“Hey, cutie. Come on in,” Max offered with a wide smile as he stepped back, sweeping a hand towards the interior of his townhouse. While the kids were gone we had mostly hung out at my house or Alex’s, and I was excited to finally have a chance to view Max and Troy’s living spaces. The townhouse was simple, the decorations sparse, but it was full of light from the large windows overlooking the water.

“Pretty,” I murmured, glancing out at the thickly leaved trees and the flowing water.

Max shrugged. “It’s nice. I don’t get outside much, but there’s a small gazebo and a pool.”

He grabbed my waist and pulled me back against him so he could nuzzle at my neck. “I’ve missed you, Em.” I breathed out on a heavy sigh, letting my body relax into his, enjoying the sensation of his lips on my tender skin.

“Jenna’s busy so it’s been hard to get her over with the kids. I’m not crazy about the idea of Brooke watching them while I’m on a date. It just seems kind of weird at this point,” I admitted, hoping I didn’t offend him.

“Don’t stress it, Em. We’ll take whatever time we can get with you. We’re all busy. Life happens. We don’t expect you to drop everything and just focus on us, that’s not practical and no way to make things work in the long run.” I giggled as the scruff of his whiskers tickled over my skin.

“I knew you were ticklish.” There was unholy glee clearly evident in his voice as he scraped them against me again and again. I writhed in his grip, nearly breathless at this point.

“I won’t make dinner if you don’t stop!” I gasped out mid-laugh.

He snickered as he pulled away, stroking a finger over skin that was warm now from the mild scratches. “You’ll win a prize if you can find anything here to cook with. I’m a cereal guy, remember? I just figured we’d order in.”

“I could teach you, you know. So you don’t have to keep buying takeout.” I made the offer as he led me to the couch.

“It’s been tried,” he warned, his amusement clear. “I seem to have a willful disregard for any knowledge concerning the kitchen. It just doesn’t end up clicking.” My phone dinged and I pulled it from my pocket with a sigh. “Secret admirer?” he asked, tongue in cheek.

I snorted. “It’s not Troy or Alex. It’s just a scheduling email for karate.” My words were absent as I fiddled with my calendar app, trying to add the dates of Cal’s classes, his belt tests, and the dojo’s tournament dates into my phone. “Hey!” I yelped as the phone was slid from my grip. Max’s grin was taunting as he held it up.

“Let’s see what we have here.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I grinned. I had locked the dates in my calendar so I wasn’t worried. He glanced at my phone briefly before his jaw dropped open. “What the hell?” He glanced at me, I assumed for permission, so I nodded, leaning back into the couch with a sigh. I was tired and the evening had barely begun. I could tell he was flipping through my phone calendar. “Seriously, how do you do all of this?” His tone was a mix between mystified and horrified. “You’ve got almost every minute of the day scheduled! I thought Alex and I had it bad, scheduling in client meetings and court dates. What is all this stuff?” I knew he was skimming through the color-coded blocks that decorated each of my days.

“Purple is Brooke, that’s mostly dance team. Jake is orange, so that’s swimming or baseball. Cal is green, that’s karate or t-ball. Yellow is my book deadlines, blue is social media activities, red is school activities or deadlines for paperwork and things. Different shades of those colors mean different things for each one, like a light green means that it’s a playdate for Cal.” I rattled off my process with a shrug. Between work, three kids, and running my house, I needed some kind of organizational system or it would all come tumbling down into my lap. My memory was not the best, and I was so thankful that I could do all of this on my phone and computer now rather than having to rely on my old hand-drawn calendar and highlighted events. Though I did miss using the stickers.

“You don’t have to schedule a time to breathe in here?” His tone boarded on sarcastic, though it was still mostly filled with awe. “You even have us on here!” he exclaimed, and I winced, opening my eyes to see if he was offended. He didn’t look offended, however. He looked amused and pleased.

“It’s habit to mark everything down.” I tugged at my hair, embarrassed now as he continued to study it. “I think that’s enough for now.” I snatched the phone from his hand, tossing it back into my purse.

“I’m just glad you made time for us.” He snuggled down into the couch beside me, pulling me to lay against his shoulder. “I guess none of us realized exactly how busy you are. Even Alex—” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Even Alex, when he had Ryan, wasn’t scheduled out like this.”

“He had one kid, a girlfriend, and a nanny, though,” I pointed out, my tone gentle. I didn’t want him to think I was criticizing Alex at all, I definitely wasn’t. Just pointing out that everyone’s situation was different.

“Just don’t overdo it please,” Max murmured, burying his face into my hair. “You don’t need to end up sick or overwhelmed with all of this. We can help if you’ll let us.” The last words were quiet, nearly hesitant, and I turned to brush my lips over his in a kiss.

“That’s very sweet of you. It’s not necessary though. My editor helps with a lot of the book stuff. Brooke’s old enough now to handle the bus lines herself, and her friends with cars do a lot of the pickups and dropoffs, so that’s one less person I usually need to run around. Jenna helps with Cal and Jake when necessary, and a lot of the other parents help with carpool as well. It’s all a system.”

