Chapter Eight

Pax

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Shit.

Her cheeks were brushed in a gorgeous shade of pink, tickling the edges of her ears and the tip of her nose. A low braid hung over her shoulder as loose strands framed her face, tangling with her long lashes.

I'm not proud of it, but the first thought I had wasn't about making sure she was okay.

I wanted to kiss her. My lips wanted to warm hers, my tongue wanted to soothe hers. I had the urge to take her face in my hands and whisper to her how beautiful she was as I tasted the mouth that spoke to my dreams.

It took one night, one single moment for my entire world to change. And in return, it had taken a piece of me and handed it over to her. She couldn't see it yet, and maybe, maybe she couldn't feel it yet, but it was there.

When I pulled her from that bush, when I nurtured her out of the hands of death, I made a soundless deal with some unknown force, forsaking everything I thought I wanted.

This lost girl had become mine, but in return, I also became hers.

There was a feeling, a desire that was burning deep inside, telling me to do anything to keep her here with me and never let her go. I could have driven her to town anytime and I battled with that idea.

Except. . . Except I didn't want to.

I knew I was being selfish, centering on my own needs and my own lust just hoping she would feel what I already felt. There was no way I could do the things to her I wanted to. . . Not unless I knew she truly wanted to give herself to me.

You're dreaming, you know you are.

Stop being a greedy asshole.

Brushing her knees off, she stretched her back and shook her arms out. “I'm okay, really. It just shocked me more than anything.”

“Vera,” I said, lowering my eyes to the large hole in the ground. “You're right.”

Squinting an eye, her head tilted a hair. “Right about what?”

“It's a grave. Well. . .” Closing my eyes, I lowered my chin. “It could have been a grave.”

Why the fuck are you telling her that?

I wanted to slam my lips shut and stop the words from flowing out of my mouth. But I couldn't, she had fallen into a pit that had a purpose, a hole that at one time didn't have a name, until she woke up and told me hers.

“You're fucking with me right?”

I stood quiet, trying to find the right words to explain away a really dark truth that had dropped into my hands.

She was unconscious for days, her body had bloated and changed colors, her breathing had switched from rapid to shallow then came in spurts of quick short bursts.

There was honesty, then there was truth. I could be honest and tell her what I felt, how I had been so worried about her, how connected I already felt to her even though she had slept through it all.

I could shed my skin and give her what I was feeling, what I had been breathing for the entire time she stayed in that bed and how it tore me apart inside every second. I could tell her I held her hand, touched her face, and prayed that she would wake up.

And I could tell her that when she finally showed me her eyes and feathered my ears with her voice, that everything I thought I wanted had suddenly blown away, dissolving before my eyes as she filled its place.

Or I could tell her the truth. That she had been beaten so badly I was afraid her brain had swelled to the point she wouldn't recover, that some of the bruises mimicked internal bleeding, and that at one point I thought her heart had stopped completely.

That I had knelt by her side and felt her wrist, leaning my head over her lips to see if any air spilled over my cheek while I watched for her chest to rise.

I could give her detailed descriptions of the pain I watched take over her body as tears fell from her eyes as she slept and how she would shake and tremble like her dreams were filled with the worst kind of fears.

But I had to ask myself what answer could she handle?

Could she handle either one?

The strength she had was one you were either born with or had beaten into your soul since you were young. I didn't want to take that from her, I didn't want to be the reason her walls crashed and burned around her.

She could already feel the damage done to her body, she could see the bruises and the cuts, but her mind. . . That was still whole.

I couldn't help but wonder if she was already so broken emotionally that neither answer would give her comfort, it would only fuel more unknowns and fears.

She doesn't need to be scared, I'm going to make it right.

Her jaw hung open, eyes flashing wide as she looked back at the rectangle cutout. “I don't understand, tell me what you mean. Why the hell would you need a grave?”

I never meant for her to find it. I had only dug it as a safety measure, a just in case scenario for if things went south.

But they didn't.

Telling her my reason for digging the grave would crush her. She wasn't ready to hear that, she was just waking up from a bad nightmare she couldn't remember yet. If she had to think about her own death, about how close to it she had come. . .

She never has to know.

Clutching the back of my head, I gripped my side and turned away from her. I didn't want to explain to her that it was meant for her, that the hole in the earth had been dug in case she never woke up.

I debated a lot of things after finding her that night, but the worst one was what to do if her wounds stole her away. I didn't know her name, I had no clue what happened or who was responsible.

It took a lot for me to decide what to do if she didn't make it, and giving her a quiet place to rest, a home for her soul, that was another voiceless promise I had given her.

But none of that mattered now, I could fill that hole, I could erase the horrible idea that the young vixen might be destined to sleep for eternity on my land.

Because she was standing right here; breathing, talking, living. Standing at the precipice of something that had been destined for her.

That was a bizarre image to see, to know the reason for removing the earth and to have that reason hovering above it, to have pulled that reason out from a resting spot that never came to be.

Stop thinking about it, it didn't happen.

Forcing it all away, I looked over my shoulder and realized where we were. “Come on, I have something to show you.” I couldn't find the words to tell her, I didn't have the heart to open up a conversation like that, so I decided to diffuse it with something she wanted. “It's not far, just over that ridge.”

“No.” Snapping her arm out, she pointed at the ground. “Tell me what you have a grave for, Pax. Why would you dig such a thing?” Her eyes stayed static on mine, flourishing in concern, fear, uncertainty.

The look she gave me split my heart in two, strangling my lungs and stabbing me in the gut. Her pupils dilated as her lids popped open, exposing all the white of her eyes. The fear was sitting right on the surface, skittishly darting across the black pools.

