Kane
Working out with the bar, I tried to move past the jealousy I felt knowing that Tea had slept with other men. It was wrong of me; I’d driven her to it, but the ugly emotion still twisted in my gut. She was mine, no other man should know her taste, the feel of her skin, the sounds she made when she came. I hated knowing that there had been others, I hated that I had asked. It was the one thing that only I had given her, but I had fucked that up too.
I sensed her friend Simon before I heard him calling my name. I liked him, liked that she had him to help her through all the shit I had done to her. I couldn’t deny I liked it more that he’d never had her.
Dropping from the bar, I turned.
“I’m about to leave, so I wanted to say good-bye.”
My hand reached out. He grasped it, hard and fast. “It was nice to meet you. I’m glad Tea’s got someone like you watching her back.”
“Happy to do it.” Silence fell, which always made me uncomfortable. You don’t appreciate how much you read from someone by just watching that person. Losing that ability put me at a disadvantage.
“Teagan loves you, has always loved you. Even when she hated you, she loved you. I never want to see her suffer the way she did again. I knew her when she was with you, and I knew her when she was without you. Seeing the two of you together, I understand now why she reacted so severely. I don’t know what it’s been like for you—can’t imagine going through what you’ve gone through.”
“But?”
“If you can’t move past whatever is holding you back—whatever is keeping you from taking her into your arms and loving her, making up for all that time you lost—let her go. Her life has been on hold for nine years; she needs to start living it and that includes love and family. She wants that, I know she does. If you can’t give her that, you need to let her find it somewhere else.”
“How do you know that I don’t want that too?”
“I think you do, but I think you’re afraid to reach for it. I get it, you’re blind, you’re scarred, and you think that makes you less of a man to her.”
Even though he nailed it on the first try, it pissed me off just the same. He steamrollered right past my angry expression.
“Look, if it was me in your shoes, I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. But she deserves all, not part, of you. She’s waited long enough for it.”
She hadn’t waited with everything. It was completely unfair, and yet it was still how I felt.
He chuckled and fuck if he hadn’t read my mind.
“You would deny her sex? You fucking told her you were married to another person, living in the house that should have been hers. Yeah, she’s had sex, Kane. Far less than I would have had in her shoes. And now she feels guilty, like she’s betrayed you with those men. You took it all away from her, you gave her no choice, and now you’re jealous? If that’s the best you can do for her, leave her alone. Cut the cord now and set her free for good. She’ll find her way. She’s stronger than she gives herself credit for, and I’ll be there to get her through it, again. She can and will find happiness without you.”
“Are you purposely trying to piss me off?” If I could see, I would have fucking knocked his head off.
“Yeah, I am. Fight for your woman, Kane, before you lose her again.”
I knew he was gone even before I heard the sound of the engine firing up. Fucking asshole. He wasn’t wrong, I had been holding myself back. That he would go to bat for her, to confront me and hold the mirror to my face, so to speak, yeah, I liked him. His pep talk came a few days too late, though. I had already pulled my head from my ass. I wanted Tea, and I planned on fighting like hell to have her.
Walking back inside, I headed for the shower. I had a meeting with Mr. Lawson in the morning. I wasn’t sure what he could share with me about my mom that I’d find interesting. The woman had left and never looked back. A knot formed in my stomach, apprehension that I wasn’t going to like whatever it was he had to say.
Teagan
Kane went to see Mr. Lawson—I heard Mr. Clancy mention it to Mrs. T in the kitchen. Kane hadn’t asked me to come with him, and that kind of hurt. Standing on the back patio, I watched as Kane came around the house, Zeus at his side. I started to step off the patio to call to him, but the sag of his shoulders and the downward tilt of his head kept me from doing so.
His mother had been absent for most of his life, so what could he have learned from Mr. Lawson that would open up the wound again? I could feel his pain even from my distance.
He needed time, and I’d give him that, but then I’d offer him my shoulder. Give him the comfort he had given me after my parents had died. Turning, I went back inside. Mr. Clancy usually had tea now; maybe I could join him.
I tracked Kane down a few hours later at the boatyard. He got around really well, but then I suppose he’d had nine years and was determined to not be a burden to anyone, as if he could ever be. Fool.
He was working on painting, Mr. Miller right at his side to help guide him. I was happy to see that the sadness I had spied earlier no longer seemed to haunt him. I waited until he pulled his brush from the boat, so I didn’t startle him and screw up his work.
“Kane.”
“I wondered how long you would wait.” Placing his brush down, his head turned in Mr. Miller’s general direction. “I’ll come back later, if that’s okay.”
