How You Know It Won’t Work:
You turn off Swayze
Calling out of work for the past two days wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but sometimes people needed woe-is-me time. I had plenty of money saved for rent and bills but being alone with my thoughts was more tiring than the things I would have had to do at work. At least if I busied myself with laundry, I wouldn’t be yelling at my television.
“He’s not going to love you forever,” I grumbled at the woman in the movie, half tempted to throw the popcorn I was munching on at the screen.
I loved romance movies, especially Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze could usually cheer me up, but not this time. Today I hated how he danced with Jennifer Grey. How he stood up for her to her father. I hated how she wasn’t willing to tell her dad that she loved a man she knew he wouldn’t approve of. Who would disapprove of Swayze?
I turned the TV off right before the final dance scene, my favorite part. That was how I knew I was over romance for the day. Maybe I shouldn’t have watched Pretty Woman and The Wedding Planner earlier. I was turning into a sadist, looking for pain.
Blowing out a breath, I tossed my hair up in a ponytail and moved through the living room, scratching Mashed Potato between her ears before tidying up to distract myself.
Anyone who knew me could tell when I was in a funk, because my apartment was always squeaky clean and reeked of bleach.
Pounding at the door broke me from my spell. Slipping on my favorite pair of kitty slippers, fluffy pink with ears and a little tail in the back, I padded toward the entryway. My stomach grumbled with anticipation of the Chinese food that I ordered an hour ago. Gripping my money in one hand, I opened the door with the other to trade payment for the goods.
Except, it wasn’t the delivery boy who greeted me. Caleb stood there in his usual attire, jeans and colored T-shirt, holding a pizza box in his hands.
“You’re not the Chinese guy.”
His lips twitched in amusement. “Are they your usual type?”
My jaw ticked. “That’s not what I meant,” I grumbled, setting the money down on the side table. “I ordered Chinese for dinner. You’re not the delivery guy.”
He glanced down at the pizza. “What about apology pizza instead?”
“Apology pizza? What the hell is that?”
He opened the box, revealing a normal cheese and pepperoni pizza. If it was supposed to be special, they messed it up all kinds of ways.
“So…just pizza?” I asked slowly.
He chuckled. “Look at the lid.”
My eyes drifted upward, where permeant marker was scrawled across the cardboard.
Sorry for being an asshole.
I couldn’t help but crack a tiny grin.
“Ha! You smiled for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “What’s this for?”
“Doesn’t the note make it obvious?”
I guess he had a point. “Well, we’d already established that you’re a dick before, so I guess I needed clarification about why you’re apologizing this time.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, dramatically letting his free hand fly to his chest. The process made him nearly drop the pizza, which would have been tragic.
I quickly rescued the box from him, closing it and holding it away from danger.
“Don’t drop it!” I scolded.
“Thought you wanted Chinese food.”
I scoffed. “I do. But this is my apology pizza, is it not? I’d hate to waste it.”
“You should. Do you know what I went through to get this?”
“I’d imagine it involved a phone call.”
He snorted. “Yes, wiseass, it did. A twenty-minute phone call with what I imagined was a pimple-faced teenager. They were supposed to spell out the note with the pepperoni, but the kid kept telling me the pizza wasn’t big enough. So, I asked if an extra-large pizza would make it happen, and you know what he told me?”
I shook my head.
“He said that no pizza would be large enough to deliver a message like that. He suggested I change ‘asshole’ to ‘dick’ instead. Or to stop being an asshole, so I wouldn’t need to order an apology pizza.”
I giggled at the kid’s gull.
He shoved his hands in his pocket. “Is the pizza a good enough reason to invite me in? Or do I need to order an apology cake too?”
Pressing my lips together, I considered the imaginary scripted words in chocolate frosting. Suddenly, the idea of double chocolate cake sounded more appealing than both the dumplings and pizza combined.
He cursed. “You want cake, don’t you?”
“You shouldn’t have suggested it,” I accused. “How did you know what apartment was mine anyway? And how the hell did you get in the building?”
The front entryway was locked, and only residents had a key.
“Some old lady let me in. It was actually quite easy, which is a huge hazard to your safety. All it took was a smile for your neighbor to let me in. Imagine what a gun would do.”
How…morbid. “You’re telling me that you charmed your way in? Poor Mrs. Meyers probably didn’t know what had hit her!”
“She survived.”
I considered inviting him in, the scent of the cheesy goodness in my hands distracting me from my better judgement.
“Fine,” I relented, stepping aside. Mostly, I just didn’t want Tater getting out. Not that she had ever tried escaping before.
