Chapter Fourteen

Pax

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No.

I couldn't go into town, not with her.

They would all know something wasn't right, that she wasn't from around here. I couldn't risk someone recognizing her. I never went into town with anyone else, I was always by myself.

If I wanted to keep them away, then bringing her there wasn't an option.

She can't leave, I won't let her.

Lifting the ax over my head, I swung it down hard, splintering the log in half. Picking up the pieces, I tossed them into the pile and placed another one on top. Shattering the second log, I flung the broken pieces as my body tensed from head to toe.

I was angry, I was enraged, but not with her, not with my angel.

She couldn't understand how taking her into town would end up with her getting taken away from me. There was no way I could lose her, not from something that was destined to steal her right out of my hands.

Vera had helped me to let go, to unlock the doors I had sealed shut. And she couldn't even see it, she didn't have a fucking clue.

It was hard to open yourself back up to a world you despised, to a place that couldn't understand what it was like to see what I've seen, to have done all the things I've done.

And to still have that itch, that tiny voice always trying to creep up and gain traction, wanting me to do it again. I was a vile human being, one being tempted by blood and fueled by destruction.

Vera wanted to convince herself that what I had done for her was kindness, that it was all done with the best intentions.

What if she knew she was wrong?

I tried to explain it to her, to let her see a glimpse of who I truly was. She was blind to it, twisting what I told her into a crazy idealistic image of a hero.

I'm not a hero. I'm a fucking thief, I'm selfish. . .

I'm her captor.

What I had done for her, yes that was good, it was the right thing to do. But what I wanted now, that was a black seed that sat in my gut, slowly growing and planting its roots deep into my muscles.

I could take her to call her mother, I should take her. But taking her would mean more questions, it would mean people, people who would want to take her from me. I couldn't do that, I couldn't lose her to a rash of cops and doctors trying to find the same answers she wanted.

The fear was there, the panic and anxiety had cradled my heart. She would go, she would want to leave with the hopes that all of this would have an ending.

Her end was now, it was here. She didn't need to keep reaching for intangible clouds that would slip through her fingers.

Here, here she could be happy; happy and safe.

That was what I could give her, if she let me. All she had to do was see it, feel it, know it without asking more questions.

“What the fuck is your deal?” Her voice crept in from over my shoulder, forcing me to stop mid-swing.

Holding the ax stale in the air, I cocked an eye over my shoulder. “Nothing.” Letting the ax fall, it cracked through another piece of wood, and I stacked it onto the growing pile.

Her feet padded over the leaves, crushing them with gentle pops. “Nothing?”

Grunting, I let the ax fly down hard. “Look, I have work to do, what do you need?”

“You know what I need.” Tucking her arms into her ribs, she stood tall, bravely staring down the barrel of my hard, steel weapon. “Don't act like you don't know.”

“I gave you your answer.” Resting the ax by my feet, I pulled the sleeves up on my shirt, turning to look at her and wiping away the sweat on my forehead.

Gawking, Vera's mouth hung open, her eyes hovering under hooded lids. “You're unbelievable, you know that?” Taking a long step forward, she snatched the ax from my hands, lifting it over her head and letting it fall with precision into the center of the log. “Go on, get another one.”

Placing a hand on my hip, I gripped the top of my head. “What are you doing?”

“I'm helping.”

“No, what are you really doing?” Tilting my head, I watched her closely.

I wasn't stupid, there was no way that she was willingly accepting my refusal to do what she asked me to. She was going to try and rope me into taking her into town some other way, a give and take game that I wasn't about to play.

That was not going to happen, not by my hands. If I did decide to let her go, I wouldn't drive her into the public's eye and let her loose. There was no doubt in my mind that the world was looking for her, that a fixation on her had been swirling from news-stand to news-stand.

She's staying, I already decided that.

“I'm not going to let you do everything yourself, I'm here, so use me.” Grabbing another log herself, she steadied it in the center of the block. “I'll earn my keep, like you said before, I'll repay you for what you've done for me. Then maybe we can talk about what I really need.” Holding the ax high, she let it fall down with gusto, grunting as the metal hit the base.

“I know what you're doing and it's not going to work.”

“And what is it I'm doing?” Tossing the wood onto the pile, she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

“Don't play games with me, I can see right through you.”

“This isn't a game. You've been very kind taking care of me, but I don't want to be your burden, I want to help.”

“You're not a burden.”

She was far from being a burden. In some twisted way I felt like I was righting all the wrongs, I was clearing my conscious and starting over. For all the bad that flowed through my veins, there was still some good.

