CHAPTER FOUR
ESSEX
Sunday Morning
“I’M TELLING YOU, LENNON, I freaking tingle every single time he kisses me! I’ve never tingled before in my life! Not once. Not one stinking time have I ever felt like this,” I hissed into my phone as I sat in the middle of Lucca’s king-sized bed, staring at the closed bedroom door across the room.
“Sounds like heaven, babe,” Lennon replied with a giggle.
She was exactly right. That’s precisely where I was right now. For two extremely glorious days, I’d been spending my time in heaven. A heaven of Lucca Falconi’s making.
For the past forty-eight straight hours, I’d been worshiped and adored by arguably the most handsome, thoughtful man in Chicago. Lucca had swept into my life with the force of a hurricane and obliterated my defenses with his kindness and attention. He had taken his time, never rushing me for more than I was willing to offer him and bit by bit, inch by inch set about winning me over. From the moment he’d showed up at my tiny apartment on Friday night, his arms laden with enough grocery bags to feed half the city, he’d overwhelmed me with his genuine thoughtfulness. With watchful eyes and careful hands, he’d guided me through the night as he prepared and served me an authentic Italian meal complete with handmade pasta, his late nonna’s secret family recipe! That night we ate, we talked, and we generally got to know inane details about each other.
For instance, I now knew that Lucca was thirty-eight, got into real estate because he loved selling houses but knew he didn’t have the skill to be an architect because he couldn’t draw a straight line with a ruler—his words, not mine. He also said he loved dogs but didn’t have one since he had a crazy schedule that included showing properties at night if a client’s schedule demanded it. Since he just never knew if he’d be home in time to walk a dog before he or she had an accident and he didn’t think it was fair to keep a dog in a kennel all day, he’d decided against a pet. Plus, he said he loved his hardwood floors too much to risk ruining them with doggy accidents.
And surprisingly, I’d been able to be forthcoming about a few details about myself. Lucca now knew that I was a Libra who was born on October 1st, loved hot dogs because they were easy to prepare and simple to eat, and had a dream of one day becoming a nurse practitioner. My LPN degree had cost me more than I could admit, but somehow, I was able to share with him how my studies had been my salvation when my marriage was hell on earth. We also both admitted that we loved being around kids because of their innocence and enthusiasm for life. We found we had a common affinity for traveling, though I hadn’t been nearly as many places as him. And most importantly, we both agreed that the Chicago Cubs ruled the city.
If it hadn’t been for the fact that I’d frozen in place when his hand had drifted over my ass during our goodnight kiss that first night, it would have been the perfect first date. Although date wasn’t exactly the right word, was it? Especially since I’d hired him for the weekend.
Of course, he hadn’t allowed me to pay him or spend a single cent the entire time we’d been together, even Saturday when I’d tried to buy an ice cream cone with my own money after we’d gone for a walk along the Navy Pier. No, every time I’d reached for my wallet over the past day and a half, he’d either waved my hand away or tenderly stayed me with a gentle hand on my wrist. So, I was more than a little unclear about what this was between us this weekend.
Either way, I was happy for the first time in ages. He’d declared my place entirely too small for two people to cohabitate for the weekend and whisked me off to his place Saturday after spending the night sleeping on my far too-short couch Friday night. And now I sat in the middle of his giant bed, knowing that I wanted to take the next step with Lucca…the next very intimate, very personal step with him.
In other words, I wanted him to make love to me. Desperately. I just didn’t know how to go about making it happen. And since it was already Sunday morning and he’d been nothing but a perfect gentleman during the entire time we’d been together, I didn’t know how to make it happen. Hence, my phone call to my bestie.
“So, I’m sensing that you didn’t just call me to chat, Essie. Where is that Italian hunk, anyway? I’m guessing since you’re whispering that he’s close, yeah?” I heard Lennon ask, almost able to hear the grin in her voice.
“I’m not sure he’s awake yet,” I answered with a weak giggle.
“He’s not in bed with you?” she grumbled. “What kind of escort is he? I knew I should have gotten a satisfaction guaranteed clause in your contract.”
“Would you stop?” I chuckled, flopping against a pillow. “He’s been a perfect gentleman the entire weekend.”
“No panic attacks?” she asked me happily.
