I don’t know, Ava. Maybe just enjoy the time we have together and see where it goes from there?” I surprised myself with my answer. It was almost like I’d had time to think about and prepare for it. But truthfully, it just felt right. The words just felt right coming out of my mouth, and they conveyed exactly what I’d wanted.

As I stared into her green eyes, she nodded. “Okay. We can try that.”

“Let’s grab some tacos, what do ya say?” I asked. “I’m starved.”

I wiped the remaining tears from her cheek and forced myself to smile. The fact that this girl would cry over me–a bad, horrible man like me–threw me for a loop. Over all the years in the life, I’d been trained to kill, rob, steal and do whatever it took to get ahead. I had my brothers, and that was all I needed.

Or so I’d thought.

Ava nodded and wiped her nose with her sleeve, smiling just a bit. There was something in her eyes, though, something that seemed to mirror how I was feeling as well. She was torn. Conflicted. Perhaps even haunted about something. I could see that she had some inner turmoil. But about what? I wondered.

Our lunchtime date continued as normal, for the most part. No talk of work or personal lives. We talked about Chicago, food, what we do for fun and the books we’ve read. It was nice, getting away from Colin and Isaak and all that shit. I did exactly what I’d told her we’d do–enjoy our time together.

And for the first time in my life, I felt like a normal man.

And I didn’t hate it—in fact, I kinda liked it.