A Maze of Love by Sophia Gedeon Sorel (2)

Chapter 2

“I understand that you are angry. You should be angry. I deserve all your anger and hatred, but I couldn’t help it. You’re so sweet and beautiful, and I lost control of myself. I am so sorry. Please let’s be friends,” Ralph said, trying to read Shanda’s expression.

He didn’t intend for what had just happened to have ever happened, and he’d meant what he’d said. He was sorry. And he had utterly lost himself when he was with her, which was not something that had happened to him before. He considered himself to be a loyal man, and he always had been. Until that moment. Ralph felt that he may be sick at the notion that he was now a cheater.

He’d been enraptured by her the first moment her soft face looked up at his from the floor of the lecture hall. He had fooled himself into thinking that he could have a friendly chat and a beer with this beautiful woman. He’d been a fool.

She contemplated him with her big brown eyes, and a furrowed brow. This lasted for a moment that stretched into eternity. As she scrutinized him, Ralph’s heart thundered in his chest. As her angry expression melted into a tentative smile, he felt as though his ribs would break under the pressure of his heart.

“I forgive you for leading me on,” she finally said as she wagged a finger at him. She scooted back a bit further, but that was a move that Ralph understood. He would have scooted away from him if he were in her shoes, as well.

He felt a great sense of relief. Shanda was a great girl. Most girls he knew would have kicked him out of their rooms by now, or well before. There was something sweet and merciful about her, and she brought out his protective feelings. That primal need to shield her, to help her emerged from some ancient part of himself.

“So where is she, this mysterious girlfriend?”

“We had a fight,” Ralph admitted, feeling foolish.

Now Shanda would get the idea that he had come onto her only because he and Michelle had fought. Shanda probably thought that she was his backup plan because his girlfriend certainly wouldn’t want to be physical with him if they were angry with one another.

“Why?” she asked. Her question calmed his nerves. If she was asking why, that meant that she was open to alternative explanations. She was willing to hear him out.

“Why?” Ralph repeated. Even though it relaxed him, the question had caught him unaware. He was half-expecting an accusation, after all. He thought for a moment. “Well, she wanted us to spend some time—wait that’s not it. You know what I have no idea why we fought.”

Shanda burst into a bout of hearty laughter.

“You’re laughing?” Ralph exclaimed.

“Yes,” Shanda said, amidst her laughter. “Guys are so clueless.”

Ralph sighed. Shanda was right. Look at him now—falling for a girl when he already had a girlfriend. Despite their constant fights, he loved Michelle. He had never thought he could do something to hurt her.

“Why don’t you just go and apologize?” Shanda suggested.

“For what?” Ralph asked. “What do I say if I don’t know why I’m apologizing?”

“Well, you’re sorry, right?”

“Yes. I am sorry, I suppose.”

“Well, then just say you’re sorry. It doesn’t matter why; just say you’re sorry for hurting her.”

Ralph shook his head. “OK I’ll give it a try, even if it doesn’t make sense apologizing for something that I can’t remember.”

“Daaah—you’re apologizing for hurting her, which you probably did,” she said with a lot of feeling.

“I’ll go there tomorrow. And I will say that I am sorry for having hurt her. She’s in UTIU. She’s an actress,” Ralph explained.

All of Michelle’s friends were in UTIU, and they bored Ralph seriously. He turned his attention back to Shanda. She was a beautiful, but odd girl. Ralph studied her, looking so solemn, as though his making up with Michelle was the most important thing to her. Most girls would demand a break up. Some might even go so far as to tell a girlfriend that her man had been unfaithful. Ralph was certain that Shanda was not like those women. She was a completely different type of person.

Most girls puzzled him, anyway. They never told the entire truth about a situation. They shrouded their desires and intentions in mystery, hoping that their man can guess everything that’s on their mind. Ralph could not count how many times he had this situation play out:

Those were the kind of arguments and fights he had with Michelle. Things he couldn’t make heads or tail of. If she could just be direct with him, most of their problems would be solved, and they could live happily ever after. But Michelle seemed to almost enjoy those sorts of guessing games. Ralph abhorred them.

“Let’s get back to talking about you, now that we are being friends. Look, let go, of what your parents are going through. That’s their issue. Believe me, there is nothing you can do to change it. You can just live your life the way you want to live it. Leave them to work theirs out on their own time. You have no responsibility to fix their relationship, or them. Seriously,” Ralph advised.

“What makes you such an expert?” Shanda mocked, cocking her head to one side.

Ralph found himself wanting to kiss her again and take her into his arms. He scolded himself. He really didn’t want to mess up this budding friendship. Or throw any further issues into his relationship with Michelle—they had plenty of those already.

