Carly Sevens
All day it was like I was watching some romantic scene in a movie. The odd thing was, I was a part of it. Jack was just amazing with Livvy, and seeing his patience and enthusiasm solidified a place for him in my heart. He’d decided there was no way he was paying a small fortune for her entry and then not seeing every square inch of the place. That also meant she had to have the best view, so she spent hardly any time in the stroller and most of it on Jack’s shoulders, blocking everyone else’s view. It all just made me smile. Sure, I was left with the stroller, but I didn’t mind. I was having as much fun observing them as the animals. I got to watch him, and he was everything I had always suspected—a good guy.
Every so often he’d include me and swing his arm around me or drag me up front so we could both get involved in Livvy’s excitement. Jack smiled at me often or held my hand until he remembered that we were out in public. The discussion he wanted to have was also looming in the back of my mind. I knew we should probably talk about the future before either of us got carried away.
It didn’t take long to realize that Livvy’s enthusiasm for the animals was nearly as extreme as her uncle’s and I knew without a doubt that someday he would be an amazing dad to some extremely lucky kid. The faces he was making and animal noises he conjured up had the little girl chuckling, and I was more than happy to snap pictures on my cell of the two of them together.
Whenever we came across a play park or some interactive adventure, he was insistent that she had a go, so I’d find a shady bench and continue to take more pictures of the guy I knew my heart was gone for.
We stopped for the picnic lunch I’d prepared before we left, and sat at a picnic table eating sandwiches, while Livvy munched through bits of fruit and bread sticks. I could see she was getting tired and although I wanted her to have the full experience, she also needed sleep. As soon as she was put back in her stroller, she zonked out like a light. “It’s hot. Shall we go find some shade?”
“Yes, shade. Perfect for the little lady,” Jack agreed and took control of the stroller. It never seemed to matter what the situation was; if there was something to be done, handled or driven, Jack wanted to be in charge of it.
The main gardens provided just what we needed and there were less people there. No one wanted to see trees when there were lions, tigers and bears. I didn’t care, though. It was just turning out to be the most perfect day where I could pretend that we were a family and that Jack and I had a real chance at a future.
I saw him look around. We were finally alone on a path that wound through the trees to a cultivated lawn area, and he took my hand. It tore a little bit of my heart away when I saw that he needed to check the coast was clear before he could that with me.
Was this how it was going to be if we decided to try to make a go of it?
He sensed my disappointment. “I’m sorry,” he began. “We’re both in an odd position and right now, I don’t think we’d get a great reception if I were to shout that I wanted you from the roof tops.”
“I get that.”
When we reached a grassed area that had large manicured hedges shaped like parasols, he stopped us and moved Livvy under the shade. I stood and watched as he doted on her to check she was comfortable before he grabbed a picnic rug and spread it on the floor. “Come sit with me.”
He looked tempting, laid across the rug, leaning casually on one elbow. I squirmed. He looked so sexy I wanted to jump him.
“I know you heard what I said to you last night.” Before I could agree, he continued. “And I heard what you said back to me.”
Jack looked around again, obviously checking to see if the coast was clear before dragging me into his frame.
“I won’t be deterred on this, Carly. You’ve settled something inside me that has been rattling around for ages. I will figure out a way to make this work. Will you give me time to do that?”
Jack worried his lip between his teeth as he waited for me to answer. The action was making the stubble on his face come alive. “I don’t see how this can work. Your job, my dad, and then there’s you.”
“Me?”
“This feels like fun now, something you want because it’s exciting and I’m the shiny new toy. Eventually, you’ll want someone your own age who won’t cause you get to fired or beat up by my dad.”
The way his eyes pinged told me he was annoyed with my little speech. He knew he had no recourse or right to be, though, and just as quick, his mood changed. “Selfie time!” He reached for his cell, got up close and started to snap pictures as he talked. “I can see I’m going to have to convince you who you belong with. Belong to.” This time, without looking around he put his lips on mine and kissed me. I could hear the camera shutter click on his phone, and when he was done taking pictures, he leaned in and took the kiss a stage deeper. It felt like he was trying to climb inside me, and it was the sort of kiss that held so much promise it made my toes curl.
As I groaned into his mouth and got more and more turned on, I pushed him flat to his back and climbed astride him. Jack cupped my ass cheeks and held me steady against him, the writhing and wriggling I couldn’t control, getting to him. I could feel it having an effect beneath me. I would have done anything to be alone with him right then. With what felt like mammoth effort, he brought the kiss to an end. We were both breathing hard with our faces inches apart. One look at his pupils told me he was as desperate as I was.