Chewing my lower lip, I debated how to answer that. Because, honestly, I’d had a couple of close calls. The first had happened when he’d reached out unexpectedly and wrapped an arm around me as he’d helped me out of the car for lunch yesterday, and another had hit when he’d bent his head to drop a kiss against my forehead. He’d moved so suddenly that I’d cowered. Each time, Lucca had been sweet and patient, calmly soothing me with quietly spoken words and soft, careful touches. But for the most part, I’d enjoyed his company, and for the first time I’d had hope that maybe I could act normally around men again. “It was touch and go a couple of times, but truthfully, it’s been a positive experience. It’s just…”
“Just what, hon?” Lennon prodded.
“I want…” I dropped off, embarrassed to vocalize what I really wanted. Hell, if I couldn’t say it to my best gal pal in the world, did I really have any business trying to do it with Lucca? The answer was that I didn’t know, but I wanted to try.
“Essie? Girl, say it,” Lennon encouraged.
“I want him, Len. I want him in that way.”
“So, my bestie wants to ride the Italian Sausage! I feel so proud. You’ll be a meat virgin no more!” she squealed to me, the glee dripping from every word.
“Would you quit it?” I hissed, my cheeks burning as I rolled my eyes, running a hand through my unbound hair. “You are supposed to be helping me here!”
“Okay, okay,” she quickly acquiesced. “Sorry. I just needed a moment. Besides, this is not a problem. This guy is a professional, sweets. Just tell him that it’s time to get to the main course of your engagement. It’s what you’re paying for.”
“Except I’m not, Lennon,” I informed her, my voice a smidge hysterical. “It doesn’t feel like a business deal, and he refuses to take any money from me. In fact, he’s not let me pay for anything. I’m pretty sure this isn’t business as usual for him.”
“What?” Lennon balked, her shock echoing through the phone line.
“You heard me. Seriously, Lennon…the past few days, it’s felt like we were on dates with each other. Really intense, romantic dates. I told you about Friday night. The homemade dinner. The romantic movie on the couch. The petting. The kissing. Then, last night, he took me to his apartment and got me settled in his bedroom. He took the guest bedroom last night. During the day, we went to a little league game for a team he sponsors. After that, he took me for a nice lunch and a walk on Navy Pier. Saturday night, he took me out to this elegant French restaurant followed by a leisurely stroll downtown. It was flippin’ magical.”
“What about when you got back to his place? He didn’t try to….”
“He kissed me goodnight at his bedroom door. It was one of those kisses that melt you into a puddle of goo, Lennie! And I thought he’d come into the bedroom with me, but he just dropped this whisper-soft kiss on my forehead and closed the door—with him on the other freaking side!”
“Oh, my God! He’s like a Gentleman Gigolo!” Lennon gasped. “This is unbelievable.”
“Yeah, well, I think I’m ready for a tad less gentleman if you know what I mean. If we were dating, this would be the third date, right? On the third date, aren’t you supposed to…you know!!”
“You think I’m an expert?” Lennon yelped to me. “I might not have been abused, Essie, but it’s not like I have a ton of experience to rely on here. But you’re right, if you go by Cosmo rules, tonight should be the night. But only if YOU want it to happen.”
“I think I do,” I whispered back. “I want to melt into him every time he touches me. When he kisses me, I feel it in my soul. And when he looks at me, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Sounds to me like you want to sample this guy’s talents. I say you get up, march out there and find him, and get you a big ole taste of that Italian meat. Just don’t bite off more than you can chew,” she laughingly advised me. “Choking on this guy’s sausage wouldn’t be the image you wanna project, sister.”
Horrified at the image her words painted, my jaw dropped. “I’m not sure you and I can be friends anymore after hearing that advice,” I whispered violently into the phone.
“Oh, please. You love me and you know it. Besides, you know I’m right. It’s time to take this sausage by its casing, baby girl. Go tell him what you want. Then, call me after. I’m gonna want all the deets,” she warned before giggling and disconnecting.
Staring down at the cell phone in my hand, I swallowed hard. Did I have the lady balls to do as she suggested? Could I really simply walk out of this room and tell Lucca what I wanted?
