Chapter Thirty-Six
Kassidy
#18—Face the past
“Archer’s back,” Miranda says after plunking down into her seat. Her face is flushed, her hair disheveled. Using her palms, she smooths it down. “Just passed him in the hall.”
“Oh?” My pulse jump-starts, but I try to act like I don’t care. “How’d he look?”
“Good.”
Relief sweeps over me. I exhale. Thank God he’s better.
She pins me with a curious stare. “You haven’t seen him?”
I shake my head, and she narrows her eyes.
“That’s why Ella’s making her move, then.”
Heat weaves through my veins. “What?”
As if in answer to my question, Ella skips into the classroom. Her cheeks are pinks, her eyes sparkling. When they land on me, she flashes a smile that speaks of victory.
My heart sinks. Averting my gaze, I stare down at my desk.
“Okay, class. Today is the day you’ve all been waiting for,” Mr. Williams announces as he breezes into the room. “We’re starting our essays. We’ll be working on these for a few weeks, so you have a lot of time. Right now I just want us to start with a topic sentence and some brainstorming. So, get out your notebooks.” Turning around, he writes on the whiteboard. “Remember, the essay will be about a defining moment in your life and what you learned from it.”
My breath comes out in fast, shallow bursts. Reaching down, I hold tightly to my chair to keep myself from falling over.
“I’ll give you some time to work on your own, and then I’m going to come around and see how you’re doing.” Mr. Williams drops the marker into the tray below the whiteboard, then he sits at his desk.
I take a deep breath and stare at the blank page in front of me. There’s no denying what my defining moment was. But there’s no way I can write about it. Not all of it. Not everything. And especially not what I learned from it. How can I share that with Mr. Williams? Or anyone, for that matter? I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my last therapist. And even worse, I couldn’t tell Archer.
Archer, who I’ve trusted more than anyone. Archer, who was sick for days and I couldn’t even work up the nerve to go see him.
I’ve been such an idiot.
“My defining moment is about to happen. This weekend hopefully,” Ella whispers loudly to her friend.
“What do you mean?” her friend asks.
“Archer and I are going out,” she speaks in full volume now.
The room tilts around me.
If I could go back in time, I’d do things differently. I’d tell Archer everything from the beginning. I’d be brave and face my past instead of running from it. But now it’s too late. He’s already moved on.
It’s exactly like last time. I messed it all up then, too.
“Kassidy?” Miranda taps my arm lightly. “Are you okay?”
Sniffing, I nod. But I’m not. Other students are starting to glance over, too, including Ella. Oh, crap. I’m losing it in the middle of class. I think this qualifies as sinking to a new low. The tears that I was trying hard to keep at bay slip down my cheeks. My lips quiver, and I bite down on them harshly.
Running my hand over my face, I groan. “I gotta get outta here,” I mutter under my breath.
“Want me to help you?” Miranda asks. “I can stage a diversion. I’ll say I’m having a girl problem or something. Guy teachers never question that one.”
Normally I like Miranda’s quirkiness, but today I can’t handle it. “I’m fine, Miranda. I can do this myself.” Gathering up my things, I stand on trembling legs and make my way to the front of the class. “Mr. Williams, I’m not feeling well.” My voice shakes. “Can I go to the nurse?”
He studies my face. He knows I’m not sick, but who’s going to stop a crying teenage girl from leaving? Miranda’s right. Girl problems scare men.
“Yes, that’s fine. You can go.”
I don’t wait for a note. I’m not going to the nurse. Without looking back, I tear out of the classroom. With blurred vision and tears raking down my cheek, I run down the hallway. When I round the corner, Archer steps out of the bathroom, blocking my path. I stop abruptly. His gaze rests on me and his eyes widen.
“Kassidy?” A look of concern passes over his face. “You okay?”
Nodding, I swipe at my face with my hands and then step around him.
“Kassidy, wait.”
Desperation swells in my chest, and I walk faster. I can’t face him. Not now.
I’ve almost reached the parking lot when warm fingers close around my wrist, holding me in place. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I speak through gritted teeth, yanking my arm out of his grasp.
“You never came to see me when I was sick.”
I stiffen at his words, his sad tone piercing my heart. Biting my lip, I slowly pivot.
“I’m sorry.” I choke out the words as they pass the lump in my throat. “I just couldn’t.”
“I know.” He steps forward. “I get it. I’ve been an ass.”
“No.” I move away from him. He doesn’t get it at all.
“Kassidy, I’ve been really unfair to you.” Regret fills his eyes. “You were right when you said that I was jealous of my brother. I always have been. But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was just being stupid, and I’m sorry.”
It’s what I’ve been dying to hear, but it’s the wrong time. “I can’t do this right now. I have to get outta here.”
“But you’re clearly upset.”
“Not about this.” Shaking my head, I whirl around and hurry toward my car.
I can hear Archer yelling my name long after I lock myself securely inside.