“I’m terrified.” My voice was shaky and I wasn’t sure whether it was the heat of the moment we were in or being brave enough to say it again, this time while fully conscious.
“I heard you last night. I won’t let them hurt us.”
“I’m terrified you’ll hurt me.”
“Baby…”
As I looked deep into his eyes, trying to decipher what he might say next, a clatter of kids burst from the path into the open space.
“Shit!” I cried in horror. Quickly jumping off him, I landed awkwardly on my ass and knocked the stroller, causing Livvy to grumble and cry at being awoken so abruptly.
“What the fuck, Carls?”
As he reached for me again, I crawled back crab style and more kids piled around the corner wearing pirate hats and eye patches, and swinging foam swords. Eventually, he spotted the brightly colored Grove House t-shirts. Just as it registered, my step-gran Lottie appeared at the head of a chain gang of little kids, holding hands.
Both of us spun away from each other, trying to pretend we hadn’t seen them, and busied ourselves getting Livvy settled. I heard the kids get closer and knew she was dragging them in our direction. When I could avoid the commotion no more, I turned, faked surprise, and was met with a guarded glare.
“Hey, Gran.”
I clocked as her eyes flitted between me and Jack until she was finally satisfied that nothing untoward was happening.
“Lottie.” Jack smiled. “Lovely day to get the monsters out and about.”
“It is. Lacey is on her way over with the bigger kids. They’ve been doing something in the aquarium.”
My heart was in my throat. I could feel it so close to surface that I thought there was a fair chance I might puke it up.
I’d completely forgotten about the planned zoo trip. If I had been at home this morning, I would have seen the prep work and remembered. But instead, I was floating round in fluffy clouds and unicorns, pretending to play happy families with my older, forbidden lover.
“Never picked you for the zoo type, Jack,” Lottie said in an attempt to work out if she had missed something, her inquisitive mind clearly back in play.
“Niece duty.” I watched as he pointed out the obvious, seeing as I had Livvy in my arms and was attempting to shush her and lull her back to sleep.
“Ah, here comes your mom.”
I looked across the gardens and kicked myself once again for not remembering she was here. I was that pre-occupied with Jack that I hadn’t realized where we’d stopped for some shade. This place was the designated group meeting area.
“Hey,” I said, going over to her. I leaned in for a kiss to try to put some sanity back into this situation.
“You two want to join the others? You could give Carly a rest, Jack. No doubt she’s been doing all the hard work today.”
“I’m insulted by your accusation.” Jack laughed as he, too, leant in to hug his best friend.
“I know you, and you’re useless with kids.”
He feigned hurt and laughed, but I couldn’t help myself. I was genuinely pissed off with what she was accusing him of. “He’s been amazing with her,” I snapped. “Worn that kid out trying to make sure she’s seen everything there is to see.”
Jack’s face flashed with annoyance as I struggled to control a protective streak I didn’t know I had. He ground his jaw and looked at the floor guiltily as the odd curious look reappeared on Lottie’s face. Thankfully, my mom was sidetracked by one pirate getting too carried away with his sword, shouting that he was going to ‘Davy Jones’ the other kid for ‘hornswaggling’ him.
“We need to make a move,” Jack decided quickly and snatched Livvy from my arms. “Great to see the kids having fun, Lottie.” I watched as he kissed her politely on the cheek, grabbed the stroller and walked off. He briefly stopped to high five some of the kids before saying goodbye to my mom and continuing to leave.
As I turned to follow, feeling panicky, Lottie grabbed my arm. “You okay?” she asked.
“Sure.”
“You know I love you. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am. I’ve been where you are.”
My stomach threatened to uproot itself in the gardens. “What do you mean? The zoo?”
Lottie sensed I was stressing. “You know… College, finals, that kind of thing?”
Nodding was the safest response I could come up with as I leaned in to hug her and ran after Jack. “Gotta go. He’s my ride. He may know animal noises but he’s rubbish with a poopy diaper.”
I could feel her still analyzing me as I ran after him. Lottie was a woman of the world and it wouldn’t take her long to work out the math. Then she’d quiz my mom and the game would be up. No, I needed to escape to stop her from seeing too much and discovering the truth about my feelings for him.
