I was having stress issues and this bastard wanted to feign concern. Thanks to the doctor’s appointment I summoned, he’s taken it upon himself to keep me company. I don’t want him here, I want him out, I want this time to myself. He’s been hovering like a mother hen and the fact he’s been in this room with me for over an hour now was a bit unsettling. It was late out and naturally the party has begun downstairs but instead of being down there doing lord knows what, he’s made himself absolutely comfortable in that hard chair. Well, if he wants to stay here he can sit through one of my all-time favorite movies Cinderella. Now I’m not talking about the newer versions they’ve come out with. I mean the Disney original that I sang along to when I was 5.

For some reason, this movie was striking a cord in me that it’s never have before. I guess it’s because I empathized with her circumstance. Albeit I’m not being treated like a slave, I’m sure as heck being locked up somewhere I didn’t truly want to be.

By the time they ripped her dress to shreds to prevent her from going to the ball I was full on angry at her. “I don’t get it. Why didn’t she just leave, I mean what does she really have to lose by going out and finding her own.”

I was only thinking out loud so I was surprised when Lucifer spoke up. “Leaving isn’t always easy.”

I scoffed. “What the heck would you know about that?” I asked him.

“What would you?” he challenged.

“Breaking free of my dad’s reigns. My circumstances were different by far, but I wanted independence and freedom and eventually did what I had to do to get it.” I looked around the room. “At least when I had options to an extent anyways.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes at my comment. “You can in no way compare your life with hers. You’ve not a clue what it’s like to be treated like you don’t fucking matter. To be used for shit and have no control over any of it. Leaving your princess room to have an apartment on your own hardly qualifies for having it rough.”

He was pissing me off, what did he know about my life? “You’re one to talk? What would you know about it Mr. Perfect?” I asked him.

“A helluva lot more. I been there, done that. When you have to live on the streets and in fucking group homes… take care of yourself then you fucking tell me I aint got shit to say about being fucked over. Until then? Shut your fucking lips about shit you have no idea about.”

My head spun around to face him. Bull’s words came to my mind; I remember them like it was yesterday.

He nodded. “Best thanksgiving I ever had… probably Lucifer too.”

I frowned. “What do you mean? I mean, sure it was great but as a kid with your family… had to of been better.”

He shrugged. “Didn’t have a family kid. So no, I’ve never celebrated… it was nice. I’m looking forward to seeing what type of shit you’ve got going for the next holiday. I’m surprised Prez is letting you run wild like this.”

My heart broke for him. “What about Christmas? You haven’t even had a friend to exchange gifts with?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Can’t say that I have. Besides, the only real friends I had were on the same boat as me. By that time, it was pretty fucking clear there was more important shit to worry about.” He scanned my face and sighed. “Now don’t go giving me those pretty puppy dog eyes sugar. No need to feel sorry for me, that’s the last thing I want. I made out just fine.” He spread his arms out wide. “Do you not see how fucking sexy I am?” he joked.

 

In hindsight, he sort of insinuated that Lucifer hadn’t had it easy either but as we spoke I only thought of Bull. His words swirled in my head like an awful song being replayed constantly on the radio. Living on the streets… group homes? What the heck happened to this man? My heart instantly filled with sorrow and I dreaded saying anything to him about it but I couldn’t help not knowing. I mean, I’ve thought more often than not about his background. I mean he is the father of my child. I wanted to know everything about him especially since he’s hell bent on being involved.

“What happened to you?” I asked hesitantly.

His eyes met mine and they instantly hardened. The room suddenly dropped 50 degrees just from the coldness that was leaking off of him in waves. “None of ya fucking business.”

There was one thing that has always kept me curious but I’d never had the courage to ask. “What does your tattoo mean?” I asked him softly.

He stood abruptly and pointed an angry finger at me. “Don’t you fucking listen? I told you to mind your damn business and the first thing you do is pry. Learn your fucking place and stay there you hear me? Don’t stick your nose in places they don’t fucking need to be.” He stalked to the door.

