I settled down on the bed, sitting on my hands to prevent their nervous movement as the video call rang again and again, waiting for Ian to answer it. I fought the urge to chew on my lip—or vomit—each ring pounding in my skull like a mallet.

“‘Lo?” Ian’s groggy voice rang through the room, and I turned the volume down slightly, in case he decided he wanted to yell. He had never been a morning person, so I wasn’t surprised that I had woken him.

“Hey, Ian.” I tried to offer a grin but simply couldn't manage it. “Brooke said you wanted a video call. I figured it was better that you and I spoke first before bringing the kids into it.” So we can get the yelling and accusations out of the way, I thought to myself, though I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words out loud.

“Emily. Hold on a second.” I could hear him murmuring and shuffling as he pulled himself from the bed. I winced for a moment as I got a flash of him half-naked. I knew I had seen him that way before, but it felt oddly like cheating at the moment. Lights flickered on and a moment later he was back, his robe tightly wrapped around him much to my relief.

He propped himself up on the bed and I could see the edge of Joseph’s arm against his, I assumed remaining there to offer support to Ian as he was staying out of my line of sight. “Brooke called me last night. She was furious. She kept ranting about you being selfish and causing her world to crash around her. She wants to move out here with me. Can you explain?” His tone was cool, though that wasn’t a surprise. I’d take cool disdain over raging fury at the moment.

I sighed, refusing to let myself shuffle or look down, keeping my voice down as I heard Cal or Jake stomping into their room, shuffling things as if searching for something. “I started dating this summer while the kids were away.” Ian’s eyebrows shot up for a moment in shock, and I smiled ruefully. “Yeah, I know, surprising. I have this neighbor, Alex.” I trailed off for a minute, trying not to let the tears collect in my eyes. “It wasn’t dating at first. I’d hang out with him and his friends and watch the ball games. They’re Pirate fans.”

Ian snorted out a laugh, shocking me completely. “I bet you loved that.”

“Um, yeah, it got heated at times.” I was completely confused. “Well, Troy and Max, his friends, I got to know them as well. It was just supposed to be hanging out. Then it got a little more serious. They said they all liked me, were interested in dating me. I thought they were pulling my leg,” I admitted with a shrug. “Apparently they decided that they all wanted to give it a try and no one was willing to take the step back. They said it was casual, we’d probably find out a few of us didn’t click that way and were better off friends. So we started dating.”

“But that didn’t happen.” Ian’s eyes narrowed as he studied me.

“No, it didn’t,” I admitted. “We were so good together. Troy’s so smart, he was always testing me. Max is just hilarious, he makes everything fun. Alex is just…” I trailed off for a second, shaking my head to clear it. “Look, that part doesn’t matter. We all continued to date. We didn’t want to put a strain on their friendship, so we decided to date as a group.”

“And sleep together as a group,” Ian guessed, continuing to study me, his eyes shrewd and calculating.

“Yes.” I figured I may as well admit it. It wasn’t a hard leap to make. It wasn’t like I had been a virgin, he was well aware of that.

“You told the kids?” His voice was cool again, and I could only shake my head at first.

“No. We had talked about it, decided we’d only been truly dating for a few months. That more time may allow us to make a better decision, and that if, much farther in the future, we wanted to address it with kids, we would. This was never the plan, Ian. Not by a long shot. I never wanted to hurt the kids.” I wanted to beg him to understand, to not try and take the kids away.

“They still found out, though,” he pointed out. “Were they staying at the house or something?”

“Nothing like that, of course not! What kind of mother do you think I am?” Anger wormed in for a second, and I forced myself to squash it down. Getting pissed at him wouldn’t change anything and would just make this decision harder. “There’s an ex in the picture. She was pissed about me seeing him and had decided to spread the rumor. I assume she didn’t realize she’d hit the nail on the head.” I lied seamlessly, not wanting to go into everything with Libby or explain Alex’s past. Ian had no reason to know about it, and I wasn’t going to break Alex’s trust for it. “She told some people, who told more people, and before we knew it was everywhere.”