He stepped in, his large boots piercing my personal space. Standing next to him made me feel like a shrimp in the ocean with a whale. Caleb was a big guy—bulky, muscular, and tall.
Closing the door and walking the pizza to the breakfast bar, I slowly turned to him. He surveyed my apartment slowly, eyes trailing across every inch of décor and furniture he could see. He smiled at the picture of me with my father wearing silly Christmas hats from the holidays last year.
“So…” I popped my lips. “Thank you for the pizza. Although, I’m still cloudy on what it’s for.”
He finally stopped scrutinizing my home and set those blue eyes on me. This time, he raked the length of my body—from my ponytail to slippers, spending an extra amount of time on my fuzzy pajama shorts that revealed a little too much thigh.
Clearing my throat to gain his attention, he was quick to bring his sight back to my face.
“It was for prying,” he admitted. “I know I’m nosy, but I meant well. You may not know it, but there are decent people out there, Pais. And you know what?”
I didn’t answer.
He stepped closer to me. “You won’t be sad forever.”
I blinked. I’m always blinking around him. Goddamn it, he gives me a twitch!
He brushed his fingertips down my arm lightly. “I don’t know who broke you, but I do know that it won’t always be this bad. Did Iris tell you anything about me?”
“Just your career,” I murmured.
Iris didn’t talk about her personal life often at work, usually just tidbits about her boys. But last summer she mentioned how excited she was to have her little brother come home for a month, since he was always traveling for work. I would have never guessed he was on officer in the army until she told me that he’d gone into the service right out of high school. He’d visit for a few weeks before going on to his next post, so she always soaked up any time she could with him.
“I was engaged once,” he announced.
Brows pinched, I asked, “What?”
He nodded. “About six years ago, I was going to marry my high school sweetheart Kristen. I thought it was meant to be, but she didn’t. I found her sleeping with some random guy the night I came home early from deployment. It was supposed to be a surprise. Guess it was…for me.”
Instant sadness filled the deepest crevices of my heart. I’d always been empathetic towards other people. If they experienced pain, I felt it right along with them. I hadn’t felt heartbreak the way most people did. I felt it through the eyes of another, my own personal memories of unrequited love murky in comparison.
“I’m sorry, Cal.”
He drew back, lips tilting up. “Cal, huh?”
I blushed. “Sorry, I don’t know why—”
“I like it.”
He leaned against the back of the couch, crossing one ankle over the other and resting his arms on his chest. “And it’s okay, Paisley. Really, I’m over it. The point is, it doesn’t hurt forever. Eventually, we realize that there are reasons people come and go from our lives, even if we don’t like them.”
Mashed Potato chose to make an appearance, rubbing against Caleb’s shin. She was usually anti-social, hiding away until people left. She hadn’t come out to see Nathan when he was over. Then again, Nate hadn’t bribed her with toys.
“Who do we have here?” he asked, kneeling to stroke down her back.
Watching him fuss over my white fluff ball made a smile stretch across my lips. Mashed Potato’s purrs were loud, and when she got on her hind legs asking him to pick her up, my heart melted into a puddle.
“That’s Mashed Potato.”
He chuckled, settling her in his arms. “Nice name.”
I shrugged. “Wasn’t my choice, but it stuck. She doesn’t usually like people.”
Just as I said that, she nudged her head against his chin for more attention. He eyed me in disbelief as he scratched her side.
Damn feline.
“They say animals have good intuitions,” he pointed out, grinning at me.
“Of course, you’d say that.”
Walking around the bar, I grabbed two paper plates from the cupboard. Taking out a slice of pizza for each of us, I placed them on the counter next to the box. I didn’t want him making a big deal out of it, so I just sat down and watched him fuss over Tater.
I shoved a plate toward him. “I should probably offer you food since you paid for it.”
“It wouldn’t have to do with you possibly liking my company, would it?”
“It isn’t like I invited you over.”
His brow lifted. “Damn. Shots fired.”
I sighed. “That was bitchy. I just meant that didn’t deliberately ask you over for dinner. You know, since you showed up unannounced and all.”
He set Tater down, much to her dismay.
“I got it for you,” he told me.
“You don’t want any?”
“I know better than to get between a girl and her food,” he mused. “Iris is vicious. Nearly lost a hand when I tried stealing her dinner roll at Thanksgiving once.”
I laughed, because I could picture that in my head.
“Carbs are a girl’s best friend,” I teased, picking off a piece of pepperoni and eating it.