Having her here made me feel like my life finally had purpose. There was comfort in knowing she needed me, in keeping her safe and protecting her from whatever was out there.

I was actually starting to feel sane again.

Leaning on the handle of the ax, Vera looked me up and down, letting her eyes settle sternly on mine. “What do you want from me, Pax?”

My lids popped open, eyes rattling around inside my skull. How was I going to answer that question?

I wanted everything from her. I wanted to keep her locked away as my own precious treasure that the world could never touch. I wanted her mind, her body, her soul. I found a diamond in the rubble around me, just waiting to be scooped up in my hands.

I want it all.

This angel was mine. Even if she begged me, I was never letting her go.

She looked so beautiful, her face flushed and damp from sweat. The sun burst through the trees behind her, making her body glow, showering her anger filled expression in glittering speckles of yellow rain.

I was turned on instantly, flooded with the need to take her right there. I had walked away from her because I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving. Now, now I couldn't shut down my body, I couldn't stop myself from making sure she knew she was mine.

“I'd rather show you.” Taking a long step forward, I pulled the ax from her hands and dropped it to the ground. Her breath hitched as I swept her off her feet, lifting her by the waist and setting her down on the block of wood.

“Pax—”

Silencing her voice, I kissed her hard, I kissed her with all the feelings that she seemed to bring to life inside me. Feelings I didn't think existed anymore, feelings I thought had been driven away, dissolving into nothing as my mind became crusted in a hardened shell.

But Vera broke that shell, she shattered it to bits, letting everything I had buried flood my body.

Our lips locked, the touch hot and cold as a chilled gust blew between us. The woods went silent, despite the wind and rustling trees around us. I could feel the breeze on my skin, I could see the branches around us moving, but right then, all I could hear was her body.

Her heartbeat picked up as her chest lifted and dropped excitedly. Vera lifted her hands to my arms, curling her fingers around my wrists and rubbing small circles over the back of my palms.

Holding her cheeks, I stared into the vast green pools, aching for her to look at me with the same emotions I had for her. “I need you, Angel, that's what I want.” My words buzzed over her lips as she inhaled a quick breath. “And I'm going to take you.”

Snapping her eyes shut, her head rolled in my hand as I pulled her hair and kissed her throat. Nipping her neck, I could feel my cock thicken with every taste of her skin.

“Mm,” she moaned, dragging her nails over my head and latching them around the base of my skull. “Fuck, Pax, how do you make me feel this way?”

My hands found every inch of her exposed skin, touching her arms, gliding across her chest and collarbone. “Not everything can be explained, some things just are.” Licking her throat, I bit down on her bottom lip and plucked it hard.

Another heavy moan rolled off her tongue, sending a chill up my spine. This woman made me crack, she had the power to turn me from cold to hot, from lifeless to alive, and that meant everything to me.

That was what drove me to keep her here, to want her to never leave. And if I had to fuck her till she couldn't walk, just so she couldn't escape from my cabin and vanish from my life, I would.

Tearing her pants down her thighs, her skin ignited in goosebumps as the cold air tickled her body, forcing the tiny peaks to explode.

My dick was throbbing to be in her again, to feel her tightness and warmth.

“Are you really going to fuck me right here?” she asked, whispering her words through another heated breath.

“I'm going to fuck you where ever I want and how ever I want.” Curling a finger into the thin fabric of her panties, I tore them free. The lace broke with hardly any pressure, splitting at the seam.

Tossing her panties to the ground like another fallen leaf, I growled through my teeth. “Yesterday was for you, Angel; but today, today is for me.”

I watched a shiver scale her body as her thighs clenched and her eyes flashed with a hint of uncertainty.

Dragging my finger across her bottom lip, I glided my hands down the curve of her jaw. “Don't be afraid, Angel.” My hand continued down over her chest, pinching her nipple as I hit the hardened bead.

Gasping, Vera's head fell back as her fingers gripped the wood stump. Her knuckles drained to white as her body went stiff and her breathing turned raspy.

Grabbing her hips, I flipped her to her stomach and lifted her waist so her ass was perched high. “I'm going to fuck you deep, I'm going to fuck you hard, and you're going to love every second of it.”

Taking her outside, under the clear sky with nothing around but the sounds of the trees swaying in the wind and the quick chirp of birds nestled high; it was euphoric, lighting my veins in electric pops that sizzled under the skin.

