Chapter Eleven

Vera

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What the fuck was that?

We were so close and he just dropped me like a pile of a shit. My muscles surged as anger flooded my veins. His answer wasn't good enough, none of his answers had been good enough.

But this. . . This wouldn't go with out an explanation.

Planting my feet into the floor, I kicked the blanket I had been wearing as I pounded my heels into the wood. I wasn't going to let him off that easily, I wanted to know why he couldn't sleep with me.

What possible reason could he have?

Every step vibrated my calves as I stormed down the hall to his door. Lifting my fist to the wood, I pounded hard. “Pax!”

He didn't answer.

Banging again, I yelled. “Pax, answer me!”

Still he remained quiet, silent like a mouse. Grabbing the handle, I threw the door open and stood sternly in the entrance. “What the fuck was that all about?”

Pax was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head cradled in his hands. “Go to your room, Vera, I can't do this right now.”

“Well you know what, that's too bad, because you're going to tell me why. Why can't you take me? I was giving myself to you and you just stopped, why?”

His hands fell into his lap as his dark eyes engulfed my face. “Go. To. Your. Room.” Each word was weighted, full of emotion and pain.

Pax's eyes were dead, lifeless, straining to keep in the words he wanted to speak. I couldn't understand what he was feeling, what darkness he was battling with right then.

But I didn't care.

Taking firm strides, I paced up to his bed, pressing my toes against his just like he had done to me. “No.” Holding my hips, I kept my gaze on his. “Tell me.”

Raking his hand over his head, he rubbed the back of his neck. “You're not going to stop are you?”

“Nope, so you might as well just tell me.”

Launching upright, his massive body shadowed mine, causing me to wobble on my feet. But I wasn't moving, I wasn't going to back down. And I needed him to know that.

“You don't want to know why, Vera, it'll only scare you.”

Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “Fuck you, you don't know what scares me. If I was scared of you I wouldn't be here.”

“You don't have anywhere else to go.”

“I don't have to stay here, I could find a way home.”

An ominous chuckle spilled over my face as he smiled. “Is that right?” Tapping his thumb against his jaw, his chest expanded. “Angel, you can't get anywhere without me.”

Shit.

I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right. We were out in the middle of nowhere, I had nothing to survive if I wanted to take on the challenge of hiking out of here alone.

I don't even know where I am.

How the fuck would I find my way home?

Holding out a finger, I poked him in the chest. “Stop trying to avoid the question. Why did you just leave me like that? Am I not good enough for you?”

“What? No.” Growling under his breath, his eyes closed tight. “You wouldn't understand.”

“Try me.”

Peeling his lids open, his fingers came up and teased the ends of my hair. A tingle rode my spine, hitting my toes and traveling back up to my belly.

It was hard to understand why his touch affected me the way it did, why it brought me to my knees and turned my insides into hot soup.

I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't just shut it off and pretend it didn't exist. It was there, like a dim light being slowly turned up till it's so blinding you can't see.

Pax was making me stop, he was quieting the inner voice to ask questions and find answers. But only turning it down, lowering the volume, and pushing it into the background.

“What if I told you I was a bad man, would you believe me?”

“A bad man? You saved me, you're not a bad man.”

Twirling a thick lock of hair around his finger, Pax tilted his head as the spiral reached my scalp. “But I am, I'm the worst kind of man.”

“Why would you even say that? Tell me what you did, what makes you so bad?”

Do I want him to answer that?

I wanted to know about him, I wanted to know who he was in every way. But if he was bad, if he was dark and evil, did I really want to know that?

“I've killed people, Vera.”

Sucking in a ragged breath, my eyes steadied on his, searching for the lie in his truth. “What do you mean you killed people?” My heart skipped inside my chest, pitter pattering with a raw need to hear more, to know what the hands that had just been on me had done.

His eyes settled on my lips, devouring them as we stood toe to toe. I should have been scared of the power he harnessed to hold me still with just his eyes. . . But I wasn't.

Braiding my hands together in front of my chest, I asked him again. “Tell me what you're saying. What do you mean?”

His eyes dulled as past experiences clouded his stare, turning crisp russet brown into flat terracotta. “It doesn't matter, it's in the past, but blood had been spilled. I'm not good, I'm twisted. I locked myself here for a reason, Vera.”

I wanted to step back, I wanted to turn and run. But I did the opposite, I pushed closer, testing the limits of his words. “Tell me what you mean.”

His face contorted, the thick vein in his neck twitched as his hands balled at his sides. “You can't understand what I've done, even I don't understand why I did it, or why it felt so fucking good. I followed orders and they made me into who I am.”

