Kelsey

After our return trip, which hadn’t nearly been as fun as the one there, simply because it was raining, and Scott had been insistent over no blowjob. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to talk him into my favorite new road activity. 

After returning to the office, I went to see my dad. I brought him some dinner, thankful that he was now on solid foods, and we played some cards. He was trying to teach me Gin Rummy, as I think the Go Fish wasn’t doing it for him anymore. But the positively best news so far, was to see him up and walking now without assistance. He wasn’t about to win any marathons, but at least he could get around. All of it progress.

I arrived home, but instead of the usual dark, depressing house to greet me it was all done up in Christmas lights. The ones my father usually hung from the roof were up, the different colors on the bushes. The best decorations were the lit-up candy canes outlining the sidewalk. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it all until now. I got out of the car and approached the house with tears welling up. No doubt Scott was behind this.

The front door opened revealing both him and his dad. “You like it?” he asked.

“I absolutely love it.” I was hard-pressed not to go up and throw my arms around him just to let him know how much.

“We should’ve thought to do it sooner,” his dad said, giving me a hug.

“I think this is the right time now that I know my father is doing better. He was up walking without assistance tonight. Not saying that he can come home for Christmas yet, but it’s looking better.”

“Great news.”

“Well I’m gonna get on up to the hospital to see him. You two kids can decorate the tree. See you both later.”

Huh. Now I was alone with Scott, and once he shut the door behind his Dad, we were both naked in a matter of seconds.

 

***

 

After one round of sex where we christened my father’s couch and I made a mental note to wipe it down later, we got around to actually decorating the tree. I told Scott about the special ornaments, pointing out that some of them had been my mother’s, as we took them out of the boxes. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed this until now, and the fact Scott had been so incredibly thoughtful to do this for me made it all that much more special. We lay on the couch after, with only the soft glow from the tree illuminating the room.

With his arms wrapped around me, a wave of emotion and affection for this man washed over me. I’d told myself not to get too attached, but I was falling hard and fast.

“I left New York because my roommate who was also my co-worker at Morgan Stanley killed himself.”

I stopped breathing, absorbing Scott’s whispered words full of vulnerability. “Oh God. What made him do it?”

“He’d been working fourteen-hour days. We all had. It was stressful and chaotic. Then he messed up on a serious account. I mean I knew he’d gotten reprimanded, but I didn’t think he’d take it that hard. We were friends and I didn’t see it. Returned home one night and there he was.”

“You’re the one who found him?”

“Yep. I cut him down, but it was too late.”

My heart absolutely broke that his friend had thought there was no other solution. But it also hurt for Scott who’d found him and was still dealing with wondering what he could’ve done.

“I’m so sorry, Scott.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“You quit your job after?”

“No. Took leave. Given the circumstances, they were more than happy to grant me a few weeks. My dad had been after me to spend some time back here. Told me if I learned the business I may want to take it over some day. Frankly I just needed the break.”

I turned over to face him, grasping his face between my hands, kissing him gently.

“He was a good guy. It makes me not want to go back there.”

“But you don’t want to take over your dad’s business either?”

He shook his head. “I respect the hell out of it, and out of him for starting it, but no.”

“What if you do as you hinted at before. Start your own business with investments. Work with people instead of companies. I’m sure there’s a lot of need around here.”

“My career is there. I can’t give that up.”

“Yes, you can. If it’s not making you happy.”

He kissed me lightly. “It’s so simple for you. You’ve always wanted to be a teacher and live here.”

I stiffened at the unintentional dig. “Guess I’m sort of a simple girl. I want to do what makes me happy without worrying about what other people think.”

He sat up, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah, you say that.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you don’t know the pressure. I have my father disappointed if I don’t do the trucking business and take over. But I waste my master’s degree if I don’t stick with New York.”

“Why would you be wasting it if you start your own business instead?”

“There’s no way I can move home.”

It finally sank in what he was saying. “Because doing that means you failed.”

He nodded as if he couldn’t even verbalize his admission.

“If you choose to leave New York and Wall Street, you aren’t failing at anything.”

“That’s not the way it works.”

“Yes, it is, if you don’t base your opinions on the Missy’s of the world. Am I a failure for going to college in Texas, then coming back here to work and live?”

“No of course not.”

“Why not? I mean if your logic is that anyone who—”

“Because nobody had those expectations of you,” he nearly shouted before wincing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

I swallowed hard past the lump quickly forming in my throat. “Yes, you did. After all, I wasn’t homecoming king, captain of the football team, or slated to be part of a power couple who could take some big city by storm. I’m just a simple girl who’s too lazy some days to put on real pants or shoes, who wears pony tails and drives big trucks. I’m chicken pot pie.”

“What?”

I fought my tears. “I’m chicken pot pie while you’re looking for steak in some fancy city.”

“Kels, that’s not true.” He reached for me, but I stepped away.

“I’m really sorry about your friend, Scott. But I think you may be missing the point of doing something that makes you happy instead of being so wrapped up in a job, that you’d get to that point. I think you were miserable in New York, and you may not like running your father’s business, I get that, but it makes me sad that you think that being here, being with me, is failure.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“No, but it’s what I heard. I think you should probably go.”

The very last thing I would’ve expected was for tonight to end the way it did. But I didn’t need to feel less than because I didn’t want to be a lawyer, doctor or do investments in some big city. But mainly I asked him to leave because I didn’t want to take a chance in making this about me. To say, “choose me”, when he was telling me in black and white he wasn’t capable of doing it.

He dropped his hand and put on his shoes, his face looking resigned. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”