“And here I thought diamonds were,” he responded, walking over and sitting down next to me. He watched me nibble at the pizza like it somehow fascinated him. “I guess that explains why it didn’t work with Kristen.”
How could he joke about it like that, like being cheated on was somehow his fault?
“You’re…” I shook my head, laughing a little. “Something else.”
He grinned. “Been called worse by my own mother, so thank you.”
I giggled brushing my hands through my ponytail.
His eyes lingered toward my fridge, seeing the letter hanging from it. He walked over and plucked it off, holding it up to read.
“You’re going to U-Albany for school?”
“Isn’t it illegal to read people’s mail?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s opened and in plain sight. If you don’t want people reading it, you should probably hide it somewhere. Like your pantie drawer.”
I scoffed. “Really?”
He winked. “So, grad school, huh? What are you planning on studying?”
“Education.” I stared at my pizza, not liking the focus on me.
“You don’t seem thrilled about it,” he noted, hanging the letter back up.
I shrugged. “I just have a lot of things to consider, that’s all.”
“I think you’d make a great teacher, Paisley.”
I shifted in my seat. “You don’t know really know me well enough to make that call.”
He watched me for a second.
I fidgeted with my hands. “What?”
He swiped his thumb across his jaw. “We could fix that. The getting-to-know-you thing.” He stared inquisitively at my plate. “Was food all it was going to take to get you to have a conversation with me? Because this is the longest we’ve talked without spouting insults.”
“Huh.” I picked at my pizza again. “I must be off my game.”
He snorted.
I watched him as he glanced at his pizza, not taking a bite or picking it up. It was getting a cold, which was a waste of warm gooey cheese. I hoped he wasn’t the type of person who preferred cold leftovers.
The horrors.
Our silence was cut by the buzzing from the downstairs door. I hopped up to let the delivery boy in, ignoring Caleb’s presence right behind me.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
I eyed him skeptically. “Getting my Chinese?” I wasn’t sure why it came out like a question.
“You didn’t even ask who it was!”
“So?”
He gaped at me. “So? It could be a serial killer. Or a rapist. Do you always just let people up without asking?”
I crossed my arms on my chest. “You’re kidding, right? You came up without letting me know you were coming. Plus, I know Dave. I also know that he’s the only one I’m expecting.”
“Dave,” he blanched. “Dave sounds like the kind of man who has a hairy beer gut and stands naked in front of windows for children to see.”
A surprised laugh escaped my pressed lips. That was not an image I wanted to see, but it was permanently etched in my brain now.
“You’re saying I can’t trust Dave?”
A nod.
“You don’t even know him, so you have no right to be judgmental.” Just then, a knock at my door had me turning my back to Caleb.
But before I could open it, Caleb pushed my small frame behind his bulky one, and was opening the door himself. I glared holes into his shoulder muscles, hoping they left nasty scars.
“Uh…is Paisley May here?” a nervous voice croaked.
I bit down on my bottom lip to try suppressing my giggle. Dave Chen was a measly five-foot-one teenager who worked at his parent’s restaurant. His voice was more like mine than Cal’s, his body was stick-straight with little muscle definition, and he still had a baby face.
Dave was no threat to the oversized ogre cock-blocking my love affair with Chinese food.
Caleb cleared his throat. “Yeah, she’s right here.”
I took that as my cue to step around him. Making sure I shoved my hip into his to get him completely out of my way, I smiled at Dave.
“How’s your mom doing?” I asked, knowing she recently had knee surgery.
His shoulders eased once he saw me. “I think she’s going stir crazy, but she’s good. Everything went well and she’s recovering as best as possible.”
“I’m glad to hear.” I passed him the money and told him to keep the change. He gave me the bag that luminated the smell of greasy goodness, and we waved goodbye. He stole one last glance at Caleb, eyes trained on the chain that disappeared under Caleb’s shirt, before turning on his heel and high-tailing it out of my building.
Closing the door, I smirked at Caleb.
“You could have told me he was a teenager,” he grumbled, following me back into the kitchen.
“What fun would that have been?”
He sat back down on his stool. “Not that teenagers aren’t dangerous. Some of them can be.”
I balled up a napkin from inside the bag and threw it at him. He caught it before it hit his face.
“Dave isn’t dangerous.”
He remained quiet.
“Why are you even worried about this?”
Emotion drained from his face, as if asking, do I really need to explain?
I knew he was protective, but that didn’t mean he had to protect me. Iris, absolutely. They were family. But we were barely acquaintances. What was I to him?
