‘Are you sure about this?’ Ellen asked. ‘Are you really sure?’
Almost eighteen months after Hayley had started seeing Ian, Ellen stood in Hayley’s bedroom, helping her pack. Ellen had taken charge of folding blouses and T-shirts while Hayley attacked her out-of-control underwear drawer.
‘Yes. I love him.’ Hayley stuffed her socks into the suitcase.
‘But it’s so far away. I’ll never get to see you.’
‘It’s only Edinburgh and I’ll be back. And maybe you’ll come and visit? When Ian’s away?’ Hayley walked across the room and squeezed Ellen. ‘Besides, with Mark moving in you’ll be glad to see the back of me.’
‘But I don’t want you to go.’
It had all happened rather suddenly, only a month before, as Ian and Hayley were having dinner at his Westminster apartment. She’d been trying to stay lady-like and eat daintily rather than stuff her face with the luscious Chateaubriand, when he put his knife and fork down.
‘I’m moving back to Edinburgh,’ he said.
‘What?’ Hayley said with her mouthful. She swallowed quickly. ‘When?’
He held up a hand. ‘Don’t choke. I’m not breaking up with you. You can come with me, if you want.’
‘What? Live together? Yes, yes please.’
Hayley hadn’t thought twice about going, but Ellen didn’t agree with her plans.
‘I still can’t believe you forgave him for cheating on you, you know,’ Ellen said as she folded Hayley’s favourite black and white striped T-shirt.
Hayley puffed out her cheeks and rolled her eyes. ‘Oh come on. We’ve been through this a thousand times. It was ages ago. We weren’t even together so technically he did nothing wrong.’
‘What? He stood you up then lied about his flight being delayed.’
Hayley looked away. ‘But he told me eventually. He took me to Paris to make up for it.’
Ellen shook her head. ‘He only told you because his lies tripped him up. And you still believe it was a woman in the car?’
‘Yes,’ she looked back at Ellen, raising her chin. ‘He said she had short hair.’
‘Pfff. Whatever,’ Ellen said. ‘And anyway, how does a weekend in Paris make up for cheating? How do you know it hasn’t happened since?’ She pouted.
‘He promised. He’s good to me.’
Ellen harrumphed. ‘Like the time you fell and cut your head at the golf club?’
Hayley squirmed. Ellen had got out the big guns.
‘I was fine. It was barely a scratch.’
‘No you weren’t and you know it. He made you sit in the restaurant for two hours until he finished his round of golf.’
‘Well –’
‘You wouldn’t have that scar on your forehead if he’d taken you to casualty right away, the doctor said so.’
‘Don’t do this, Ellen,’ she said. ‘Please. I’m so tired of defending everything he does or doesn’t do. I know you’ve never liked him. Neither has Mark.’
Ellen snorted. ‘I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual.’
Hayley couldn’t deny it. ‘They’re not my type of people,’ Ian had said after the one and only time the four of them had been out to dinner. Their feelings hadn’t changed and Hayley felt trapped – stuck in the middle of a fifty-foot-high tightrope wearing four-inch heels. She loved Ellen and Mark, but she loved Ian too. He was sophisticated, well-read and intelligent. He challenged the way she thought and she’d started to do the same to him, pleased when she saw the approval in his eyes.
‘Look,’ she said as she zipped up her suitcase, ‘I get that you may feel jealous, and –’
‘Wait,’ Ellen frowned and stopped folding a blouse. ‘You think I’m jealous?’
‘Yes,’ Hayley answered quietly. ‘As a matter of fact, I do.’
‘How so?’
‘Because he’s rich.’ Hayley’s answers tumbled out before she could stop them. ‘Because our relationship’s exciting. Because we’re moving forward quickly and you and Mark aren’t.’
‘You’re talking total bollocks,’ Ellen said icily and she threw the badly folded blouse into the suitcase.
‘I’m sor–’
Ellen held up a hand. ‘Am I jealous of you going to different cities? Yes. Going to expensive restaurants? Sometimes. But of your relationship with Ian? Not a chance.’
Hayley bristled. ‘Well, I don’t believe you.’
Ellen shrugged. ‘Suit yourself. Mark may not be a millionaire but he cares about me. And for the record, he wanted us to move in with each other and start trying for a baby last year, but I said no because I live with you.’
‘Ellen, listen, I –’
‘You know what’s going on here?’ Ellen put her hands on her hips.
Hayley felt a rush of anger. ‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll tell me.’
Ellen stared at her for a second. ‘You’re losing sight of what’s important. In fact, you’ve changed a lot since you met him.’
Hayley hated how Ellen had emphasised him, as if the word was leaving a bad taste in her mouth. ‘Only for the better,’ she said primly as she straightened her back. ‘What’s wrong with that?’
Ellen sighed and fished the blouse out of the suitcase again, attempting to fold it properly. ‘Look … don’t take this the wrong way but …’
Hayley braced herself for another cutting comment about Ian. Instead, Ellen said, ‘Frankly you’ve become a bit of a snob.’