“Sure thing. I’ll seal everything up, so if you don’t make it back, we can work again tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
Kane stood. Mr. Miller helped him around the boat. “Hi, Teagan.”
“Hi, the boat looks beautiful.”
Mr. Miller smiled, admiration and pride in his expression. “It sure does.”
Kane held his hand out to me, and I immediately linked our fingers.
“Where’s Zeus?”
“Home. I had Sam drive me.”
Sam—the same man who had driven Kane and me to school as kids. The few times I had seen him since I’d been back, he hadn’t seemed to have aged at all. Kane and I started to walk, not really sure where we were heading, just around, I guessed. He was upset. I didn’t need to hear his voice to know this.
“You went to see Mr. Lawson,” I said.
“Yeah.”
“Tell me,” I urged gently.
“My mom lives two towns over. She’s married and apparently has been for over ten years.”
Clenching my jaw to keep from hurling the curses that I was choking on, I pressed myself against his side, offering comfort. There could be any number of reasons why his mom had moved away and remarried, but none of them were acceptable, given that she’d abandoned her child. He was better off without her. He had found a very loving family at Raven’s Peak; and, while logically that all made sense, the heart of the nine-year-old left behind still beat in his chest. Logic didn’t mean shit to him.
“All this time, and she was right there, so close and so far away. Not a phone call or a birthday or Christmas card. How can a woman bring life into the world and then turn from it?”
The scenario sounded awfully familiar—like mother like son. Kane had done that to me, his intent to protect, his goal my well being. What if his mother had done the same? I wanted to say this to him, but he wasn’t ready to hear it. He was angry, and I understood that feeling all too well. When he was calmer, when he’d had more time to think about it, I’d broach the subject.
And even with that course of action in mind, I opened my big mouth and blurted, “Maybe you should contact her.”
“No.”
Stupid. “Sorry.”
“For years I wondered—hell, I still find myself wondering—what did I do wrong? How could she not love me enough? How could she just forget about me? Why did she hate me?” He stopped walking, and his entire body went so taut that I thought he was going to break. Pulling his hand from mine, his expression turned to one of profound disgust.
“I fucking did that to you. Jesus, I made you feel exactly what I have spent my entire life feeling.”
Well, yes, he had. He could have been describing me for the past nine years, but I wasn’t about to confirm that.
“Your intentions were in the right place,” I whispered, leaving it to him to make the inference.
“And you’re here with me now. Why?”
“I can’t stay away from you, never could.”
His arms lifted. I walked right into them, and they closed me in for a tight hug. “Love you, Tea.”
It wasn’t necessary for me to respond. For a few glorious minutes we stayed like that, exactly my favorite place to be. His voice was soft when he asked, “You think I should see her?”
“I think you might find there was a reason she left.”
“Lawson has her address and number. We’ll have to call him.”
“Okay.”
Silence fell for a moment; Kane clearly had something on his mind. He said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel all the things I did. I wanted to protect you, but I didn’t realize I was hurting you anyway.”
“We’re here. It took us a long time to get here, but we’re here. Let’s leave the past in the past, okay?”
“Okay.” A slight smile touched his lips. “Wise words.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes,” he said.
“How do you—”
He laughed, the sound easing the tension I hadn’t realized was stiffening my shoulders. “You always rolled your eyes at me when you thought I was being a clown.”
This was true. My smile faded when I thought about him never seeing me roll my eyes at him again, never seeing the boat he was building, or the sea he’d so loved to look at.
His hands moved up my back, his fingertips finding my lips. “Why the frown?”
“What’s it like?”
“Dark.” Trying to lighten the mood, a grin pulled at his mouth, but looking into those beautiful eyes and knowing he couldn’t look back caused an ache in my chest.
“At first it was maddening, frustrating. I broke so many things, both unintentionally and intentionally. Lonely is a good word to describe it, and terrifying. Disorienting—places I thought I knew with my eyes closed”—another grin—“I learned I didn’t know, because my sense of direction was completely screwed up. I couldn’t make it from my bed to my bathroom without walking into something and stubbing my toes.”
“But now you walk through your house like a sighted man.”
“Because I forced myself to learn it again. Counting the steps to get to the bathroom, listening to the sound of the water and knowing it needs to be on my left side if I’m heading to the bathroom. Even smells help to guide me.
“I’ve adapted, but I miss it. I miss seeing the horizon. I miss the sunrise and seeing the full moon in the sky. But most of all, I miss your face. I wish I could be looking at you right now, but”—his fingers ran along the curves and lines of my face—“I do see you.”