Spreading her ass, I stroked my cock inside my pants. Vera arched her back, forcing her wet, glistening pussy up higher. Her sweet musk hijacked my senses, making my cock jerk.

“Fuck me, Pax.” Rolling her hips, she shook her ass, begging me to be inside her. “Fuck me and take me how you like it.” Rocking backwards, Vera rubbed her ass up and down the thick bulge in my jeans.

Grunting, I couldn't take it anymore. Tearing my cock free from its binding, I held my length and slipped it between her cheeks. Grinding up and down, I stroked my cock against her puckered hole, gently tickling her wet heat.

“Do you want to feel me? Do you need to feel me?”

“Yes.” Her breathing was weighted, legs quivering. Leaning in, I bit her ass, softly stroking up the center. Vera let out another gasp, swaying her hips.

“Tell me again,” I said, dragging my teeth over her skin. “Tell me you want me.”

“I want you, I need you.”

Running my hand up the center of her back, I twined my fingers into her hair. “Say it again.”

“I want you.” Her words were soft, filled with need, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted more, I needed more. I wanted to hear her beg for me.

“Say it so I believe you, beg for me, Angel, beg for me.”

Her head ticked over her shoulder, her eyes glazing over in tempered desire. “Please take me, please.”

Licking her asshole, I pushed my finger into her pussy and twirled. “Again.”

“Please, fuck me.” Her pussy milked my finger, clenching around it tight.

“Good girl.” Tugging her hair, I pushed my finger in deeper, feeling her walls crush around me with force.

Vera's head fell forward, her lips forming a perfect circle as she moaned. Fingering her pussy, I wrapped her hair around my hands and tugged her head up.

My cock was engorged, ready and eager to feel her. I couldn't wait any longer. The tip was glistening in pre-cum, my shaft pulsed and throbbed to the point it was getting too painful to keep teasing her.

Pulling my finger free with a wet slurp, I gripped my length and pressed it to her entrance. Her body tensed, arms snapping up and holding onto the wood with purpose.

I could see the profile of her face and it was gorgeous. Her mouth was open wide, her lids were closed, her long lashes fluttered against the top of her cheeks.

Splitting her open, I slid in slowly at first, feeling all of her, all her warmth, all her juice as my cock disappeared inside her.

Gripping her roots, I yanked her hair harder, lifting her face high. Pulling back, I felt my cock reach the opening, almost breaking free. Pausing, I waited for her to open her eyes, to achingly beg me with her gaze to keep going.

Jerking my hips, I drove my length in, hitting her lower belly. Staying still, I held myself in place, unable to go any deeper.

Vera's lust-filled eyes flashed, teetering on the edge of pure insanity and desire. Her hips jerked, pushing back and forcing me in just a little more.

This was what I needed, this was what my life had been missing. A beautiful woman to share it with, to have by my side and give all I had to offer. She gave me the power to truly feel, to connect in a way I hadn't ever been able to before.

Thrust after thrust, I fucked my angel under the cover of the trees, with nothing around us for miles and miles.

Taking was what I did best; I took her from my forest, I took her for myself, and I planned on taking her over and over again.

But right then I wasn't taking, I was giving. I was giving myself to her, offering her all of me, a never ending conviction of what she would always have.

Vera's moans grew louder, ricocheting off the mountains and driving back into my skull. Her thighs squeezed shut as they trembled, her mouth gaped open wide as her body released.

That was it, that was enough to make me forget time, to forget to breathe, to forget that I was bare in the worst kind of way. My heart was stripped of its protection, my body and soul was now at her mercy.

With one hard pump, I dug my nails into her hip, holding her in place while I yanked her head back hard. My cock throbbed, jerking inside her as the come spilled free. Pump after pump, my cream exploded from the tip, dripping out around the edges.

And as the orgasm settled inside my body, I laid over her back and whispered into her ear. “I can never tell you in words what I want, Vera, because saying it out loud isn't enough.” Stroking her hair, my chest ached as my lungs did everything to spread the oxygen through my body. “I want it all, Angel.” Kissing the back of her neck, I said, “Now tell me what you want.”

Vera twisted in place, her eyes studying mine, holding steady and not daring to look away. “You know what I want, Pax, I already told you.”

Brushing my fingers over her elbow, I teased her skin. “Wrong answer.” Curling my hands around her forearms, I pulled her up onto her knees and turned her to face me. “Tell me what you want from this, from me. Tell me that this is better than the life you had before. Were you happy?”

Glancing at the ground, her bottom lip trembled. “Why are you asking me that?”