Cocking a brow, I asked, “Orders?”

Stepping backwards, Pax turned and opened his drawer, yanking out a thin metal chain. I heard the ping first, the soft tink of two steel plates. Holding up his hand, he let the tags swing freely in front of his face.

He was in the military.

Smiling as the weight of what he was saying seemed to lift, I stepped into him. “That's different, that doesn't make you a killer, that makes you a protector.” Touching the trim of his pants, I crept in a little closer. “War doesn't make you a bad man, Pax, you were just doing what you were trained for.”

Cocking his jaw out, his brows dipped in hard. “I wasn't trained for that, they can't prepare you for taking someone's life or what you'll feel when it happens.”

“Pax—”

Slicing a hand through the air, he stopped me from talking. “Does it make you bad if you liked it? Does it make you bad if you wanted to keep killing even after you had served your time?” Lowering his face, he brought the tip of his nose to mine. “What if I told you that even after, even after all the years I spent here alone, I still had the urge to kill? What would you think of me then?”

Angling my chin, I held his eyes firmly in mine. “I'd think you were wrong, I'd still think you were good because of what you did for me.” Reaching my hand up, I placed it gently on his cheek. “You're not a bad man, Pax, and I don't think I could ever see you as anything more than my savior.”

Grinding his teeth, his jaw twitched as he squared his shoulders. Twisting and walking towards the wall, he whipped around on his heels. “I'm not your savior. If anything, I'm your captor.” Pacing in quick, hard circles, his arms stayed tight on his hips. “I don't want you to leave, I don't want to be here without you.” Taking a hard step in, he kept his eyes buried in mine. “And that hole, I dug that hole for you, I planned on keeping you here with me forever.”

Inhaling an audible gasp, I stood shocked. I didn't know what to say or how to even process that.

That was my grave. . .

My grave. . .

Pax's eyes softened as the realization of what he had said took hold. “I. . . It's not what you think.” His hands flew up and latched his head as he yelled, “Fuck!” Stepping back he started to pace again. “Whoever hurt you, they hurt you bad, Angel. I didn't know if you would ever wake up.” There was a pain settling in his eyes, turning the deep brown to charcoal black. “You didn't have a name, I didn't know what else to do.”

Swallowing hard, I let him talk, I listened and let it all sink in. The grave was an afterthought, a forced choice for an already shitty situation that he hadn't asked for.

We were both thrown into the fire, left to burn and die in the ashes. Pax was a good guy, I could see it, I could feel it.

Rubbing his temples, he breathed in slowly. “I couldn't sleep with you because all I could think about was trying to find a way to keep you here, something so you would have to stay with me. Good men. . . Good men don't think like that.”

The air around me grew hot, pricking my lungs, turning oxygen into boiling steam. I should have been afraid right then, I should have turned and ran in the other direction, finding freedom in the trees around us.

But that wasn't what I felt.

I felt excited, I felt warm as my skin sizzled and my heart hammered inside my chest. My body was alive, shedding all the questions I had about him and about what had brought me to him.

“Pax,” I said, whispering the word.

He didn't hear me, he just kept pacing, pacing and talking. “I couldn't imagine a life before with anyone else in it, but after that night, after finding you and watching you almost die, I can't imagine a life without you.” His voice was strained as all of his thoughts streamed out like a raging hurricane, and I was standing in the eye of the storm.“You were so close, so close to death and I couldn't imagine losing you.” A distressed laugh broke his onslaught of words as he stroked his beard. “I didn't know you and I still don't know you, but you have no idea how much you gave me, how much you changed me—”

“PAX.” Speaking louder, I infiltrated his wall of confusion. “And that's why you're not the person you think you are.” My legs shuffled forward, hands sliding up to curl around his neck. “Stop talking, just stop talking.”

My eyes danced between his for one breath, one single second in time. Climbing to my tiptoes, I forced my lips onto his and kissed him. He had given me my life back, he had given me the chance to keep going.

And if I hadn't made it, he was still willing to share his haven with me.

There were no words to express the feelings I had for this man. He had swooped in, he had carried me in more ways than just a physical set of arms. His home became my refuge, his mind became my freedom and his heart. . .

His heart had just sealed itself inside mine.

If I had the power to change him from just my presence, from the care he gave me. . . What could he do to change me?

Could he show me a world that wasn't filled with greed?

Could he give me the lightness in my heart that I wished I had and erase all the pain I still held onto?

Stepping back, I stroked my fingers through his beard, scratching in deep. “Maybe we both needed a change.”