Emotion tightened my throat at his beautiful sentiment. My hands covered his, expressing silently just what his words meant to me. “I’ve developed a lazy eye. It’s probably best you can’t see me.”
A second passed as my words sank in, and then that fabulous face tilted back and he laughed, a deep belly laugh. I loved his laugh. His hand moved down my arm for my hand. “Let’s get something to eat, my lazy-eyed love. And then we’ll contact Lawson and get my mom’s information.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Kane
My hands were actually shaking as I reached for my phone to call my mom. Ever since my meeting with Mr. Lawson, I had played countless versions of the conversation I was about to have in my head. I was angry and bitter, and yet I could no longer ignore the fact that I had acted similarly toward Tea. My intentions had been in the right place, so had my mom’s been too?
Resolving to actually have the conversation didn’t make it any easier. Realizing there was no point in dragging out the moment, I dialed her number. Along with memorizing the floor plan of my house, I had also mastered the keypad on my phone.
My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest when the call connected. The line was answered on the second ring. “Hello.”
Mom. Her voice sounded exactly as I remembered, and the memories that voice stirred were countless.
“Hello?” she said again.
Emotion tightened my throat but I did manage to say, “Mom.”
A gasp sounded over the line, followed by a few seconds of silence before a whispered, “Kane?”
I heard disbelief in her tone, but I also heard hope and what sounded an awful lot like longing. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh my God, Kane.” Her voice broke and the sound of her crying filled the silence. Her pain came over the line, so intense and heartbreaking that I felt my own eyes stinging with tears. Her reaction was so unexpected, so raw, and, on top of that, confusing as hell. If she hurt so badly at the sound of my voice, then why did she stay away for so long?
“Please don’t cry, Mom.”
“I’m sorry, I just never thought I’d hear your voice again.”
I was confused and, honestly, pissed too. She never thought she’d hear my voice again, but she’d been the one to walk out. “Why not?” I asked curtly.
“I don’t deserve to be near you.”
A shock went straight to my core. There it was . . . she had left me for my sake, just as I had done to Tea. My eyes were no longer stinging but actually filling.
She asked, “How are you?”
I couldn’t answer that, not over the phone, and drop the shitload of suck that was my life on her, so I lied: “Good.” But I immediately followed that up with, “Actually, not good. I’ve spent my life wondering why you walked out. I’m all grown-up now, not the boy I was; I think you owe me an explanation.”
“I do, you’re right.” There was silence for a beat before she added, “My intentions were in the right place, but you’re right, I owe you an explanation. Maybe you would like to come here for dinner?”
I hadn’t expected her to be so willing to see me, regardless of her intentions, after she had stayed away for so long. I answered almost out of shock. “Okay.”
“Oh, Kane, sweetheart.” Hearing her endearment for me sent tears rolling down my cheeks. She asked, “Are you doing okay?”
“Honestly, Mom, there’s just so much we have to say, and I’d really rather we say it face-to-face.”
“That’s fair. You have my address?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, Kane. I never stopped.”
The sincerity I heard in her voice touched a place in me that had been empty for far too long. I needed to end the call, because I was about to lose my shit. I hastily offered a few days that I was free for dinner, and she picked one. Then I said, “I’ll see you soon.”
“I look forward to it, Kane, more than you can possibly know.”
“Bye.” I hung up before she could reply. Dropping the phone, I sat back in my chair and let the tears fall, because the impossible had happened twice. Not only had I gotten my Tea back, but I had just spoken to my mom for the first time since I was nine years old. And what was even more shocking, it sounded as if she had missed me as much as I had missed her.
Teagan
Hearing noise coming from the back of his house, I walked around it and saw Kane. When he’d called the house earlier, he’d mentioned that he’d called his mom the night before, and a visit was scheduled. It wasn’t enough information for me, which was why I had sought him out. I suspected he was working out his issues through exercise. His high bar seemed to be his fallback. The way he so effortlessly pulled himself up, I suspected he used it often. The second he realized I was there, he dropped from the bar and turned to me.
“Tea.”
“How was the call with your mom?”
“She sounded genuinely happy to hear from me. She asked me to visit even before I could suggest it.”
“That’s good.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of odd.”
“Not odd, not if she really was doing as you did, staying away because she really believed it was better for you.”
“Maybe.” He sounded conflicted, and I understood what he was feeling. I understood what it felt like to be denied seeing someone, someone you wanted in your life, all in the name of what was best for you. It sucked even if her heart was in the right place.
“Her voice sounded the same; I felt a flood of memories just hearing it across the line.”
“You’ve missed her.”
“Yeah, and I think she really missed me too.”
“Not surprising,” I said and saw the smile that flashed over his face.
