I leaned back in my chair, grinning at the large ‘The End’ taking up the page on my screen. It always felt so good to finish a novel. I stretched, trying to loosen the muscles in my shoulders, glancing at the clock and realizing it was after ten o’clock at night. No wonder I was stiff; I’d been at it for over four hours without a break. I got up slowly, wincing slightly as blood returned to my lower extremities. That was always an issue with sitting for so long. I felt like I was elderly when i tried to get up for the first time.

I considered a late dinner for a minute, deciding on tossing together a salad rather than anything more complicated. It was hot and I was both physically and mentally exhausted after a twelve hour work day. I wondered briefly if I should just go to bed, although my stomach rumbled piteously seeming to demand dinner before the relief of slumber. My doorbell ringing jolted me and I jogged down the stairs to pull open the door, surprised to have a visitor so late.

“Alex?” I blinked in confusion as he sent me a sheepish grin, his hair up in spikes as though he had raked his fingers through it. I wracked my weary brain, wondering if I had missed a date with him tonight. Over the last several weeks we had tried to spread our time out, with a weekly baseball game and a date with each of them, as well as ideally finding a night for all of us to hang out together.

It had been a struggle as most of us maintained fairly different schedules. Alex and Max technically kept the same office hours, but between court, trial prep, and research, they never had a set schedule. I would occasionally get lost in my writing, forgetting the time altogether, or I had randomly scheduled events that I needed to attend. Troy had camp in the morning for the football players, but with school starting soon actual practices had begun again, limiting his time even more.

“Hi, Emily.” Alex shuffled slightly and my heart squeezed for a moment. He looked so worried.

“Is something wrong? Do you want to come in?” I offered, stepping back so that he could enter if he wished.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.” He pulled a bag from behind his back, holding it out to me. “I’ve seen your office light on all day,” he explained as I stared at the bag in his hand. “I know when you texted earlier you said you were in the zone and trying to get the book finished. We didn’t want to disturb you, so we kind of kept quiet today. I just figured that, if you’re like me, when you get heavily involved in your project you forget to eat or even sleep. When I saw it was getting late and your light was still on, I figured I’d take the chance at disturbing you.”

I took the bag from him, glancing inside to find takeout containers, cutlery, and several bottles of water. There was even a small bottle of the water flavoring syrup I used. I turned my attention back to Alex as a grin broke across my face.

“You brought me dinner. You are so sweet.” I leaned forward, brushing a kiss over his lips and pulling him inside with me.

“I just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself,” he said as I led him into the kitchen. “Here, let me.” He stepped forward, grabbed a plate from my cupboard before I could reach it, and took the boxes from me to set them on the counter. My mouth watered as he opened up the first box, and I laughed as he began pulling more out. His ears tinged red and he sent me a small smile. “I wanted to make sure you had enough.”

He had half a dozen carryout containers on the counter next to him, and I couldn’t help but shake my head in amused exasperation. “There’s enough there for me, you, and leftovers for the next week.” I skimmed my hand down his back as he began dishing out the fresh Chinese food. He seemed to have gotten a bit of everything, filling my plate with General Tso’s chicken, fried rice, egg rolls, lo mein, egg fu young, and garlic chicken. “Please tell me you’re going to eat some of this too?” I asked, trying hard not to dissolve into laughter.

He blinked at me for a moment, as though confused by my statement. “I don’t want to get in the way. I didn’t mean to pull you from your work.”

“I just finished,” I admitted, snagging a bottle of water. “I’d love some company if you’re hungry too.”

His smile was soft. “Even if I wasn’t hungry I’d keep you company, though this smells too good to let you have it all.” He winked at me and I chuckled, grabbing up cutlery and the condiments to set the table with while he finished the plates off. I had to force myself not to scarf the food down when he placed it in front of me; it smelled amazing and I hadn’t had much besides peanuts and stale coffee throughout the day.

“Thank you for this, Alex.” I met his gaze with mine as I stabbed more chicken onto my fork. “It is way better than cooking for myself.”

“I’m always exhausted after a full day, and my cooking is bad, to begin with.” His grin was crooked, and I couldn’t help the smile that played over my lips. “This is as close to me making dinner as you’re going to get unless you feel like courting food poisoning.”

I nearly choked on my eggroll at his dry comment. “So, you know my day was busy, how was yours?” I tried to speak clearly as I cleared my throat, taking small sips of water so that I wouldn’t choke again.

He shrugged, picking at his food with his fork. “It was fine, really.” His eyes moved back up as he looked at me through his thick, dark lashes. “I missed you though.” I wanted to jump over the table and cuddle him. He was just so adorable.