Caleb pushed himself up from the stool and stalked his way over to me. I held my breath when he crowded my personal space, the tips of his boots touching my slippers.
“What do I have to do, Paisley?”
I gulped. “W-what do you mean?”
Slowly, his hand rose to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking my cheekbone. “What do I have to do to erase the people who hurt you so badly that you think you’re not worth caring about?”
My eyes widened, brain mushy from the warmth of his hand soaking into my skin.
“The reason they never worked out was because they weren’t supposed to,” he continued. “Whoever you dated couldn’t possibly give you what you needed. It wasn’t you—it was them.”
I sucked in a breath.
I hadn’t invested myself in any of the boys that came before him…before Nathan. I couldn’t make myself feel something more for them, but I tried. I’d kissed their lips trying to make a connection, never finding what I was so desperately searching for. They let me make my moves and expect pointless things because they had nothing to lose.
Because those boys chose not to care about me.
They decided I wasn’t worth it.
But it wasn’t me…
“It wasn’t me,” I whispered.
He shook his head, tilting my chin up so our eyes met. “That’s right, babe. None of them were right for you, and that’s on them.”
Babe.
Why did the pet name make my heart sputter?
I sucked in my bottom lip, just staring at this gorgeous, generous man in front of me. Part of me worried what he’d do next—kiss me, make a move? But then a soft smile formed on his full lips, and he stepped back. He’d made his point clear, and that was all he wanted to accomplish.
A lump had formed in the back of my throat, the emotion settling as I made my admission.
“I never dated.”
“What?”
I took a deep breath. “I never dated them. I’ve never actually been out on a date before. No dinners, no movies, no walks down Main Street.”
He shifted. “But they hurt you…”
His questioning eyes grew dark, probably thinking the worst-case scenario.
“They didn’t hurt me physically,” I quickly explained. “They hurt me in different ways. It…it probably sounds stupid, but they must have realized I wasn’t good enough to take out on dates or hold hands with. All my life, I’ve read books where boys are these perfect heroes. But in reality?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never seen it happen. Never witnessed it. Never felt what it feels like to be so consumed in a person that you go crazy. Sometimes unrequited infatuation is worse than falling in love with someone, because you’re stuck wondering if you’ll ever get to experience it at all.”
I couldn’t admit that I was having doubts about Nate to Caleb. Caleb would probably relish in that fact.
When his silence greeted me, my body grew warm with embarrassment. I’d never admitted that to anybody—never thought to. What could possibly be wrong with somebody that nobody ever wanted to date them?
“Can we just forget about this?” I asked quickly, going to step around him. Before I could make my escape, he hooked his arm around my waist and made me take a step backward. Caleb had touched me more than Nathan—made his interest known. So why couldn’t I let Nate go?
“We can’t,” he informed me causally.
I groaned.
“Because I’m taking you out.”
My eyes snapped to him. “What?”
“You’re going on a date with me,” he repeated, eyes serious instead of playful.
“Is that…a question?”
He slowly shook his head. “It’s not, because if I asked, it would give you time to wonder if I it was being serious. For the record, I am. I want to take you out, get you dinner, hold your hand, and show you that those other boys—because that’s what they are, Paisley, boys—know nothing about how a real man can make you feel.”
I was struck speechless.
He slowly withdrew his hand. “I’m going to make sure you forget every single one of their names. It’ll just be you and me. Not Nate. Just us. Got it?”
I think I nodded, but I was too shocked over how this whole conversation unraveled. Did I just agree to go out with Caleb?
Again?
My heart hurt remembering the first time he asked me out.
“Caleb.” My voice cracked. “I can’t afford to get hurt again. When I agreed to go out with you before that was a big deal, and you just…” I shrugged.
“I told you I had to go—”
“I know.” Tears welled in my eyes. “And I believe you, I do. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. There’s not much left to give.”
He gently took my chin between his finger and thumb and lifted my watery eyes to clear ocean orbs. His brows drew in and lips tipped down. “So, take.”
I sniffed, not understanding.
His eyes raked over my distraught face, thumb brushing over the single damp trail that cascaded down my cheek. “I’m giving you more than I’ve given to anyone else, Paisley May. I know that may not mean a lot to you right now, but it means a hell of a lot to me. So, take what you need from me. I’m letting you have it.”
I closed my eyes. Rapidly, indecision clawed its way through my every pore. A mental slideshow of all the boy’s faces reminded me that I’d been in this position before. I’ve let my guard down, gotten hurt.
“I…”
“Say yes,” he whispered.
“Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t hurt me.”