He said, “I’ve missed you more.”
Tears were imminent—I needed to change the subject. “Mrs. T is making you a triple chocolate cake. Will you come up for dinner?”
“Tempting.” The fact that he was able to switch gears so easily meant the phone call hadn’t upset him as much as I feared it had.
“Need me to sweeten the pot, Kane?”
“Yeah.”
“How so?”
“A night on the sofa in the library with you.”
My heart twisted at the memory. “Done.”
His smile faded. “I want a life with you, Tea. I don’t want to know another day when you’re not near me.”
“I want that too.” I’d make it work somehow, having both Kane and the life I started in Boston. When there was a will . . .
There was time before dinner, so Kane and I visited Mrs. Marks. She had been so agitated the last time I saw her that I thought it might bring her comfort to see us together, working on fixing what had been broken.
She was sleeping when we arrived, her head turned slightly, her hair down around her shoulders. She looked so frail lying there; it scared me to think that she might not recover. Kane’s hand tightened on mine, and I knew he was thinking the same thing.
A nurse entered to check on her IVs. Seeing us, she smiled absently. “Evening.”
“Hi. Has she been awake at all today?” I asked.
“A little this morning. Her lawyer was here. He seemed awfully itchy to talk to her. But she doesn’t stay awake for very long.”
“He been here before?” Kane asked.
“I don’t think so, at least not during my shift.”
At that moment, Mrs. Marks’s eyes fluttered opened and, though she was looking right at us, she didn’t see us immediately. It was clear the minute she did, since a smile touched her lips.
“That’s a sight,” she whispered.
Moving closer to her bed, I reached for her hand. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” Her focus shifted to Kane. “Kane, you told her?”
“Yes.”
“Thank God.”
“I’m sorry we put you through that. I didn’t agree, but I believed it was his dying wish. It broke my heart to keep you out of the loop—but I understood his intentions. Watching him struggle, the agony, it would have been very hard on you to watch that.”
I was happy to hear that her speech was more clear and her words less disjointed. Zeroing in on her last comment, I replied, “Not as hard as it was for him to live through. I would have been there every second if he had let me.”
“I know, but it would have broken this old lady’s heart having the ones she thinks of as hers hurting so. Kane in pain and you watching that pain.”
What could one say to that?
Her gaze moved to Kane. “Kane, did you speak to Lawson?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, your mother made me promise.”
“I did the same to you with Tea.”
Surprise crossed her face. “I guess you did. You okay? Your mom?”
“I called her. We’re meeting next week.”
“Good. She loves you. This I know.”
Sensing that Kane didn’t want to discuss the topic any further, she changed it. “Mr. Clancy told me Simon went home. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to chat with him.”
“He’ll be back. We have another person completely in love with Mrs. T’s cooking.”
She chuckled.
Kane asked, “Is it true you want to sell Raven’s Peak?”
“I’m getting older, so are the others. We’re having trouble maintaining such a huge house, as you know, Kane.”
“So you asked Mr. Sl—I mean, Falco, to inventory your house?”
An odd look moved over her face, suspicion maybe, reminding me that this woman didn’t let anything pass her notice. “Yes.”
“And?”
“And what, dear?”
“There’s more to what you asked of him, isn’t there?”
Surprise greeted that answer before she smiled. “I didn’t realize I was so easy to read.”
“You’re not, but you’re also not a fool. Falco is a fool.”
“There may be another reason behind my request of him, but we don’t need to get into that now.”
“He’s inventorying in the event you need to sell. What are you hoping to do with the place?” I asked.
“I would like to give it to Kane and you. His inn idea is brilliant.”
Turning my attention to Kane, I could tell he was startled by the news. “You still want to turn the place into an inn?” I asked.
“Yeah. Most of the foundation is already in place, and, with the elegance of the place and its location, I think it would be a very successful inn.”
“I absolutely agree. I’m just surprised.”
Kane’s voice turned noticeably cooler. “Surprised at the idea of a blind man running a business?”
Whoa. What the hell? That pricked my temper. “Surprised because the first and last time I heard you mention the idea was when we were kids, and the fact that you knew yourself that well at twelve surprises me. I didn’t figure myself out until I graduated college.” I stood. “Suddenly, this room is just a bit too small. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Marks.”
“Teagan, don’t leave upset,” she whispered, and I felt terrible that she had to witness that when the whole point of the visit was for her to see that Kane and I were mending our fences, but Kane had been out of line.
“I’m sorry,” was all I offered as I started from the room.
“Tea?” Contrition laced through Kane’s words, but I was angry, so I just kept on walking.