“I missed you too,” I offered.

He may not realize how much I meant that. He hadn’t been able to fit a date in last week, nor had he managed to make our group event. Although spending time with Max and Troy was amazing, I loved when we were all together. Part of me wished I didn’t, as I was no closer to picking one of them than I had been at the beginning of the summer. With the end looming, it didn’t seem as though any of them had made their choice yet either.

I pushed my plate away, completely stuffed. “Did you want to stay for awhile?” I asked. Most of my exhaustion had vanished, replaced by hunger of a different kind. I knew that I should be well sated; between the three men I was getting plenty of physical attention.

“I’d love to.”

I stepped around the table, reaching out a hand for his.

“How about a shower?” I suggested. “I’ve been sitting most of the day and the hot water would feel good.”

His grin was wicked as he looked me up and down. “I could definitely get on board with that idea.”

I led him towards my bathroom, switching on the low lighting setting as we stepped in. One of the things I adored about my sister was that she enjoyed relaxation and she had outfitted the house for just that. The lights in my master bath had a dimmer on them so that I could enjoy a soak in the tub or even a shower with the lighting dim and nearly flickering, almost as though the bathroom was lit by candles. It let shadows dance on the walls as I turned to Alex, and he pressed his lips gently to mine, molding me against him.

His hands and lips were unhurried, tasting and teasing, raising the flame inside me a little at a time. Gentle fingers curled under the hem of my t-shirt, stroking over my hips before sliding the shirt off of me. I pressed into him, brushing my lips over his throat before I pulled his shirt off. We both groaned at the contact of skin on skin, the ache inside me starting to flare as his mouth caught mine again. I could sense the hunger in him though he seemed to have a fairly strict leash on it.

I reached into the shower, spinning the knob on as I tugged his pants down his hips, scraping my fingers over muscled thighs. His tongue danced into my mouth, teasing and tormenting as his fingers mimicked the motion across the bare skin of my back. He reached out a hand to check the water temperature, sliding off his boxers as I slid my leggings and panties down in a single shove. I mourned the low lighting for a moment, wanting a better look at his body. Then all thoughts left my head as he pulled me into the hot spray.

“Gorgeous.” The word was a whisper as he grazed his mouth along my throat, the water a constant beat around us. I enjoyed the way the water skimmed over him, letting my hands glide without restriction over his muscled back and arms and down across his hips. He pressed into me, capturing my mouth again for a drawn-out kiss. He grabbed the bottle of body wash from the shelf, squeezing some into his hands before lathering it over my body. I groaned at the way his hands slipped and slid, the way he teased and tormented as his hands brushed over my breasts, hardening my nipples despite the heat of the water. He teased my thighs with his slick hands and I clenched at his shoulders.

He chuckled, nipping at my neck. “You like what I do to you?” he murmured in my ear, and I could only moan in agreement. His hands slid away as he allowed the water to rinse the soap from me before he returned to stroking and teasing.

I pulled back slightly, sending him a wicked grin of my own. “My turn.”

“Oh really?” He asked softly, amusement clear in his voice. “What makes you think I was done with you?”

I shivered at the thrill that his words sent through me, clenching my thighs tightly. “I sure hope you weren’t done with me.” I smiled at him, stroking a hand down his cheek. “I enjoy touching you and I’ve been deprived for awhile.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of your fun,” he teased.

I filled my hands with soap, rubbing them together to start the lather forming. I stroked my hands across his shoulders, sliding over his pecs then down his arms. I scrubbed my hands down his abdomen, enjoying the way the muscles felt under my fingertips and the way he hissed as I grazed the top of his pelvic bone. I felt him hard against me, and loved the feeling of power, knowing that he was hard for me, that he wanted me the way I wanted him. I leaned down and heard him gasp in a breath before I ran my hands up his calves and massaged the soaps into his thighs.

“Little tease,” he gasped, arching his hips as he thrust against me. I stroked a hand down his cock and he gasped, his hand bracing on the wall to steady himself.

“You like that?” I teased in a mimic of the words he had spoken to me before.

He merely growled his response as I twisted my hand around him again and again. I knelt before him, enjoying myself as I stroked and rubbed him, the way he thrust helplessly into my grasp. I turned my gaze up to his face, loving how he was lost in the pleasure I was giving him.

I slid my hand down him again, squeezing him and, somehow, managed to slide my hand too far. Before I realized what I had done, I had punched myself right in the nose. I swore, grabbing my nose as blood spurted. I should have realized my klutziness would interfere even now.

“What?” Alex gasped, realizing I was bleeding. “Emily, what happened?”