Ralph sighed. He didn’t enjoy talking about his past, but since he and Shanda shared a similar background, he felt comfortable talking with her about it. She’d been willing to share parts of her life with him. It was only fair that he returned the favor.

“Well, let me see. My parents divorced when I was sixteen, so I pretty much have an idea of how that goes. Then they both remarried other people. So you see, I really am an expert.” Ralph blew on his knuckles and brushed them against his shirt in an attempt to make light of the situation. Shanda’s eyes grew wide, and her hand flew to her mouth.

“I’m sorry, Ralph. I know how tough that is.”

“No worries. It was a long time ago. Got over it years ago, but I know that if you let it, it will eat at you, and you’ll end up hating one or both of your parents. Of course, you can be upset about your life being turned upside-down. You’re entitled to your anger. But forgiveness goes a long way, too. Your parents are their own people, and they are capable of working out their own mistakes, and moving on from them, so don’t let the burden of this divorce fall onto your shoulders.”

“OK, I’ll try not to. You have some great points there. Thanks.”

“So—I know we share a business ethics class, but what’s your major?” Ralph asked, trying to stop himself from staring at her lips, from remembering how they felt against his.

“Well, it just so happens that I am majoring in Management, what about you?”

“Marketing. I almost went into IT, but I realized that for me, growing brands was what I found exciting. What drew you to management?”

They spoke until nearly midnight, and when Ralph glanced at the time, he was surprised how quickly the time had flown. The ease with which he could speak with her about any topic surprised him. She was very direct. Not prone to embellishments or leaving things open to interpretation. He admired that about her.

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before he left her room. The lightness of his heart carried him away from her dorm, and he tried to understand the effect being with Shanda had had upon him, but it wasn’t something he was capable of breaking down into digestible pieces. Not yet.

He ran up the stairs to his room on the third floor and let himself in. He jumped into the shower, wore his pajama bottoms and burrowed under the covers in his bed.

Perhaps Shanda was right. The best thing he could do would be to apologize to Michelle. The hurt he’d possibly caused her could cover many areas… Usually, when they fought and he apologized, they only ended up involved in another useless fight. Mostly because Michelle claimed he had no idea why she was mad, and she refused to tell him why, which would be of more help to him than the time-wasting arguments. Either they fought again, or they ended up having make-up sex. The root issue was never resolved due to this pattern.

His mind strayed to Shanda. She was different from any of the other girls he had met. Although she was shocked at first, she had taken the news that he had a girlfriend in stride. With a sense of humor, even.

He fell into a restless sleep, after countless hours of tossing and turning. He dreamt vivid, disturbing dreams of Michelle turning into Shanda and vice versa until he couldn’t tell who he was with, as the two girls had become one. He twisted and turned in his sleep, and when he finally woke, the bed sheets were twisted round his body, soaked in sweat.

The stream of golden sunlight bleeding through the sheer curtains blinded him for a moment before his eyes adjusted to the light. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear the fog in his brain. Today was Friday. He knew that someone was having a birthday party that night, but he’d forgotten whose it was, or what time he was supposed to attend. He had also forgotten to invite Shanda, which was one of the reasons he had visited her room initially. Ralph did happen to remember that he’d promised himself he’d find a way to make up with Michelle that day, as well.

If he didn’t manage to patch things up, his weekend would be very long and dull. Michelle might even decide to punish him further by going away with her friends, or to see her parents.

Michelle liked to feel that she held all the power in their relationship, and the truth was that she probably did. Ralph had allowed their relationship to take on that dynamic by just taking whatever Michelle threw at him. He often didn’t stick up for himself, and went with whatever she asked of him simply because that was the easiest way to keep her temper under control. Whatever Michelle lacked, she more than made up with her body.

She had a figure that could rival any top model. Ralph groaned and decided to clean himself up and go to Michelle’s university right that moment, before he lost his nerve. Her college was three stops away, and he could go there, and return in time for his first lecture of the day. The bus ride was fast and before long, he was walking through the gate of Michelle’s perfectly-landscaped, small college. He made his way to the residential halls and up the stairs to the second floor, where her room was located. He knocked on the door softly, half-hoping that she had already left for class. But avoidance wouldn’t help anything. He had timed his arrival because he knew she would be home. The door suddenly swung open, and there she stood, with ruffled hair, and still wearing her night dress. Ralph felt even less confident about this venture knowing that he’d woken her up.

“What?” she snapped, arms crossed over her chest, and her left hip cocked to the side. Her standard enraged stance.