“Do your boyfriends know?” I winced at the word but murmured that they did. “What do they say? I assume this wasn’t an easy transition for them either.” I hated when he was intuitive.

“Troy found out about it first. He was a bit upset.” I hesitated but figured Brooke would fill him in later if I didn’t. “He’s the football coach here. The school wasn’t too thrilled with his choice, but they haven’t fired him, even though he thought they would, and I was panicked that I cost him his career.”

“So you’re not in the relationship anymore?”

“I had to put the kids first, Ian. You should know that I would do that. The other moms were threatening to call CPS.” I paused for a moment, hearing the shuffle and stomp of little feet passing by my door again. “Brooke thinks the boys are going to turn into perverts and that I’m just being selfish. She’s getting nasty comments from the other dance team members and the football players, though Troy’s taking care of that last part. They’ve already been through so much with the divorce and me forcing them to move here instead of to San Francisco with you.” I was nearly shaking now, my words tumbling out one after the other. “I know Brooke reached out to you about moving again, but it’s really not necessary. I’m sorry she’s having such a hard time, but I don’t think going to San Francisco will solve anything, especially since it will be for only a year.”

“Emily, calm down.” Ian’s cool voice surprised me and my mouth snapped shut. “So, let me sum this up. You moved to a town where you have family and where our daughter intends to go to college. You entered into a relationship with men you care about and who seem to care about you. You tried to keep it private and do what was best for the kids, but things were taken out of your control. When someone else exposed your relationship they threatened your career, your lovers’ careers, and your children. They even went so far as to threaten to have your children taken away because you were incapable of raising them. When that happened, you thought of your lovers' careers and your kids’ mental and physical health and ended the relationship. Does that sound accurate?”

He still wasn’t showing any emotion, so I merely nodded, wondering where he was going with this. I wasn’t sure if I had actually done the right thing or if I should have denied everything. Did this make it more likely that he would take the kids away? I couldn’t get a bead on his emotions at all. “Yeah, I think so,” I admitted, unsure if I should really speak the words, especially on camera.

Suddenly a hand came up into the view of the camera, turning it so that I could see a disheveled Joseph sitting next to Ian. “Ian, stop hun, you’re scaring the girl. Hi, Emily.”

“Hi, Joseph.” I tried out a weak wave. This kept getting more and more awkward.

“What Ian is trying, and failing mightily, to point out to you, is that that exact same experience has already happened.” His voice was calm, his eyes soft as he studied my confused expression. “Emily, we experienced the same thing as a gay couple as what you’re experiencing. Ian and I fought our relationship for a decade. He would leave, wanting to focus on the kids and not wanting to hurt them, only to come back because of his feelings for me and mine for him.”

“You’re not selfish, Em. You’re actually one of the least selfish people I know.” Ian spoke up now from beside his fiance. “I’m sorry I worried you. You know that I don’t always express my emotions or my thoughts very well.”

“You aren’t going to take the kids away?” The words were hushed, the fear still nearly debilitating.

He blinked at me, glancing at Joseph. “Why would I take the children away? I assume you’ve run background checks on the men. I ran one on Joseph before I allowed him near the children.” Joseph chuckled but nodded. “If they aren’t a danger to you or the children then I would have no place to object.” I was nearly shaking as relief began to trickle into me, tears stinging at the back of my eyes. “You’re in a town with your sister to support you, rather than being in Georgia to face everything alone, or in San Francisco where you only know me. Brooke will get past this. It will take time, but she’s nearly an adult. She’s going to be out of the house soon as it is. As for the boys, kids will always find something to torment them about. It could be that their parents are divorced, their father is gay, their mother writes books. Anything we do is subject to judgment. It may not be a fair system, it certainly hasn’t been for us, but it’s reality.”

“You don’t think I’m being selfish?”