I stood up. “What do you mean it isn’t my business? I’m pregnant with YOUR child; I need to know things about you. It isn’t fair to keep it away from me! These are just honest questions and you’re in no place to withhold these answers from me.” He walked out the door to leave and I ran forward to stand in the doorway preventing him from closing it and effectively locking me out… or in. “You cannot close me out on this I need to freaking know! It’s obviously something and something important where you turned into a freaking freezer and clammed up on me.” Lucifer let go of the door and continued out. “Just tell me!” I demanded.

He looked back at me and when my eyes met his I knew he was somewhere else, somewhere far away. His eyes were on mine but they were distracted, almost like he was in a different place completely… totally unfocused. “FUCK. YOU.” Was the only response he gave me before he descended the stairs. I stood in the doorway glaring at his retreating figure until he was out of sight and the sound of the door downstairs slamming. In his haste to get away from me, he didn’t think to lock me in. I waited a couple of hours getting my wits together before I made the final decision to settle this. Game on Lucifer, I won’t let you run away from me this time.

I followed his path downstairs and out the door letting all the frustration and anger I had inside of me surface. When I opened the door, I had to take a step back as the music really filtered into my brain. It’s been a while since I’ve partied or anything and it was a minor shock to my senses. My eyes scanned the room looking for him and I spotted him by the bar with a glass in hand.

I moved through everyone crowding the room going mostly unnoticed. A few people gave me a quick greeting but I didn’t stop to chat, I was a woman on a mission. At some point while I was navigating through the room he turned so his back was now to me. I tapped him impatiently on the shoulder to get his attention. His entire body turned violently to face me and I noticed his free hand automatically clench into a fist, his face looked murderous. His body was tense like he was ready to spring almost as if he expected to beat the crap out of whoever dared touch him.

When his eyes focused on me his body relaxed but his look turned weary and annoyed. Too freaking bad because this was so going to happen. “What are you –“ He began but I didn’t let him finish. I already knew where he was going, same thing as usual… what am I doing outside of prison.

“You can’t just storm out in the middle of a conversation.” I said crossing my arms.

He looked at me amused. “Is that right? I think that’s exactly what I did.” I opened my mouth to respond but he kept going. “And you know why? Because as far as I’m fucking concerned the conversation is over.”

He went to turn back around and cut me off but I gripped his wrist stopping him. “Like hell it is… why would you think that?” I asked sarcastically. “Oh right, because Lucifer said so and we must do as he says or else.” I said taunting him.

Lucifer took a step towards me and his size was suddenly dwarfing me. He was pretty scary at the moment but I wouldn’t let him know he was intimidating me. I knew that was exactly what he was trying to do. “Cut your shit and go the fuck upstairs. I’m not doing this with you and you’re going to cause a scene. We’ve discussed this shit before girl, do I need to remind you?” when I only glared at him and didn’t make any effort in following his orders he frowned. He leaned down so that his mouth was by my ear. “Don’t forget that you aren’t exactly on my good list right now… and I haven’t exactly decided what I was going to do with your ass yet. It might do you some good to fucking remember that. You don’t want to know what I can do.”

My head reared back like he’d slapped me. Well that’s what it felt like so I guess it was appropriate. He just threatened me. Is he freaking kidding me? Well, if he was going to take me out then… “Do it.” I challenged.

He growled and his hand gripped my upper arm not quite to the point of pain but it was a deadly grip I knew I couldn’t escape unless he wanted me to. “Do as I fucking say.” He warned between clenched teeth. “Shut the fuck up, turn around and go back to where you came from.”

Maybe it was the hormones, possibly something else from the pregnancy that was coursing through my veins that made me unbelievably bold and made my emotions feel ten times stronger than normal. All I know is that the bomb inside of me that has slowly been ticking away exploded and I just reacted. I don’t even remember a rational thought passing through my mind.

My hand flew up and smacked the glass out his hand causing it to hit the floor and shatter. That same hand immediately drew back and landed a painful slap across Lucifer’s face if the sound of the blow made was any indication. He released me completely staring at me looking positively shocked. I faintly noticed my chest heaving as if I ran a marathon.