Her startling blue eyes were drowsy, and she was struggling to focus on him. She had short blond hair, and now, most of it was on her face. Even though Ralph had been with Michelle for a long time, he often still found himself struck stupid just by how stunning she was. She looked even more beautiful without makeup than when she wore it, which she did every day.

“I just came by to apologize to you. I know I hurt you, and I’m very sorry. Please forgive me?” Ralph pleaded, feeling insincere as he uttered the words.

To his surprise, Michelle smiled. Her tired eyes were now wide open and alert. She squealed with joy and jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist, and kissing him all over his face. Ralph grabbed her by the waist and held her up as he tightened his hold on her.

“I forgive you,” she murmured, dismounting from his torso and pressing her body against him, her arms wrapped around his neck.

“I missed you so much,” Ralph admitted, basking in the warmth of her body, and the lavender scent of her hair.

Michelle was tall, as tall as him, so when they hugged, they stood head-to-head. She pulled him into her room, and he shut the door. They stood holding each other and inevitably, Ralph’s mouth found hers. Usually one kiss with Michelle was enough to give him ideas, but today, his mind jumped to Shanda, without any permission from him. It was an intrusion, and it startled him enough that he jumped a bit. Michelle carried on kissing him, not having noticed the sudden change in his body language. He opened his eyes to stare at his beautiful girlfriend while they embraced one another, but this still wasn’t enough for him to shake his thoughts, and vivid memories of Shanda.

He remembered the way she’d curled herself around him, and the eagerness of her responses. What are you thinking! With a jerk of his head, Ralph discarded thoughts of Shanda and concentrated on his girlfriend. His girlfriend was Michelle, he emphasized to himself. Not Shanda. Michelle, who was here, with him. Wanting him.

Two hours later, Ralph was walking Michelle to her class. He kissed her on the cheek at the door and left, preferring to walk back rather than take the bus. The walk would give him time to clear his thoughts. Or at least, that was the plan. When he reached St. Augustine’s, his mind wasn’t much clearer, and his feelings were still much the same. He was frustrated with himself, and had never been so conflicted in his life.

Standing at the square veranda of the library, shooting the breeze, were Josh and Fred, two of his pals.

“Hey,” Ralph greeted his friends.

“What time is the party tonight?” Josh said, turning his head to watch as a very large-breasted girl entered the library. He only stopped staring when the girl turned her head in their direction.

They spoke a little about the party and, just as they were discussing the details of who would be the designated driver, Ralph mentally checked out of the conversation. He had spied Shanda a distance away, but it looked like she was headed to the library. He estimated her path and stood right in front of her, hoping to strike up a conversation… She glanced up at him with a look of annoyance, but when her eyes shown with recognition, her pretty face creased into a smile.

“Good morning,” Ralph said.

“Hi, are you always this cheerful early in the morning?” Shanda muttered.

Ralph remembered his activities with Michelle less than thirty minutes ago and smiled. Those activities had cheered him up. However, they had also confused him. But, what he felt the most at the moment happened to be the strangest combination of confusion and elation he’d ever experienced.

“As a matter of fact, yes I am. The world is a beautiful place to be in, and I’m happy to be part of it,” he proclaimed, spreading his arms, as if he were reciting a poem.

“Great, I’ll leave you to spread your cheer, while I catch up on some studies,” Shanda said as she turned to attend to her own business.

“Wait—”, Ralph said. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she turned around.

She looked at him expectantly.

“There’s a party tonight being thrown for a pal of mine. His name is Paul. It’s his birthday and he’s holding it at the Zorro’s pub, will you come?”

Shanda shifted her books to her other hand, and shrugged. She shook her head.

“I don’t know, I’m really not much of a party person.”

“Are you sure? I could have sworn you were a party animal,” Ralph teased.

Shanda’s face turned beet red, and she looked like she’d rather be anywhere but there. Ralph laughed. He would tease her for a very long time to come, if she got embarrassed that easily. He found her sensitivity to be adorable, and entertaining.

“Come on, let’s go. It’ll be fun. I’ll pick you up at seven, and we can go together. We’ll have a blast, Shanda. And I’m not taking no for an answer,” Ralph said, only realizing after he’d uttered the words that they could potentially have come across the wrong way. But Shanda did not act as though she’d misinterpreted them.

She gave him a curt nod and waved goodbye. He was looking forward to seeing her later on, and he would even introduce her to Michelle. Maybe, the three of them could become friends.

The day dragged for Ralph. He was looking forward to the party so much that every minute that past felt like an hour. He only had two lectures that day, and after dinner, he went to his room to get ready for the party.