His hands flew up, capturing my face. “I don't know if you understand.” His eyes flicked between mine, opening up and drawing me in. “Now that I have you, I'd do anything to keep you. I'd do anything for you.”

Pouting my lips, I tried to read him, to see inside his words. “What would you do for me?”

Grinning, Pax slid his hands down my cheeks. “This, this is for you my Angel.” Lifting my arms up, I felt him tickle my ribs as he shimmied the shirt over my shoulders. His hands came down slowly, gingerly stroking my chest with the weight of a feather.

“Why do you call me angel? Why would you give me such a title when I've taken so much from you?” My eyes searched his for an answer as thin lines crinkled across his forehead.

Pax had no idea what I was feeling, what it felt like to have been dropped into his life the way I had. But I hadn't realized how empty I had felt before or how much I craved to have that emptiness filled.

And the longer I was here, the longer I was by his side, that hole started to shrivel up, it was closing more and more. I just needed him to help me realize why.

I still had questions about what had happened to me and how it brought me here, but all of this was helping me to look at life in a different color.

I didn't need all the bells and whistles that came with the city, I didn't need manicures and makeup to feel good about myself.

All I needed was the right man to show me the beauty that the world could offer. The right man to show me that life was more than just the type of car you drove or the designer you picked to wear.

Lifting his palm to my cheek, I leaned my face against the large pad and waited for him to speak. “Because that's what you are, you fell into my hands and saved me in ways you could never realize. You gave me the chance to feel again, to give and not always take. For that. . .” Strumming his thumb over my chin, he ran it across my bottom lip. “For that you're an angel, you're my angel.”

Biting down on my bottom lip, I felt my eyes glossing over as a smirk itched at the corner of my lip. “Really?”

“Really,” Pax said as he breathed out a heavy rush of air, scooping me into his arms and pulling my body into his chest.

Placing his mouth on my neck, he kissed my throat. A delicate purr escaped my lips as my head rolled to the side. The fire crackled behind us in the distance, the raging glow still hot enough to paint our silhouette across the ceiling.

Dropping his hands to the clip of my bra, he plucked it open, letting it fall to the floor. I didn't feel nervous anymore, my skin was warm and damp as small droplets of sweat beaded up across my shoulders. Running his tongue over my flesh, Pax tasted the sweet and salty flavor.

Moaning louder, my hips pressed in, brushing over the bulge in his jeans. I loved how I was losing myself, how my body was running only on emotion.

It felt amazing to let go of my mind, for my body to be in charge.

His hands lowered to my pants, rolling them down my thighs with determination in his sultry gaze. My pink panties were darkened in the center, the sheer fabric barely giving any cover to my swollen clit. I was so wet, pulsing and throbbing to the point I already felt like I was going to burst.

His hand swept up between my thighs, slipping a single finger up the center of my panties, blooming my lips. With one hand to the middle of my chest, he pushed me backwards.

My thighs hit the edge of the bed, the weight of his hand forcing me down onto the mattress.  “My god you're perfect,” he said, dropping to his knees as his eyes licked my body. Leaning in he placed a kiss on my ribs as he held my sides. “You are the most perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on.” Kissing the skin under my breast, he ran his forehead across my nipple, tickling the hardened bead.

My chest expanded wide, taking in a large gulp of air. “Thank you.” Whispering, my head dipped into my chest as I draped my fingers over the button on his jeans.

The cold metal burned the tip of my finger, I wanted him in the worst way. I could feel it from my head to my toes, zipping over my skin and causing flutters in my stomach. But a nervous tumble skipped through my belly and up my ribs, making my chest vibrate, forcing me to pull away.

Curling an arm around my waist, Pax scooped me up and pushed me further onto the bed. “Angel, don't be afraid.” Kissing my belly, I shivered beneath him. My muscles were tense and shaking as goosebumps spotted my body. “You never have to fear me.”

I wasn't feeling fear or questioning if I should be sleeping with this man. All I felt was need, desire, a suffocating urge to have him inside me.

“I will never hurt you.” Pax ran his fingertips over my legs, softly caressing the delicate skin. “Do you believe me?”

Nodding yes, I bit my lower lip, placing my arms around his neck. “I trust you.”

Smiling through thin lips, he whispered. “I know you do, you don't have any reason not to.” Fiddling with his button, Pax popped it free, lowering the zipper one tooth at a time. “But I asked you if you believed me?”

The metal echoed through my ears, each tooth seemingly louder than the next. I was ready, I was eager, I was steadying my breathing so I could focus on just him.

He had thought that I wasn't ready for what he wanted to give me.

But he had no idea how ready I truly was. I was ready for anything he wanted to give.

I want it all.

“I believe you.”