CHAPTER TWELVE
I move towards him. Or Zak moves towards me. I’m not sure which.
And suddenly, his arms are tight around me, my fingers are caught in his hair and we’re kissing hard and urgently. I’m floating away on a cloud of desire, aware of nothing else but his mouth and the feel of his body against me.
Then suddenly, he thrusts me away from him. His eyes seem almost black with torment and he’s gripping my forearms so tightly, I wince. Shocked, I stare at him, wondering what just happened.
‘Sorry.’ He releases me and looks away, out of the window, his jaw clenched.
‘Don’t be,’ I murmur, but he doesn’t seem to hear me. He’s far away in his own private thoughts. If I had to guess, I’d think it was something to do with the mysterious Beth.
Suddenly, I’m desperate to escape.
‘I’ll – just go and see how they’re getting on,’ I tell him awkwardly, before fleeing from the café. When I glance back, he’s staring out at the horizon far beyond the duck pond. I doubt he even noticed me leave.
I catch up with the twosome in the high street, looking in the windows of Harrisons department store. Mum seems relaxed and happy. Whatever the ups and downs of the day, it was a good decision to bring her here. We walk back to the café and I take her upstairs to show her the flat.
She looks out of the living room window. ‘Where are we?’
‘We’re in Sunnybrook, Mum. You just walked around the duck pond down there with Sylvia, remember?’
She turns to me with a puzzled look. ‘Who’s Sylvia?’
My heart sinks but I switch on a bright smile. ‘Never mind. Tell you what, why don’t we watch Bargain Hunt and I’ll make a cup of tea? I recorded it specially for you.’
She sinks down on the sofa with a little sigh and has started to drift off by the time her programme finishes.
‘Time for home?’ I ask and she nods.
Walking past Zak’s door, I wonder about knocking so she can say goodbye but decide not to interrupt him. After the awkward moment earlier, I’d rather not have to face him.
But Mum has other ideas.
‘Where’s that nice young man gone?’ she wonders aloud. ‘I did like him.’
‘Zak, you mean?’ I murmur in surprise, thinking he really must have made an impression on her. ‘He’s a bit busy, Mum.’
The door opens and Zak appears. ‘But not too busy to wave you off, Rose.’ He ushers us out and follows us down the stairs, and Mum keeps turning back to smile at him.
Sylvia gathers Mum into a goodbye hug. Mum looks a bit surprised, then Sylvia smiles and starts singing, ‘We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when,’ and pretty soon, Mum’s joining in with the old Vera Lynn classic.
I exchange a wistful look with Zak, which sends a little shiver through me.
‘We’ve had a great afternoon, haven’t we, Mum?’
She looks at me for a second. Then she gives my cheek a little stroke.
‘I love you,’ she says, and my heart leaps.
‘I love you, too, Mum.’
She gives me one of her angelic, dimpled smiles. Then she says, ‘Now, just remind me who the heck you are, exactly?’
There’s a tiny electric pause. Then Mum’s lips twitch and we realise she’s having us on.
We’re still laughing as we say our farewells outside the cafe.
As we drive away, I think to myself that even if there are times when Mum can’t remember my name or even that I’m her daughter, it actually doesn’t matter.
The love shining out of her eyes as she looks at me is enough.
*****
As I drive back to Sunnybrook later, after dropping Mum home, I keep thinking about my close encounter with Zak earlier in the day.
He stirred up more passion in me, with that one kiss, than Richard did in our entire relationship. I’ve never felt such a primal sense of longing for a man before – ever. But if anything real happened between us, it would be a rebound relationship, and that’s no good at all. It’s only four months since I split up with Richard. Far too soon to be thinking of someone else. All the self-help books tell you that rebound relationships are sure to end in disaster.
And what about the mysterious Beth? If Zak is in love with her, then what chance have I got anyway?
Plus there’s the fact that since the Benjy incident earlier, I’m starting to realise it would be selfish of me to stay for much longer in Sunnybrook. Mum needs me close by. I’ve been kidding myself thinking she’s going to be able to continue living on her own, even with carers going in every day.
It’s becoming clear that in the not too distant future, when she becomes less able to look after herself, she will need me right there. I’ll be no use in an emergency living in Sunnybrook. I’ll need to be able to get to her immediately if she’s in trouble, which means I need to think about finding somewhere to live in Farley’s Edge.
Whenever I think of leaving Sunnybrook, it’s as if a cloud has blocked out the sun.
But what choice do I have?