Slowly throwing my naked legs over the side of the bed as I pulled down the dark blue t-shirt Lucca had loaned me, I knew I’d hate myself forever if I missed this opportunity and didn’t try. Padding out of his bedroom on my bare feet, I quickly craned my head toward the living room and found it empty. With no noise coming from the direction of the kitchen, I knew he was probably still in bed. All the better for the conversation I wanted to have with him, I guessed.
Pausing outside the guest bedroom door where I knew he’d been sleeping, I debated knocking, but decided that I might need the element of surprise on my side. Quietly pushing open the door, I caught my breath as I stepped inside the room. Laying on his back with his muscled arms above his head, he looked like some kind of sensual sacrifice sprawled out before me. The covers bunched around his narrow waist, and his chiseled eight pack was on full display as I tiptoed closer to the bed. Licking my lips, I couldn’t keep my eyes from trailing down his hard chest following the line of hair that disappeared beneath the covers. Biting my tongue as I eyeballed the happy trail that led down to the muscled vee that disappeared into the satin sheets, my pussy clenched as I realized I wanted to take my tongue down that path.
My hands itched to touch him, to smooth my palms along the sculpted plane of his chest, to slide my fingers through the hairs and run my nails along that sensitive flesh. I wanted to nuzzle the curve of his neck while my fingertips danced down his concave stomach to slip beneath the covers and find the treasure trove I knew hid under those covers. My entire body was on fire with need, my nipples pebbling even as my slit dampened.
It was wrong to ogle him in his sleep. I knew I should leave.
I just couldn’t.
Watching as his eyelids flickered and his mouth twitched, I saw Lucca slowly open his eyes, dark like melted chocolate. “Essex?” he asked, his voice raspy from sleep. “You okay, baby? What time is it?” He yawned as he raised himself on one elbow to glance out the window at the morning sunshine. “Bella, what is it?” he asked again when I still couldn’t find the words that would explain why I was standing beside the bed where he’d been sleeping, staring down at him like he was about to be my last meal on Earth.
“I want you to fuck me,” I blurted, my blue eyes widening with unspoken panic at what I’d just divulged. “Oh, God,” I gasped, feeling as if I was going to hyperventilate at any second. “I can’t believe I just said that!” My hands flew to cover my hot face as he continued to stare at me from the bed. “Please, forget I said that,” I begged, turning toward the door to escape only to find him wrapping one strong arm around my waist and pulling me to rest against his chest.
“Essex, I want you to breathe, baby. Take a breath,” he urged as my breath began to come in pants, and my face reddened even more as I bucked against the restraining grip on me. “I’m not going to hurt you, Bella. Settle down for me, Essex. You know I won’t hurt you,” he reminded me gently against my ear as my struggles subsided even as my shame multiplied. How the hell had I thought it would be okay to just blurt out an order like that? He had to think I was some kind of slut, didn’t he? Sure, I knew it was okay for women to be confident and secure in their sexuality, but for me to just proposition him like that? It was totally out of character. Horniness had gone to my head in a big way!
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized huskily. “Just forget this. Please?” I whimpered, shivering as his warm lips rubbed the side of my neck.
“No, I don’t think I can do that, angel. More accurately, I don’t want to do that,” he replied before pressing another gentle kiss to the spot behind my ear that made me shiver.
“You d-don’t?”
“No, bella, I don’t. I’ve wanted you from the moment my eyes saw your picture in that file. The moment you opened your door for me Thursday afternoon, I knew I’d wait for you as long as it took. And every single second I have spent with you for the past two days has only proven to my mind what my heart already knew. You are the kind of woman a man would kill or die to protect. You’re worth every effort, every sacrifice, every obstacle. I’d wait an eternity to hear you invite me to share your body, but I’m beyond grateful that it didn’t take that long.” I shivered against him as I listened to his hushed voice say these beautiful things to me, his words slow and sure.
However, in my heart at my core, I was still a damaged girl who didn’t believe she was worthy of true love and affection. The idea that this wonderful, successful man might actually want to be with me was laughable. Wasn’t it? “A-are you serious right now?” I questioned him breathlessly as his arm tightened around my middle possessively.