“I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR SOLDIERS! YOU CANNOT TRY TO KEEP ME IN LINE!” I screamed in his face while attempting to shove him back unsuccessfully as he was rooted to his spot. The screaming however seemed to snap him out of shock and the growl that came out him I swore shook the entire building.

I didn’t realize I was walking backwards until I watched as he took a step forward. His eyes darkened and I was suddenly afraid. In hindsight, I should’ve never been unafraid. Bull came up to Lucifer’s side looking ready to have to pull Lucifer off of my lifeless body.

Now you know when people say that in their last moments they see their entire life flash before their eyes? I kid you not, that is totally true. Not only that but in mere seconds I’d prayed that I’d be forgiven for every bad thing I’ve ever done in my life hoping upon hope I don’t end up in hell knowing one day I would see Lucifer again. This all happened in the time it took for his arm to fly up and his hand to wrap around my neck. My eyes instantly closed and I held my breath waiting for the grim reaper to appear and drag my soul away and I’d see my death unfolding in front of my eyes. Fine, I know super dramatic but what the heck do you really expect?!

It’s a normal body reaction to try to take in air when you need it. So imagine my surprise when I took one breath, then another. Even more surprising was that I was able to breathe easily. Sure, Lucifer still had a grip on my neck but he wasn’t strangling me. He was holding it with enough force to be threatening but not actually cause harm. I frowned and opened my eyes slowly. He was watching me curiously chest heaving.

“Did you just hit me?” he asked.

When I didn’t answer, he came closer until there was no space between us. “Did. You. Just. Fucking. Hit me?” he asked punctuating his words.

I gulped. “Ye… yes.” I stuttered out.

He shook his head. “I don’t know what I want to do with you…” he said not taking his eyes off of me. His hand flexed and I had to refrain from pissing myself. And I’ll tell you; with a baby practically sitting on my bladder resisting was not easy.

His other hand came up and gripped my ponytail and tugged. I felt pricks on my scalp from the strength as he forced my head back so I was looking up at him. He growled and then his lips were on mine. He wasted no time forcing his tongue into my mouth. He tasted of whiskey and just him. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched, let alone kissed. I let him control the kiss and take what he wanted. He didn’t give me a chance to object or fight him which I was grateful for because I wanted this. My god, I really really wanted this! However, if given the option I’d deny him because I knew it wasn’t right.

I can’t tell you how long we kissed but I didn’t want it to end. When he pulled back I fell into his chest. I could feel a light chuckle vibrating through his body but I didn’t care. The next thing I knew, he scooped me up in his arms and was carrying me upstairs. The sounds of the guys hooting and wolf-whistling followed behind us. When he reached the landing, he made a left going for his room. This was new; normally we were always in my room. It made me curious but not enough to bring it up.

He placed me down gently on the bed and didn’t waste any time in ripping my pajama top off of me. You could hear the buttons bouncing off of lord knows what in his room. His hands found the waistband of my pants and swiftly removed them leaving me in nothing but my underwear. I expected him to just take those off too but instead he removed his cut and shirt and climbed on top of me. He kissed me slowly while his hands explored and caressed my body with gentle fingers. When his fingers trailed over my nipple my body shuttered and I whispered something unintelligible against his lips. He leaned back and looked at me curiously.

“The baby, they’re really sensitive.” I explained my face heating up in embarrassment.

He hummed in acknowledgement and he placed a kiss on my burning cheek. He continued placing soft kisses on my face then neck. He continued his decent raining kisses everywhere he passed, his five o’clock shadow leaving a trail in his wake. It was torturous pleasure. This was a brand new experience for me. Normally, it was all fire, strength, and passion with Lucifer.  This… well I haven’t quite decided yet. When he reached my breast, he used his mouth and calloused hands to please me until I was a quivering mess. He placed kisses on my stomach while massaging it with careful fingers. When his eyes met mine his was full with wonder and I instantly felt tears prick my eyes. I had to look away or else the tears would’ve flowed and surely would’ve ruined the mood for him.

