Sienna and I have just had another wild night of passion.

The dawn is still a couple hours away, and I get up and make myself a drink, then stand and stare out the window looking over the city. I need something to calm down the fury of emotions assaulting me. I still can't see clearly where I stand in terms of Sienna.

Yes, I can't stand the idea of seeing her with someone else. But does that have to mean anything? I'm perfectly happy in my bachelorhood and I’m not seeking to change anything.

Unable to go back to sleep after she woke me up with her mouth on my cock, which then turned into something completely unexpected, I decide to get in a quick workout to tame the emotions that are still wrecking my brain.

I go to my private gym in the penthouse and I pump up the music and dive right into my regular routine lifting weights. This is how I maintain my physique, and exercising always calms me down and provides clarity.

I deadlift and do the pull-ups and bench presses that mark my early morning routine nearly every day. All the while the night's events are playing in my mind.

I'm going through everything that happened, reliving every moment of it, just wondering how I got into this mess. Where did I go wrong? Didn't I take care to avoid this exact scenario? Wasn't I set on keeping her at a safe distance?

I hit the treadmill and run a quick three miles. This really gets me in the zone, and as I run, I imagine all the negativity leaving my body with each stride. I have to make sense of this tonight. I can no longer hide from what's going on.

I hit the lights and leave the gym and head straight to the shower. As I walk by the bed, I see her hair and face lit up in the moonlight. Seeing her in my bed does something to me. I never allow a woman to stay the night, and now Sienna is living here, spending every night with me. And for reasons I can’t even begin to voice, I like it. A lot.

This woman is everything.

She’s stunning when she sleeps and when she's awake. And more than that, she has a beautiful soul. Sienna's a good person, always has been.

She’s fiery and independent and determined. And even when she was so much higher than me in the upper echelon of society, she never acted for a moment like it mattered.

Sitting beside her, I take my time to watch her sleep. There's a pull of emotion between us that I can't deny. But maybe it's just the result of an unfinished past? Maybe we need closure. I don't know.

Finally, I get up and hit the shower. I stand there for a little bit letting the hot water relax my tense muscles and then wash off and get ready for the day. It'll be all business as usual now.

She's still sleeping as it's now only six am. I walk past her wearing nothing but my pants and go to the kitchen to refuel and get some coffee. Maybe she'd like a cappuccino in bed?

I walk to the window once again and overlook the glittering lights that are fading in the dawn's arrival. The city that never sleeps always seems most unusual in the morning. All the debauchery of the night is over and people rise hungover and wondering what transpired the night before.

I never let myself get that out of control. I know my limits and I respect them. While others come to Vegas for a wild time, I live here and see that wildness all the time. I've made it my mission to be a force to be reckoned with in this town and yet I feel so self-conscious with Sienna.

It's as if all my wealth, and fame, and power does nothing to elevate me in her eyes. I think she sees me for who I really am, just as she's always done.

This makes me uneasy to know that the impenetrable fortress I've carefully constructed around myself can so easily be torn down by one piercing look from her golden eyes.

I make an espresso from the machine built into the wall and I spike it with a little bit of whiskey, to you know, get the day started right.

I stare out upon the view but I still don't feel better, despite my morning ritual. I feel moody and brooding and nothing can lift this fog.

I think about when I first met Sienna. She was so young then and yet equally as free-spirited. She took my breath away during that first visit home with Jax.

"This is my sister," he said dismissively, flippantly, in passing.

There was nothing about Sienna that I could dismiss, though.

And it was all over from there. I'm not sure there's been a day since that I haven't thought about her. And here she is back in my life, back in my bed.

She and I were friends before anything. I'll never forget those carefree days of getting to know each other. I hung around her mansion a lot.

I used the pretense of being Jax's friend but it was really all about her.

She and I were always attracted to each other. There's always been this heat between us that is still palpable today. Neither of us can deny that spark. I took her virginity and then her brother told me what he really thought of me.

That I wasn’t good enough for his sister. That I was just trying to play games and see if I could fuck a rich girl. That I’d never amount to anything worthy of Sienna Reid.

