I sit in my chair and try and ignore the feeling of insects swarming in the pit of my stomach. So far, I’ve refused to have a drink. If I’m going to do this, it’s got to be done properly.

I reckon I’m only going to get one chance, and that chance might be tonight. If I blow it, I can kiss my dreams, my life, goodbye.

Occasionally I glance around, but I can’t see where she’s sitting. It probably doesn’t matter. It might even be better not to know where she is.

I’m sitting alone tonight, and a small army of reporters has already questioned me about it. Emma wanted to tag along, but I just gave her the biggest fuck you I could muster.

We’re at the Oscars now—the control she had over me is now gone, and I don’t give a fuck about her. I never did.

There’s only one woman I care about.

Only one woman I love.

“And now, distinguished guests, for the moment we have all been waiting for.” A dramatic pause by the emcee, drum roll, and he continues, “Best male actor nominations...”

I tune out to the ramblings of previous winners and nominations. I’m only interested in one thing. Am I the winner?

I hold my breath as he opens the envelope and holds the paper in front of his face, clearly reading it to himself before announcing.

“And the winner for this year’s best male actor is Todd Alexander.”

I punch the air. Yes. I fucking did it.

I get up and take a little bow. All around me, people are applauding and some are standing.

With a spring in my step, I bounce toward the stage. I wave, I bow, and I smile. I need to look the part.

As I approach the emcee and microphone, all I think of is the woman of my dreams. Only one person is on my mind—Sophie.

Images of Sophie drown out everything else. She’s in my mind, large as life on screen as a scene from the movie is played.

Sophie.

This better work.

I need to go big or go home.

I accept the little gold Oscar and hold him up in the air. More applause, more people stand.

Now I wish I could see her. Is she applauding or is she hanging on Mason’s arm?

I clear my throat and smile.

“Thank you,” I start, and a hush falls over the audience. I have the floor. It’s now or never.

I feel as if I’m auditioning for my very first acting role. Butterflies are multiplying rapidly in my stomach, and the palms of my hands are sweaty.

I’m staring out at a sea of dark shapes. Try as I might, I can’t make out anyone I know.

“Like everyone else, I want to assure you I’m not going to keep rambling on up here. I know we are all mindful of the time and there are plenty of more important awards to be handed out yet.”

Polite laughter.

“First, I want to say how lucky and privileged I feel for my acting being recognized by such a distinguished authority as the Oscars. It’s a real honor to be joining some of the true greats we saw a few minutes ago.”

More applause. I smile and rest one hand on the lectern. If it wasn’t for my inner turmoil, I think I’d really enjoy this.

“Of course, there are many people to thank, and let me tell you right now I’m terribly sorry if you do not get a mention—it is not deliberate. We all know making a movie takes an enormous amount of people, and each and everyone from the runner to the producer is important. I thank you all.”

Laughter and applause. I’m building up to it. Get on with it, says my inner voice, and I do.

“Of course, I would be nothing without Jordan, my right-hand man, best friend, and human extraordinaire.”

I see a close-up of Jordan in the audience as the camera zooms in on him. He gives a little wave. Briefly I register there is a petit woman sitting next to him.

Mental note to self, ask who his female companion of the night is.

“Of course, I also need to thank my manager and the film crew of this amazing film I was privileged enough to be part of.”

I take a deep breath. Here it goes.

“As I said already, it takes many hands to make light work. I want to thank everyone on this film from the hair and makeup team, to the producer, the writer, and assistant director.”

Silence.

“But there really is one person I need to single out, one person who needs to be thanked separately because she’s the reason I’m holding this award right now.”

The camera has already found Sophie, and I see her displayed on the large screen to my right.

I can’t gauge her reaction. She looks divine. Her dress is out of this world.

It takes me a few seconds to compose myself.

“If it wasn’t for Sophie Palmer, I wouldn’t be standing here tonight, receiving this distinguished award.”

The crowd is going wild.

“Sophie believed in me when others didn’t. She taught me so many things during this film, both on and off the set. She is an amazingly talented woman. Not only did she do a fantastic role as director, she was an awesome lead actor in the film as well.”

Sophie is wiping something off her cheek. Alice is whispering in her ear, and Mason is patting her on the back.

“Sophie,” I say and look directly at her. “I want you to know I’ve been an ass. But you should also know not everything is as it seems and everyone deserves to give an explanation. I know I had choices, and I may have made a mistake, but it was done with the best of intentions and only one person in mind: you. All I ask is that you give me a chance to explain. Don’t jump to conclusions. Hear me out and then make up your mind. Please.”

The emcee points to his watch, and the music plays. And I know it is time for me to get off the stage.

As I walk back to my seat, I take deep breaths.

Has it worked? Will she hear me out? I hope so.

After all, I just asked for a minute of her time on live TV, my plea reaching millions of people all around the world.

If there’s a God, I sure hope he’s smiling down on me tonight.