Chapter Nine

Vera

––––––––

What does he mean?

If he saved me, why would he need to protect me from himself?

I couldn't understand his cryptic message, his twisted explanation for his shift in mood and the way he was acting.

He said he was protecting me from himself, but why?

Was there something wrong with him, some disturbance deep inside his mind that I hadn't seen yet?

Maybe that's why he had a grave, for a dark seeded nature he kept locked away.

“Come on, we need to hurry if you're going to get what you want.” Pax was already halfway down the hill by the time I stepped out of my own head and looked up.

I had so many more questions, so much more I wanted to know and needed to know about what he meant. . . But this, this I needed more.

The demand to see where I had been was eating away at me and he was about to take me to it, laying it out on a silver platter.

There was no way I was going to fuck this up and possibly cause him to shut down. This could be my one chance to see the spot and maybe find something to help me understand.

Taking off down the slope, I bobbled over loose rocks and slipping gravel. The ground was uneven, sliding out from under my feet and forcing me to climb down on all fours. My still aching muscles were working double time, there was no doubt in my mind that any mending my body had done was completely erased right then.

I felt my muscles split at the seams as my joints popped and cracked with each bend and twist. The cage around my lungs expanded with a violent snap, forcing my chest to pound with every breath.

Reaching the bottom, I pushed myself up and gripped my lower back in pain. “Fuck, you made that look easy.” Turning to face Pax, a blinding ray of light hit my eyes, forcing my hand to shoot up and block it.

The sun was gleaning, hovering midway between the mountaintops surrounding the small clearing. The tops of the trees were sparkling, glowing in bright orange and red. Each tree was wearing a halo painted by the long arms of the sun, making me question how I could have been harmed in a place that held so much beauty.

“Pretty, isn't it?” he asked as he stared off into the mountains. “This is one of the reasons I stay, the sun never lets me down.” Stepping to my side, Pax fanned his arm out towards the horizon. “I get this view every single day and it never gets old.”

Smiling through thin lips, I nodded. “It's pretty, I don't think I've ever seen anything this beautiful before.”

Turning to face me, his mouth arched up in a high grin. “Yes you have, you see it every time you look in the mirror.” His eyes held mine, blistering with a sensual thirst. They bounced around my face, grazing my cheeks and absorbing my lips.

I couldn't look away, I was frozen in place, falling into the gold highlights burning in his stare. I wanted him to fold me in his arms and kiss me, kiss me like I was the first woman he had ever touched.

There was a war inside my body. My brain was screaming at me to stop, to forget the heat growing inside and focus only on what was important. But my insides were burning, turning so forcefully it felt like my stomach was filled with butterflies and rocks.

The tumbling grew stronger as we lingered in place, our bodies so close and still so far away.

Pax's smile grew bigger, like he was looking into my mind and reading my thoughts. Lifting his hand to my arm, I sucked in a silent breath as the anticipation sizzled through my body and percolated my blood like hot coffee.

Is he going to do it?

Is he going to kiss me?

Gently touching my elbow, he leaned in, placing his lips against the shell of my ear. Whispering softly, his breath curled over my lobe and seeped into my brain. “Time to go, stay close.” Unlocking his eyes from mine, he turned his back to me and started walking through the meadow of tall grass.

My body was buzzing, my lips perched slightly, ready and waiting for his. But he was already gone, nothing but cold air filled the space where his hard body had just been.

Blinking rapidly, I shook off the trance and quickly followed behind him. “Why did you seal yourself away here?”

“Why?” he said, not looking at me, and keeping his head straight. “There's a whole lot of reasons why, Angel, too many to count.” Chuckling, Pax sneered as he looked up at the sky. “Too many to count,” he said under his breath, in a tone that was barely audible.

It looked like he was speaking to the heavens, sending someone or something a silent message. I wasn't sure if he was giving the sky the middle finger or if he meant it as a thank you for handing him the solitude of his home.

Pax had secrets, he had a past and a life that he either ran from or was exiled to. I just wasn't sure which one it was. Should I fear this lone hunter or should I embrace him for what he had given me?

I didn't know if that was an answer I wanted. If he was bad, if he was a man whose past was better left buried, then not knowing wouldn't change what I felt.

Because what I felt went deeper than it should. He gave me butterflies, he made my insides bend and coil in corded knots, making it hard to breathe.

It wasn't just that he had cared for me when I needed it most; it was his eyes and the way they looked at me, it was his smile and how easily it affected the way my heart beat. I was afraid to lose that feeling, like an addict not wanting the withdrawal.

Pax was becoming my drug.

The grass thinned, opening into a flat clearing. Nodding his head, he pointed at a thick bush at the base of a set of trees. “That's where you were, but I only found you because of this.” Kicking the ground, he shuffled around charcoal and ashes with his boot, nudging half burned branches off the top. “I saw the smoke, that's how I ended up out here in the first place.”