At seven on the dot, he was knocking on Shanda’s door. She opened and smiled at him. Ralph put a hand to his chest and pretended to fall down.

“You look ravishing,” he drawled.

Shanda laughed. “Thank you.”

She wore one of those small, shiny tops that girls like to wear when they go out. The shirt was red, and she also wore black trousers. She had makeup on, but just enough to accentuate her beauty. Her eyes looked even bigger than normal. Ralph extended his arm to her.

“One minute, let me get my jacket,” Shanda said, and she rushed back into her room.

When she returned, he was still in the exact same position she’d left him in. She took his arm, and they left the hall together. They chatted easily as they went to Michelle’s college.

It was a beautiful summer evening. The sky was a clear, and cloud-less blue, and darkness was just barely starting to grace the earth. There was a slight breeze in the air, and when Ralph looked at Shanda, she was absolutely stunning, especially in the current lighting with her skin highlighted and glowing, tendrils of her black hair being blown behind by the wind, and her eyes shining even brighter than usual. She was perfect.

Ralph held her hand to steady her when she lost her footing, and kept her hand in his. Her hands were dainty and slender, and despite the warm evening, they were freezing. He rubbed one of her hands between his as they walked, and to his shame, he felt himself getting turned on. After a decent interval, he let go of her hand.

“Have you been here before?” He asked her, desperately trying to keep his mind from his strong, urgent desire to kiss her. Guilt stabbed at him with each of these thoughts. What was he thinking, bringing the woman he had nearly cheated with to possibly meet his girlfriend? Lately it had become rather difficult for Ralph to understand—let alone explain—his own actions.

“Nope, actually, I don’t know this area very well. But I did just move here, so I think I should be cut a little slack on the geography,” Shanda admitted, looking round.

“Ah. Of course, you aren’t familiar with the area. Well, we’ll soon rectify that.”

There was a lot of noise coming from Michelle’s room, and when she opened the door, Ralph saw three of her friends inside. She smiled at him suggestively, and leaned on the door pursing her lips. Ralph pulled her to him and kissed her lightly on her red mouth. Then he pulled her back, and she pouted in return.

“Michelle, this is my good friend Shanda. Shanda this is my girlfriend Michelle,” Ralph said, hoping the two girls would hit it off.

They said hello to each other, and Michelle excused herself to get her jacket and her friends, while giving Ralph a narrow-eyed look. That look was his instruction to follow her. Once the group was outside, he excused himself from Shanda and caught up with Michelle.

“Who is she, and why did you bring her with you? She looks so nerdy,” Michelle whispered as they walked to the pub, which was a five-minute walk from the college.

“I told you, she’s my good friend. She’s a really nice girl, so please behave yourself,” Ralph whispered back, trying to keep his tone casual, while at the same time looking over his shoulder to make sure Shanda wasn’t in earshot of his and Michelle’s conversation.

“Where do you pick these strays from?” Michelle asked, her nose wrinkled as if she’d smelled something putrid.

Ralph pinched her bottom playfully, to stop the fight that he could see coming. That was one of the many things they fought about. His choice of friends.

Michelle preferred to stick to the people she knew, who were in her friend group and shared her own interests. She rarely branched out in an attempt to make friends who were too different from her. She’d led a sheltered life, and was too attached to that life to make many changes. But for him, meeting new people and not being stuck with the same people for years, was how he grew as a person. Being about to see things from another person’s perspective was something he felt he needed, especially if that person was completely different from himself. Besides, he had learnt the diversity of human beings, and he enjoyed making new friends of any race, creed, or gender. He could learn something from all of them.

He turned to look at Shanda. She was walking behind them, and when he smiled at her, he saw that she was stony-faced. That’s when he realized that, despite his best efforts to keep his girlfriend’s voice down, Shanda had overheard his conversation with Michelle. He fell back a step so that he could walk nearer to Shanda.

“Do you like music?” Ralph asked.

“Yes,” Shanda replied. Her response was curt, and her eyes were pointed straight ahead.

This was going to be hard. Damn Michelle! She had a knack for ruining an evening with her careless talk. For her it was a joke, Ralph understood that, but her jokes often had the effect of harming others. Michelle didn’t seem to get that, nor did she care to even listen to him when he gently suggested that her jokes might be off-putting and condescending at times.

“Your girlfriend doesn’t want me here.” Shanda’s voice was hard.

“Don’t mind her, she’s like that sometimes. She doesn’t mean anything by it. She actually thinks it’s a joke,” Ralph explained lamely.

Shanda stopped. “Is that right? Calling someone a stray is a joke? Doesn’t that imply that I’m some dirty hobo? Or hooker?”

