Jack Griggs
They say that your subconscious can’t lie.
That’s why people are so susceptible to hypnotism.
I was taking the chance to try out the words, be honest with her and see if saying them made me freak out completely. I was surprised when they didn’t freak me out at all, but nowhere near as surprised as I was at hearing her truthful response.
I fucking heard it.
Loud and clear, and there was no taking it back now.
Her body didn’t tense with the realization that she’d let some closely guarded secret spill from those plump lips. Quite the opposite. She’d hunkered down and got closer, cementing her words like fast drying concrete somewhere deep in my heart.
I slept on and off, and every time I closed my eyes, I drifted to a place where we were together, us being us and being together was acceptable to those we loved. It was a place where we were beyond happy.
Before I could think about how we could overcome that big shit storm, I had to make sure she wasn’t going to backtrack and panic.
The reality was, I was nervous that was a possibility. You can’t force someone to be with you, no matter how right it feels.
When morning came, I was already awake, plotting and planning how to make her see that I’d meant what I said. My brother’s stark white sheets were almost too bright in the morning sun, but with her lying beside me, surrounded by a glowing halo of auburn hair, it felt special. The strands of her hair were glistening and sparkling, calling me to play with it, but I knew if I did she would wake. I began to see into the future and what could be. I hoped that if I were lucky enough to plant a kid in her belly, it would be a girl and have the same hair. I could picture a little one running around a yard, giggling as I chased her, her hair trailing behind her, in the wind.
The sound of blowing bubbles and cute babbling squeaked out of the baby listening device on the nightstand. Hearing it made me smile, and it was a welcome noise unlike last night. I’ll never forget being woken up to the sound of her grunting and farting until her diaper couldn’t take anymore and it finally exploded.
I slid out of the bed and tip-toed to the nursery. Livvy was sat upright, jiggling and bobbing up and down in her cot like she was involved in a disco. “Hey, pretty girl. How’s my little shit monster doing?”
Her arms immediately shot upright and even for the uneducated child minder I was, I understood it. “You want Uncle Jack cuddles?” Livvy goo’d and gah’d. “What shall we do today? Shall we take that pretty sleeping beauty next door to the zoo? Wanna go see some animals and show her how much fun Uncle Jack can be?”
My adorable niece smiled at me in complete agreement. A light bulb flashed inside my head and it was then that I understood why Jake was so taken with his life. Finding Rebecca was a twist of fate that had worked out, and I was patting myself on the back that I’d played a part in it. Had he not fucked my ex, he would have still been here wasting his life away with me. In reverse, that decision was the reason I’d left, the reason I needed to find space and reevaluate. Had I not gone, I wouldn’t have found Carly and seen a completely different side to someone I’d known forever. Without all of that, I wouldn’t have been feeling the way I did.
“I think I want her to be mine,” I whispered conspiratorially to the cute bundle of skin in my arms. “I think she’s the thing I’ve been missing in my life. Wanna help me show her that?”
Livvy slapped a slobbery hand around my face, rubbing my stubbly skin until it made her giggle. When I turned around to go and start breakfast, Carly was stood against the doorjamb looking all glassy eyed in my t-shirt. She had one long, bare leg crossed over the other at the ankle and was taking in my interaction with Livvy.
“Did you… uh… hear me?”
“When?” She smiled, calling me out.
“Well… just now.” I swallowed nervously.
“Jack, let me teach you something about a baby proofed house. Wait there.”
Livvy lurched after Carly and I did my best to juggle her on my hip as I heard the crackle of electrical static and saw lights flash on the changing unit beside the cot. I immediately understood my screw up. “Fuck.”
“Stop f-bombing in front of the baby, Jack,” I heard loud and clear from the little unit. “And for the record, I’d love to go to the zoo with you and Livvy.”
Why the fuck did anyone ever leave the house with a small child? The amount of shit you had to pack and lug around was just ridiculous. When I saw all of it, I began to wonder if Carly was a doomsday prepper. “Are we moving or is the world ending and we need supplies?”
“These are like baby bare essentials.”
“I doubt we need all of that. My mom never had this much crap with me and Jake. If she needed all that we’d never have seen outside until we were maybe fifteen.”
“Well, your mom didn’t have this stuff because it wasn’t invented yet, old man.”
I looked at her in shock and was given a challenging smirk in return. Carly was in a playful mood and I adored this side of her. Carly had to sort out the origami challenge—also known as putting a wriggling child into modern-day child’s car seat—which gave me the opportunity to sneak in behind her and stroke her ass. “Someone is going to regret that statement later.”
On the clink of a buckle, she shoved back into me. “Stop it! Someone will see you.”
I fucking hated that she was right. Now I’d come to terms with wanting her, and it seemed she was toying with the idea of togetherness, too, I wanted to show the whole world. It angered me that she was my dirty secret.
“I’ll prove my virility later then,” I whispered. “Right, let’s get this circus on the road.”
As soon as I was in the confines of the car, I reached over and touched her thigh. Her reaction was nervously awkward and even though her hand was in close range, she didn’t take mine like I’d hoped. In the end, I grabbed hers and squeezed it tight. Livvy remained comfortable in the back, babbling to herself, and when we were finally parked at the zoo, I turned to Carly. “When we’ve seen the animals and worn little shit pants out, I’ll take you home and we can have a proper conversation.”
“About?”
“Us.” Her eyes widened a fraction in fear. “S’all good, I promise.”
Finally, she nodded in agreement, and because I couldn’t help myself, I leaned in and touched my tongue to hers.
After the mammoth task of unpacking the boot, assembling the stroller and sorting out the changing bag, all of which Carly did, I walked the two most excited girls to the ticket booth. We were stopped by a photographer who took our shot, and as he gave me a leaflet with some picture website on it, he commented that I had a lovely family. I wish.
“Two adults, please,” I said to the bored looking girl inside the booth.
“Two adults, and a toddler,” she corrected, before ringing up the amount and snatching my credit card from my hand.
As I turned and walked away, I saw the exorbitant amount it was costing to visit. “You do know we’re only visiting? Not moving in or taking the animals home with us?” I snapped, feeling like I was being robbed at gunpoint.
The girl did not get my sarcasm at all, but Carly burst out laughing, before taking control of the stroller and walking off. “Come on, grumpy old man.”