“As serious as a heart attack, amore. I want you so much it hurts. Not just your body, but your heart, too. I’m a selfish man, bella. I want all of you,” he shared softly, his hot breath fanning against my jaw. “So, believe me when I say, if you want me to fuck you, there’s no force on God’s Earth that could tear me from your body. Just be sure this is what you want, Essex, because I know down to the marrow in my bones that you are it for me. The only question is, do you want me for you?” he asked me in that unerringly calm voice of his.
Swallowing hard as I mulled over his advice, I felt his lips moving over my cheek, the touch tender and sweet. Did I dare reach for what I wanted? Did I deserve the pleasure and happiness that he offered me? After years of being married to a man that treated me with the kind of callous disregard that had left lasting scars, I wasn’t sure.
Both my body and my heart, however, knew which fate it wanted even if my mind remained confused. Turning in his arms to stare into his eyes, nearly blackened with desire, I nodded wordlessly. “I don’t know how much I can give you, but I want to try. I don’t want to be afraid any more. I want you to show me that pleasure doesn’t have to include pain. Can you do that for me, Lucca? Can you be what I need?” I questioned him shyly as my hands settled over his broad shoulders.
“Oh, I promise you that I can show you that and more, Essex, but I’ll be damned if I do it anywhere but my bed. When I make you mine, I want you in my room in my bed surrounded by my scent,” he replied with a wide smile as he slipped one arm beneath my knees and curved the other around my back, lifting me in his arms before carrying me back into the master bedroom.
“Is that why you made me sleep in your room?” I asked curiously as I wrapped an arm around his warm neck. “You wanted me to smell like you?”
“What can I say? I’m a caveman at heart,” he replied with an unrepentant grin.
I held my breath as he lowered me back to the mussed bed. Watching as he slowly pushed his black silk boxers over his lean hips to slide down his long legs, my eyes widened as his hardened cock sprang forward, long and thick as it bobbed in front of me, drawing a gasp from my lips. It had to be at least nine inches, maybe ten, and I was suddenly unsure if I could even handle such a monster.
“Breathe for me, angel,” I heard Lucca urge as my eyes remained glued to his penis. “It’s just a dick. Neither I, nor it, will ever hurt you,” he soothed gently as he lifted a hand to caress my cheek. “Look at me, cara mia. See that I’m telling you the truth.”
Drawing my eyes away from his engorged, flushed length, I forced myself to stare into his concerned eyes. “It’s really big,” I informed him anxiously, my voice shaking. “Maybe too big.”
“We’re going to do just fine, Essex. I swear we will,” he assured me as he began to lower his head to mine. My look of disbelief must have amused him because Lucca only grinned and shook his head before he bent to press a kiss to my lips, his tongue patiently lapping against the seam of my lips until I parted them and allowed him inside. Once there, his mouth quickly engaged mine, encouraging my tongue to play a carnal game of parry and feint with his. For long minutes, I delighted in his voracious kisses, wrapping my arms around his neck as I arched my back, rubbing my tightened nipples against his chest as my legs moved restlessly against the bed.
I moaned as I felt his hands slide down my torso until they reached the hem of the shirt he’d loaned me. Realizing his intent, I quickly gripped his wrists when he would have started to pull the material up over my body. “Lucca…wait. I need to warn you,” I whispered as a wave of shame began to fall over me.
“No, Bella, you don’t,” he replied easily, dropping another slow kiss to the slope of my neck. “You’re beautiful. There’s no part of you that I won’t be convinced is gorgeous. Let me look at your pretty body, baby,” he murmured seductively between gentle sucks and nibbles of my neck.
“I…I…have scars, Lucca. Ugly, hideous marks,” I tried to warn him, to stall, to buy a moment to prepare for the look of revulsion that was sure to come.
“Basta!” he hissed against my cheek before lifting his head to stare into my eyes. “I won’t listen to you degrade your body. The only thing I will ever feel when I see your scars is pride, Essex. Pride that you survived. Pride that you endured. Pride that you didn’t surrender to that filth that would mar your flesh. Your scars have honor. And I admire honor, preciosa. I admire you,” he whispered vehemently.
Lifting an unsteady hand to run my fingers along his five o’clock shadow, I blinked up at him. “I almost didn’t. There were so many times I wanted to give up, but I knew there had to be something better for me. I think that…just maybe…you might be my something better. My reward for surviving hell on Earth.”