I didn’t go right home. I walked around town to clear my head and ended at the boatyard. I knew what fueled Kane’s outburst; he was having doubts himself and feared I was too. Running my hand over his boat, I knew I didn’t have doubts. I believed he could do whatever he set his mind to. He always could. The fact that he was blind now added another layer of complexity to his goals, but that wouldn’t be enough to stop him from succeeding. Pushing his doubts on me, though, that wasn’t going to work.
“Tea?”
My head whipped around and I saw Kane standing a few feet away. “How did you know I was here?”
“You always came here when you were upset.”
“Where’s the car?”
“Sent it home.” He moved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I’m sorry. What I said was wrong.”
I appreciated the apology, but his quick reaction made me suspect this wouldn’t be the last time he did so. “You’re blind, a challenge, but I don’t doubt you for a minute. Undermining me, us, putting your doubts on me, is not cool.”
“I know.”
“I’d like to help you, and not because I think you need it, but because I want to. I want to witness you make your vision a reality.”
“I’d like that.”
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Anything.”
“Outside of Mrs. Marks and the others, did you have visitors when you were in the hospital?”
“Yeah, most of the town. Why?”
“Including Camille?”
“She may have visited, but I never saw her. You’re not answering my question, why?”
“Walking in on you two when I first arrived was like a wicked case of déjà vu. Hearing you talk, laugh, plan outings together. That hurt a lot.”
“I’m sorry, Tea. It isn’t what you—”
I didn’t let him finish. “I came home, in college, right before you called me to end it, because I hadn’t been able to get in touch with anyone. Camille was at the house, collecting the mail. I couldn’t understand where everyone was, why there was not one person in the house. In the nine years I had lived there, the place was never left empty. She was the one to tell me you’d moved away, moved in with your girlfriend and everyone had gone to help get you settled. She spared no detail regarding your developing relationship with Doreen, even paralleling it to ours. When you called, you only confirmed what she had said. She enjoyed it, hurting me. Knowing now she lied, made it all up, pisses me off, but worse, the fact that she knew what really happened to you and I didn’t . . . that burns.”
“Son of a bitch,” he hissed. “I always wondered why you believed the lie so easily, why you didn’t hunt me down. Stupid, because I had broken your heart, but knowing how I felt about you, it seemed like you gave up on us rather easily. I didn’t know what she did, how she played you, but I’m not fucking surprised. The whole town knew of the accident, and Camille, being the cunning bitch that she is, somehow arranged to be the one to look after Raven’s Peak while the family was with me. Her learning about the Doreen ruse isn’t a surprise either, nor is it a surprise that she enjoyed hurting you. I’m so sorry, Tea. I can’t even begin to imagine how that must have felt, coming from her, of all people.”
I couldn’t lie, I was relieved to hear that Kane hadn’t included Camille in his plan, but that she had gained the knowledge through her typical nefarious ways. His belief, though, that I had believed the lie so easily needed to be addressed. “I didn’t believe the lie, even after your call. It was only after I spoke to Mrs. Marks and she confirmed it that I believed.”
He said nothing; I assumed he was thinking the same thing I was. For two people so in synch with each other, we had allowed ourselves to be persuaded rather easily.
“And the party you two were discussing, whose was it?”
“Just a mutual friend. She was going to give me a ride.”
“Mutual friend?”
“The girl from the fire, Kathy O’Malley.”
Oh . . . Oh . . .
“Every birthday, Christmas, holiday, school plays—I’ve become an unofficial member of their family.”
“Makes sense. You saved her life.” And it cost him his own. I didn’t say it, but I knew he was thinking that too. “And Camille?”
“She knew Kathy when they were kids. Kathy is a few years younger than her, but their families were close, they still are.”
“I guess it was nice of Camille to offer you a ride.”
He chuckled. “That’s generous of you.”
“I told you I met Kathy a couple weeks ago. She’s very nice. In fact, it’s nice of all the O’Malleys to include you.”
“They’ve done more than that. They insisted on helping to pay for the building of my house. They set up a bank account for me and deposit money every month. I told them it wasn’t necessary, but they felt compelled to do it. It isn’t their fault I got caught in the fire; I don’t think I did anything that countless others wouldn’t have done.”
“I disagree. You were always the first to jump up and offer a hand. It’s just part of who you are. I think what you did wasn’t ordinary but extraordinary, just like you.”
Tenderness washed over his face. “Come here,” he whispered, and I didn’t hesitate, reaching for him so he knew I was close. His hands cradled my face, “Can you forgive me?”
“Yes. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes.” To seal that, he brushed his lips over mine, allowing them to linger.