Running my hands up her back, I traced her spine, forcing her body to shiver. “I need to know, Angel. I have to know if the life you came from is worth forgetting.”

I felt her inhale a quick breath, holding it for a second, then releasing it slowly. “There are things I wouldn't mind forgetting, but. . .” Pausing, her fingertips drew up, brushing over my chest. “But haven't I already forgotten enough?”

“Do you really want to remember that?”

“Wouldn't you want to know if it was you?” Her brows arched high, eyes tenderly aching for answers.

My heart thudded harder, wondering if knowing was really the answer. What if it drove her away from me? What if it drove me back into insanity?

I couldn't have that, I won't have that.

But I could see in her eyes she would never stop looking, she would never stop wondering about her forgotten memories and lost time. There was nothing I could do to change that, I had to accept that fact.

It wouldn't matter what I gave her or how much I did for her. Vera would always be looking. And if she was searching, she wouldn't really be here, even if her body was.

“If I can get you your answers, if I can bring back those memories, and find a way for you to accept them, would you let me keep you?”

Vera's head snapped up, her lashes blowing in the breeze, tickling the small space under her brows. “Keep me? What do you mean keep me?”

Lowering my chin, I brought my lips to her ear. “I think it's pretty clear what I mean, Angel.” Nipping her lobe, I plucked it between my teeth.

A sharp breath escaped her lips as she jerked her body back. “I have a life, Pax, you can't just keep me like a fucking pet.”

“No, not like a pet, Vera, I want you to be mine.”

Her hands pushed against my chest, forcing us apart. Thinning her mouth, her face scrunched tight. “Is that what this is? Did you really think you could just keep me stowed away up here?”

“I told you last night I wasn't letting you go.”

Throwing her arms in the air, she huffed loudly. “I didn't think you meant literally, I thought it was just an in the moment thing.” Twisting her foot into the leaves and dirt, she gripped her sides. “Why?”

Grabbing her waist, I yanked her back into my arms. “Because without you I'd be lost, I'd crumble into dust and lose myself all over again.” Holding her tight, her body molded against mine. “I know you don't think you know me, Angel, but you know more about me than you realize. If you listen hard to your thoughts, I'm in there someplace.” Gripping her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I tipped her head up. “It might be deep, but I'm in there.”

I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to press my lips onto hers and feel the heat of her tongue. But I didn't, I waited, I let my words sink in and take hold. I needed her, the idea of letting her go burned, it slashed my insides, blackening my heart.

I had spent days talking to her, telling her about my past, my life, all the things that built me into the monster I had become. I knew she was sleeping, but I had hoped she would remember me, even if it was just the sound of my voice.

I wanted her to hear my words, to feel them in her dreams and sense them when she woke. Spilling all the darkest secrets came easy, her ears were open, any judgment she might cast could vanish. All because she would wake feeling she knew me, feeling connected on a level that went far beyond what one person could ask of another.

But maybe that wish went unheard, maybe it turned out to be just another fallen star, lost in a sea of wishes.

“What about me? What about my family?” Her hands danced over my abs, tapping the hardened muscles and drumming a silent beat against my stomach. “I'm lost right now, Pax, and maybe it's time for me to be found.”

Fuck! Why can't she just accept that she was meant to be here?

Vera's face drooped down, her eyes lowering in pain. I didn't want to cause her pain, I didn't want to be the reason for any of the torment she felt.

Tipping her chin up, I brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Angel, when I found you that day, I made you a promise. I promised you I'd fix this.”

Her eyes flickered, coming to life. “Is that what you said to me as you carried me?”

Cocking a brow, my mouth drew taut. “You remember that?”

“I remember you talking, but I didn't know what you said.”

“I thought you didn't remember anything?”

“I didn't, I still don't. I just have little flashes of that night. . .” As she spoke her words trailed off, her eyes rolling up to the sky. She stared up into the clouds, holding whatever thought had just popped into her head.

“Vera, what do you remember?” But she didn't respond, she was in a daze as her mind shut down everything else around her. “Vera?” Speaking louder, I gently shook her shoulders. “Vera?”

Tapping her lip with her finger, her face settled in place, coming back to me—to us. “I just want to know.”

Scooping her cheeks into my hands, I held her face against mine, pressing my forehead onto hers. “I'll help you remember. . .” Kissing the center of her face, I whispered. “And I'll help you forget them again.” Stroking her jaw, I felt her body fasten to mine as her arms curled up around my waist. “Because you deserve that.”

Answers are what she needed.

And she was going to need me to get through them.