“I punched myself in the nose,” I admitted, my voice thick as I tried to stop the flow of blood.

He paused for a moment as if trying to understand what I had said. “You.” He cleared his throat, and now I could hear that he was vainly attempting not to laugh. “You punched yourself in the nose when you tried to give me a hand job?”

He stepped from the shower, grabbing the washcloth from the sink and pulling me from under the water. I shivered in the cool air as he handed me the washcloth to replace my hands before he wrapped me in a thick towel, rubbing at my skin to dry it.

“How the hell does this stuff happen to you?” he asked, still chuckling. He pushed aside the cloth to check the bleeding before tilting my chin into the air. “I don’t think you broke it, the bleeding is already slowing.” I merely muttered my irritation. I had been enjoying myself.

“Don’t you dare tell Max,” I ordered, and Alex went from chuckles to outright laughter. “He would never let me live it down.” It was my turn to laugh now as the ridiculousness of the situation hit me hard.

“Come on.” He wrapped a towel around his waist and led me into my bedroom, pushing me onto the bed.

“I’m fine.” I waved his hand away, pulling back to check the washcloth and ensure that the bleeding had indeed stopped. He was right, it wasn’t broken, I had merely bashed it. This was one skill I definitely wished I did not have.

“Sorry about your injury.” I could tell he was still amused as he climbed onto the bed behind me, rubbing at my back and shoulders, releasing some of the tension I was carrying. “That definitely qualified as interesting, however.” I nearly snorted, catching myself just in time. That would really have hurt. I blew my breath out in a rush instead.

“I’d say it would make a great story, but I would prefer you didn’t tell it, so I can’t exactly say that.” My tone was dryly amused. God, if Jenna found out, I would never hear the end of it.

“It’s our secret.” He promised. “Come here.” He lay back on the bed, pulling me against him so that I could rest my head on his shoulder, his fingers stroking down my back as I tried to breathe without hurting my nose more.

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you,” I murmured, half dozing in his arms. “You and Troy and Max. This summer has been so different from what I expected. Part of me doesn’t want it to end.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice soft.

“I don’t want what we have to end. It’s going to have to change when the kids get back in two weeks. I’ve gotten so attached to all of you, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you all still.” The words tumbled from my lips in a rush.

Alex sighed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, continuing to stroke my back in long, soothing motions. “We’re all enjoying what we’re building here. It doesn’t have to stop, we just have to make some changes, that’s all,” he replied, trying to reassure me. “We’ll get everyone together and talk it out.”

“I’ve been trying, but I can’t choose just one of you. I’m sorry.” Whether it was exhaustion or pain or just a need to finally voice everything that was in my head, I couldn’t stop my words from pouring out. “You all mean so much to me, in such different ways. I care about all of you, so much. I don’t…” I trailed off for a moment, trying to complete my thought. “I don’t know how to go back to just being your friend. I thought I could. I didn’t expect it would be difficult. I just never expected I would feel for all of you what I do.”

“I’m not saying you have to pick.” Alex brushed kisses over my head. “Not if you don’t want to. Max and Troy, they adore you, just as I do. I know they’re hoping you won’t pick—or at least not yet. It’s only been a few months. Let’s just keep things going.”

“How?” I asked on a bitter laugh. “I’m going to have three kids running around. My schedule is going to be tight as it is.”

“We can always work around schedules. I guess the first question you’ll need to ask yourself, is what lifestyle are you willing to have around your kids? I assume you wouldn’t want us sleeping over. Would you want to introduce Max and Troy to them at all? Introduce the three of us as your friends and refrain from physical contact when the children are around? Would you mind them knowing that you are dating all three of us, as long as know they are unaware of how our interactions are physically?”

I fumbled, unsure of an answer. What was I okay with? I always told my kids to do what made them happy, that them being happy was what mattered to me as long as they weren’t purposefully hurting others. If they were gay, or trans, or if, like Jenna, they decided relationships weren’t their thing, I was going to support them. Could I ask that kind of support in return, though? Brooke had already been upset that her father was gay. I wasn’t sure that she could handle the fall out if it was public knowledge that I was dating three men. Yet, there wasn’t exactly a need to make it public.

I just didn’t know if that's what I wanted—or what the guys wanted. Always having to hide what our relationship truly was, portraying ourselves as friends and neighbors rather than, well, I wasn’t sure if there was a word for what we were. How long would this scenario last, anyhow? If I introduced the idea to my kids, even if they were okay with it, how would they handle it when things ended?

“I can see your brain rolling. What are you thinking?” Alex murmured.