When he got to my center, he kissed and licked me through my underwear until slowly pulling them off… with. His. Teeth. I actually had to fight my orgasm because that was so hot. After he brought me over the edge a few times with his amazing oral skills he stood and removed his remaining clothes. He didn’t join me on the bed immediately, and instead stood there watching me… scanning me nonstop from head to toe.

He let out a sigh and met my eyes again. “You’re one beautiful bitch.” He said in a near whisper.

I gasped shocked and I could feel the heat from my blush on my cheeks. “Thank you.”

He climbed on top of me and kissed me again. He lined himself up and I felt myself grow wetter in anticipation. Instead of slamming into me like I’d expected, he took his time entering me until he was to the hilt. When he was settled, he looked into my eyes. “This ok?” he asked. I frowned at his question and he sighed. “You know… the baby.”

I mentally slapped myself. Of course that’s why he was being gentle he was afraid of hurting the baby. “Yes, it’s fine. It’s safe to have sex when you’re pregnant.” I said reassuring him. Of course I’d looked it up while in Cayuga during one of my weaker moments.

He maintained a slow steady rhythm with deep powerful strokes. My orgasm snuck up on me out of nowhere. One minute I was building the next I was practically pushed off the edge. I was falling before I even knew I was at the peak.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Lucifer chanted as I clenched around him. “You feel so fucking good babe.” He said before slamming his mouth down on me. I felt like I was floating and had to grip onto his shoulders to make sure I didn’t start levitating. He picked up his pace just a bit and my body was still too sensitive from the last release. It took nothing to bring me back up. “I’m going to cum, cum with me babe.” He whispered in my ear and I immediately went off. I could feel his release flooding me as his body relaxed and we both gasped frantically for air.

When his breathing became somewhat normal, he pulled out of me and rolled onto the bed landing unceremoniously on his back. He put his arm over his eyes and let out a large sigh. “Now that I’ve fucked the anger out of my system we got shit to talk about…” he began.

My head swung his way and I watched him warily. When I didn’t respond he moved his arm a fraction and looked over at me. I tried to scoot away in the other direction hoping to avoid it but he was too fast. His arm shot out and gripped mine and he dragged me across the bed until my upper body was against his. His arm wrapped around me effectively caging me into him. I placed my chin on his chest and looked up at him. He adjusted himself so that the arm previously across his face was behind his head propping his head up so he could look down at me.

“So, why’d you fucking slap me?” he asked arching an eyebrow.

I shrugged innocently. “Because you made me angry?”

He rolled his eyes. “When don’t I? Don’t get me wrong, it turned me the fuck on but it also made me fucking pissed. You can’t go around slapping the shit out of me. Everyone in the room thought I was going to take your fucking head off. I had to remember who the shit you were… I keep telling you to stop fucking pushing me.” He scolded me.

“Oh boo hoo. Someone stood up to you, you’ll survive.” I teased.

He grunted and his hand slapped my butt gently. “Quit being a smart ass… now second, how the fuck did you get out the room?” he asked.

I snickered. “You didn’t lock the door, too busy running from a little old girl.”

“You really want me to beat that ass don’t you?” He asked quirking his eyebrow. I was instantly reminded of the dream I had about him while in Cayuga and I instantly blushed scarlet.

He looked at me questioning. “Why you blushing?” he asked.

I looked away. “No reason…” I said a little too quickly.

“Oh no you don’t. You fucking push me to talk to you and you’re going to lie to me? Tell me.” He urged.

I sighed. “I may have thought about it once…” I admitted.

He laughed out loud. “Oh, have you… what did you think about?”

I rolled my eyes. “Quit it! I don’t want to talk about it.”

He shook his head. “Fine! Listen, you heard what the doctor said about stress so I’ll talk to you because I don’t want to keep hearing this shit that I’m the reason you’re all stressed the fuck out. However, I don’t talk about this shit. EVER. So once this is out that’s the end of it. You drop it and I don’t want you to bring this shit up again. Now what the fuck do you want to know?” he asked.