“I know.” Ralph apologized, raising his hands as if surrendering. “It’s stupid. Please ignore her, let’s just all try to have a good time at the party.”

She looked undecided, as if she was considering going back to campus. She’d already looked back in the direction of it twice during their conversation, as if she longed for it.

“Please,” Ralph begged.

For a reason that he hadn’t yet figured out, he wanted to be with Shanda. He wanted her to dance and party and forget all the issues she had at home. He knew the feeling of being lost and not belonging, and he wanted to help her move on from that feeling. The only way he knew to stop feeling lost, was to keep yourself occupied, and partying was a good way as any of keeping oneself busy. Being surrounded by people, music, entertainment, and conversation didn’t give one enough time to wallow. Well, most people. Some certainly still managed it, but Ralph was sure that Shanda would be able to enjoy herself if only she was open to giving it a try.

“OK,” She finally said in a resigned tone. Her shoulders heaved up and down as she took a deep breath and sighed.

Loud music could be heard spilling from the pub, and there were people standing by the door, some smoking and others just talking while enjoying the nice evening.

Michelle and her friends were already entering the pub, giggling and fussing amongst themselves. Ralph showed Shanda in. He was glad she was with him. Sometimes Michelle even forgot they were together. She was usually torn between him and her friends when they went somewhere. And because Ralph felt he didn’t have much in common with Michelle’s friends, it was nice to have someone else to hang with. That way, he wouldn’t have to pretend he understood all the model talk.

He followed Michelle to an unoccupied table in the corner, walking past a pool table in the middle of the room. The rest of the space was a dance floor, and already there were several people out there, singing and swaying to the music.

“What is everyone taking?” Ralph shouted amid the noise.

He took everyone’s order except Shanda, who volunteered to go with him to help carry the drinks. Ralph assumed that she didn’t want to be left alone with Michelle and her friends. At the bar, Ralph saw his friend Paul, and thumped him on the back.

“Happy birthday man!” he yelled in Paul’s ear.

“Cheers,” Paul yelled back, that single word slurred enough that Ralph knew he’d already had a few drinks in him. But, it was his birthday, Paul was expected to get wasted. He’d never been a troublesome drunk, so most of Ralph’s friends allowed Paul to continue to order more drinks.

“This is Shanda,” he told Paul waving a hand at Shanda, then turning to Shanda, “This is Paul, the birthday boy.”

“Oh. So this is the birthday boy! Well! Happy birthday Paul,” Shanda purred, in that shy, sexy way she had of talking.

“Thank you. You know what I want more than anything for my birthday? A kiss. That would be amazing. Would you be willing to gift me one??” Paul quipped.

“Sure,” Shanda answered without hesitation, and she immediately planted a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“That’s not where I meant,” Paul pouted.

Shanda giggled, and it was the sweetest sound Ralph had ever heard. The sound of it bubbled, and rose to a lovely pitch. “I know, but it’s what you get.”

“Do you want to dance?” Paul asked her. He fumbled a bit getting down off his stool but once his feet were on the ground, he didn’t sway as much.

Shanda nodded, and with a wave, she took off to the dance floor with Paul. As he waited for the drinks at the bar, he watched Shanda dance with his friend. Paul was spinning her, and she was laughing rather hard at whatever Paul was whispering to her out there. Ralph felt a twinge of jealousy. They were friends, he reminded himself. Still, he wished it was him making her laugh like that. Holding her like that. Spinning her and soaking in her enjoyment.

A slow number came next, and Paul drew Shanda into his arms. Shanda wrapped her arms around his neck, just like she had done to Ralph that day in her room. Ralph felt his manhood throb, and he forced his thoughts away from that night. She wasn’t his to mess around with. He had a girlfriend. Shanda needed someone who was unattached, like Paul.

But the thought of her being with someone else made him feel uncomfortable, but the more he watched them, the better he felt. They were having a good time together, and Paul was being respectful of her personal space. He didn’t demand anything from her, and Shanda seemed interested in hanging out with Paul, as well.

Ralph gathered the drinks, balancing six glasses with both hands, and returned to the table. He put the drinks down and slid in next to Michelle. She turned to him with a seductive smile and he pulled her against him and kissed her hard.

He felt her hand slide down his thighs and fumble with his zipper. Ralph groaned. Michelle had a way with her hands that drove him insane. Her fingers teased him, doing things that she knew took him to the very edge. At that moment, he could have forgiven her anything.

“Can your little friend do this?” Michelle whispered in his ear. “Or this?”

Ralph groaned in reply.