Chapter 10
Ralph had agonized over whether to attend Tony and Flora’s wedding. He hated the thought of running into Shanda with her boyfriend, but the lure of seeing her again was too great, and in the end, he’d decided he would risk seeing her again, if only to see her happy and in love. She was at her most beautiful when she was in love. He knotted his tie and stared at his reflection critically. He looked all right, though his tan had faded somewhat. It had now been three months since he had moved back to Oregon.
He had a good job with a small, but growing firm and Ralph was planning to start his own firm a few years down the line. For the moment, he had started a master’s evening program in St. Augustine’s. It felt odd, being back in the University, and the whole campus was dotted with the landscape of his time with Shanda—memories that had threatened to overwhelm him. One evening, he had walked past her apartment and had seen the lights on. The temptation to go in had been strong, but the thought of finding her with Greg had dissuaded him.
The wedding was a garden wedding, and he smiled at Flora’s eccentric nature. Who did a garden wedding in winter? She and Tony were lucky that the weather was fairly mild, especially for an Oregon winter. There was a weak stream of sunlight that cast a pretty orange glow on the naked trees. He walked a little while and when he saw a cab, he hailed it down.
He felt like a teenager going for his first dance. His skin tingled with nerves and he felt sweaty even though it was cool. The cab stopped at the botanical gardens and after paying his fare, Ralph hopped out. He adjusted his tie for the umpteenth time. Oh Shanda! How did she look like now? Would she look at him, her eyes blazing with hatred?
If she did, Ralph would be devastated. Ralph followed the direction written on white cardboard, announcing Tony and Flora’s wedding. He joined other guests in the white chairs arranged against the back drop of trees and climbing flowers. It was truly beautiful, he admitted to himself. Ralph waved to a few people and declined invitations to sit with some old friends.
He wanted nothing to distract him from his first look at Shanda after two years. He fidgeted in his seat and craned his neck until finally, soft music floated in the air and he knew the moment had arrived. The groom and his groomsmen stood at the front, and he and Tony exchanged looks. Tony smiled and nodded at him and Ralph did the same.
The flower girls and page boys walked down the aisle and at that point, his nerves were completely on edge. He sat in the middle of the crowd, hoping to observe Shanda before she saw him. The tempo of the music changed and when he turned back, he saw her.
She wore an off-pink, shoulder-less dress, but it was her face that Ralph’s eye was drawn to. Her hair was tied back loosely in a matching ribbon and her eyes sparkled with joy. Ralph felt his knees grow weak. She was still just as beautiful and sexy as the day they he met her. He kept his eyes on her as she walked down the aisle and then took her place to the side as Flora glided in.
Ralph took in the bride’s pretty appearance and then went back to Shanda. He soaked in her every movement, remembering each gesture and loving it when she laughed, throwing her head back. Seeing her so close, yet so far, Ralph’s heart ached with longing. She was even more captivating than he’d remembered. He had been a fool!
When the couple had said their vows and the ceremony was over, Ralph blended in with the other guests as they headed to the reception area. He chose a table at the back and this time, he did join his friends. Shanda has not seen him, but Flora sure had, and her mouth had formed into an ‘O’. Luckily, she had been too busy and often distracted to pay mind to his presence, and he knew that she had not told Shanda.
By the end of the reception, Shanda was exhausted and she stifled a yawn. The wedding had been great, perfect, even, but she had gone through so many emotions seeing her best friend getting married that she felt drained. She couldn’t wait to kick off her shoes, and relax on her couch, while rehashing the day.
Shanda was glad she’d declined Flora’s invitation to play the Wedding March on her cello. She hadn’t been able to play for years, and she was terrified that she’d lost her ability. Plus, playing the Wedding March would mean that she wouldn’t be able to stand at her best friend’s side while she got married to the man she loved. The string quartet she’d hired had been fantastic. Shanda’s heart did ache a bit when she watched the cellist deftly move his fingers along the bridge of the instrument, but she quickly shook the feeling off in favor of being happy for her friend.
“Alright ladies, time to catch the flowers,” the best man, a cheerful man called Collins announced, startling Shanda from her thoughts, and reminding her that she needed to stand up.
Dutifully, Shanda went to stand with the other single ladies.
“Ready everyone?” Flora shouted the flowers in her hands.
Flora caught Shanda’s eye, and she winked. Shanda grinned and assumed a ready-to-catch stance.
