Carly Sevens
I awoke with a start, a little confused by my surroundings and the darkness of a strange room. The only light available to me was the illumination of the moon as it streamed through the open drapes. My surprising afternoon played out in my mind as I remembered how I’d angered Jack at first with my little skirt stunt, but then it had turned into so much more.
His bedroom was a complete state. He was living like a bachelor and who could blame him? From what I knew of his lonely life, he was either at the college teaching, at the gym working out, or in Dooley’s downing a few bottles of beer for company.
The bed next to me was empty and the coolness of the sheets told me it had been that way for some time. I rolled over like some crazy sentimental high schooler and touched the sheets, failing to stop my fingers from running over his imaginary outline.
I’d started this, whatever it was, and I needed to face up to it. I needed to see it through, and if he was mad at me for his lack of willpower, for bringing me back to his place, then I needed to face up to that and leave. I wrapped my naked form in one of the bed sheets that was untucked and heavily creased, wondering when he’d last laundered them.
When I got closer to the living room, I heard him making odd noises and talking to someone. At that point, I very nearly turned around and fled back to the bedroom. We’d undressed in his apartment hallway so I needed to head that way, even if it was just to get my clothes. When I blustered into the living area, I saw his little niece Livvy on the screen of a laptop being bounced up and down on someone’s knee. I tripped over the end of a loose sheet in shock and heard him shout “Fuck!” really quickly before he slammed the lid shut.
“Shit! Sorry, Jack. I didn’t think.”
He glared at me until I spun back around and went back down the hallway. I stopped before I made it through the bedroom door and tiptoed back, being careful to hold the sheet out of the way of my calamitous feet. From there, I could hear the conversation.
“You’ve got company, brother,” I heard Jake say. “Uncle Jack is entertaining, isn’t he, Livvy?” Jake continued in cutesy baby voice. Livvy continued to babble and spit bubbles. “Stop squirming, baby girl. Well, who is she? You never mentioned you were seeing someone.”
I waited on pins for his answer, praying that I wouldn’t hear him say something that would destroy me.
“Early days. Not sure where it’s going and she’s shy.”
My heart rate calmed down. That wasn’t so bad.
“Niiiiice. You always did like a shy girl. Well, maybe I can meet her when I come and visit.”
“Maybe. You visiting?”
“We’re going to have to soon, aren’t we, Stinky Livvy? Uncle Jack never seems to come home.”
“Don’t call her that, Jake!” I heard Rebecca shout and knew she’d joined the Skype call when I heard Jack laugh and start a brief conversation with her.
“Right, better go, my date is clearly awake. Hugs, sweet girl. Uncle Jack will be home for kisses soon enough.”
As the call ended, I considered running and jumping back in the bed, but he knew I was there and there was no real point in pretending I’d not heard his conversation.
Jack was sitting back on his couch drinking a bottle of water when I finally entered and headed straight for my clothes. “Sorry, I didn’t think. I should have stayed in the bedroom.”
He finished gulping some of the water and finally spoke. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like? Getting out of here.”
Was he stupid? I wasn’t going to hang around and wait for him to kick me out. I was going to leave with some dignity in the bank and walk out of there, acknowledging that we’d let shit get way out of control, but I was cool with it.
Jack stood up and he was the perfect image I’d imagined from the night we’d been texting. Bare up top and wearing low slung track pants that hung off his hips in the most delicious way.
“I didn’t ask you to leave.” His voice was quiet, almost nervous.
“I know how this goes and I saw your face earlier.”
“My face earlier? When you wandered in wearing just that sheet when I was talking to my brother? I’m not the toga party kind of guy and that was pretty much the only excuse I could have come up with in a hurry.”
I snorted in laughter, making him smile. Such a rare sight, but it didn’t stop me from scooping up my bra and looking for my panties, which, I remembered, were safely in my bag. Jack stepped closer to me. “You don’t have to leave. We could order pizza? I, uh, I should probably go over some lesson stuff with you, too.”
I looked up at him horrified.