Ian sighed and Joseph squeezed his arm in support. “I’ve been in your position. I’ve wondered if it was more selfish of me to lie to you, the kids, and myself for all of those years than to have left earlier on. I adore my children, and I don’t regret having them by any extent of the imagination. I know I wasn’t a good father, however. I was so consumed in keeping up my facade, wishing I could live the life that was right for me, that I couldn’t be the person I should have been for all of you. I think that was very selfish of me.”

“I’m sorry you were unhappy with us.” My voice was thick. “The kids said how much happier you are now. I’m glad for that.”

“All decisions can be considered selfish by someone. You could be seen as selfish for not re-marrying and giving them a father figure when I live so far away, and so that you can have healthy relationships for their future reference. If you did remarry, you could be considered selfish for doing that and making them choose between their father and another man or for modeling a kind of love that others didn’t approve of.” Ian shook his head, leaning forward into the camera. “You have an incredible imagination, you can see things that I can’t even begin to visualize. It’s a skill that has its downside, however. You need to stop playing the what if game. Stop looking for what could happen. Yes, the kids could grow up to be gay or to want a polyamorous relationship. They could also grow up to be perpetually single or a train conductor.”

“You’re always going to consider what’s right for the kids.” Joseph jumped in to say as he rubbed Ian’s back in support. “I’ve known you for years. You care about those children more than anything. You have to consider yourself as well. You can’t control every aspect of their future. You can control how they see you, and you can help to mold how they see themselves. Would you want your children lying about who they are?”

“Of course not,” I choked out.

“This relationship may not last. Don’t force what isn’t there,” Ian warned. “I think it’s admirable you wanted to wait for them to develop a relationship with the kids until you all knew each other better, knew what you wanted. I don’t see why that has to change?”

“Their jobs,” I admitted.

Joseph and Ian both shrugged. “Then it’s their choice. There are always other jobs, other careers. You said the one was a teacher or something? There are colleges, other schools, online schools. There are other things you can do with a teaching degree as well. There’s the possibility of moving again, being in a bigger city where fewer people know you, or being more active up by the college campus where there may be a more open-minded environment.” Ian made it sound so simple. Granted, if he was comparing this to his own life—the worries he’d had and the choices he had made—then I guess it was something familiar to him.

“So why did you want Brooke to video call?” Sudden confusion dawned as I remembered the reason for the call. “I thought it was to talk about her moving in with you.”

“I was going to tell her she couldn’t,” Ian explained. “I’ve been exactly where you are. You’re a good mother and I’m not going to let her, or you, question that fact. Her life may not be exactly what she wanted it to be, but it’s far from a bad one. She can learn to deal with it and then she can move on and make her own choices. I wanted you there when I told her so you’d know you had my full support and so that she couldn’t try and play the two of us off of each other.”

“Thanks, Ian.” Relief swept over me, a wave near hitting my exhausted body and sending me reeling.

“Of course, Em. I’ve always got your back. It’s what friends are for.”

“I do hope we get to see pictures, sometimes. You deserve some very yummy men.” Joseph interrupted with an eyebrow wriggle, trying to defuse some of the clear tension.

I chuckled, shaking my head as Ian wrapped an arm around Joseph’s shoulders and began to tickle his ribs. “Why don’t we leave that for a future call when my world isn’t quite upside down?” I suggested.

“You ready for me to speak with Brooke?” Ian asked, his arm still around Joseph, contentment in the positions clear on his face. I could really see what the kids meant. He was so different now, closer to the boy he had been when we were kids.

“Yeah, I’ll take the laptop over. I grounded her, by the way, so she’ll probably want your input on that.”

“For the tone and yelling?” Ian guessed. Brooke’s temper wasn’t exactly new.

“Also for not stopping when I told her to, not watching her mouth around her brothers, and, well, calling me a whore,” I confessed the last part with a wince. Joseph gasped and Ian swore.

“I probably would have done worse than ground her for that one,” Ian admitted. “We may not be married anymore, but you are my friend still and as her mother, you are deserving of far more respect than that. I’ll stand by the grounding, that’s for sure.”