“Here it comes,” Flora yelled, and threw the bouquet into the air.
Shanda stood in place as the other women jostled amongst themselves in an effort to catch the flowers. To her amazement, the bunch of flowers fell right into her arms. To show that she was in the moment, Shanda yelled and twirled around, clutching the flowers to her chest. The people around her cheered, as she twirled round and when she came to a stop, she looked up. Her legs turned to water. She’d once again, run into a tall, handsome man.
It was Ralph. He stood out against a sea of people, looking at her with the most gorgeous smile. She blinked several times and her eyes frantically searched for Flora. She found her, staring back at Shanda. She gave her a smile and a thumbs-up. What did that mean? Since when did Flora give Ralph the thumbs-up? Shanda dragged her eyes back to Ralph, and then felt a sense of loss when he wasn’t where he had been.
“You look so beautiful,” he said. This time, his voice came from behind her.
The hairs on her neck stood up. She tried several times to speak, but her words were caught within her. She took a deep breath and managed one word:
“Ralph,” Shanda breathed.
It all seemed like a dream. Ralph standing just next to her.
“I’ve missed you, Shanda, more than you can imagine,” Ralph confessed in his soft, sexy voice. “I love you, Shanda. And I’m so, so sorry.”
All her feelings of shock wore off and a searing rage came over her. Who the hell did he think he was? Shanda recalled with sharp clarity the humiliation she had faced in California two years ago.
“You missed me?” she hissed.
He looked a little taken aback, which made her even more mad. What had he expected, a welcome-back hug? For her to throw herself at him and forget all the pain she’d felt because of him?
“I’m back in Oregon; I have been for the last couple of weeks,” he informed her.
What made him think she cared?
“Oh, how nice for you!”
“Shanda, sarcasm doesn’t become you.”
Her eyes widened, and she almost fought him on that one silly point because she loved sarcasm, but she couldn’t think of what exactly to say, and then she felt deflated. What was the point?
“Look, Ralph, it was great to see you and all. But I have to go. Okay? Bye,” she spun on her heels and left.
Why had he come back? She has been doing so well, she’d almost forgotten all about him; Shanda thought as she weaved through the crowd and disappeared between the trees, searching for a quiet spot. She heard the ruffle of leaves and she knew he had followed her. She ran. After sprinting in heels for five minutes, she stopped, hoping that she had lost him.
Shanda knelt on her knees, her breath coming out in gasps. She still loved him… so much.
“Shanda? Sweetheart?”
His hair had been ruffled by the wind, and he looked adorable. Her eyes fell to his lips at the same time as his fell to hers.
“What do you want?” Shanda asked harshly.
“You, I want you!”
The bluntness of the statement left her breathless.
“I love you Shanda, I have from that very first day I saw you.”
She found that difficult to believe.
“What about Michelle?”
“I know there was Michelle, and to be honest, I don’t even know what I was doing with her. I shouldn’t have been. She wasn’t a good person. She wasn’t you.”
Her heart tugged when she saw the look of sincerity in his eyes. But this was Ralph. For all she knew, he could be with some other woman.
“Are you married?” she blurted out.
His brows creased. “Married? Would I be here if I was?
Shanda had to admit that, even for Ralph, that was a bit much.
“You hurt me very badly, Ralph.” Shanda finally said.
“I know, sweetheart and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. California was a rough first year for me. It was awful timing and that’s not your fault. I’ve taken some time to figure out who I am and what I want out of a wife.”
Shanda’s eyebrow rose.
“Yes Shanda. I want you as my wife.” he said earnestly.
A bubble of laughter formed in her throat and erupted. She laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks. Ralph just stood watching her, unsurprised by her reaction. She stopped laughing abruptly.
“You want to marry me?”
“Yes Shanda, nothing would make me happier than loving you for the rest of my life.”
Shanda felt as though she had been knocked over by a truck. Everything was happening too fast. She hadn’t even gotten used to the fact that Ralph was there with her. She thought of the pain she had gone through, and how long she had loved Ralph without a single sign from him that he loved her back. How she felt her heart had lived separately from her body for years, and just when she’d felt it beat inside her own chest once again, he’d come back. She suddenly felt very frightened.