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.” Jack looked up at the ceiling in frustration. “I’m just not ready for you to leave yet. It’s dark and I’m hungry. I’ll walk you back or call you a cab later, whatever, but let me feed you. Please.”
I moved my eyes over his face, looking for some hint that he was uncomfortable with me being in his apartment. There didn’t seem to be any obvious signs that he was building up to the big brush off. If anything, this was the calmest I’d seen him in ages.
“I should still get dressed.”
“My robe is on the back of the bathroom door. Go put that on. I’ll make us some coffee while I call for pizza.” Jack turned around and went to what I assumed was the kitchen. “Tex Mex from The Pizza Palace okay with you?” he shouted.
I felt a bit off balance because I was still there, but still replied with, “Sure,” before thinking what the hell and going in search of the robe in his bathroom. If he wanted to keep me there and feed me, I was happy to stay.
The pizza arrived and Jack cleared up some of his clutter from the couch and coffee table so we could sit together and eat with kitchen paper and bottles of water. Our conversation naturally headed into education territory and it was an easy discussion. He told me about some of the case studies he would have to do if he finally decided to do his doctorate, and we spoke about our families and friends in Hawkstown. The odd thing was, it never actually felt odd. It wasn’t like we were filling gaps of silence or awkwardness—it was just two people sharing words, back and to in a comfortable manner.
Long after the pizza had been eaten, I started to fidget and feel like I was intruding. But Jack, for some reason, seemed keen for me to remain in his apartment, so he put on his TV and we chatted about nothing in particular, like a regular couple. I should have gone hours ago. I could tell it was getting really late and the longer I left it, the harder it would be to find a cab to take me back to my place.
It had taken a while for the penny to drop and everything to sort itself in my brain. The logic of why I was here was staring me in the face and I felt like a dumbass for not figuring it out sooner. The uncomfortable thoughts were making my stomach convulse and I knew I had to get out while I still had some dignity left.
“Where are you going?” Jack asked in a dazed voice. My sudden need to leave had disturbed the casual happiness he seemed at ease with.
“Bathroom.”
He carried on watching the TV, which was now flickering in the dark room, as I scooped up all the clothes I could find, knowing that not all of them were mine. That didn’t matter, though. I was intent on making sure I had some kind of attire I could wear to get out of there.
I stumbled through the bathroom routine, feeling more and more ashamed that I hadn’t figured out sooner why I was still there. I managed to shrug the bottom half of my body into my own clothes while wrestling my top half into one of his tees and a crumpled hoodie. Taking a deep breath for dignity more than courage, I exited and walked straight past the back of the couch.
As I was shoving my feet into my shoes, he appeared behind me. “What’s going on?”
“I’m leaving. Like I should have done hours ago.”
“It’s late. You don’t need to leave.”
He was leaning against the door looking all casual and delicious. His face was awash with more stubble and I knew I’d be sporting some of the chafe from that on various parts of my body. Seeing him like that, trying to feign interest in me staying, made me angrier.
“I shouldn’t have come here, then we wouldn’t have this… uncomfortable pretense.”
Jack stood up straight then and took a step towards me. “Talk to me, baby.”
“No. I’m saving you the trouble of having to figure out how to get me to leave. I suspect you don’t have this situation often.”
He looked at me guardedly. “What situation?”
I slapped my backpack on my shoulders in pure exasperation. “Having to kick out some fuck that you actually know instead of some random!”
“You’re kidding?” His face took on a shadow of dismay and he was doing a sterling job of looking like I’d slapped him with my insult.
“Not at all. Let’s face it… you would have banged me on the desk in that grubby office and we’d have naturally gone our separate ways. Consider yourself off the hook. I’m only embarrassed that I sat through pizza before I realized that this is all new to you.”
“Carly, seriously, you need to rethink the utter fucking shit spilling from those swollen lips right now. What is ‘all new to me?’”
“Fucking someone you actually know, that you can’t easily shove to the side.”
Now he really looked like I’d insulted him, and even though I knew I was right, seeing him hurt still tore at my heartstrings. But not as much as when he simply turned his back on me and shook his head. Then he walked away from me, accepting the out I’d given him.