‘What? I have not!’
‘You have,’ Ellen said.
‘How so?’ Hayley said. ‘Go on. Out with it.’
‘Fine,’ Ellen snapped. ‘You turn your nose up at going clubbing and at the chippy –’
‘Well, I –’
‘And you think shopping on the High Street is beneath you. But you can’t afford that kind of lifestyle unless –’
‘But –’
Ellen held up her hand again. ‘Unless Ian pays for it. He only wants to see you when it’s convenient for him. You to go to all these stuffy business functions. You’re no fun anymore.’ Ellen paused for breath. ‘You’re not you anymore.’
‘I am!’
‘And you’ve been seeing him for almost a year and a half, but you still haven’t met any of his family. Don’t you think that’s strange?’
‘No. They live in Scotland and he doesn’t get along with them and –’
‘And he didn’t go to Jackie and Ray’s wedding last month. Did he really work or was it because they had the reception at a pub? Did Mr. High-and-Mighty think it was beneath him?’
‘That’s enough, Ellen.’
‘No. You asked so you hear me out. You’re giving up a great job and moving to Edinburgh because His Lordship snapped his fingers. What happened to your dreams of working abroad? What about being independent? All that talk about supporting yourself. I don’t get it.’
‘Stop it!’ Hayley shouted. ‘Clearly you don’t get it. I love him.’
‘And does he love you?’ Ellen raised her eyebrows and Hayley’s face fell. ‘He still hasn’t said it, has he?’
‘It doesn’t come easily to him, that’s all. He wouldn’t ask me to move in with him if he didn’t, would he?’ Hayley said, but Ellen had hit a nerve. More anger bubbled to the surface. ‘You know what? You didn’t approve of Chris and you’ve never liked Ian.’
‘Only because I see him for what he is.’
‘Well then you won’t miss us, will you?’ said Hayley. ‘If you’re not jealous of the money or the relationship then all I can think of is that you don’t want me to be happy.’
‘Eh?’ Ellen gave her an award-worthy puzzled look and flicked her hair. ‘That’s crazy.’
‘Is it? Maybe you can’t stand the thought of me not being around for you and clearing up after you. And for that matter, put the lid back on the sodding toothpaste, Ellen.’
‘Fuck off.’
They glared at each other, as if getting ready to fight it out, handbags at dawn.
Hayley spoke first. ‘I’ll pack the rest of my stuff on my own and then I’m going to say goodbye to Mum, Dad and Jackie. On my own.’
‘Fine. If that’s what you want.’
‘It is.’
‘Well bollocks to it Hayley,’ Ellen said. ‘I don’t want any part in this. I’m going to help Mark pack and I’ll stay over.’ She turned and walked out of the room.
Hayley heard her pick up her bag and keys, then the front door opened and closed and the flat fell silent. She balled her fists, certain steam was coming out of her nose and ears. It wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t. Ellen was being unreasonable – a complete cow, even. Why couldn’t she just be happy for her? Why couldn’t anybody?
Hayley hadn’t seen her parents much over the past year. Ian often arranged concerts or museum tickets and city trips on weekends. How could she say no to those? Besides, she could feel their disapproval, even if they were discreet about it.
‘You’re giving up a lot, Hayley,’ her dad had said on the phone one day. ‘You’re a solicitor now with a promising career. Even Ronald asked you to reconsider.’
‘There are solicitors in Edinburgh too, Dad,’ Hayley said. ‘I’ll find something. Ian’s going to introduce me to people.’ Hayley hadn’t had the courage to ask her mum what she really thought – her silence was a bold enough statement – and she couldn’t face another person telling her to think about the consequences.
Ellen didn’t show up the next morning to say goodbye. Hayley and Ian loaded her three boxes and two suitcases into his car and then she went back inside the flat on her own. She stood in the living room, silently looking around, saying a quiet goodbye to another chapter in her life. Mark would soon live there instead of her, and he and Ellen would probably have a baby. And they’d do just fine without her. Maybe they wouldn’t even notice she was gone.
The noise of Ian beeping the horn stopped her reminiscing. When Hayley pushed the keys back through the letterbox, they landed on the floor mat with a definitive metallic clunk.
Hayley watched the city turn to countryside on the drive to Edinburgh, thinking that being far away from everyone would offer her some badly needed blue skies and new horizons. As she hummed along to Take That’s Back for Good, Ian reached over and switched off the radio.
‘I hate boy bands,’ he said. ‘They’re pathetic.’
Hayley swallowed. She didn’t dare argue that Take That was one of her favourite bands and that she considered Robbie Williams a god. There was no way she could have Ian think she was a child – that wouldn’t do at all. No. They were moving in together, their relationship was evolving into something more meaningful and mature. Never mind what anybody else thought.
She looked at Ian and smiled as he put a hand on her leg.
By this time next year I’ll have an even better job in Edinburgh and a ring on my finger.
She squeezed his hand.
Yes. I’ll show them. I’ll prove them all wrong.