“So many things,” I replied, unsure of where to start. “I—I don’t really have an answer yet,” I stammered. “I don’t know what I’m thinking or all of you are thinking. How long can we even keep this up, pretending we’re all just friends.” I sat up now, too irate to lay down. “When will you be asking for a decision from me? It seems foolish to invest the emotions and potential fall out into explaining all of this to the children, for it to last only a few more weeks.”

“What makes you think it will be short term?” Alex’s voice was soft, but he seemed slightly irritated as he sat up beside me.

“Well, it can’t last forever,” I stated, throwing up my hand in exasperation.

“Why not?” Alex was clearly miffed at this point, threading his fingers through his hair. “We all enjoy each other. None of us are having a problem sharing you.”

“Yet.” I put emphasis on the word. “None of you are having a problem sharing, yet. It’s not like that will last forever. Plus, what would we be then? A quad?” I hopped up, grabbing my robe off the foot of the bed, tying it on as I paced, trying to think. “How can we make that last? Me sneaking next door every night after my kids are in bed, or waiting until they’re all out of the house is just ridiculous. We’d barely see each other, and I’m not willing to wait another twelve years until they’re all grown and gone. I’ve wasted so much of my life already.” I knew I was ranting, but I couldn’t help myself.

“You’re the only one saying anything about hiding it.” He pointed out, a snap in his voice as he shoved from the bed, grabbing my discarded towel to wrap around his waist.

“I’m the only one with kids to worry about! You’d understand that if you had any!” I regretted the words as soon as they flew from my lips and his face fell, lines etching deep at the corners of his mouth and beside his eyes. “Alex, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out.” I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He hesitated for a moment before squeezing me tightly.

“Sit down for a minute, all right?” he asked, his voice low. I complied sitting on the edge of the bed. “I meant to have this talk before, but I couldn’t bring it up.” My chest tightened as he sat beside me, seemingly unable to reach for my hands. His eyes were glued to a spot on my wall that he didn’t appear to see as he searched for the words.

“I had a son,” he started, his voice soft, and the pain in my chest intensified. “His name is Ryan. This was several years ago, mind you, he’s about Cal’s age. He turns six this September.” I felt the tears welling in my eyes. No wonder he had gotten so attached to my boys when they moved in next door.

“You met Libby.” I nodded, though he didn’t notice it. “We had an on again, off again relationship when I moved up here. More off than on, really. I was tied up with opening a law firm; my hours were crazy. She didn’t like the lack of attention. I’m very careful about using protection, yet, she ended up pregnant.” A small smile flitted over his lips. “I was scared as hell but oh, I was thrilled. I went to all of the appointments with her. I built him a nursery.” My heart broke, imagining him living in that house all alone now, the nursery empty, no child there to fill it with love and laughter and frustration.

“Libby moved in, and while things between us weren’t great, I hoped that our son would hold our relationship together.” I completely understood that, and I reached over to squeeze his knee in support. He patted my hand softly, still lost in thought. “I had him for almost a year. I was there when she gave birth, and I had never felt that much joy. She wasn’t exactly a hands-on mother, so I hired a nanny for him on days I wasn’t home. He was such a sweet boy. He had some minor colic issues, but nothing major. He loved to play with his blocks or his cars. He was trying to talk. He called me da-da.”

He stopped to clear his throat, his hand fisting in his lap. “He was so adventurous, always into everything. I came home one day from finishing a trial, thrilled that I had won. I had planned to celebrate, had even brought home a bottle of wine for Libby and a little toy for Ryan. A stuffed elephant. He always liked those when we went to the zoo.” I could feel the tears tracking down my cheeks as he spoke.

“The house was empty. All of Ryan’s books, his toys, everything I had gotten for him was gone. Libby’s things as well. Even the nanny.” I gasped at that. “She had moved out completely, took everything with her. I wouldn’t have cared about the things. She could have taken it all, kept the whole damn house. I wanted Ryan.” Anger flared for a moment in his voice, before it was overtaken again by despair and defeat. “I told her I’d fight her on it. That I had rights. I had been at that hospital; I had signed the form.” I murmured my understanding, I knew he’d fight for his son. The fact that he didn’t have him, I knew something had to have happened.

“She stated that she had me sign the form so that I would take care of all of the bills from the pregnancy, all of the baby bills that would crop up the first years. She stated that she had a DNA test performed and it was conclusive that I wasn’t Ryan’s actual father.” I couldn’t stop the cry of protest that fell from my lips. “According to her, she had known that all along. Naive as I was, I had never thought that she may have cheated on me. I insisted on another test, done at a lab of my choosing. I couldn’t believe it. He had his mother’s looks, but I hadn’t found anything odd about that, especially with my own hair being as dark as it is.”