“I mean it, Em.” Max’s voice was low but sincere. “I’ve seen people burn out, especially when I was at school or a new attorney. Pushing themselves to the limit and beyond, always saying they’d have the chance to relax in the future. Their minds and bodies ended up bearing the brunt of it. It’s no crime to take time to do things, or to ask for help.” His blue eyes were bright, the shade darker than normal as he held my gaze, the concern carving lines near his eyes and around his mouth.

“I won’t let it get that bad, Max. I’ve pushed books back before because I was overwhelmed. I’ve hired babysitters, relied on takeout, slept until noon when I needed to. I can’t afford to let myself burn out. I know the signs, Max; I know my own signs as well.” I laid my head against his chest, letting him hold me close while I simply breathed him in, relaxing to the sound of his heartbeat under my ear. “Now, I think we said the plan was takeout and baseball. That still sound good with you?”

“Definitely.” He brushed a kiss against my head before pulling out his phone. I let myself half-doze against him while he ordered the Chinese food and pulled up baseball on his television. I could see why they preferred Alex’s projector to the smaller television he owned. I was definitely a homebody, enjoying my quiet time snuggled up with the guys as much as I enjoyed the days they planned dates outside of the house. Simply having a chance to be in their arms was more than enough for me.

“So…” Max began, and I pulled back to arch a brow at him. I figured any conversation that began with a drawn-out word was one that required my full attention and quite a bit of emotion as well. Maybe that was simply experience from my divorce, or possibly from my children, but it never seemed to be a fully positive way to start things off. “Well, we’ve shared quite a bit with each other, but I sometimes feel like you know more about us than we know about you.” I blinked in response, mildly surprised. I knew I had a tendency to ramble, especially when I was nervous. The guys definitely still made me nervous, so I had assumed they’d know all about me at this point.

“What exactly did you want to know?” I asked, unsure of what things I hadn’t filled them in on.

“You were married before,” he hedged, apparently waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

“Yeah.” I knew that was dumb, but I wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted.

“What happened with that?” He bit his lip, apparently nervous about my reaction to his question.

I stood up, heading for his small galley kitchen, keeping my laugh light. “If we’re going to talk about exes Max, I’m going to need a drink.” I pulled the fridge open, surprised when I saw an unopened bottle of cranberry juice. I yanked open the freezer; there lay a large bottle of Grey Goose as well.

Max had followed me into the kitchen, shrugging slightly when I pulled the cranberry juice from the fridge and made a questioning sound. “You said you liked cranberry juice and vodka, that you weren’t really a beer drinker. I know you haven’t been to my home before, but I wanted to make sure I had stuff you liked in case I ever got lucky enough to have you here.” He was such a sweetheart. I poured a glass of the vodka, swearing as some splashed onto the counter. He chuckled and waved a hand when I went to pour him one as well, opting for a beer from the fridge instead. “You may prefer liquor, but I’d like to keep my head clear here.”

“Planning an interrogation, Counselor?” I teased.

“Only if necessary,” he tossed back with a smirk. “Did you love him?” His question was blunt as he faced me on the couch. I took a gulp of my drink, unsure of myself. I usually appreciated Max’s blunt, straightforward nature, but when it was pushing me on something so sensitive, it was harder to enjoy it.

“I did love him,” I admitted, refusing to let myself be ashamed of it. “We were so young when we got together, just children, really. He was the first boy I had ever slept with. I adored him. He was smart and driven, he knew exactly what he wanted.” I laughed a little at that. “At least that’s how I had seen him. When I got pregnant with Brooke, there wasn’t a question of whether I’d keep her. I was scared, more of telling my parents than of the baby, though that would change with time. We agreed to get married, said we loved each other and would make it work.”

I sighed, sipping at my drink, glad I had made it strong. “We were only seventeen. We didn’t understand any of what we were getting into. Ian was always good with computers, he got a job not long after we graduated, with the caveat that we moved down to Georgia and that he continue to attend college classes. It was his dream, so I went along with him. We had been living with my parents, and though I knew they were just trying to help, I felt smothered there. They weren’t happy with my decision to keep Brooke, even though they loved her beyond words. Mom thought I was too young, always questioning my decisions. Looking at Brooke now, seeing her at the age I was then, I can understand it.”

“What happened to your parents?” His words were soft, his fingers tapping lightly against his beer bottle as he processed what I was telling him.

“Car crash. They always liked to go on these crazy adventures. Seeing the world’s largest ball of string or trying every pizza place in 100 miles cheese pizza to figure out whose was best. Mom would write about their adventures in her diary, her own little stories, I figure that’s where I got it from. My dad was just one of the kindest men you could have ever met. He didn’t know a stranger. He could make friends with anyone.” I laughed a little, remembering how they were together. “I never knew what they had gone to see that day. Mom didn’t get a chance to write it up. Brooke was only five when they died, I was pregnant with Jake at the time. I’ll always regret that they never had a chance to know their grandsons.”