I gaped at him open mouthed at his willingness to talk. I couldn’t believe it. Maybe he was drunk or maybe it was the orgasm he’d just had but whatever it was I’d take it. “You said something about living on the streets and group homes… I just want to know about you. How was your childhood, where are your parents, your family? Do you have siblings? I mean I just –“

“Ok, ok. I get it please stop talking. You want to know all my business. I’ll start at the beginning.” He sighed and removed his arm letting his head drop back onto the bed his eyes focused on the ceiling. “I was abandoned as a new born. I was found by a sanitation worker in a box with the trash. I’d not been there for very fucking long otherwise I’d be dead. Anyway, the story goes the box I was placed in looked shaky and he saw that it was moving a bit. I hadn’t been crying and he expected it to be a rat or some shit. Anyway, when they found me I was taken to the hospital. There was no sign of who the fuck did it, still don’t know to this day not that I’ve been keeping tabs on the case. For all I know they found the fuckers years ago and they’re rotting away in prison but it’s one in the same to me. I was John Doe, no identity, no family. No. Fucking. Trace. Once I was checked out of the hospital I went into the system. I was in foster care for a while and no one adopted me obviously and well they’re just as fucked up as you read and hear about. When I was old enough for school I was placed in group home after group home. Went to a lot of different schools and no matter what they did I wouldn’t answer to anything but that fucked up name.”

He cleared his throat before continuing. “In school though, I did adopt their last names. The first group home thought to give me their last name as to not raise suspicion about a kid named John Doe. They thought someone might actually pay too much attention. It was a good idea and fuck these people were getting money to keep me, the least they could fucking do was let me use their last name. I mainly kept to myself and did what I had to do. When I was old enough, I got a job so I didn’t look like the fucking garbage my parents and caretakers made me out to be. I was doing well in school, football, everything. All I wanted was better. When I wasn’t working or in school I was reading. Not those fairytales and shit but law books, finance books, medical books, everything. In high school, I had my life setup…” he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I had numerous offers from colleges for a full ride if I played football for them. I finally saw my fucking future right there. I would be away from the beginning of my life and it would all just be a horrible fucking memory. I didn’t allow myself the luxuries of other kids; I’d seen and known too much. The moment I allowed for me to have something normal of course I made the wrong fucking choice.”

He stopped then and his nostrils flared. His body had become tense and he looked splitting mad. I didn’t want him to stop though, I was getting too much insight to him for once and this might explain a lot about him. “What is it? What happened next?” I asked.

“I thought I was finally there. I had done everything I was fucking supposed to. There was a bitch, she was nice and sweet and shit. She had it for me and I thought she was pretty enough. I decided to give myself one fucking real experience that you’re supposed to have as a fucking child and of course the bitch wasn’t at all what I thought. I was 17 and I lost my virginity to her. I thought she was going to be there with me. I wasn’t delusional to think for my whole life, but to have some real relationship with someone for once in my life. She poked holes in the condoms to ensure she got pregnant and then told me it’s because she knew I was going to make it big in football. I was a fucking paycheck for her, that’s fucking all.”

My body instinctively tried to raise but his arm around me kept me planted. He blinked his eyes a few times as if refocusing on the present and looked down at me. “You have a kid out there somewhere?” I asked in disbelief.

He nodded slowly and my head swarmed. He had a kid but he wanted this one. Where the heck is his kid and why isn’t he a part of its life. “He’s buried in the city…” I felt chills rack through my body and goosebumps erupted. I suddenly wanted him to stop afraid of what he might say next. “When she found out I didn’t have shit she cut me off. Even when I got extra jobs and fucked up with school. Even after I fucking quit school altogether to try to support my kid she wanted nothing to do with me. She found another guy that still had a future. A fucking douche bag and her pregnant ass got into a car with him drunk as fuck. They got into an accident and they all fucking died, before I could even meet him. She was far enough along that he was removed from her and I was able to at least bury him.”