He waved a hand indicating his dark locks, nearly as inky as Libby’s had been that night. “Apparently she had been seeing another guy, possibly several other guys. All I ever found out conclusively was the one.” His voice was thick as he spoke, his fisted hand tapping against his knee. “The test came back again, and it was still conclusive. I absolutely was not Ryan’s biological father. She took me to court, had my parental rights terminated.” I knelt up beside him, wrapping my arms around him and rocking slightly as he leaned into my hold. He turned his head into my shoulder.

“Does she still have him?” I asked, unsure of what to say. I had wanted to beat the crap out of Libby before; now I wanted to strangle her. How could she have done that to Alex? To his son? In Alex’s eyes, it was clear Ryan was still his, no matter what the test showed.

“No. Once Libby initiated the paternity and the testing showed that he was truly the father, he didn’t stay with Libby. Apparently, the biological father was furious that she had known all that time and kept his son from him. He eventually won full custody. I’m not sure if Libby sees Ryan still or not.” He cleared his throat, his voice scratchy and thick. “I reached out to him. His name was Phillip. Same as Ryan’s middle name.” I swore loudly at that. Conniving bitch. “Yeah, she had insisted on that. She apparently got a twisted little thrill out of it. Part of me wondered since then if Ryan was the name of another man she had been seeing, but I never wanted to know, really. When Phillip got custody, he moved to Indiana, apparently where he was from. I had no rights, Emily. No ability to request custody time. Phillip said he sympathized with me, but he wanted Ryan away from all of that, invested in his real family. No matter how I begged, he wouldn’t change his mind.” I continued to rock him, letting my tears fall heedlessly into his hair. “I’ve seen pictures occasionally on Facebook. Mutual friends and all of that. It tears my heart out every time.”

“So that’s why Troy hates her. He has more self-restraint than I do. I would have torn her eyes out.” I hissed the words, despite knowing he needed comfort more than my anger.

“Troy would never hurt a woman, even if she came at him. It’s just not in him. It’s not the only reason they hate her though.” I groaned at that. What else could this monster have done? “A few months after Ryan had moved away, Troy and Max were out drinking and drinking hard. They’d been trying their best to get me out of the house, on with my life, and I just wasn’t having it. It was Ryan’s birthday and I had screamed at them, threw them out of my house after beating the crap out of them, and buried myself in the nursery. They were doing shots to ease the pain and trying to come up with another plan.”

I nodded my head, encouraged by their behavior. They really were good guys helping their friend, though I was shocked that Alex had not only hit them, but that they allowed him to beat them both up. “Evidently she came onto them very strong, tried to climb into their laps, all of that. They rebuffed her, extensively. She then tried to claim to security at the bar that they had spiked her drink and threatened her. Luckily, the bar had cameras and nothing came of it.”

I was nearly shaking with anger at this point, still heartbroken over the loss he had suffered. I couldn’t even begin to imagine it. To know my children were out there, even knowing that they were healthy and whole and cared for, and that I couldn’t see them or be with them… I couldn’t even imagine that kind of pain. Alex was the sweetest guy I had ever met and yet he carried this huge burden inside of him.

“I’m so sorry.” I murmured it, over and over as I held him. His breathing eventually slowed and evened out. I could see now why Troy hadn’t wanted to explain. Why Alex had refused the night of that first date. I couldn’t imagine how this hadn’t torn him to pieces. He continued to work with families and kids, continued to help process adoptions and custody battles. The kind of strength that had to take was momentous. We lay back on the bed, me continuing to stroke his hair and arms, offering comfort in any way I could.

“I’m sorry for throwing all of that at you,” he began, and I laid a finger over his lips to stop him.

“I’m glad you told me. I’m sorry you experienced it, but I am glad you trusted me enough to share it. If you ever need to talk about it, I’m right here.”

“I just wanted to show you one of the reasons why I am the way I am.” His voice was thick now, apparently exhausted after a long day and the rush of emotions his tale had caused. “I adore you, Emily, and it’s not just casual for me, or for any of us. I will do whatever it takes to keep us together. I don’t let go of those I care for easily. I don’t lose those I care for; I can’t stand it after all of that.”

I murmured my understanding, stroking my hands over him, trying to get him to rest. “I adore all of you. We’ll figure this out.” I laid my head on his shoulder, knowing I wouldn’t be able to rest tonight after everything he had shared with me. I heard his breathing deepen as he fell asleep, hopefully relieved after baring the darkness that haunted him.