“What about your ex’s family? I assumed they still lived up here.”

I shook my head, twirling my glass. “Ian didn’t have much family, just his parents. His dad passed about four years ago, his mom didn’t last more than a couple years more without her husband. They were very strict people, didn’t care much for travel. We’d see them around the holidays, so Brooke and Jake remember them some. It’s just my sister and me now, and the kids.”

“I’m sorry, Em.” He leaned forward to lay his forehead against mine. “My family may be far away, but we’re still pretty close. We’re a crazy, loud bunch when we all get together. I can’t imagine only having my sister left.”

“I grew up so quietly, with just my parents and Jenna, so I assume it’s one of the reasons I’m more introverted. I never had the need to be social growing up. I was just happy with my parents, my sister, and my books.”

“Did you want the divorce, or did he?” The question fell from his lips and he winced, setting aside his beer bottle.

I sighed, rubbing at my temple. He—they all—deserved to know about my past. It just wasn’t the easiest thing to talk about, especially when I felt like I was on trial for it.

“He came to me about it. Last year around the holidays. He was seeing someone else, was tired of hiding it and living a double life.”

“Pfftt.” Max blew a breath out, waving his hand in exasperation. “What woman could be better than you?”

I smiled. “Joseph.”

Max paused for a minute. “Oh. Oh.” He emphasized the word as realization hit. “He’s gay.”

“Yep. He’d been seeing his friend and business partner for quite a while.”

Max scowled. “I don’t understand cheating. If you’re done with a relationship, be done with it. It doesn’t matter that he’s gay; it’s still not the kind of thing you do to someone.”

“I can’t say I was happy about it,” I admitted. “I was angry and confused but relieved too. It didn’t actually have anything to do with me. He had grown up in a strict household, a very religious one, though he didn’t continue to practice when we moved away. We weren’t exactly in a very open-minded area. He had three kids, responsibilities. Just throwing all of that away, to say he thinks he may be gay, it was a hard choice.”

“Do you still love him?” Max’s question was quiet, his eyes intense as they met and held mine. I assumed this was the real answer he needed, the question that had begun the whole conversation.

“No, Max, not the way you mean. He’s still my children’s father. I don’t wish him any ill will, well, most of the time. I’m not a nice enough person to say I never wish him poorly.” I shrugged at the admission, unwilling to apologize for it. It was a fault, but it was part of who I was. “I hadn’t truly loved him in a long time, and looking back on it, I’m not sure I ever did love him. I loved who I thought he was, I loved him with who I was at the time. I’m far from seventeen now, and while my changes may not be as extreme as his, I have changed so much. I want so much more out of my life now than I did then. I used to plan up until my thirtieth birthday.”

I laughed at that and he chuckled as well. “It seemed like thirty was the end of my life. The idea that my kids would still be so young when I turned thirty, that I had so much more life left to live, it was inconceivable, even into my twenties. I don’t know what choices I would have made back then if I was the same person I am now. Ian and I worked well together, for the most part. We didn’t have major discrepancies in our ideas on child raising, on how money was spent or the house was kept. Yet it had been years since he had touched me and since I had wanted him to. We became acquaintances, and it happened so slowly, so silently, I don’t think either of us were really aware of it. If we were, I don’t think either of us had the desire to stop it.”

I drained the rest of my drink, hopping up to refill my cup as he trailed after me. “I don’t still love him, or hope he’s coming back. I won’t apologize for what I had though, Max, for loving him as a child or for the children we bore with each other.”

Max pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly as he swayed with me. “I’m not asking you to. I’m jealous as hell that he got that part of you, I’m not going to lie to you about it. I know it makes no sense that I can share you with Troy and Alex, but I’m jealous of Ian, but it is what it is.”

“Emotions don’t always make sense, Counselor,” I reminded him, breathing in deeply and trying to relax. “I’m not quite as curious as you are, though I’m just as jealous. I don’t want to know who you dated in the past, especially if there’s a chance I’d ever run into them. I’d probably want to claw their eyes out. It’s not like that makes any sense either. It just is what it is.” The doorbell pealed and I pulled back from him, trying to brighten my smile. “Bell’s rung, time for a pause between rounds.”

He chuckled, heading to grab the food as I searched his cabinets for plates and silverware, scoffing at the paper and plastic products I found. He apparently hadn’t been kidding when he said he lived on takeout.

“We’re missing the game, Em,” he called, and I smiled, grabbing everything to take out with us. Apparently, he was satisfied for the moment. I was relieved he was and drained from the telling.

“Five dollars that the Pirates lose!” I called back, heading back to the couch.

“You’re on!” His tone was gleeful, his hands busy as he filled the plates. I sighed, settling in to watch the game. I just hoped I didn’t fall asleep.