I hated it, I hated how she was looking at me. Because all that fear was directed towards me. I didn't want her to fear me, she never had to worry about me ever hurting her.

“Don't ask me this, Angel, I can't explain it. But I don't need it anymore and it won't be here much longer. So just forget about it, it doesn't matter now.”

Stepping back, she danced around the edge of the hole. “People just don't dig graves in case they need one, you had a reason, what was it?”

“Vera, you don't want to know my reason, just leave it be.” Reaching out, I gripped her wrist and drew light circles on the back of her palm. “I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”

Her hand was warm, lighting my fingers with the same snap you feel when there's too much electricity in the air and the current uses your body to escape.

I could feel her pulse on my fingertips, each heartbeat intensely thumped against the pads beat after agonizing beat, jumping between our skin.

I waited for her to move, to speak, to let me inside her head.

Was she scared?

Was she angry?

Because she didn't have to be, I wasn't going to kill her or harm her like whoever had her before me.

But knowing deep inside what I wanted to do to her was enough to send my body into overdrive. That was why I wanted to stay away from her, that was why I was trying so hard to remove myself mentally from this angelic figure of demon lust.

Because I couldn't trust myself.

But you want her to trust you?

You're ridiculous, trust is earned. You have to give her something in order to get it.

It was hard for me to accept that she wasn't aware of what I had done to keep her alive. I wanted her to listen to me, to believe in the words I was saying. Only that wasn't realistic, because only one of us was actually present for the entire thing.

And that was me.

“Trust you? How can I trust you?” Yanking her arm free, she took another small step back. “You tell me you know nothing, you tell me you found me, but you have no idea what happened. Now—now I find a grave practically in your backyard and you ask me to trust you?”

Dragging my hand over my head, I scrubbed the light stubble on my scalp. “You don't want an answer to this, you don't want to know what was going through my head while I dug it. So yes, I need you to trust me.”

“Did you do this to me? Are you the reason I'm hurting?”

Clenching my teeth, I angrily barked. “NO.” My eyes set a blaze, burning as they rested inside the sockets, glaring at her.

Doesn't she feel it?

Can't she sense that I'm not the one who hurt her?

Teetering on her heels, she kicked some loose dirt into the hole, driving her hands deep into her pockets. I couldn't read what she was thinking, her face was blank, openly staring down into the pit. There weren't any nervous twitches, no shaky fingers or glossy eyes, just an empty shell.

You can fix this, give her what she wants. Take her there.

“Come on, this way.” Not giving her time to ask any more questions and not giving her the answer she was looking for, I took off up the hill.

I didn't bother staying quiet anymore, the time to hunt was over, our presence had been made loud and clear. Anything in earshot was probably gone, scattering in the opposite direction the moment she stormed off.

Tomorrow's another day.

Vera's feet padded behind me, her breathing picking up as we neared the top. It was crazy to me how in tune I was with her body. Every sound she made, every jerk or ripple, it spoke to me.

And right then, even feet behind me, I could tell she was drained, her mind had enough and her body was quickly following. Each breath came out harder, her pants more labored and tired. Placing her hands on her knees, she leaned over and took in a few big breaths as we neared the top.

“Down there.” Pointing with my finger, she stepped up beside me and looked off into the horizon.

“What's down there?” she asked, squinting her eyes and holding her hand up to block the sun.

“That's where I found you, right. . .” Scanning the treeline, I stopped my hand on the bush I first discovered her in. “There, you see the Birch tree that's falling over onto the other one?”

“Mm hm,” she said, nodding her head.

“Right below that.”

Watching her closely, her eyes sparked with curiosity, as I stood hoping her memory of the hole was fizzling away.

“Is there a way we can get down?” Narrowing her eyes to look closer, she glanced over the edge of the steep hill separating her from what she wanted.

Smirking, I tried to hide the smile on my face. I was happy to hear the sound of her voice, to see her eyes light up and sparkle in the sunlight.

Her tone had skipped with excitement, flaunting relief that I had given her something she might find answers in.

What she didn't realize was I wanted the same thing too. I wanted to know who had done this, I wanted to wrap my hands around their throat and watch them beg me to let them go.

I wanted to squeeze their neck to the point they couldn't breathe, so they could feel the same pain I did as I watched her struggle to stay alive. Seeing her like that, it stained my heart in an endless rage that couldn't be washed away.

“That's the whole idea isn't it? Didn't you want to see the place?”

Her face twisted up, eyes flickering between mine. “Why are you doing this?”

“I thought this is what you wanted. Isn't this what you want?”

“Yeah, but you've been such a prick to me today. I just don't understand, I can't figure you out.” Folding her arms over her chest, she snuggled into the jacket.

She was right, I was being a douche—purposely to top it off. But she wouldn't understand the reason for it. I was trying to protect her, I was trying to keep her pure and whole until she was ready.

If I let down my guard, if I let my mind take over and control me, she wouldn't stand a chance. Every curve, every dip and smooth line turned my brain upside down. She had hips I wanted to dig my fingers into, she had lips I wanted to suckle and bite.

And knowing her pussy was uncharted territory, that it hadn't been touched or seduced, that turned me primal. I could destroy her.

“Look, there are things you're just not going to understand about me, you can't. I just need you to know that everything I've done and anything I might do, I do it to protect you.”

Arching her brow, her nose crinkled in the center. “Protect me? But you said you didn't know what happened, what would you be protecting me from?”

Holding her cheek, I exhaled hard, sending a plume of white air swirling over her head. “From me.” Trailing my thumb down her chin, I turned and started down the ridge. “Let's go, it'll be dark soon.”