It was a betrayal of our friendship. We’d been like brothers.

And instead of standing up to him for Sienna, for us, I left. I never felt worthy of her. She was this beautiful social butterfly. Her wealthy family had rank and power. And here I was, this young guy from the wrong side of the tracks. I never thought I’d fit in but I also never counted on falling in love with Sienna.

I essentially abandoned her after taking her virginity, and I wonder how she perceived that? She must have thought I was an asshole who walked out on her as soon as I got what I wanted. But that wasn't the case at all. I ran away for fear of not being good enough, fear that her very own brother put voice to.

And I’ve spent every day since trying to build my fortune and become a man worthy of her.

All of this dawns on me like a lightning bolt.

I realize so clearly now how everything I've done, all of my accomplishments, were all for her. I’ve been desperate to feel worthy and to put myself in a place in society that would match hers. That would make me good enough this time.

It wasn’t a conscious effort, but the reason behind it is still the same.

Now she's penniless and I'm the one with wealth, but it all seems for naught. I should never have run away like that. Innocent, trusting Sienna probably thought I was a snake.

I look out over the beautiful sun that's rising higher, highlighting the desert that spreads out on every side, and I sip my espresso just wondering how I could've missed this.

I wonder what life would look like if I’d just been man enough to stay. Would she and I have remained together? Would she have cared that I was a poor boy with nothing to offer her? Would she have stood by my side while I worked my way up in the world? Were these last ten years just waste of time, not being together?

I’ll never know because I took that choice away from her.

Were these last ten years just waste of time, not being together?

I regret what I've done, and that's a new emotion for me. Normally I plow forward and keep going no matter what. But having Sienna back in my life has made me reflect on all the wrong choices I may have made. I might have lost the girl of my dreams forever just for some misplaced sense of inadequacy. But no, it wasn’t completely unfounded. Jax solidified what I’d already been feeling, made sure I knew he felt the same way.

Just then a pair of arms slide around my bare waist from behind. It's her and I don't know what to do, where to go. I don’t feel ready to talk about this.

"Why are you up so early?"

"Hey." I spin around and meet her lips in the early morning sun. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please. It's still so early. Why don't we go back to bed?" She gives me a suggestive grin.

"Tell you what," I say. "Let me bring you the coffee in bed, okay? You like cappuccino, right?"

She looks beautiful in her little silk camisole and shorts. Maybe I can forget all these fucking deep thoughts and just spend the morning with her in bed. Maybe I can erase them completely and not have to wonder about any of this shit ever again.

"Yes, thank you, Leo."

She's disappears into my bedroom, and I go about making her the perfect little breakfast. I want to wait on her when she looks so fucking perfect.

I make the coffee and take her some eggs. She's waiting for me and the curtains are closed. It's dark in the room except for the dimmed lighting.

"Here, baby." I hand her the tray.

"Mmm, thank you so much. So it looks like you're fresh from the shower. How long have you been awake?"

"All night. I had some thinking to do."

"About me?"

I have to shut this down before it starts.

"I was just thinking about everything. The situation."

She frowns, then forces a smile. "Well, tell me. Maybe I can help."

She's determined to get to the bottom of whatever's bothering me. Is it that obvious? Is it written across my face?

"I don't want to talk about it," I say gruffly and rise up from the bed.

She tugs on my arm.

"Stay, please stay. Just talk to me. It will help."

I attempt to walk away.

"Fine, just walk away again. You're really good at running. It’s kind of your thing." Her voice is hard now.

The words cut through my heart. I turn around and grab her roughly. I hold her in my hands and I stare into her eyes, aching to reveal all my regrets and everything I've come to realize. Instead, I deflect and I kiss her hard, putting all my pent up frustration into it. She returns the affection, and for a minute I think this kiss can erase all the turbulent feelings I have. It can erase the past and we can just start over.

And then just as I have her nice and pliable beneath me, in the perfect position for me to turn things up a notch, all of my feelings come rushing up.

It's like a tidal wave of truth, and I see in this moment that I still love Sienna.

I always have.

And I guess I'm no longer willing to run from that.