There were tears trailing down my face and I had to stifle my sobs. He’s been through so damn much and I felt a bit bad for being so hard on him. “That’s why I kind of flew off the handle with you when I found out. I felt like history was repeating itself, I can’t take that happening to me again. I can’t lose the only family I have. You’ve got to understand that’s why I had to fucking get your ass and bring you the fuck back. I couldn’t lose him too.”

I leaned up and looked into his eyes. “I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to you and I wouldn’t be that careless with our child.” I promised him.

He nodded. “I know Abelie, you’re not her. I get it now after Bull literally knocked some fucking sense in me but it took some time.”

I gave him a soft kiss. He didn’t reciprocate but he didn’t push me away either. “What happened next?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I was of age. I went to the group home and packed my shit. I didn’t have a fucking thing left and nowhere to go but I wasn’t going to wait for the last check to come in and they tell me to get the fuck out. So I was on the streets for a while, doing what homeless people fucking do. I’m not going to get into details about that shit. I met Bull when I was in a shelter overnight, it’d been cold as fuck outside. He helped me learn the ropes when I almost killed a guy and would’ve probably gone to jail. We had a fucking shit load in common and for once I had a connection with someone. He was my best friend, my only friend and more often than not we crossed paths. We weren’t like attached at the hip initially but we’d run into each other at least once a week. Shelters, soup kitchens, streets…. And we had each other’s back always. Bull was messing with some other runaway bitch and got himself stabbed, I’d heard her screaming and when I saw Bull I immediately went to help him. Anyway, the leader of this club found us and took us in. This has been my family and life ever since, Bull is like my fucking brother.” He told me.

I smiled. “Yes, I know. He was the only person you let around me other than yourself initially.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that I couldn’t trust any of my other men around you. Shit, I could’ve put any of my guys who have old ladies or even Cutter to handle you I couldn’t trust you. You already had me fucking bending and that shit is impossible. I could only imagine the damage you would’ve done to anyone else. Bull was the best bet ‘cause he wouldn’t fall for your shit. Well he would but his loyalty to me would take precedence. He’s still fucking in love with you though… when you were gone I wanted to fucking knock his teeth out anytime he spoke about you. I know I flipped the other day but I couldn’t fucking help it. I know he wouldn’t fuck me over, but you… I could fucking strangle you a few times a day.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “Ditto pal.”

He shook his head. “Yea, but you’d actually do it.”

“Whatever.” Was all I could offer because when it came to him I have proven to be unpredictable.

He sighed. “So is your curiosity sated? Can you rest peacefully tonight knowing all my fucking business?”

I bit my lip anxiously causing him to curse under his breath. “Now what?” he asked exasperated.

I pouted. “One last thing I promise! What’s with the tattoo?” I asked thinking of the tattoo of an angel being consumed by flames and the flames are composed of his name on repeat.

“You’re one nosey fucking bitch…” he said flicking my nose with his finger. “The angel is supposed to be my dead son. That’s what he was; he didn’t have a chance to be anything more or less. The flames engulfing him are me –“

I cut him off. “John Doe.”

He smiled. “Someone has been paying a little too much attention to my body…” he said jokingly. “But yes, for a long time I felt like I killed an angel simply from the stupid as fuck choice I made by being with his mother. I fucking impregnated the stupid bitch and look what happened to him. I feel guilty every fucking day about it. I know she was the one that ultimately killed him, but my naivety is what put him in that fucking situation to begin with.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Is that enough of a bedtime story for you babe?” he asked.

“What did you do to James?” I asked.

He shook his head with a smile. “I thought that was the last one?”

“This is part two…”

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t hurt him. Gave him some Chloroform to knock him out and laid him down in the backseat. He’s fine… I’ve checked. He was worried about you though, so I had a note sent saying you needed to return back to Maryland to heal. That was one fucking story I tell you.”

I frowned. “How did you find me? How did you know about that?” I asked.

He shook his head. “None of your fucking business – now we done?”

I nodded and laid down on him making myself comfortable. “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for your loss too. I won’t do that to you… pinky promise.” I instinctively locked my finger with his to cement it.

“Thanks babe… but I’m not done with you. Hands and knees now!” he demanded rolling us over and I let him take me until we both passed out.