Dropping to my haunches, I picked up a light chunk of black wood. Crumbling the pebble-sized bit into carbon powder, I rubbed it between my fingers. “Who made the fire?” Searching the ground, I tried to look for tire tracks or footprints.

There was nothing. I didn't know what I expected to see, maybe turned up ground or solid impressions of feet. I thought I'd find my purse laying in the dirt and my phone laying right beside it.

I honestly shouldn't have expected to see anything. The grass was way too thick and tall, any dirt that was visible was muddied up from animals and the forces of nature.

But who the hell was I? I wasn't a detective or forensic expert. I was a college kid who somehow ended up trapped in a forest.

“Don't know, like I said, no one else was here but you.”

“Did you see any tracks or tire impressions that day? I'm not seeing anything right now. Maybe they were washed away by rain or something?”

Draping his hand over the back of his neck, Pax stooped down next to me. “Vera, if I had seen anything like that, I would have told you.” Picking up a charred branch, he poked the fallen fire. “There was nothing else, just this.”

Closing my eyes, I revisited the memories of being in the car with Sara. They flashed through in rotation, flickering in short bursts. Pinching my lids tighter, I lifted my fingers to my nose and smelled the ash.

Inhaling a full breath, I slowed down my breathing and kept the short film on repeat in my head. I was trying to force it out, to push the memories to the surface, but still there was nothing.

Standing up, I walked to the bush. “This one?” I asked, pointing to it.

“Yeah, right there in the middle. Your feet came out here.” Placing his hand on the ground, Pax touched the exact spot my shoes had been. “And you were tucked up in the middle there.”

Looking closely, I could see tread marks from my sneakers and the dirt that had been kicked up. Pushing back the foliage, I looked inside, splitting the leaves apart to see as much as possible.

“What do you think you'll find? There's nothing here, I don't know how this is going to help you.” Laying a hand on my shoulder, Pax squeezed down. “We should head back soon, it's getting too dark to be out here.”

“I just want something, anything to—”A tiny sparkle caught my eye, shimmering from under a large leaf. Reaching my hand in, I tugged out a silver chain and collapsed onto the ground. “This is my necklace, my father gave it to me for my thirteenth birthday.” Holding it in my palm, I swirled the thin metal with one finger, twisting it into a tight spiral.

I could feel the weight of Pax staring down at me and I could sense he wanted to speak, he wanted to ask his own set of questions, but he didn't. Instead, his hand stroked up and down my back, the touch soothing and comforting.

Touching the center of my chest where the chain had hung before, I brushed the empty flesh with my fingertips. “What the fuck happened to me, Pax? How did I end up here?”

Sighing, he rolled his fingers over my neck, massaging it in gentle circles. “I wish I had the answer for you, Vera, but I don't.”

Curling my fingers over the chain, I buried my nails into my palm, digging them in so deep I could feel the skin splitting open. “I need to know, I just need to know what happened.” My head fell between my thighs as tears pooled at the edge of my lids.

I didn't want to cry, I wanted to rationalize what happened. I wanted to be able to say I remembered being here, that I had gotten lost and set the fire myself. I wanted to remember the fear of being alone, the unknown, but most of all, I wanted to know if Sara was alright.

If I had been left here, where was she?

It cut me so deep to know that I couldn't account for anything. All the strength I had been holding onto, all the hope of completing this puzzle was dissolving before my eyes.

Coming here hadn't brought me any closer to what I was looking for, it just left me right at the start, harboring the same unknowns I began with.

I didn't want to get lost in emotion and let my head get walled by the feelings that were trying to come in and wrap a noose around my neck.

But it was too late, the water streamed down over my cheeks, drop after drop, and I couldn't stop it. The slow tears turned into heavy sobs, my shoulders bouncing as I tried to keep up with my breathing.

Everything was too much, it was too hard to process, too hard to even think about. I hated it all and I wanted it gone. I wanted my life back, I wanted to close my eyes and wake up from this nightmare turned reality.

The thick pads of his fingers curved over my arms as Pax wrapped me up tight. I felt his chest against my back as he lifted a hand to my head and pulled it in.

I didn't fight him, I didn't push him away. I just cried.

Turning my body into his arms, he engulfed me in the warmest embrace I had felt in years. His body was hard and firm, but his arms still had the tenderness I needed right then.

It was too much for me to see where I had been, to realize that he had been telling me the truth all along. I wasn't sure if coming back had been a good idea or not. I found my necklace, one thing that I could never have replaced, but I also lost something I hadn't realized was there.

I lost myself and the woman I used to be, I lost the world I knew and was dropped into a place I didn't ask for. And as the tears ate away at my insides, souring the need I had originally felt to see this place, I wept.

I wept for everything I couldn't remember. I wept for my friend who seemed just as lost as I was.

I wept for all the pain I felt in my bones.

And I wept for the safety I felt in his arms.

I was thankful he had stumbled upon me, because without him, I wouldn't have ended up being just a footprint in the dirt. . . I'd still be in it.