Everything that she had ever dreamt was happening to her. Ralph loved her. Her legs trembled and she wanted to flee. It was too frightening. He had a capacity to not only hurt her, but to destroy her. She had a good life as it was. Nothing out of this world, but she had achieved a level of contentment. Letting Ralph back into her life would be leaving herself vulnerable to the sort of destruction he’d caused her years before.
“I promise, I’ll never hurt you again,” he said and took a step closer.
He touched her loose tendrils with his forefinger. Then he trailed it down her face to her mouth. Her body responded instantly. Without warning, he pulled her hard against him and kissed her mouth, gently at first, and then with growing intensity. Of their own accord, Shanda’s arms flew to his neck and she clung to him.
His kiss was even sweeter than she remembered. Shanda felt as though she had been transported to another world. Electrical currents ran up and down her body, and her core ached to be satisfied. She swam in the scent of his aftershave. She touched his face, his hair and his back. Ralph moved his lips away from hers and just as she was about to mutter a protest, he returned them again.
His lips brushed hers, softly as if he wanted to remember every contour of her mouth. Shanda savored the feeling of just his lips on hers. Heaven it was. Unable to wait, she parted her lips and she felt Ralph’s tongue touch hers. Their mouths grew demanding. Shanda felt as though a fire had been lit beneath her, and inside her.
Ralph grabbed her behind, pulled her tighter to him and Shanda responded by clinging to him and moaning. His hands roamed over her dress and she felt a gush of cold air as he lifted it up to expose her thighs. Shanda could not remember being as desperately horny as she was. And she didn’t care. Her hand lowered, searching for his hardness and when she found it, she rubbed it through his trousers.
“Shanda!” Ralph cried out. “If we don’t stop now, I will not be responsible to taking you here in the botanical gardens.”
Shanda giggled. “I wouldn’t mind.”
He grew serious then. “I meant it, Shanda,” Ralph said and then dropped to his knees. “Will you marry me?”
Shanda surprised herself. “Yes,” she said simply.
“Yes? Did you say yes? What about Greg?”
Shanda was puzzled. “Greg who?” and then, understanding dawned. It felt good to know that Ralph had kept tabs on her love life.
“That was over a long time ago. The man like wallpaper. He left town,” Shanda explained.
Ralph jumped to his feet and enveloped her in a bear hug.
“I love you so much, sweetheart. So very much, my Shanda. I will love you forever.”
Shanda closed her eyes and let the words swim over her. She pushed away the doubts and the past hurts. It was their time now. Their perfect moment. They would make it last a lifetime.
“I love you too Ralph,” Shanda said with feeling. “I’ll love you forever.”
The sun shone through the curtains, and Shanda awoke to its bright light gently highlighting Ralph’s face. She ran a hand along his cheek and smiled. She didn’t want to wake him, but seeing the gold band on her finger made her desperate to kiss him. She caressed his face until his eyelashes fluttered, and Shanda gently placed kisses across his face.
“Good morning,” Ralph muttered. He was half-asleep, and this was Shanda’s favorite state to see him in. He was innocent, he only knew what was right before him. He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him.
She has to be at work an hour earlier than Ralph had to be awake to get ready for his job, so she spent her mornings drinking coffee and walking through the house they’d purchased earlier that summer. It was a cape cod with blue siding, and yes, a picket fence. Oddly enough, Ralph had been the one to insist upon that.
Coffee in hand, Shanda crept down the basement stairs. There was a skirt she knew was in a box down there, and she wanted to wear it for work. But she forgot about the skirt when she encountered the white sheet that was draped across her cello.
She picked the instrument up by the neck and tuned it by ear. She was sure she still remembered the right notes. She grabbed her bow out of its case and applied the rosin that had to be over three years old to it, and she walked upstairs.
She carried her cello to the sun porch, which was on the opposite end of the house as her and Ralph’s bedroom. She didn’t want to wake him. She sat on the bench on the big bay window and looked out— she had a perfect view of the wall across from her, but the view didn’t matter. The only thing that did was that she felt like playing music once again.
She drew her bow lightly across the ‘C’ string to test it, then she played the only song she knew she would remember every note of. Rachmaninoff, of course. Vocalise. While she played the song, she stared across at the wallpaper Ralph had insisted upon having in the sunroom. And she loved that wallpaper. She loved it because Ralph had picked it out, and because Ralph loved it. And because she loved him.
Music had come back into her life, and this time, she knew she’d never let it leave once more.