When I finally caught up with them, Jack was talking to Livvy, who was wriggling in one of his arms while he was shoving the stroller forward with the other. I knew he was mad. I could feel it. “Jack—”
“Don’t. Not here. We’ve had enough near misses for one day. Let’s just go home so we can talk about this in the house where we’re in no danger of you forgetting your mom is at the same fucking place we are and I’m her best friend.”
Ouch.
“I think—” I started.
“That’s just it. You didn’t fucking think.”
I was going to tell him that I thought we’d got away with it, but that didn’t feel like a good idea right now. I couldn’t believe how mad he was. Surely if we tried to do this, it would be a series of near misses for a while yet.
“Not thinking is going to be a problem for us. For me. And I don’t need you swinging in to defend me.” Shaking his head, he turned and walked off again so quickly that I had to double stride to keep up with him.
I decided it was better to keep quiet until we were in the confines of the car. Once we were in there, though, I tried again. “I didn’t mean to react like that. I wanted her to know how amazing you are with her.”
He’d been about to turn the key, but stopped and looked at me. “It wasn’t necessary. The way you did it wasn’t either. We need to get her back. It’s becoming clearer that we need to talk, too.”
I gulped at his words. They made me feel frightened. We’d had a brilliant day and one near miss. I wasn’t ready for him to get cold feet now. I’d gone against so much already to do what we’d already done and I was terrified that now he realized it was too much of a challenge and a risk. Jack was finally seeing sense.
Before it had even really begun.
I was too scared to carry on this conversation so I opted again for silence. I was frightened that if he did say those words, I had no escape and I didn’t want him to see how upset it would make me. I needed to maintain my strength. I could feel his frustration. It was stifling and ruining what had been an amazingly special day so far. Hoping he’d use the time to calm down, I focused on anything but him.
Back at the house, I was still on ‘Livvy day shift’, and it was awkward because he still hadn’t spoken to me. I prepped a light dinner for us all, and as I was chopping up bits of veg, I could see my hands trembling. I’d already nearly chopped off two fingers. The pressure of it all was starting to get to me. “Jack—” I tried again.
“Fuck, Carly! Can we not now? Let’s get her down first.” He exhaled, pointing towards Livvy. The way he was running his hands up and down his face told me he was still very much pissed off.
I went back to doing as he wished, and as I served up the food, Livvy was the only one breaking the stagnant silence. I couldn’t eat; my stomach was in knots. “I’ll get her tub ready,” I told him, skulking off before he could dismiss me again.
“I’ll clean the pots,” he mumbled.
There weren’t many pots to clean, but we were still finished in the bathroom by the time Jack came to look for us.
As I placed her in her crib, he appeared and leant round me to kiss her goodnight. Then he decided it was time to talk.
“When I’m with you, the world feels different, like all the ducks are in the right row. But today was an insight into just how many people we’re going to hurt if we start this and get it wrong. I’d selfishly chosen to ignore that until earlier.”
Here goes. I knew it was coming. The silence had been about compiling his speech, the gentle let down speech.
“Carly—”
“Hello?” came a female voice from the living room. “Anyone home?”
It was the second time today we’d had to separate at super speed, only this time the interruption was worse. He’d been building up to something horrible and I was getting ready to deal with hearing it. Now this shit would be prolonged and a breaking heart, one that is cracking bit by bit, is just as bad as a full on broken one.
“Ah, here you are. Did we miss her? We fucking missed her. She’s asleep already.” Rebecca stamped her feet in temper. “I knew we’d miss her,” she bitched as Jake appeared behind her looking puzzled.
“What’s going on? Something wrong with my kid?” he asked, and both of us shook our heads, neither daring to speak. “Bex couldn’t settle on being away two nights so she thought we’d come back early.”
Rebecca was pissed and I could see she was toying between waking the sleeping monster up or leaving her and watching her for the rest of the night.
Jake was pissed about having to come home early.
Jack was no doubt pissed because he’d been stopped from finally doing what had clearly taken him hours to find the courage for.
And me.
I was on the verge of a major meltdown. I’d got my hopes up. I’d hoped that Jack was going to do as he promised and make it work for us, but he wasn’t going to. It wasn’t going to happen. He was my tutor and my mom’s best friend. Jack was virtually family and it was time I accepted that he’d had second thoughts and both of us had had a lucky escape.
I had to put a stop to this for both of us. It was hurting too much. Being cruel to be kind was the last thing on my mind, but one of us had to man the fuck up and pull the band-aid off.